Jim and Chad, Part 2 - 28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

 

The quiet thudding of footsteps behind me let's me know Jeff is nearby, but we walk in silence most of the way down the path. The silence is a good thing because my head is swimming in doubts about what I've just said and done, painful memories I've dredged up once again after thinking that I had buried them deeply again last night, and thoughts about where my life is going now, if anywhere. Under these conditions, no conversation, nothing would have been possible beyond me babbling inanely.

 

The trip down the path goes much quicker than I expect. We soon get to the small, densely packed grove of trees that the hiking path goes through before reaching the parking lot and the road by the cabins. As we enter the narrow, enclosed path through them, I get a surprise when Jeff slips his warm hand down the back of my neck, clamps onto my shirt and coat collars, and uses them to slow me gently to a stop.

 

While standing there and wondering what's going on, Jeff squeezes between me and a tree, putting himself on the downhill side of the path. There's a pretty good downward slope here, and he looks somewhat shorter than his usual six-foot-six (or -seven) in hiking boots. His actions make me question what he's thinking, but that question is quickly answered: in the privacy of that little grove of trees, he reaches up and puts both hands on my face, one on each side, gently holding it still and forcing my eyes to focus and then lock onto his.

 

Without words, Jeff's face and expressive green eyes speak volumes to me, like how he's concerned for me and how he'd like to help me wherever and whenever he can. Somehow he knows that I can't talk right now, so he's silently telling me that all I have to do is just look deeply into his eyes and relax for a short time.

 

After a few more moments, Jeff's breathing changes. What was a slow and easy pace soon becomes shallow and faster with some pauses in it every so often as I hear him swallow loudly. I pull my eyes away from his to scan the new, questioning look on his face, but not being able to read the expression forces me to look back at his eyes. What I see there now almost takes my breath away: I see something that I never dared hope for, something I logically know I shouldn't expect, especially since I've known him for only a short time.

 

My brain wonders why someone as screwed up and lost as I am deserves to be loved by this guy. But my body quickly reacts, overriding all concerns my brain may have. My heart accelerates as adrenaline pumps into my body, my mouth goes dry, my breathing gets shallow and erratic, and "that part" of me wakes up and begins to notice what's going on. The intensity of the moment is too strong and I begin to shiver from the nervousness. I can't control myself, so I close my eyes and try to regroup.

 

When nothing seems to help me regroup, I open my eyes again. They seem to automatically focus and lock onto Jeff's eyes. The look there now says that he knows what I'm going through and that he's going through the same thing. After another few seconds of looking into those deep green eyes, I take a long, deep breath and all the nervousness and shivering just seem to disappear. Every thought outside of this moment, along with everything that physically surrounds us, all of it just seems to disappear. All I can see are Jeff's face and those eyes.

 

Logic and common sense fail to hold me back as I get swept away in the swirling emotional currents of the moment. My intense need to be held and loved and to dull some of the pain of the past few days takes over my body, and I reach forward and place my hands on the front of Jeff's shirt inside his open coat. The shirt with the t-shirt underneath it are soft and almost hot to the touch. As I let my hands roam over his chest and stomach, I notice for the first time the hard, well-defined muscles of Jeff's huge body.

 

As Jeff leans slowly toward me, I instinctively close my eyes and tilt my head. I feel the warmth of his face radiate onto mine, then feel the warmth of his breath in that instant just before his warm lips gently touch mine. I push forward gently into that kiss, enjoying the soft texture of his lips and the slight roughness of his mustache and goatee against my face. In those first few moments, all I can think is that I'm living a dream, an impossible dream.

 

I've lost all ability to think about anything else as the pressure lessens on my lips and Jeff's tongue gently brush across them. It's asking to enter and explore, and I willingly open my mouth and push my tongue forward to meet it. Both of them touch and gently tease each other for the first time, but they quickly begin to tangle with and push against each other.

 

When both of us realize that we want this, we slowly relax against each other. Our tongues become more insistent and the kiss deepens, getting stronger and hotter with each passing second. Our tongues begin to battle, each of us taking turns being either dominant or submissive, each of us beginning to get an understanding of where a physical relationship might take us. I can feel it all, the power and passion of our emotions, the longing and need for something more than a friendship, and the lust and comfort of our physical bodies next to each other. All are there in that kiss.

 

As we continue to kiss, Jeff slowly lets go of my face. He gently wraps his arms around my upper arms and across my back, his hands settling in underneath my daypack. Inside his coat, I slip my hands from his front, around the sides to his back, to touch and then draw him tighter to me at the same time he pulls me toward him. The heat of his body begins to permeate mine, and I truly understand what he wants when I feel the heat of his well-muscled back against my hands.

 

All too soon, I have to pull back from this wonderful kiss because I'm getting too lightheaded, almost as if I'm ready to pass out from the intensity. As our mouths break apart, air rushes into my lungs and I finally realize that I've been holding my breath since he started kissing me. I turn my head to the side to breathe deeply and rapidly while still holding tightly to Jeff.

