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    ShadowDancer
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Big Sky - 8. Chapter 8 "A Tender Touch"

Big Sky

Chapter 8

“A Tender Touch”

 

Hunter was riding across the east pasture on one of the ATV’s, heading out to where Cody and Cal was supposed to be. He was thinking about what Sam did and said to him and was hoping that Tom could talk some sense into him pretty damn quick. Ed would not take Sam’s shit and would fire him and he did not want that to happen. He looked over at the wellhouse and saw Cody and Cal standing at the door to the building. He pulled up to them and got off the ATV saying “What did you guys find?”

Cody looked at Hunter shaking his head saying “You will not believe this, take a look inside.”

Hunter went inside and couldn’t believe what he saw. Everything in the building was damaged in one way or another. He reached over and shut down the power to the building which shut the well pump off as well. With all this damage he hoped it didn’t kill the pump. That would set Ed back a couple thousand dollars for the pump as well as the additional cost of repairing the damage to the building itself. Hunter walked back out of the building shaking his head, “I need to talk to you two before I call Ed on the phone for him to get out here to look at this mess.”

“Hunter what is going on here?” Cal asked

“This is not about what happened in that building. This is about what happened after you two left the ranch this morning. Sam cornered me in the barn, guys he hates gay men. He started a little fight with me but Tom offered to talk to him, hopefully he is doing that right now. Sam said that he was going to let both of you know what he thinks of gay men too, so I wanted to give you a heads up so you can watch each other’s back.” Hunter told them looking down at the ground.

“I’m sorry I brought this trouble on for you guys, that wasn’t my intention. I was just wanting to let all you guys know before you heard it from someone else.” said Hunter

“Hunter don’t you ever apologize to us for being gay, that is Sam’s problem if he can’t handle being around gay men. I’m not ashamed of being gay and I know Cal isn’t, so you need to hold that head of yours high and show everybody that you don’t care what they think of you.” as Cody was saying this he took a hold of Hunter’s chin and raised his head to make him look at him straight on.

“I just don’t want to cause anybody problems here on this ranch, when there is all this crap going on.” Hunter said

“Hunter you let us deal with Sam if he comes to us, we will not let anybody hurt us because we are gay. We will have your back to so don’t worry about it.” Cal said looking at Hunter with a smile.

“Ok thanks guys, you know I will have your back too. Let me call Ed so I can get him out here to see this crap.” Hunter took his phone out of his pocket to call Ed. “Ed, we have a problem out here at the east pasture well house. I think you need to come out here, I had to shut everything down.”

“Hunter what is going on? You mean we have no water out there for the cattle?” Ed asked

“The trough is max full right now but I had to shut the pump down. Just come and see what’s happened please.” Hunter said

“Ok I will bring Max with me, be there in a bit.”

“Ok” Hunter said and hung up the phone and started walking around the building. He was checking to see if there was anything he could pick up on about who did this.

“Hunter could this have happened last night before you got out here. Maybe you interrupted them doing this and that is why they took a shot at you.” Cody asked

“Ya that is what I am thinking too. I just can’t figure out why and who would do this. I thought it was just the cattle rustling but now I am wondering if it could be more.”

All three of the guys were wandering around the area just to see if there is any more damage out there. Hunter looked over at Cody and Cal standing there looking at each other with love in their eyes, wishing he could find that in a partner too. Cody reached up and touched Cal's cheek with the softest touch, then leaned in and gave Cal a quick kiss. They both looked over at Hunter with smiles on the face. “Maybe one day.” Hunter said to them.

“You will find that person Hunter just give it time.” Cal said. Hunter started thinking about Seth when he heard a couple of the ATV’s coming across the pasture.

Ed and Max stopped by Hunter’s ATV and jumped off. “Ok Hunter what is going on?” Ed asked looking at Hunter.

“Look in the wellhouse.” Hunter said shaking his head.

Ed and Max walked into the wellhouse and Hunter heard Ed scream “What the fucking hell?”

Hunter cringed when Ed said that, he looked over at Cody and Cal and they were looking at the ground shaking their heads.

