Trebs

So - still really looking forward to the trip this weekend (San Francisco, Santa Cruz and Monterey). Every thing is set - I've got a friend staying at the house to watch the dogs, reservations are made and kinda packed. Ok, I have to do a couple of loads of laundry today and tomorrow, not only clothes for the trip but also clean sheets for the guest bed. The friend is the only one that's used it, but I figure fresh sheets are the least I can do. He loves coming over, both because he is a big dog lover but also because of my 50" TV that he can hook his XBox to or just watch TV on. Medically I got my PET scan results today. Well, I talked to my doctor who summarized them, and later today I'll stop by and get the physical printout. He thinks things are going well, considering the timing of when the last PET scan was done as well as where I am with the Revlimid (chemo drug). I'm still waiting for the lower dose of Revlimid to be filled, but part of me is so glad for the respite. I also was supposed to get an infusion of immunoglobin as outpatient over two days - yesterday and today. I went in yesterday, and at after about 1/4 of the first dose, I started getting rigor again. This is what happened on Dec 23 when I had this drug. Then they waited for things to calm down, and continued at a very slow rate and I was able to handle the rest of the dose. This time since it was outpatient and not inpatient, they stopped and just waited for things to calm down. They then continued to observe me for a couple of hours and then let me go home. The rigor (shaking due to feeling VERY cold) wasn't as bad as last time, but it still just totally drains you of energy. We talked about this as well after he gave me the PET scan results, and he is going to have me do another round, but with immunoglobin from a different manufacturer, as the reactions are usually due to the additives the particular company uses. I got home, barely ate and fed the dogs, and then pretty much crashed asleep. Of course, this meant the dogs had to get up twice during the night, rather than their standard once, since we went to bed so early. But this morning, I woke up feeling pretty good so very happy. If I just keep pushing myself a little today and tomorrow (pushing means skipping naps), then I should be all set for this weekend's trip. Timing of the trip works out not only on my stamina and drug status issues, but also, for the first time in over 50 days, northern California finally is getting some rain today and tomorrow. Long range looks like the camping part (Sat night through Monday) will be clear so that's great. We SO need water - our reservoirs and snowpacks are both under 20%. But at the same time, I am glad for the break being at the right time. Once I'm back home, let the rain come again and again.

Really fascinating... Would love to see the result

As I mentioned, I've been having pain and numbness in my right side and pretty much just dealing with it. Wednesday, my left hand started feeling numb so I got a concerned and called my doctor's office to make an appointment. I saw him yesterday and he agreed that the neuropathy was getting a bit much. When I started on the latest chemo drug, Revlimid, we decided to have me do the full strength of the pills, 25mg per day. A bit part of this is that I'm only 48 and should be able to tolerate it better, and the stronger the chemo that I can take and tolerate, the more effective (ie quicker) the treatment. The pills are taken for 21 days, then I have a 7 day break before starting again. As of yesterday, I'd done two full rounds and had taken the 14th pill of the third round. So with the problems I've been having, he is having me stop the Revlimid temporarily and is putting in an order for Revlimid 15mg pills. I don't know yet when I'll be able to get the pills - his office is working with insurance and the specialty mail-order pharmacy and will let me know when I'll get them. They may delay since in their records, I still have a week left of pills before a reorder is available but who knows... The good thing is my doctor's office is doing all of the legwork on this. So between the break in not taking the pills, and then the lower dose when the new pills come in - my doctor hopes that this combination will help me and that I'll get over the worst of the neuropathy issues. The other thing we're both looking forward to is that on Monday I get a new PET scan. This is the test, kind of like a MRI or CT, but before they put me in the machine, they inject radioactive sugar and have me rest for an hour. The scan then shows all of the outlines of the soft tissue from my head to groin, and we can see if the lymph nodes have decreased in size. Also, cancer cells tend to draw sugar faster so very active lymph nodes will show more "heat" and this would be bad (and was how my PET scan in October 2013 indicated that I had relapsed again). So I'll do the test on Monday and by Wednesday of next week, we should get the results and see how effective 2 1/2 months of Revlimid have been. There is a term that I and other cancer patients use at this point - "scanxiety" - which is the nervousness of having to wait and wonder over test results. At least it isn't as bad as when I have to wonder if the lymphoma is back or not - those waits are much worse. This one, I know I have it, the question is how well my treatment is fighting it and getting me back to the remission state. Mentally I'm doing well right now. I have a trip planned for next weekend that I'm looking forward to - going into San Francisco, exploring Castro with a friend (Jack) Friday night. Then Saturday, we have tickets to a one hour bay cruise under the Golden Gate and when we're done with that, checking out the Exploratorium at its new home on Pier 15. We then head down to the Santa Cruz area where we have a camping cabin for two nights. We'll use that as a base to explore the area. I went to UC Santa Cruz for a year and a half and can't want to show Jack the redwoods of Henry Cowell state park, downtown Santa Cruz (Kelly's, Bookshop Santa Cruz, Saturn Cafe) as well as checking out Monterey and possibly the aquarium there. We'll then head back late Monday night. I'm also excited over a project I've been working on since late November, of putting together the Hanami Line proposal for our local North Natomas Regional Park. We've been making great progress on the proposal and had a meeting last night to review where we are at. This included a first look at how many trees we would plant and where they would be in the park. We have one more week to get it all ready but I think it will be a very solid proposal when we get to submit it. So - I guess overall, things are really great right now. I still can't wait until things get better so that I can go back to work, but in the meantime, at least I have been able to keep my mind busy and hopefully I'm getting the lymphoma under control.