 

After I finally catch my breath again, I hear a quiet, deep chuckle. Then I feel Jeff's warm breath against my ear as he whispers, "I didn't think I'd have that much of an effect on you."

 

Hearing Jeff's comment, I also chuckle, then turn my face into his neck, close my eyes, and hold tightly onto him for a few more precious seconds, seconds that I never want to end. What I've wanted to say to him since I first met him finally forces its way out. Not trusting my ability to talk, I whisper into his nearby ear, "I could easily spend the rest of my life under you." Then I gently kiss his neck under that ear and slowly grind my crotch into his, letting him know how much I want him. The huge hardness I feel pressing into my body next to my own dumps the equivalent of gasoline on the fire I feel deep inside.

 

I pull back and look into Jeff's now hotly-burning eyes. My lust is so firmly in control that my body tingles all over while the most excited part of my body threatens to rip open the zipper of my jeans. I really do want to be under this guy, either in my cabin or his, I don't care which. And from what I see in Jeff's eyes, I can tell that he really wants the same as well.

 

"Ahem." A courteous, but fairly loud, interrupting male voice from just a few steps down the path lets us know that we aren't alone anymore.

 

I know that I jerk a little and tense up big time from the interruption. While an embarassed part of me begins to deflate, a small angry voice in my head yells out, 'FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! I thought we were alone. DAMN IT! Why do I always have to get interrupted at the worst possible moments?' Meanwhile another part of my brain has already started developing excuses to explain or joke about the situation.

 

I hadn't realized that I had closed my eyes until I open them and catch Jeff's eyes once again. He's amused at my reaction because his eyes are twinkling, but he also massages my back and quietly whispers, "Hold onto that thought," before slowly backing away from me. I take that as my cue to back up and disconnect us, each of us pulling our hands and arms away from the other and separating ourselves by two to three feet.

 

Jeff turns around to greet the people on the path. In that deep, easy drawl of his, he says, "Hello folks. How are y'all today?"

 

The male voice answers, "Hey, Jeff. We're doing fine."

 

I hear Jeff ask, "So what brings y'all up here on a Friday afternoon? Shouldn't you two be down at the lodge?"

 

A female voice answers, "The traffic's light today, so the boss let us off for a few hours. She gave us some really nice leftovers from the kitchen, and told us to go have a picnic up on the Rock."

 

Since I'm standing behind Jeff and his wide shoulders, I'm not able to see who the people are. But as I listen to the short conversation, I already know the people who belong to those voices: they're Ryan and Vicky from the lodge. I don't know why, but I get really nervous. In some ways I know I shouldn't care that they're the ones interrupting us, but part of me wishes that someone we didn't know was passing by. If that had been the situation, Jeff and I could easily ignore the interruption and pick up where we left off. However, since they know us, picking up where we left off won't be so easy, at least not for me.

 

My thoughts return to the present when I see Jeff turn sideways along the side of the path and drawlingly say, "I guess we should let y'all by."

 

As Ryan passes Jeff, he looks up to my face as I turn to let him pass. A surprised look crosses his face, but that is quickly replaced with a big, shit-eating grin topped by eyes that say to me, 'Gotcha again.'

 

"Hey, Ryan," I say quietly, my face flushing hotly red as he passes by me.

 

He stops, winks, and says quietly, "Hey, Jim," then starts moving again up the path.

 

I almost relax when he doesn't say anything else about Jeff and me. But as I soon find out, it's Vicky's actions that I should have prepared for.

 

As she's passing Jeff, she looks up and sees me. She pauses for a half second, then turns and puts her arms inside Jeff's jacket and around him, giving him a strong and long hug, all while still looking sideways at me with her intense blue eyes.

 

While I look at her against him, a small part of me admires how nicely all the parts and curves of the two fit together, especially how the top of Vicky's head fits nicely underneath Jeff's jaw. However, a larger part of me is surprised at her actions. I see that Jeff is also surprised, but he soon wraps his arms around her and gives her a nice hug in return.

 

After a few moments, she pulls back a couple of feet, her hands resting gently on Jeff's chest. Then she looks up into his face and quietly says, "I've always wondered what that would feel like. And I have to say it feels like hugging a great big, fuzzy, warm teddy bear, a loving, caring bear who wouldn't hurt ANYONE in the world."

 

At first I don't get what she means, especially the emphasis on the word "anyone." So I look up to Jeff's face to see if I can get some clue from his reactions. I see the intense, questioning look on his face, but that look is soon replaced by a hard look of anger. However, in another couple of seconds, his features soften and his eyes begin to glisten. When I see the wetness in Jeff's eyes, I finally understand. The meaning is simple and consists of a single word: Mike.

 

Like a couple of buckets of ice cold water thrown on two dogs in heat, a few simple words have instantly and completely washed away the intense moment of passion between Jeff and me. All that's left behind are two humiliated animals, each with his own . . . how should I put this . . . awkward mental image of a fuzzy teddy bear that's guaranteed to cause an erectile dysfunction for a long time.