Ed came out madder than hell. “This is going to cost me a fortune to fix. I’m going to kill the person who did this. Hunter, Cody and Cal go get everybody, I mean everybody, and make a temporary fence for the cattle. We have to move them closer to the ranch, I’m not going to lose anymore cattle. Get it set up and we can feed the water from the well by the barn.”

Hunter grabbed his phone again and called Butch and Buck and told them to head for the ranch right now. Then he got on the ATV, Cody and Cal got on their horses and headed to the barn.

Ed looked over at Max “Ed you need to calm down, getting upset like this is not going to help you. Let me see what can be salvaged of this mess, we might be able to fix it if Hunter turned the pump off quick enough.” Max said taking a hold of Ed’s arm.

“I’m calling the other guys in, I can’t have any one getting hurt again on my ranch. This isn’t kids messing around, this is someone wanting revenge on me.”

“I think you might need to do that, but with Steve and the others coming in do you have room for all of us? I can bunk with Seth to have a room open for you but that still won’t be enough.” Max said.

“No it won’t be, so I will have them bring their trailers with them and we can park them by the kitchen house and barn, so don’t worry about your room.”

“Ok, let’s look and see if we can get this well working again.” Max said

Ed and Max walked back in to see how much damage there really was done. Max saw that all the control panels were non-repairable, the piping was ok from what he could see. “Ed is there a reliable well company in town that you can trust?”

“Ya there is, I went to school with the owner and he has a ranch not too far from mine, matter fact his spread butts up to mine on the west-south corner. About 200 acres. Why?”

“The control panels are a loss, piping looks ok from what I can see but I don’t know about the pump. See if he can send out a team to check this out for you. I don’t want to turn the pump back on because it could possibly burn it up if it’s not already. If it’s ok that could save you some money by not having to replace it.” Max said

“Ok I will call when we get back to the house. Let’s head back and help the boys,” both men got back on the ATV’s and headed to the house.

Hunter beat Cal and Cody back to the yard and went in the barn hoping maybe Seth might be still there. Hunter was going to ask if he wanted to help them with the cattle, but he wasn’t in the barn with Sammy. He came out of the barn seeing Buck and Butch standing by their horses looking like they didn’t know what was going on. Cal and Cody came riding in about the time Hunter was walking up to Buck and Butch. Hunter motioned to them to come over to where he was, “Since Buck, you and Butch look at a loss here, just to let ya’ll know somebody got into the wellhouse and tore it up pretty bad. Ed wants us to make a temporary fenced in area for the cattle and move them closer to the yard here. So Cal and Cody get all the electric wiring you can find in the barn, Butch and Buck go find as many t-post as you can and load them in one of the ranch trucks. Does anybody know where Sam could be at? I last saw him in the barn before I went out to the east pasture.” Hunter said.

Tom came out of the kitchen house to see what was going on, he walked up to Hunter saying “Hey what is all the commotion about?”

“Tom do you know where Sam is at? I’ve tried his phone and he’s not answering it.” Hunter turned and asked Tom seeing him walk up.

“I haven’t seen him for a while now, he came in and got a cup of coffee and we talked for a bit then said he had things to get done and left.” Tom said looking at Hunter with a frown on his face.

“Ok then Tom you have to help then because we have to get this fence up and the cattle moved before dark. I can’t worry about Sam and his shit right now.” Hunter told Tom.

As Hunter and the others were getting everything they would need to get that fence up, Seth was being woke up by all the commotion out in the yard. He got out of the bed and looked out the window to see what was going on out there. After seeing everybody running around like something had happened he got his boots on and ran out of the house to see if he could help.

Hunter was just putting some tools in the back of the truck when Seth ran up to him, “Hey is everything ok?” Seth asked.

“No, somebody sabotaged the wellhouse in the east pasture, now we have to move the cattle so they can have water, but before moving them we have to put up a temporary fence closer to the yard so we can keep a closer eye on them. I can’t find one of the guys and I had to get Tom to help and he hates being in the field when he has to make sure us men eat. So now I have to worry about him being a grump to me for having him help, and I have to have all this done before dark.” Hunter told Seth looking stressed out.