So, thankfully today and yesterday have been "good" days. I'm up, able to do simple things around the house and the pain is at a reasonable level. Really happy, especially as Saturday and Sunday were horrible days - where the pain was so bad, I basically spent almost all of the day in bed. I'd get up, let the dogs out, feed them, have a bowl of cereal and take my meds (including pain pills) and then head back to bed. Only time I'd get up is if I had to pee or to let the dogs out. One of the sources of pain has been on the right side of my head, from the shoulder up the neck and around the right ear - so wearing glasses was painful. I put in contacts on Sunday and that helped a bit but in the overall scheme of things, going from a 7 to a 6 in pain levels isn't that big of a difference, but at least it was one change that I could easily make. So yesterday, I woke up, took all the necessary pills around 6:30am and around 8am was feeling decent. I did a load of dishes (and they needed it - they'd been piling up for quite a few days). I also did some minor chores around the house and felt good about things. Now the pain isn't just pain - most of it is neuropathy, which is nerve pain and numbness. So the gabapentin helps to minimize the nerve pain and I've been augmenting it with an occasional norco (part hydrocodone and part Tylenol). But the numbness, which is mainly on the right side of my body, is still there and has some odd unexpected consequences. Over Thanksgiving at my brother's, we were geeking out about various things and at one point, I went to do the vulcan sign with both of my hands. Normally, I do it without thinking (cause ya, I'm a geek like that). My left hand had no problem, but my right hand was going through spasms and wouldn't stay in the right position. I even tried using my left hand to help it, mold the right hand in the correct form, and the ring and pinky fingers would just limply fall away. No big deal but just discouraging, Then Saturday night, since I wasn't able to do much (like cook), a friend went out to my favorite chinese restaurant and got me two orders of Wor Won Ton soup, so I'd have dinner that night and a meal for the next day as well. The soup was fantastic as usual, but my hand kept shaking as I was trying to eat it. I'd try to switch to my left hand - lol, that was worse. I had no physical problems with my left hand, I just am not used to trying to use it to eat. I made it through the meal, but again, meh. So again last night, I was feeling so much better, so I went myself to Panda Express to get dinner for myself. First time I drove in five days and it felt good. I got home, got out the food and I felt like an amateur trying to use chopsticks for the first time. The chopsticks kept slipping and it took a lot of concentration to eat. Realize, growing up with a Japanese mother, I don't even remember learning how to use chopsticks, they were always just something that my hand grabbed to eat certain foods. I'm still learning to deal with the weakness in my right hand and sometimes forget - as evidenced by the two dishes that are now in the landfill after I dropped them and had to sweep them into the garbage. But in the overall picture, it's not that bad of an adjustment and I am still able to do most things that I need to, both around the house and otherwise. Now if I could just reliably have a run of "good" days so I could get back to my job but that will happen one day (soon?).

