Subtle Beauty - 3. Chapter 3

I peeled my gaze off his shirtless chest and quickly focused on the wall behind him. Einstein’s Theory of Relativity. Pythagorean Theorem. Charles Babbage. The Renaissance Period. Edgar Allan Poe. To be or not to be. Abraham Lincoln. The face that launched a thousand ships.

“What are you mumbling about? Get in here.”

Mich’s grinning face met mine as I sat on his bed. My brows creased when I noticed he now wore a sleeveless plain white shirt. Did I imagine the whole thing? I was deeply bothered and not because I might be randomly hallucinating (which puts my sanity in question), but because I might have imagined Mich to be half-naked (which puts my sexuality in question). It was possible that while I tried to think of random thoughts to distract myself from gawking at his toned chest and stomach, he put on a shirt. But that would make him what? Sneaky! Then again, what would he gain from doing something like that?

“You’re zoning out on me again, man. You’re supposed to be cheering me up, remember?” The hint of sadness in his voice jolted me from my introspection.

“Sorry, um...” And nothing. My mind was a blank.

He studied my face. “Yes?”

“Actually, I can’t think of anything to say.” Smooth. Just smooth.

“For a... seemingly intelligent guy, you don’t act very smart.”

My laughter filled the room. For the first time, I felt myself relax around him. I immediately felt guilty though when I calmed down. There wasn’t any doubt that he was annoyed.

A big frown drew his brows together. “You suck at cheering up people who just got dumped. You know that, right?”

I looked him straight in the eye. “Lighten up. I wasn’t laughing at you. I was laughing at what you said.” I continued, “But I’m sorry.”

His cheeks were tinged in red and I caught my breath. I had never seen anything so endearing before. “So what did I say that you found funny?”

“Right.” Quiet deep breaths. “You were going to say geek, weren’t you?”

“No need to be embarrassed,” I added when the red in his cheeks deepened. “I know that I’m a geek.”

There was an edge in his voice when he spoke. “Just because you’ve accepted that fact doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother you a bit when people call you that. I’m bothered when people call me a jock. Sure, I love swimming, but that doesn’t mean that it’s all I’m good at.”

It was only then that I looked around his room. It was a typical teenager room, but the thing I noticed more than anything else was the books. Not as many as the ones in my room, but enough for me to conclude that he was not allergic to them. I almost kicked myself when I realized I judged him based on his appearance and love of sports.

“You have issues with labeling,” I joked to lighten the situation.

“And you don’t?” he asked, peeved.

Dammit. “I’m beginning to realize that you’re right when you said that I suck at cheering up recently dumped people. Let’s talk about something else, ok?”

“Fine by me.” A smile appeared on his lips, but then our eyes met which was a big mistake. I got lost peering deep in his eyes and the more I looked, the more I wanted to go deeper.

Look away! But I don’t want to.

At times like this, I wished I had telepathy. That way, I could make him look away. Is it even remotely possible that he can’t make himself look away too?

“Dinner is almost ready.” The two of us looked at Grandpa who’d appeared on the doorway. Perfect timing!

Mich spoke, “Thanks, Grandpa.” My feelings exactly. “Would you like us to set up the dinner table?”

“You boys just stay here. I’ll set up the dinner table. Just be down in fifteen minutes, ok?” Mich’s smile appeared on Grandpa’s lips.

“We will,” we said almost at the same time which broadened Grandpa’s smile.

When he left, I avoided Mich’s gaze and he seemed to do the same. Without asking for permission, I began exploring his room, moving towards a cabinet full of cds and dvds. I looked around and sure enough, I spied a mini component and next to it was a large plasma tv.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” I exclaimed as I made my way to the tv. It was so big, I couldn’t understand how I hadn’t noticed it in the first place.

Looking back at Mich, I saw him watching me with amusement. What did I expect? I was acting like a kid after all.

Unable to control myself, I said, “It must be cool watching the Discovery Channel in this tv.”

For a while, he didn’t say anything and his expression remained blank. “You should definitely come back then.”

My eyes widened a bit as I hadn’t expected that response at all. What had I expected? Anything but that, I guess. Maybe I’m reading too much into this.

“Let’s go. When Grandpa says fifteen minutes, he means it.” Mich passed by me to get to the door. As he did, his scent invaded my senses and I felt my knees go weak. His aroma was pleasant. Sweet and manly at the same time.

“You coming?” Mich was already at the door and I approached him with jelly-like legs.

********************

In spite of my current state of confusion, I enjoyed Grandpa’s spaghetti. It was absolutely delicious. I got a second serving and contemplated on getting a third, but decided against it. Wouldn’t want them to think of me as a voracious eater.

“Thanks, Grandpa. That was the best tasting spaghetti I ever had,” I said when we were all finished eating. They both smiled at me, the same smile, which made me look from one to the other. It was a little disconcerting, like seeing double.