Seth looked at Hunter laughing “I think you need to take a gulp of air and relax, there is enough guys here to get this all done before dark. Now tell me what I can do to help?” Seth looked into Hunter eyes seeing them have a look of mischievous in them. “And we can have a talk later about what I think I see in those eyes of yours.” Seth started laughing.

Hunter started laughing about what Seth said and told him “If you want to help, I need to make sure we have all the supplies we would need to put up this damn fence. I don’t want to make 20 trips back here because we forgot something.” Hunter said

“Ok we are putting up hot wire to keep the cattle in right?”

“Ya, so we need electric wire, cutters, ties, insulators, t-post, post hammer, shovel, I think that’s it. Am I missing anything?”

Seth had a big shit eating grin on his face and said “Yep you did”

“Oh and what would that be.” Hunter smiled at Seth

“Gloves for these office hands of mine.” Seth laughed showing Hunter the palms of his hands.

“Nope we have to toughen them soft hands of yours up if you’re going to help us here.” Hunter said with a grin and turned to walk over to the bunkhouse to get Seth a pair of gloves. Seth just stood there with his mouth hanging open thinking about what Hunter just said about soft hands. Laughing, Hunter hid the gloves in his pocket and walked back out to the truck and saw that Ed and Max had gotten back.

“I think we have everything gathered up but I need to know how close you want us to get the fence.” Hunter asked Ed looking over at him.

“Not to close but close enough to run water to a trough. This will also help you guys watching them. I have to call Lee Thomas and see if he can come check the wellhouse out for me. Why don’t you men start getting the fence up while I make the call and then I will be out to help?” Ed looked around at all the men but didn’t see Sam. “Where is Sam at?”

Hunter and the others shook their heads in the negative not saying a word. Hunter didn’t want to get Sam in trouble so he kept his mouth shut but Cody opened his mouth to say something. Hunter kicked Cody’s leg to get his attention before he said anything and gave him a look that would shut Cody up.

“I know something is going on but I haven’t got the time to worry about it right now. You men get that fence up and move the cattle over.” Ed said then walked to the house to make the call to Lee.

Hunter looked at Tom and told him “Tom we don’t need you now since Seth offered to help, so you can go do what you need to do. Ok?” Hunter smiled at Tom

Tom shook his head and walked off to the kitchen house. Seth looked at his dad “Dad you going out with us or staying here?”

“Going with ya’ll. I’m going to saddle up Sage and ride him, he needs the exercise.” Max smiled at Seth

“Ok let’s get a move on, we’re losing daylight.” Hunter yelled.

Hunter and Seth got in the front of the truck, Cody and Cal had already unsaddled their horses so they jumped in the back of the truck. Buck and Butch hadn’t unsaddled yet so they told Hunter they would wait on Max to saddle up and would meet up with them. On the way out to the pasture Hunter and Seth were doing a little talking trying to get to knowing each other. Hunter asked Seth, “You heard Sam and me talking in the barn earlier today didn’t you?”

“I don’t know the guy’s name you were talking to but, ya I heard you two talking.”

“So you heard that I’m gay and now I need to know if you have a problem with it. Since we will be working together on this ranch?” Hunter looked over at Seth

“How can I have a problem with you being gay Hunter when I am that way to.” Seth smiled at Hunter.

Hunter looked at Seth with the biggest smile on his face. Hunter can’t believe this handsome man bats his way, but he knows that he has to go slow with him so he doesn’t scare him off. He just might have a chance at something good to happen in his life for once and he didn’t want to screw it up.

Ed got ahold of Lee and told him what was happening, Lee told Ed that he could get a crew out there in a couple days to have a look to see what it would take to get the pump running again. Ed asked him to keep this to himself that he didn’t want it to get around what was going on here at the ranch. Lee told Ed that he would do that. Ed hung up and went to find Martha, he found her in the kitchen peeling carrots for the roast that she was making for dinner. “Honey, can we get some sandwiches together and jugs of tea made so I can take them out to the boys?” Ed said walking up behind Martha wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her neck.