Today was a pretty mixed bag, and meh, that's not too bad overall. Healthwise, it started off really poorly. I've been having nerve pain, likely caused by the current chemo drug I'm on (technical term is neuropathy). I've had it in various forms before, but in the past it has been in my feet and ankles. Now one of the worst parts is in my right neck/shoulder, the back of my head and worst of all, my right ear. It got so bad yesterday that I kept taking my glasses off (the arm of the glasses hurts when it rests on the right ear) so I finally just put in a pair of contacts. Taking some norco (similar to vicodin but only 350mg tylenol per pill rather than 500mg) helps. Before bed, I took my normal pills as well as two norco. Woke up about 4am and was in a ton of pain on my right ear and that whole side of my head. I immediately took two more norco as well as a lot of water (felt dehydrated). Sat up for a bit and about 40 minutes later, the norco had kicked in enough to head back to sleep. So first thing this morning, I called my doctor's office and after the receptionist talked to the doctor, she called me back that he was doubling my nerve pain medicine (gabapentin). So - good... I'm still not taking as much as I had at one time, so I know I can handle this higher amount. The downside is that I'm going to be continuing to take the chemo drug for some time, so who knows how bad the neuropathy will get. But at least I got immediate response to my problems, which is one reason I love my oncologist (and all of his staff as well). Spent the morning looking through various healthcare options for the point when I am no longer using sick-time hours to get a partial paycheck from work. At that point, I either do COBRA to continue my current healthcare, or some other coverage. I looked at what Medicare B and Covered California (California's health exchange under the Affordable Care Act) can do - and overall, it looks like doing COBRA is still my best bet. I'm going to try to go to the local Social Security office to double-check that I'm understanding my Medicare/Medigap options correctly. I haven't mentioned it, but I am involved in a REALLY cool project. Since moving to the North Natomas part of Sacramento in late 2010, I've been involved with our "Friends of the North Natomas Regional Park." The NNRP is a 220 acre park that is just about a mile from the house. It is mainly undeveloped - just a dog park when we moved here and then this past November, we had the grand opening of a sports complex that included three ballfields, a playground, water spray area, picnic/grilling area, parking lot and amphitheater area. There is already funding and plans for the next stage which will add two more ballfields, a stage for the amphitheater, additional parking and a permanent farmer's market. Seeing the changes and having input to the planning of the Regional Park has been very fulfilling. So at our November meeting, we heard about an effort by the Sacramento Tree Foundation to create a "Hanami Line" somewhere in the city. Hanami is the Japanese custom of enjoying the cherry blossoms and this effort is looking to put 200+ cherry trees somewhere, and requesting proposals on the best place to put them. Both since I'm half-Japanese but also because I adore the cherry trees around the DC Tidal Basin - as soon as I heard about this, I was very excited. Our Friends of the NNRP group was also thrilled, thinking of how the Hanami Line could fit into the regional park, and so we're moving forward with putting together a proposal. There is a steering group organized by the Tree foundation that is overall working on the Hanami Line, and I've been going to those meetings as well as both a representative of the Friends group, as well as just myself as, while I think our proposal will be one of the strongest, no matter what, I am excited about this concept and happy to work on bringing it to Sacramento. So I bring this up because this afternoon I had a follow-up meeting with the leader of our Friends group to go over our proposal. We made a few changes that will make the proposal even better. I also briefly met and spoke with our local City Councilmember (and current Vice Mayor) who is very excited about our proposal and strongly supports our efforts. I have met her a few times in the past and have always just been so impressed with her. Once in a while I may disagree on policy items, but her enthusiasm for our area, her energy and her openness have just been so refreshing and wonderful. To cap it off, I get home and SHE is posting on my Facebook thanking ME for my efforts. :-) Lastly (as if this wasn't enough) - I made Korokke tonight from my Mom's recipe (mainly). Before my Mom passed away in Feb 2010, I had tried to document a few of the recipes of hers. I love making her turkey and stuffing (and then turkey soup) as well as a few other items. To document her recipes, it usually took at least two or three times to get it all down right. For the other recipes, I had them down to the point where I would use the recipe in front of her and make corrections and finalize the recipe. With Korokke, I had just a first draft of sketchy notes, so I hadn't tried to make it since. I finally gave in (since I was craving it) and browsed some other recipes on the internet to fill in some gaps (like cooking temperature) and gave it a try. It WORKED! So now I have one more recipe to add to the files of my "Mom's recipes" AND I have a nice batch of made korokke, which by the way is a beef/curry/potato croquette. So mixed bag, busy but at the end of the day (which this is), just in a really good mood (with a very stuffed belly). PS - the previous blog title was due to me listening to the soundtrack of "Book of Mormon" at the time.

Sorry - nope, much more contemporary... As in 2011 Broadway...

Welcome back!!!

Daddydavek and Joann - thank you :-)

Doing a lot better today, physically, mentally and most importantly, emotionally. Woke up feeling good, and actually did some minor housework that I'd been needing to do (put away dishes, start new load, strip bed and put sheets and comforter in the wash). I was talking on the phone and told a friend that I didn't know what was different, it was almost like I was on prednisone (great steroid - when I do have to take it, the house gets really clean). I think it is just a lull in the hit from the chemo - the past round is leaving my body and the new round hasn't really built up enough to hit me yet. Ate lunch and then out of the blue, I got hit with needing to take a nap about 2pm. Nothing too unusual about that, just I had made a list of other things I wanted to get done so was hoping to be able to continue. Since the bed wasn't made, the girls and I took a nap in the spare room. Got up groggy, but after playing with them for a little bit, started feeling good again so was able to tackle vacuuming the top floor. I just fed the girls, made the bed with the second set of sheets and made myself some dinner (roast beef sandwich, cherry yogurt and apple cider). Even though today is another example of just not knowing what I'll be up to, getting the small things done help offset that concern. It also helps to have some comical music playing in the background (bonus points to anyone who can guess what I'm listening to). Hope everyone's day is going well!

