Damphir - 15. Chapter 15

I should have known the moment was too perfect. The door doesn’t so much open as get flung aside as Sartorian sweeps into the room followed more calmly by Fougue.

“I’m telling you Fougue I’m not swallowing your crap any more. You either know what you’re doing or you don’t... and if you don’t it’s time I find someone who does. I’m not going to just sit and...”

Why has he just stopped? It’s not just that he’s stopped talking; he’s stopped altogether, frozen in the middle of the room, staring at me. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. What am I supposed to say now?

“I told you to be patient Sartorian, even though I know that patience is the least of your virtues.”

As if Fougue’s words have broken a spell Sar starts to move again. God he’s fast. Rover jumps aside dumping me back against the pillows. I think that if he hadn’t Sar would have knocked him out of the way.

My back has barely touched the pillows before there are different arms around me, lifting me, pulling me against a warm chest in which a heart is beating madly.

“Glory I’m sorry. I am so sorry. You were right. I was running away. I’ve been running away the whole time but I swear to you that I’ve stopped now. No more running, no more hiding, no more hurting. Just you and me.” Cutting off the flow of his words he lowers his head and kisses me. This kiss is different from any kiss he has given me before. There is nothing sexual about it. It is a kiss that contains relief, desperation, joy, tenderness and... and... love. This kiss makes my head spin and the purr roll through me.

He pulls back and stares into my eyes. “I thought I’d lost you. I thought I’d lost you twice. When I found out what Valentine had done I was insane. I had to find you; I had to. And when I did and... and I saw what they’d done to you... I wanted to kill someone.” He must see something in my face because he shakes his head and hurries on. “I didn’t. I didn’t kill anyone, although I’m not sure what will happen to them now they are in the hands of the Council.”

Sar hangs his head, tears in his eyes. “And then I thought I’d lost you again. You were so... When Fougue said that you’d been poisoned I was so frightened. He kept saying that you would be alright but the hours passed and the days and you were so still. There were times when you almost stopped breathing and so did I... until you sighed and started again. I couldn’t bear to leave because I was so afraid you would be gone when I came back.

“Do you understand what I’m saying Glory? Do you understand what this means?”

Right now I’m not sure I understand anything. Things had cleared for a while with the shock but they’re all fading out again now. The whole world is blurred and the headache is making it really difficult not to just let it all...

“Glory, are you alright? Glory?”

“Let him go Sar. The boy’s exhausted. I know it seems as if he has been asleep for a long time but his body has been fighting the poison and not getting proper rest. He’s awake now which is a good thing but he’s not recovered yet. He’s going to be weak for a time. Let him rest.”

“I know but...”

I can’t focus on what they’re saying anymore. My world contracts to a pair of dark eyes which are looking at me in a way they have never looked at me before outside my dreams. They are such pretty eyes. I could get lost in those eyes. I do.

I hear little noises, sleepy noises, comfortable noises. Snuggling deeper into the pillows I make some more. Something touches my hair and strokes it in long soothing swathes. Cat purrs and the rest of me says ‘thank you’. I sigh deeply feeling the breath whoosh out of me in the greatest relief. There is someone there. An arm slides around my waist and half turning to press my face against the warm skin I sink again.

“Glory. Glory.” A soft voice is calling my name and something is tickling my face. Lazily I bat it away with my hand, but it comes back.

“Mmpf.” I try to turn away to go back to sleep but I can’t. Something is wrapped round me and it won't let me move. Cat makes little mewling noises as he does often when he’s waking from a deep sleep somewhere soft and comfortable. Giving in I snuggle closer to whatever is restraining me, curling into it and purring when I find that it’s soft and warm.

“Glory, are you ever going to wake up?” The voice is warm and it’s full of laughter; nice. Yawning widely I snuggle deeper.

“No.”

“Come on out of there. I am not going to spend the rest of the day watching you sleep. I’ve done enough of that. Besides Fougue says you should eat something to start getting your strength back.”

Aaaand finally it clicks. “Sar?”

“Who else?” He murmurs against my cheek.

“But...” It’s surprisingly difficult to wake up but it’s worth it because I find that I am staring up into those beautiful eyes again. Am I dreaming? The way he is looking at me is the way he looks at me when I am dreaming. “You’re still here.”

“I will always be here. No more running away, Glory. It’s time to face the truth and to give you the chance to do the same.”

This is it. This is what I asked for, what I have been asking for all the time. My answers are coming and suddenly I’m really not sure that I want to hear them.

“Eat first or Fougue will have my head.”

“I... I’m not hungry.”

“Nevertheless you will eat. You have had nothing but Fougue’s herbs for three days and who knows how little before that.”

“They fed me well.” I remember more of what happened and I am ashamed. I had been fed; I had been comfortable; I had been content. I had done whatever they asked of me and I am remembering exactly what that was. I don’t want to eat because if I do I will be sick.

“Glory,” Sar raises my chin with his finger tips and it makes me shiver. “You did what you had to do to survive. Never, not even for one minute, believe that you did anything wrong.”