“Sure, get the lunch meat, mayo, and lettuce out of the icebox. I have a big container of tea already made so grab that to.” Martha told Ed drying her hands and getting the bread out of the cabinet.

Ed and Martha worked together getting the lunch made for the guys, Ed gave Martha a kiss and told her “I will be back as soon as possible then I will take some time to sit down with you tonight and tell you what is going on, okay?” Ed said looking at Martha. “I have my phone so if Steve and Mark show up before I get back get them settled in there room. Call me if you need me. I love you.” Ed said walking out the back door carrying the guy’s lunch over to the ATV, he got it all loaded and took off.

Hunter stopped the truck and got out, walked around a bit and got back in the truck. “Hunter what are you doing?” Seth asked with a confused look on his face.

“We have to make sure that the grass is high enough for the cattle to graze or we’re going to have to feed hay and we don’t need that expense at this time of year. We will park here and start the fence going to the east for 300 yards then south 300 yards. That should be enough area for a short time.” Hunter said looking over at Seth.

Seth got out of the truck and started to help unload the back. Hunter grabbed a t-post dropped it on the ground telling Cody, “Start here with this one and Seth get in the back of the truck and throw a t-post out when I point out where. Cody take out the hotwire and have Buck and the others start stringing it when they show up.” Hunter said as he turned to get in the truck, he looked back to make sure Cody got out the wire and Seth was safely in the back and took off, pointing out every so often for Seth to toss out a t-post. Hunter drove around the perimeter of the new fence and stopped where the guys were working. Both men hopped out of the truck prepared to get to work on the fence as well.

“Seth let me see those hands” Hunter said when he walked up next to Seth.

Seth held his hands out and told Hunter “They’re fine, I’ve worked on a ranch before and my hands are not pansy’s” Seth said smiling.

“I never thought they were, just wanted to make sure there wasn’t any damage to them.” Hunter whispered in Seth’s ear holding his hands. He let go of Seth’s hands, took out the gloves in his back pocket and handed them to Seth with a smile. Seth just stood there looking at the gloves in his hand, he saw Hunter walk off so he hit him on the shoulder laughing, “Smart Ass.” Hunter shook his ass at Seth as he walked back over to the other guy’s.

After Seth stopped shaking and getting his emotions under control he went over to his dad “You doing ok dad?”

“Yep, Hey Hunter where will the opening of the wire be so we can set up a drop gate?” Max said looking over at Hunter.

Hunter looked out to the east and thought for a minute, crap I forgot to get the battery to hook up the wire to make it hot. Hunter started mumbling: Crap Crap Crap now a trip back to the ranch damn it.

“Can somebody go back to the ranch and get the battery out of the tool shed, I forgot to get it.” Hunter said looking over at Seth with a scowl on his face because as Hunter was saying that Seth was doubled over laughing his ass off.

“Seth shut up that’s not nice and paybacks are hell.”

“Hunter I’m sorry,” Seth said after he got the laughing under control. All the men were looking at Seth and Hunter like they missed something.

“Nothing, can somebody go please?”

“Ya I’ll go Hunter.” Buck said.

Everybody got back to work pounding t-post and stringing wire. When they made it far enough down and turned south and put in 6 more t-post Hunter said “Ok this a good area for the drop gate, it meets up to the east pastures gate which will be a lot easier to get the cattle in here.”

Buck was pulling into the yard as Ed was getting on the ATV, he yelled to Ed that the battery had been forgotten. Ed said “ok” and took off. Hunter saw Ed coming at them on an ATV carrying something on the back of it. Ed got to where everybody was at and got off with a shit eating grin on his face saying, “I have lunch since nobody thought to stop and eat. Martha made ya’ll some sandwiches and tea, let’s eat and then get this fence knocked out.” Ed got the ice bag off the ATV and handed out the food and tea, he put Buck’s back in the bag to keep chilled for him until he gets back here with the battery. “Hunter I thought you had everything when you left the yard, I saw Buck had to go back for the battery.” Ed said laughing. Seth was just taking a drink of tea when Ed said that and he spewed the tea out of his mouth laughing his ass off looking at Hunter. All the guys looked at Seth like there was something wrong with him but Hunter looked like he was madder than a wet hen at Seth. “Come on man, you know I couldn’t help myself with you saying that after what you said to me in the yard.” Seth was trying to say with a serious face but couldn’t and started laughing again.