My job probably would - the problem is the uncertainty. If I start a project, and someone else is expecting the results by the end of the week, and then I get hit with a fever or something else - it is just too hard to plan around. Work has been fantastic though. We have a program where you can donate sick leave to another employee and so many have stepped up and donated to me. There is a cap on how much donated leave you can have, and I'm about to hit that early this year. SSDI does allow me to make about $1000/month without affecting my disability pay, so there may be some tasks I can contract out to do, based on how I am feeling and where I am in the chemo cycle (the end of the 7 day rest period as well as the first few days of the 21 day pill cycle are when I feel the best).

As many have noted, I do pretty well with my outlook, all things considered. And I do try - sometimes it is a little bit of a facade to get through the day, but overall I do try to look on the more positive side of things when possible. I mean, the alternatives are figure out a way to get through this or just give up - and I don't like the implications of that latter choice. There are too many things that I still want to do, places to see and most importantly, friends to spend more time with. Still - I do go through bad days, where if it weren't for the girls (ie, my dogs), I wouldn't get out of bed at all. At least they force me into a bit of a routine as they need to get up to go to the bathroom and then have breakfast in the morning (and somehow "20 more minutes" doesn't translate into dog that easily). So they keep me at least from just staying curled in a ball when the pain or depression get bad. And right now, the depression is more of a little "d" variety - just spells of down moods rather than anything clinical currently. I've had the "D" variety - and if gets that bad, I'll talk to the doctor about going back on prozac and start going back to a therapist (both help me though I know it will vary with other people). Just so many stress factors and things that I have to deal with, that are causing my mood to flip all over the place. The biggest one is when I physically feel great, and this past week, there were a couple of days when that happened, but not being able to go back to work, nor knowing when I'll be able to do so. I just got the letter two days ago that Social Security approved my claim for SSDI (disability insurance). When I first went on disability last March (3/1/13), it was because of the bone marrow transplant and the expectation was that I'd be able to go back to work around the end of the year. As that date approached and I was dealing with this relapse and the effects of the new chemo drug, my doctor's office submitted the amended paperwork to place me on permanent disability. I'm not even fifty years old. But considering the way mantle cell lymphoma acts and the uncertainty of what I'm in for, it was the best way to handle this. If the chemo puts me into remission and I'm free of both the lymphoma as well as the chemo side-effects, then changing that designation and returning to work is an easy thing. I've already gone through two cycles/months of the Revlimid and yesterday started round 3. I have a PET Scan set up at the end of January so we can see how effective the Revlimid is working. If I do six rounds total (which for some reason, six seems to be the magic number of rounds of treatment), then I should be done by the end of April. Not too far away - assuming that the PET Scan and other tests show me going into remission by then. If the Revlimid doesn't do the trick, there is always the newer Ibrutinib to try. So lots of hope and prospects. But I have to plan for the "what if's" too - like, what if I can't get back to work. Right now, money is ok, between disability and savings. If I work it out right, things will continue to be fine until summer but I am already planning that if I can't go back to work by June, then I have to put the house up for sale. I bought at the right time and when I sell, I'll get a good chunk of equity out of it, that I can use to either put a large down-payment on a much smaller/cheaper place, or just bank and rent a small dog-friendly place. Still, I love my house, so even considering the potential of having to sell is hard... well, frustrating. I get frustrated that I can't do things I used to, I don't have the stamina that I "should". And frustrated that the chemo isn't working faster, isn't showing more immediate results. Frustrated that my leg gives out when I walk, or is really stiff when I first stand up after sitting for a while, and that makes my friends worry that I need help (or a wheelchair) - but it does loosen up after a bit as the leg warms up. Frustrated I can't do more for my girls - they should be getting daily (or more) walks instead of once or twice a week, when I can get someone to come over and give them a walk. But all of those are just small little "meh"s... The real frustration, is not being able to go back to work. I feel so useless, both that I should be doing "more" with my days, but also I hear of things at work where I could be useful, but I'm on the sidelines just watching. Rationally, I know it is what I have to do and why I can't push myself and take the risk of making things worse. But knowing and feeling - well, that's just frustrating...