 

But in another surreal moment, I realize that it's not all over as I watch Vicky move up the path away from Jeff and toward me. Those bright blue eyes and inviting smile contradict what I think I'm about to hear from the steel magnolia who has now stopped right in front of me.

 

Rather than only feeling embarassed, a part of my brain goes overboard and I get this "Oh, my God, I'm being sent to the principal's office" feeling. Light-headedness makes me feel partly disconnected from what's happening, but massive amounts of adrenaline dump into my body and I feel a cold sweat break out on my forehead. The logical side of my brain is still trying to figure out why I'm reacting so strongly to this, but the emotional part that's controlling me has started to recite the definition for panic.

 

I hear a chuckle from Ryan's direction, then see an arm reach out and take Vicky by the hand. "Looks like they're already suffering enough. Let it go this time, babe." She simply reaches up and touches my face with her other hand, then smiles and turns to walk away with Ryan.

 

Suddenly I feel like a prisoner who's been pardoned while walking to the gallows. I take a few, shaky deep breaths, sighing quietly on the last one and hoping that my heart rate and blood pressure will soon return to more normal levels.

 

But something makes me continue to look at the two of them as he leads her single file through the trees up the path toward the Rock, both of them holding hands, both staying close together while they hike up the trail. In that moment, I see them as a couple who is "meant to be," or MTB, as a group of us in college would say. Then in a memory found deep in my past, I see my wife and me in their position, us just as content then as Ryan and Vicky are now. I'm instantly jealous, but the jealousy is quickly replaced with wishes and unspoken prayers that they have a long and wonderful life together, neither of them ever knowing the pain of being permanently separated from the other.

 

As they move out of sight around a bend in the trail, Jeff clears his throat and quietly asks, "You gonna be okay?"

 

I try to talk, but the emotions of the moment have affected me so much that I can't. After a couple of attempts to clear my throat, I finally turn to Jeff and hoarsely say, "Yeah."

 

"You turned white and looked like you were going to pass out."

 

I now chuckle at the thoughts that had gone through my brain at the time. "I don't know why I reacted, ummm, over-reacted, that way. But I wasn't sure what she might say to me, especially after what she said to you. You might say that I was a bit anxious."

 

Then a thought quickly passes through my brain and I have to chuckle again. "But when you get back to your cabin, you might want to check and see if you still have both of yours. I'm pretty sure I still have both of mine, but I'm gonna check, too." Jeff looks at me quizzically, so I point down to his crotch and say, "We were both so stunned, she could have taken one from each of us and we would have never known."

 

Jeff laughs loudly, then says, "Yeah, I know what you mean. Once I figured out what she was saying, I think I had the same feeling that Adam and Eve must have had when God found them after they'd eaten the apple. The phrase, 'Oh, shit, we're screwed now,' doesn't even begin to describe what I was feeling." We both laugh at the thought.

 

I point down the path toward the cabins and say, "Lead the way. . . ." As Jeff turns around and starts down the path, I add with a chuckle, ". . . Eve."

 

Jeff slowly turns back to me with a broad grin, looks me directly in the eyes, and growls out a quiet and playful, "Fuck you." When I look once more at those eyes, I see that the sparkle has returned, but I also see a more reserved and controlled Jeff.

 

After getting lost in those captivating eyes for another couple of seconds, I finally reach up and turn him around like he did to me last night on the lodge deck. Then I gently push him down the path while saying, "Yeah. That would be just like you. Always trying to make ME the woman in this relationship."

 

As he walks away from me, Jeff laughingly says over his shoulder, "Well, if I remember correctly, you did offer to be the bottom."

 

I laugh out loud while Jeff continues walking down the path and out of the little grove of trees without me. I want to counter with something else, but the logical part of me says that I can't win this one and I should just leave it alone. So I simply start walking, quickly catching up to Jeff, who's walking much slower this time, almost as if he's waiting for me.

 

As we get back to the ramps that go to our respective cabins, Jeff says, "Seems I have to make a detour. Meet you back here in about fifteen?"

 

It takes me a couple of seconds to comprehend what he's saying, but when I do, I suddenly realize how much I too have to go, the pressure mounting rapidly in my bladder. The two bottles of chocolate milk for breakfast and the large bottle of water I drank on the Rock, plus Vicky's comments have me feeling pretty uncomfortable at this moment. But I don't want Jeff to know, so I quickly ask, "Vicky scared the shit out of you, huh?"

 

With a quiet chuckle, Jeff responds, "Yeah."

 

But then Jeff starts looking me over. Unfortunately for me, the more he looks at me, the more the pressure increases in my bladder. As I watch the grin on his face get bigger and bigger, I ask myself, 'Is there no way to pull one over on this guy?'

 

After a few more seconds, he chuckles again. "From the look on your face and how much you're dancing around, looks like she got to you too, bud."

 

Knowing that I've lost again and that it's better for my bladder to try again later, I laugh. "Yeah. See you in fifteen." Then I quickly turn and head off toward my own cabin with Jeff's soft, deep laughter following me down the ramp.