“Ok you had your laugh now stop, I can’t remember everything damn it.” Hunter glared at Seth.

Seth was thinking he was pushing the joke too far with Hunter so he got up and walked over to the ice bag to put his trash away. He was mad at himself for pissing Hunter off, so he hollered out to no one in particular that he was going to go find a tree.

Hunter couldn’t believe he let what Seth did get to him that way. He needed to apologize to him so he put his trash away and took off after Seth. He caught up to him about the time he was unzipping his pants, he stood there and watched him take his dick out and piss on the ground. That cock had to be 6 inches soft, Hunter was wondering how big it could be hard “Do you like what you see?” Seth said.

Hunter snapped his head up looking at Seth in the eye, “Yep sure do,” he laughed. “I came over to say I was sorry for getting upset back there. With everything going on around here I’m just letting anything and everything get to me so I’m sorry.” Hunter said then looked down again at Seth’s cock seeing him still holding it. Hunter walked up to Seth with a smile saying “Do you need help putting that thing away,” Hunter touched Seth’s cheek with the back of his fingers making Seth shiver.

“You offering to help,” Seth looked into Hunter’s eyes and saw raw passion in them. He has not seen that kind of passion in a man’s eye in a long time.

Ed yelled “Time to get back to work,” which broke the spell Hunter had on Seth. Seth put his cock away and zipped his pants, looking at Hunter.

“Later,” Hunter said turning to go back to work.

With everybody working hard they finally got the fence up and ready to go. All the extra material got loaded in the truck, Hunter and Seth got back in the truck with Cal and Cody in the back. Everybody else got back on what they rode out on and headed back to the yard.

Once everybody made it back to the yard, they saddled up their own horses and headed out to the east pasture. Hunter and Seth rode out there side by side with Hunter trying to get Seth to talk to him, but for some reason he had shut down with a sad look on his face. So Hunter just let him be for now, he will try again when they get back to the yard.

With everybody in sync, moving the cattle went smooth and didn’t take long. With Buck, Cal, and Cody taking care of the water line for the trough, Hunter went to the barn to unsaddle Cope and to check if Seth was there so they can have a talk. He found him in Sammy’s stall brushing her down, so he took care of Cope then went back to where Seth was at. He got to the stall door, looked in and asked Seth “Hey there handsome can we talk now.” Seth looked over at Hunter with tears on his cheeks. Hunter opened the door, walked over to Seth and wrapped his arms around Seth’s neck whispering “What is wrong Seth, I didn’t mean for you to cry. I’m so sorry for upsetting you.” Hunter squeezed harder when he felt Seth’s hands on his shoulders gripping him back.

 

 

 

Note: Where is Sam? Who sabotaged the well house? Will Sam confront Cal and Cody? Will Ed get the mercenary guys to come help? Why was Seth crying?

Questions Questions Questions where are thou thee Answers?

Copyright © 2014 ShadowDancer; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Chapter Comments

This chapter seemed too rushed. Sometimes it felt like a lot of filler and nothing to really move the story along. Like when Ed went and helped his wife with lunch. The grammatical errors were a bit annoying. With that said, I still like the story and can't wait to see what happens. Just a note, I'm a reader who doesn't have the imagination to write, so yaahhhh Writers!