I haven't seen any of the cartoons in a long time, but I love Pokemon X/Y. I just wish they would get the bank/transporter online so I can fill in the rest of my pokedex with all of the ones I've collected since blue/red

If you don't know, SCOTUS is shorthand for Supreme Court Of The United States. Utah officials had appealed the recent Federal Court rulings mandating that Utah process and recognize same-sex marriages, and pending appeal, requested a stay of the lower court rulings. This stay was denied first by the lower court, then by the 10th Circuit but this morning, SCOTUS granted the stay. In my opinion, Utah (and a court challenge in Virginia that AFER is working on) may be the tipping point that forces SCOTUS to broaden their rulings from last year, and bring marriage equality to all 50 states. The Windsor DOMA decision and the overturning of Prop 8 were fantastic, but narrow. Utah officials may have made a mistake in pushing this appeal as it makes it more difficult for SCOTUS to ignore the broader constitutional questions, especially those of equal protection and "full faith and credit." But aside from the legal - I know there are many who are blase about marriage equality in general. I still see arguments that the effort to win marriage equality has no bearing in their lives, and ENDA (employment non-discrimination) is where the fight should have been. I have to totally disagree. First, efforts on ENDA have been made at the same time. More states (and localities) have been passing and enforcing their local versions of non-discrimination in employment and housing. On a national scale, the US Senate passed ENDA in November with 64 votes - every Democrat and 10 Republicans. It is being held up in the House by Speaker John Boehner, who won't even let it come up for a vote. The other aspect of marriage equality and ENDA - I don't think that ENDA would have had the same strong support had it not been for marriage equality efforts. Marriage equality is flashy, it makes news and the imaging has been great. Every time a new state has started granting same-sex marriage licenses, the front page pictures have been of couples who have been together 10/20/30 or more years, finally getting married. The personal stories of how they didn't think it would change anything, until they heard the words and just realize the recognition, not only of their family and friends, but finally of their state - how that changed their outlook. This very public face has been constantly eroding the support of those who would demonize the LGBT community. I've always been a romantic - my parents met, got married, had three children and remained married until the day my dad passed away. I knew children of divorced parents growing up - but I was fortunate to live in a traditional "nuclear" family. This was my expectation for myself, and one of the reasons why I've always been a strong marriage equality supporter. Even back in the early 90's when "Domestic Partnerships" were what were being promoted and passed, I grudgingly helped work on the effort all of the while insisting that it was a mistake, that full marriage should be what we should fight for. And now - it's happening. 18 states and the District of Columbia... and soon to be nationwide. And I SO hope that we'll look back and say it was because of Utah. After what the LDS Church did in California, it would just be the fitting capstone on this fight! PS Personal irony is that now that same-sex marriage is finally legal in California, and soon nationwide, I'm single with nothing on the horizon that looks to change that. Meh

Thanks for the comments and support on my last entry. It really helped to get it all out - so many times, I start drafting copy of information like this in my mind, over and over (occupational hazard I guess). It doesn't always see the light of day which just makes it easier to obsess about and continue to mentally revise and review, so getting it out - it's done, time to move on. The year is actually starting out really well. I love musicals and saw a great performance of Cabaret last night put on by a local theater company (Davis Musical Theatre Company). Just a small stage and no bad seats since there are only 218 seats) and last night's performance had 17 actors, all local. Back in August I bought a LivingSocial deal of two season ticket (6 shows) for the price of one (normally $90 for the six show set, got two tickets to each for $89). I am so glad I bought them. While Broadway or even big touring company shows are so polished and spectacular, small theater has so many of its own charms. The sets are minimal (and reused show to show) but the enthusiasm of the actors is such a joy to watch. Occassionally there is one that doesn't have the strength to project their performance enough, or is obviously awkward during a dance number, but it doesn't disrupt the overall charm (heck - it sometimes adds to the charm). Then, and it happened last night, you see an actor that seems to mainly be in a comedic non-singing part, and then they have a solo and their voice blows you away. I hadn't seen Cabaret in a while, so I remembered the basics but not the detail. The part of Frauline Kost was of the prostitute living in the same boarding house as the main characters, and frequently sneaking out sailors who, when caught by the landlandy, she explains off as relatives "this is my nephew". At the end of act 1, she starts the reprise of "Tomorrow Belongs to Me" and this actress had a great set of pipes - I was very surprised and pleased and it reminded me of the role of Petra in A Little Night Music. Speaking of that song - with just the minimal costuming, staging and right lighting, they really created a chill in me with the first rendition of the song in the middle of Act 1. The lead tenor's voice is great (and I'd loved him in previous shows like Oliver). It was so hard to clap at the end of the song though due to the chill and foreshadowing. So - 2014 is starting well... Well, it is for me at least. The theater had was about 1/3 empty, even though the online seat selection showed last night's show as almost sold one. I think that the flu and weather caused a lot of people to not be able to go. In my group of five, we actually only had three attend as one had the flu and another had thrown his back out. I heard people talk about friends who were stuck back east and hadn't made it back to town yet from the holidays. So - so far I've seen half the shows, Spamalot, Oliver and Cabaret and have three more to go (South Pacific, Chorus Line and Les Mis). At the end of the season, definitely planning on renewing and getting two more season tickets even at full price. Just too good to not support and go to.