How does he know what I’m thinking? I bet he read my mind. Anger flares but it doesn’t last long. I feel defeated. I’m too tired to fight.

“Glory.” His voice is so gentle. “I don’t care what anyone else might think, or even what you think yourself. I have nothing but respect for you in the way you have conducted yourself in this. Many men when rescued from a place like that, confused and frightened would have folded and given up right there and then. They would have clung to us and wept and we would have carried them home and probably been overtaken and possibly overcome.

“You did none of that. Confused and afraid as you were you did what you had to do... you flew with Pixie all the way back here. You went on when you might have fallen to the earth and given up. You do everything to the best of your ability and you are so strong and so brave. I am proud of you Glory, so very proud.”

“You... you are?”

“Yes, I am. Now eat.”

I’m even more confused. My head is spinning, trying my best to understand the change in Sar and the full import of what he’s saying that seems to be changing me.

Sar helps me to sit up and makes me comfortable against the pillows then feeds me as I grapple to come to terms with what is happening. I’m not really aware of eating or anything else that’s going on around me; I am just living in the moment, in the taste, the smell the touch of his hand as he brushes my hair out of the way.

When I am done Sar carefully puts the tray down on the table. I haven’t eaten much but it’s enough to satisfy him. He climbs onto the bed and for the first time ever he holds me gently and carefully making sure to touch only the safe parts of me.

“How are you feeling now?”

“Confused.” And I am. So much has happened since that night.

“Would you believe me if I told you that I am too?” I turn my head and look into his eyes and I nod. “I think you deserve an explanation Glory. It’s way too long in coming.” He pulls back ever so gently so he can look into my face. I’m even more confused now and a little scared.

“That first night, when I looked into your eyes something happened to me; something that has never happened before. It was so strong it overwhelmed me and I’m not ashamed to say that it scared me because it was like nothing I have ever experienced. I wanted you, needed you, loved you; with such a passion it frightened me and I pushed it away. As with everything that scares me I reacted aggressively. I tried to fight it and I ended up fighting you. I tried to run from it but every time I kept coming back. I had to. And every time, I hurt you because I didn’t know what to do, how to deal with it and, whether you know it or not you were fighting it too.

“I... I knew. What was it?”

“It’s called ‘imprinting’. It doesn’t happen very often but when it does it hits like a bolt out of the blue. It permanently and undeniably bonds our souls forever. The more you run from it the more strongly it pulls you back.”

“F...forever?” I’m lagging behind, I know, but it’s taking time to sink in. I had just come to terms with the fact that Ser is here at all and then he starts talking about being in love with me and now this. To say my head is spinning doesn’t even come close. I don’t really understand what all this means.

“Well,” he says thoughtfully, “I don’t know how strongly it will affect you because vampire is only a quarter of your nature and as far as I know it only happens with vampires. Were’s have a similar thing but it’s a little different. However, for me yes, it will be forever.”

Oh it’s strong; it’s very strong now that I know what I am looking for, or at. Even when I didn’t know what it was or how it was affecting me, it was strong. “Yes, forever.”

He smiles such a beautiful smile. I can’t imagine why I didn’t always know I love him. “I was scared of us.”

“Scared? Of me?”

“You were angry with me all the time. Even when you were kissing me it was aggressive. I didn’t know what you wanted of me, why you brought me here and what you were going to do with me after.”

“After what?”

“After you did whatever you wanted with me. I was afraid that, after saving me you would doom me again.”

“No matter what I did you would have survived.”

“No,” I shake my head. I don’t want him to have any illusions about me. “I almost died twice on the night you saved me.”

“Twice?”

“What do you think I was doing in the middle of the were hunting grounds with fresh blood on my hands? I was pretty much frozen to death, trying to live for just one more day by walking some warmth into my body, but I was more than half gone and barely ‘there’. I would have died; if not that night then the next or the one after.”

“Well, you’re never going to be in that situation again, I swear.”

“But, won’t it put you in danger? Harbouring a Damphir is a capital offence.” It’s something that has been bothering me from the very start. Even when I was hating him I was worried about everyone else.

“Oh, I forgot; I haven’t told you yet.”

“Told me? Told me what?”

“You’re not a Damphir.”

“I... I’m not.”

“No, you’re not. I have never heard of anyone like you, with four natures. I researched but all I came up with were legends and folklore about the origins of our species – all our species.

“There are legends abounding that descendents of this race are still in existence, even that there are whole cities that are now hidden where they live, shut off from the world, occasionally venturing out for various reasons.

“There is an old man on the Council who claims to have seen one many years ago although he was a wolf. As I understand most are.” Sar smiles into my eyes behind which my mind is struggling for understanding of something so alien to me I’m not really taking in that what he’s saying relates to me at all. “Even among your own kind you are unique little cat.

“My... my own kind?”

Sar nods kindly and I cling to him like a drowning man. “They are called Aurix and in some places they are revered, even worshipped for their status as first ancestors.”