  • Like 1
On 08/19/2013 07:37 AM, Delaneym said:
This chapter seemed too rushed. Sometimes it felt like a lot of filler and nothing to really move the story along. Like when Ed went and helped his wife with lunch. The grammatical errors were a bit annoying. With that said, I still like the story and can't wait to see what happens. Just a note, I'm a reader who doesn't have the imagination to write, so yaahhhh Writers!
guess i show to much detail in the story, i don't like reading a story myself that goes from week to week in each paragraph without some detail about what the person is thinking or doing. When i read novel's with people working on ranch's there is a lot of information in them about the men and what they are doing. So i guess i'm following that lead.
  • Love 1

I read your other review, but coming from my perspective, I know nada about ranches, horses, etc. I've learned a lot from the various stories on here relating to that area, but I find it all fascinating. I've always loved horses, so it's nice to read about the detail it takes to take care of them. =)

 

I think Sam is the one who damaged the site. I didn't think anything of it until halfway through the chapter when Sam was still missing. I hope they find something there that will prove he (or whoever), did it.

 

I thought it was brave of Seth to laugh at Hunter after Hunter got thru his tirade of what happened and how stressed he is. Personally, I would never laugh after first of all, something really bad happened, and second of all, the guy is really stressed out and I wouldn't think he would take it so well if I just laughed at him. So, good for Seth for not pissing Hunter off. lol

 

Also...when Ed brought the sandwiches to the guys up at the damaged site, he had a "shit eating grin" on his face. Why? That area of his ranch was destroyed, the well pump itself may cost him a lot of money, and someone is out to get him. Why would he be smiling just b/c he and Martha made the boys lunch? But not just smiling, he had a "shit eating grin" on his face. It just seemed odd. If it were me, I'd be too annoyed and pissed off to smile at anything.

 

I am enjoying the story, Zandra. You can tell, b/c if I didn't like it, I wouldn't bother commenting on what I thought didn't work. And you never did get back to me...

  • Love 1
On 08/19/2013 11:43 AM, Lisa said:
I read your other review, but coming from my perspective, I know nada about ranches, horses, etc. I've learned a lot from the various stories on here relating to that area, but I find it all fascinating. I've always loved horses, so it's nice to read about the detail it takes to take care of them. =)

 

I think Sam is the one who damaged the site. I didn't think anything of it until halfway through the chapter when Sam was still missing. I hope they find something there that will prove he (or whoever), did it.

 

I thought it was brave of Seth to laugh at Hunter after Hunter got thru his tirade of what happened and how stressed he is. Personally, I would never laugh after first of all, something really bad happened, and second of all, the guy is really stressed out and I wouldn't think he would take it so well if I just laughed at him. So, good for Seth for not pissing Hunter off. lol

 

Also...when Ed brought the sandwiches to the guys up at the damaged site, he had a "shit eating grin" on his face. Why? That area of his ranch was destroyed, the well pump itself may cost him a lot of money, and someone is out to get him. Why would he be smiling just b/c he and Martha made the boys lunch? But not just smiling, he had a "shit eating grin" on his face. It just seemed odd. If it were me, I'd be too annoyed and pissed off to smile at anything.

 

I am enjoying the story, Zandra. You can tell, b/c if I didn't like it, I wouldn't bother commenting on what I thought didn't work. And you never did get back to me...

thanks for the comment Lisa, i guess i'm afraid you will rip my chapters up...lol...i have to read them 5 times or more then the Beta gets it then she fixes my mess ups then i fixed them then send it back to her and she finds more, it takes us a lot to fix my screw ups. but hey if you think you can handle my screw ups i will let you.
  • Haha 1

The funny thing about cowboy stories is that they want to make me speak and write cowboy. Or, maybe I want to do that anyway and your just offering the opportunity to do that inside my head. There doesn't seem to be enough cowboy in the lingo.

 

There's a lot going on in this chapter and because of this the pace of the story seems to be matching the number of things that need to be done. I have mentioned story pacing in the past to you and this is especially applicable here. We are not going to go away if you slow down the story a bit. I like details as well as the next person and I think the old saying, 'The details are in the pudding' may apply here. You're giving me the details but I'm not tasting the pudding so much. Every moment doesn't need it's own short sentence. I'm getting the sense that I'm on a block and chop, chop, chop. Life flows and the sentences need to flow along as well.