Ya, but only six months before we start seeing the summer beefcake ;-) <maybe>

I agree with soooo much here. I really agree with Graeme on the Empire trilogy of Riftwar - the mechanisms and politics are wonderful to see unfold and Feist/Wurtz do a fantastic job. The original riftwar trilogy is great too - but other than these two, could not get into any other Feist books, no matter how much I tried. I am kind of surprised no one has mentioned Tolkein yet - which if I had to pick just one series (as the thread title asked), it would be Lord of the Rings. I read the Hobbit in 4th grade followed by the trilogy in 5th grade and since then, have probably re-read it at least once every two or three years. Well, maybe less these past ten years, but I'll at least pull out one of the books and re-read sections still. For "kids" series, Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Dark Materials, Susan Cooper's Dark is Rising (another one I re-read every so often), Narnia and Earthsea - agree on all. Others I love Lackey's Valdemar, Goodkind's Wizard First Rule (and sequels), Watt-Evans Lords of Dus, Zelazny's Amber, Kurtz Deryni, Canavan's Black Magician (didn't care for Age of Five as much), Donaldson's Thomas Covenent, OH, OH EDDINGS - ANYTHING by Eddings... Ya, way too much to list, just love it all. One day I'll post a picture of my bookcases... I hadn't heard of the Codex of Alera, but with so many recommendations, adding it to my reading list :-) Oh - and the reading list - I keep a note on my iPhone called books with ones that I need to pick up, especially when I hit a used bookstore.

Ron - you just now noticed?!? Heheheh

The Hosted Story background was a nice new feature - and very appropriate to have comicfan as the first one. Happy 2014 everyone - may your year bring all you hope and work for!

This is just such a fantastic story - I've read through it over and over again, and I am so glad that it is now fully here on GA. I could see a short story epilogue - say five years down the line... Ok - mainly just curious if Rhys goes into law. I can see him becoming a junior partner with McKaylee and Patterson. These characters are so wonderful and as a reader, I become so invested in them - I just want to know what comes next. Thank you again for such a wonderful story

Sharon - it's a date! :-)