“I’m glad you like it, son. Now don’t go yet, ok? I’ll just clear this up and do the dishes. After that, we can talk for a bit before you go.” Grandpa started clearing the table, but I made eye contact with Mich and a silent agreement passed between us.

Mich took the dishes that Grandpa already collected while I grabbed those that remained. Together we deposited the dishes in the sink. Grandpa had no choice but to retire to the living room.

We both grabbed for the sponge almost at the same time and I snatched it from him. Just barely. It slipped from my grasp and the sponge dropped, but I was quick enough to grab it with my other hand before it hit the floor.

“Nice,” Mich said, impressed. “Ever thought of trying out for the baseball team?”

“No, thanks,” I answered as I started washing the dishes. The water pouring from the faucet was the only sound that could be heard after that. We both welcomed the silence. I focused on washing the dishes then rinsing them in water. The tediousness of the chore distracted me from trying to figure out the many thoughts plaguing my mind. I passed the dishes to Mich when I’d finished rinsing them and he wiped them dry automatically, almost as if he was lost in his thoughts. Funny, I avoided my thoughts, but he was doing the opposite.

“We’re finished now Mich,” I said after drying off my hands to find him staring blankly at the kitchen counter with the towel still in hand.

“Oh, let’s go to the living room then.” He turned to go, but came back to hang the towel in its place.

We found Grandpa sitting contentedly on the sofa and doing nothing else, something a younger person couldn’t definitely do. Must be an age-acquired trait. He appeared to be just waiting for us and to back up my assumption, his face lit up when we entered the living room.

He motioned for the two of us to sit down, Mich sat to his right and I took the seat to his left. Affectionately, Mich wrapped an arm round his grandfather.

Turning to me, Grandpa said, “Did you enjoy yourself, Cooper?”

“I did.” All things considered.

“Good, you’re welcome here anytime.” He smiled kindly to me. “And if my grandson ever gives you trouble, you come to me and I’ll set him straight.”

“Grandpa,” Mich grumbled.

Ignoring Mich, I smiled back at Grandpa. “Thanks, but you need not worry about me. I can take care of myself.”

“We’re going, Grandpa,” Mich said, tugging my arm and helping me to my feet.

“Bye,” I managed to say before being whisked out of the house.

Mich let go of me and I followed him to the car without saying anything. With a beep, the doors of the car unlocked and we got in.

“What did you do that for?” I said, finally voicing out my annoyance. My seatbelt locked with a click, followed by his.

Without any sign that he heard me, he asked, “Where to?” Grudgingly, I told him the address of the small room that I rented.

He eased the car onto the street. Gripping the wheel tightly, he spoke, “Don’t ever say that again, especially in school.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t act tough if you know what’s good for you,” he said in a soft voice.

It suddenly became clear to me. But I can take care of myself.

“What? Are you threatened by a geek who knows how to look after himself? Is that it? And as a jock, you can’t just sit back and let that go?” I thought he was different.

He didn’t reply, just kept on driving. I was disappointed and hurt that he didn’t think I could look after myself. I couldn’t even look at him because the mere idea of him irritated me. Twice, I almost asked him to pull over, but couldn’t make myself do it.

Finally at my building, he pulled over. I hastily unlocked the seatbelt and opened my side of the door. With one foot already on the pavement, Mich stopped me from completely getting out of the car by placing a hand on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way, ok?” He gently squeezed my shoulder. “I just didn’t want you to get hurt.”

What was he talking about? Why was he suddenly so concerned for my safety? Why would he think it was compromised in the first place?

“What I can’t understand is why you have to drag me away like that,” I said dryly.

“I overreacted.”

As I had my back to him, I couldn’t see his expression, but I felt that he was truly sorry. In spite of this, I gently removed his hand from my shoulder.

“Thanks for inviting me to your place and driving me home. I’m sorry that Vern dumped you.” I couldn’t help but emphasize that fact. I’m sorry things have to end this way.

Without looking at him, I stepped off the car. I stood on the pavement motionless for a moment and I only finally moved to look at his car as it drove away.

********************

Dammit. Dammit! DAMMIT!

I lay face up on my bed, my vision foggy as I had already removed my glasses. It ended the way it should have, I told myself. Before today, I was not friends with him and after today, I was still not friends with him. Status quo.

I just couldn’t believe it had to be this way. Granted it started bad, but it had got better (in spite of my confused state). Then everything switched back again. Resignedly, I turned over and with my forehead resting on my wrist, I started crying. My tears flowed freely and I let them.

From deep inside me, a small voice said, ‘I wish it didn’t have to end. I wish we were friends. And more.’

I sucked in a sharp breath. All the weirdness I felt while with Mich came back to me, followed by a vision in slow motion of the afternoon I spent with him. Is that normal behavior?

Oh shit, I have a crush on Mich. My heart rate doubled. I didn’t like it, not at all, yet... Maybe I did? I groaned into the pillows.

Why did he have to be such a jerk?

“Michael,” I whispered.