 

I am enjoying your story and I quite like the fellas and Ed's wife is just fine as a supporting character. I know what's happened to Hunter and I know what's happened to Seth and we're learning what's going on now with those two and some of the others. What I don't have is a good description in my head of what these boys look like physically. Are they 6'2" or 5'7", whip thin, muscularly lean or beefed up, heavy set, do they have those creases at the corners of their eyes from being out in the sun even though they're still young, maybe it only shows up when they smile, what color or style of shirt does Hunter prefer and are his boots worn or well taken care of. I'm sure you know what I'm getting at. I don't feel I know these fellas all that well even if I like them based on their behavior and their circumstances. To be fair, I did learn that Seth was 6" soft. Now ain't that something.

 

Whip up that puddin' for us, Zandra. Make us fall in love with those boys.

  • Love 1
On 08/20/2013 01:40 PM, Ron said:
The funny thing about cowboy stories is that they want to make me speak and write cowboy. Or, maybe I want to do that anyway and your just offering the opportunity to do that inside my head. There doesn't seem to be enough cowboy in the lingo.

 

There's a lot going on in this chapter and because of this the pace of the story seems to be matching the number of things that need to be done. I have mentioned story pacing in the past to you and this is especially applicable here. We are not going to go away if you slow down the story a bit. I like details as well as the next person and I think the old saying, 'The details are in the pudding' may apply here. You're giving me the details but I'm not tasting the pudding so much. Every moment doesn't need it's own short sentence. I'm getting the sense that I'm on a block and chop, chop, chop. Life flows and the sentences need to flow along as well.

 

I am enjoying your story and I quite like the fellas and Ed's wife is just fine as a supporting character. I know what's happened to Hunter and I know what's happened to Seth and we're learning what's going on now with those two and some of the others. What I don't have is a good description in my head of what these boys look like physically. Are they 6'2" or 5'7", whip thin, muscularly lean or beefed up, heavy set, do they have those creases at the corners of their eyes from being out in the sun even though they're still young, maybe it only shows up when they smile, what color or style of shirt does Hunter prefer and are his boots worn or well taken care of. I'm sure you know what I'm getting at. I don't feel I know these fellas all that well even if I like them based on their behavior and their circumstances. To be fair, I did learn that Seth was 6" soft. Now ain't that something.

 

Whip up that puddin' for us, Zandra. Make us fall in love with those boys.

Ron, chapter 10 is being written as i speak and with what happened in #9 i'm adding a lot of what you said in that chapter (Well i hope it's enough) thank you for comment, opened up a few things for me to include in the next chapters.
  • Love 1
On 8/19/2013 at 5:10 AM, ShadowDancer said:
On 8/19/2013 at 4:37 AM, Delaneym said:
This chapter seemed too rushed. Sometimes it felt like a lot of filler and nothing to really move the story along. Like when Ed went and helped his wife with lunch. The grammatical errors were a bit annoying. With that said, I still like the story and can't wait to see what happens. Just a note, I'm a reader who doesn't have the imagination to write, so yaahhhh Writers!

guess i show to much detail in the story, i don't like reading a story myself that goes from week to week in each paragraph without some detail about what the person is thinking or doing. When i read novels with people working on ranch's there is a lot of information in them about the men and what they are doing. So i guess i'm following that lead.

@ShadowDancer I agree that the grammatical errors are  a bit annoying, however a quick rewrite of the story with the help of a good editor would make this great story easier to read.  I disagree with the the statement about the filler.  A story with descriptions of the setting, environment, emotional reflections and the everyday activities contribute to the ambiance and authenticity of any story, especially great stories.  I suggest reading Headstall's Sidewinder Series.  His descriptions enhance the real feel of the plot, and help the reader feel as if watching what's happening first hand.  It kind of makes you forget you are reading, because you feel a part of what's happening.  It's an awesome set of western stories that come highly recommended and still appears in the monthly update of top reads.  Keep working on improving this story, it's not too late to get this story to the top of the GA queue.  I think one of your strengths so far is the plot, with character development a close second.

Edited by raven1
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