In the last few days, I've had a few conversations that caused me to reflect about various songs and their lyrics. After hearing "St Elmo's Fire" on the radio, I talked with a new friend about how it and Breakfast Club were the movies that defined my high school/early college generation. I graduated high school in 1983 so both movies were very topical for me. The rebellion of Breakfast Club, and the tight friendship circle of St Elmo's Fire were reflections of what I was living. Originally after high school, I went to UC Santa Cruz and there, a group of seven of us did everything together. I'm thankful that due to Facebook, I'm still in touch with most of these friends and love seeing how their lives how unfolded over the years. Music has been a good influence at major times in my life. Another influence in more of a long term, a very positive but subtle way, was another main topic of recent conversation. The musical Rent came out in 1996 and when it did, I made a tape (ya - like in cassette) from the CD's and played that on an endless loop in my car, over and over. The music was fantastic - but the message was even better although I think that it more helped me in the background of my mind, rather than as a sudden overt change. "Forget regret, or life is yours to miss"; "There is no future, there is no past, I live this moment as my last"; and "There's only now, there's only here, give in to love or live in fear." Why all this nostalgia revolving around songs in my life? At the beginning of 2013, I was planning a trip to DC with Dan and the kids to see the second inauguration of President Obama. I was approaching the end of my chemo from my relapse of Mantle Cell Lymphoma (the first bout was a diagnosis in September 2008 and remission in March 2009, followed by an auto-bone marrow transplant which held until my relapse in July 2012). The DC trip was fantastic although very cold. It was the kids first trip to DC and they had a blast, getting to see so many of the Smithsonians and the various monuments, not to mention being in a great section for the Inauguration itself. February came and with it, tests that showed I had gotten the lymphoma back into remission, so planning began on a allo-bone marrow transplant, which is from a donor. I was very fortunate that my sister was a perfect match and she was able to come out to have her bone marrow cells harvested. I went on disability on March 1 and started the preparation, and on March 15th I had the transplant. There were some rough periods of recovery, but overall I fared well. Originally the plan was that I would have to stay out of work for a year as I recovered, but my progress was so good that we started looking at mid-October as a return date. With a bone-marrow transplant, it's not the disease anymore that you're combating, but a deliberate suppression of your immune system, so that it doesn't reject the donated cells. That immune suppression also means staying away from crowds, strong sunlight (so you don't get a sunburn that triggers an immune response) and stress (as much as possible). Throughout my struggle, I kept hearing "Oh you're so positive" or other well-meaning comments about how I'm holding up. But the flip is there were so many times I just broke down and cried, or saw a therapist and vented. In addition to my health, I was also dealing with the dissolution of my domestic partnership with Dan and the emptiness of the house after the kids moved back in with their mother (Dan's sister - who originally had some major issues which is why we had custody but who thankfully got her act together). The kids are still a part of my life and vice versa as they live close by and we frequently see each other. I was out at Six Flags Discovery Kingdom with them a couple of days ago as I had gotten both kids and their mom season passes for 2014, so all of us went and got our passes processed (ie - pictures taken) and the kids had a blast going around to the various rides. So a lot going on, but October was going to be the turning point - the transplant wasn't having any negative reactions and we kept reducing the level of the immune suppression successfully (and ahead of schedule). I got the sign-off from my bone-marrow doctor and my work, and was going to return to work on October 16. We ran one last PET scan, which can show the size and activity of lymph nodes, mainly to use as a baseline for the future follow-up visits. Most of the previous I've talked about freely in the past. What happened next - um, not so much, in part because at first I just couldn't deal with it. The PET scan that I didn't think about twice - showed enlarged and overactive lymph nodes. But I had also had this PET scan around the same time I was coming down with a cold. To know for sure what the PET scan meant, they did a biopsy of one of the lymph nodes. And just as I think I'm going back to work, instead I'm getting the biopsy results that for the third time, I had active Mantle Cell Lymphoma. Even now typing this, it hurts. My oncologist summed it up with the irony of the auto-transplant in 2009 kept me in remission for three years, but the allo-transplant, which is supposed to be more effective, only kept me in remission for 7 months. My oncologist immediately got me started on a new chemo drug - one that is a pill (as most chemo is done via IV). I would take Revlimid for 21 days, then 7 off (one cycle), then repeat. Tomorrow, New Year's day will actually be the 21st day of my second cycle. I'll then see my oncologist on Monday and we'll see how we want to proceed. Since starting Revlimid, an even newer drug, Ibrutinib was approved by the FDA and I was able to get it. I haven't used it yet as we don't want to have to wonder what side effects are happening because of the Revlimid and/or the Ibrutinib, but that will be part of Monday's discussion. Since relapsing, I've also been hospitalized twice. The first - I was doing well, taking the chemo drug and feeling pretty good. I had a good week (sometimes, I just have a good day or two, but at that point, I was on what I thought was an upswing). Got up as usual around 7am and then around 10am, started having some discomfort (for those that understand the 10 point pain scale, I was at a 2). By 11am, pain was at a 6 and I noticed a distinct swelling. Called my oncologist who was able to get me in for an ultrasound at 2:15pm which worked because I had an appointment with my bone-marrow specialist doctor at 3pm. The ultrasound technician saw the pain I was in, and as soon as the procedure was done, said they would immediately process and fax to my doctor the results. I get to the doctor at 3 and by 3:10, we had the results - I had a number of lesions and some water mass causing the swelling, and it was hitting the nerves as well. While I was seeing this doctor, my regular oncologist set up me getting admitted to the hospital, via the ER. I got to the ER about 4PM (and pain was about an 8) and by the time they had an IV in me and started a morphine shot, it was 5pm and pain was a solid 10. I had never felt pain that bad for that long. The morphine took about 20 minutes before it kicked in and the pain lowered to around a 4. Thankfully, after four days in the hospital, with a ton of meds, I was able to manage the pain and be discharged. I had been worried because the following week, I had plans to fly to my brother's in Dallas for Thanksgiving then after 3 days there, fly to my sister's in Missouri for six more days. One thing that all of the recent quick changes in my health had driven home, was that I needed to spend time doing things that are important to me. I wouldn't say "bucket list" - but when you consider that concept, why wait and put off things that you are able to readily achieve? I may die next year, I may die in 50 years - but even if I was guaranteed 20 more years, why wait for 15 of them to pass before traveling to places I want to see, or doing things that I want to do? Spending time with my family was fantastic. I got to see all of my brother's kids, who I am pretty close to, as well as really get to spend time and get to know my sister's two kids. Since the trip, I've spoken on the phone more with my sister's eldest (daughter) than I've spoken to her in the previous 5 years. More recently, on Dec 22 I went from having a mild low grade fever (99.3F/37.4C) to spiking at 102.0F/38.9C. I got admitted to the hospital again and after many rounds of antibiotics and fluids, finally released on the 26th. These sudden hospitalizations just re-emphasize that how uncertain my life is, and how I'm not going to be able to return to work anytime soon. So - live in regret? Or (a la Rent), "forget regret, or life is yours to miss"... I'd like to say that I remain positive day by day, living life to the fullest under the circumstances. Um, ya - right. But overall? It takes too much effort to obsess about how bad my life is. When I feel good, I want to take that time and enjoy it - like going to Six Flags with the kids. And when I'm dragging and just need to sleep - well, take a nap, and then see what I can get done, even if that is just sitting up long enough to catch up on a tv show, emails or the latest pet pictures on Facebook. Live each moment as if it were your last. Then every new future moment will be a gift to be enjoyed and lived as well... My thoughts. Happy New Year everyone! I am always so happy to be a part of this community and I wish you all the best! Trebs/Robert