“What... what does this mean?”

“It means that no matter what happens you will never have to run again. You are under the protection of the Council now.”

“P... protection?” My mind refuses to process anything he says. I have been through so much for so long. I feel battered and I’m shaking inside, but I don’t want to show it to Sar. He grips me more tightly.

“It’s alright, little cat. Wherever your life takes you from this moment on you will never be alone. I will be right here besides you.”

“Where my life takes me? Where would I go?”

“Anywhere you like. You have the means to travel the world and the Council would deny you nothing within reason. The world is as open you as my heart.”

It’s too much, way too much. My mind can’t take it, and I am still weak. The room is spinning around me. Closing my eyes doesn’t help because then I am shut in the dark alone with my thoughts. “It’s alright Glory. You don’t have to think about all of that right now. Take it a bit at a time. Come on Glory; don’t fade out on me now. You’re stronger than that.”

Am I? Am I really? Groaning I press my face into Sar’s shoulder until the spinning stops. Vamp will simply not allow me to faint in front of Sar, not again, although another part really wants to get away from the information overload that is screaming through my mind.

Not allowing me to hide Sar gently prizes me out and looks into my face. I wonder what he sees. My best guess would be sheer terror.

“I’m sorry Glory. I should have been more empathic in the way I told you. I’m not good at this; I have been alone for too long. I’m used to being an arrogant thoughtless bastard and I’m not going to stop overnight. You have to speak up and I know that in ordinary circumstances you won't have a problem with that. I understand you’re feeling unstable at the moment.”

Unstable? He makes me sound like I’m mental or some kind of stupid kid. Grinding my teeth I push him away from me, forcefully. He looks shocked... well welcome to my world.

“Unstable? I am not unstable. I’m just – shocked. How the hell do you expect me to feel when you tell me that I’m somehow bonded forever to someone I don’t know if I even like let alone love and that I have gone from being less than nothing to this exalted being and...” My hands are clenched at my side and I feel as if my whole being is throbbing with... what? Anger?

“I lost everything – EVERYTHING, everyone I ever loved, every home I ever had and spent my whole life living in fear, running away, starving and freezing half to death: fighting for my life every day for NOTHING.”

“It’s not for nothing Glory, it never was. It’s what’s made you what you are. It’s made you strong.”

“Don’t tell me that. Don fucking TELL me that. It’s bollocks. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be dragged out of your mother’s arms when you’re five years old? Do you know how it feels to hear her screaming... and then suddenly not hearing her? To have a collar put around your neck and thrown into the back of the car? To be beaten, verbally and physically abused – until you learn that you can escape the collar by changing. Running through the night until your pads are bleeding, afraid to change back.

“Do you know what it’s like to fall in love at ten years old like you have never fallen in love before? To finally have warm arms around you to fall asleep and wake up to? To wake in the night and not be scared because he’s there? And then to lose him when he throws himself in front of a hunter’s bullet meant for me.” Ah hell; I haven’t thought of that for a long long time; haven’t let myself. Now, I don’t know how it makes me feel. More angry?

“Do you know what it’s like to steal rotten meat from skips and think you’re lucky? To beg for scraps or enough money to buy a coffee and a roll to keep you going for just one more day? All that – all that for NOTHING.”

I didn’t notice my voice rising. I don’t remember getting out of bed. But here I am, screaming at him and backing away.

The door flies open and I hear Fougue say “What the hell did I tell you Sar? The boy is in a fragile condition still. Is this your way of keeping him calm?”

Sar doesn’t answer. His eyes are locked with mine. Suddenly the anger leaves me and I sink to my knees. I am empty. It’s all gone, everything; everything I was, everything I am. I am an empty shell and a puff of wind will blow me away and...

I barely have time to take a breath before he’s there, his warm arms around me, his breath on my hair, his voice in my ear.

“It’s alright, Glory, it’s alright. You’re okay now. You’re right, I don’t understand; I can never understand because I wasn’t there. But I understand that it’s all over now, that I will take care of you and do whatever I can to make you happy. I can’t change your past but I can help you make your future. I will be your warm arms in the night and you never have to be afraid again.”

I still feel empty and fragile but, when I let my head fall back and look up into his eyes I feel... I feel... I don’t want to feel safe. I don’t want to feel comfortable. I don’t want to feel happy. I don’t want to feel... His lips brush gently against mine, his hand strokes the back of my neck and there is nothing I can do but throw my arms around him and cling to him.

Gently he lifts me as he stands. He is so strong, so very strong. I nestle my head into his shoulder feeling empty but calm. I close my eyes and this time the darkness is cool and sweet and cat curls up in it. There’s no purr, not yet but it’s building.

When he lays me on the bed I hold on so tight he has to lie beside me. Fougue is hovering above us but I don’t care. I don’t want him anymore. I have... I have...

“Sar.” He strokes my hair as I fall asleep listening to the music of his heart, underscored by the deep bass rumble of my purr.