I know not everyone reads our GayAuthors.org News Blog (the thingy at the top of the main forum page), so I thought I'd put out the call here as well. We're always looking for story reviews for the blog and if this is something you'd be interested in doing send a PM to Renee Stevens. The News Blog thrives off of contributions from the members here and we'd love to have more reviewers. Thanks! PS - for more information on how to do a review for the blog, we (of course) have a blog entry on it. Take a look :-)

I like it if the guys face lets him pull it off. I like hair - there are guys who I think are very hot mainly due to their hair, whether it is a great redhead, or someone who's hair is the right shade of brown that it pulls in the sun when they're outdoors. But then there are many guys who tend to go for very short haircuts that just seems a shame. At least with this, they get the shortness on the sides that they want, and I get the beauty of seeing great hair that I want :-) The pic posted - I think it looks great, and is an example of what I mean by hair that pulls in the sun. In two/ten years, will we all look back and laugh at this haircut? Possibly. But if you like it, go for it. There is so much variety in haircuts that I don't think for the past couple of decades there really has been a style that defines the generation like previous generations, and that's a good thing. Maybe because of more information on styles of the past, but I go out and see tons of different styles on a daily basis.

Mama's lines towards the end of the chapter and how she came to her realization - never fail to make me tear up. That scene is wonderful - but then again, so many scenes in this story are. I have read and re-read this story so many times and always find it fresh, even if I just finished reading it two weeks ago. This is one of the stories that I keep going back to when I need a good emotional boost. Thanks Graeme!

What a way to end (well, almost end) the year. We had a great week here at the GayAuthors.org News Blog. The week started with a wonderful project that Renee initiated - a round of reviews of the stories that made up our past 2004 Winter Anthology: Christmas. These now classic stories - seeing these reviews make these stories shine with new life. Daithi, aditus, podiumdavis, crazyfish, Lisa, LJH and Ron were the reviewers and we thank them so much for their time and efforts in completing this great project! We had a great Christmas with a new Tech Blog 2 - What's Coming, where Myr gave us a new update on upcoming new features, notably "Reading Lists". Based on the comments, I am not the only one to be excited about this upcoming change. We ended the week on a great note with two new Prompts from comicfan. I can see a lot of great "New Years" stories being generated from either of these two prompts and look forward to seeing what comes from the community. Please be sure to share what you have written in the Writing Prompts forum so the rest of us can see! So - how was YOUR week? Anthology Announcements: 2014 Spring Anthology: Nature's Wrath - Due Mar 8th *Note: Deadline is for submission into GA Stories. Deadline for Submission to the Anthology Editing Team is March 5th* 2014 Summer Anthology: The Backup Plan - Due June 8th *Note: Deadline is for submission into GA Stories. Deadline for Submission to the Anthology Editing Team is June 5th* NEW READING In Premium this week: Do Over by dkstories, Book 1 of Do Over Series (reposting) By our Hosted Authors this week: GFD Bloodbank: Nightfall by Comicality Book 3 of Gone From Daylight Spin-offs Take Flight by Cia 9.11 by Mark Arbour Book 13 of Chronicles Of An Academic Predator (CAP) The Portal by Dolores Esteban My Only Escape by Comicality GA Writing Prompts by Dolores Esteban Thwarted by Renee Stevens By our Sponsored Authors this week: Timber Pack Chronicles by Rob Colton, Book 1 of Timber Pack Chronicles Noah's New Plan by Rob Colton By our Promising Authors this week: Direct Confusion by Sasha Distan Confounded: Part II by Andr0gene, Book 2 of Confounded Born Wolf by Sasha Distan So Little Magic Left by Mann Ramblings Holiday Story Event 2013 - No Place Like Home For The Holidays: Running Home by Sasha Distan And on a final note, yet ANOTHER reminder from Renee: I'm starting to run low on reviews. If you are interested in reviewing, please send me a PM! THIS MEANS YOU!!! Please think about helping :-) As always... Read, Write, REVIEW!!!