Subtle Beauty - 4. Chapter 4

If I got more pathetic, I’d need counseling. I mean, I didn’t go to school because of what? A stupid crush? Ok, there was more to it than just that, but I wasn’t ready to face the issue of my sexuality yet. Not then, not now. Not ever?

‘It’s just a crush,’ my practical side said, ‘everybody gets them.’

‘Yeah,’ answered my logical side, ‘except that it’s normal for a person to have a crush with someone from the opposite sex.’

Is there any way to switch off my thoughts?

I turned to my side. Anyone not used to a single bed would have fallen to the floor if they copied what I did, but I was used to it after years of practice. Sure, the bed was really small, but I wasn’t about to complain. This was my bed back home, I had it for...ever.

Putting my glasses on, my vision cleared and rested on a book. I hesitated to pick it up. There was something definitely off about me today; I love books. Can’t get enough of them. What’s wrong with me? I lunged for the book.

With it finally in my hand, I read the title. Great, a romantic novel. Just what I needed. Instead of throwing the damn thing through the glass-paned window, which was what my instinct told me to do, I carefully returned the book to the bedside table.

What now? Get up, Coop, you’ve been tossing and turning in the bed for, well, since you woke up which was ages ago.

Taking note of the time, I immediately thought of Calculus. Why the heck did I skip school today? All the subjects I was interested in were scheduled today, including InfoTech 101, my major subject. Could this day get any better?

I shuddered. If I lose my academic scholarship, I’m screwed.

The computer hummed as I turned it on. I looked at it with pride, it was the only new thing I owned. That and my Dad gave it to me. Beats me where Dad got the extra money and I sure as hell didn’t want to seem ungrateful by asking.

The first thing I did was check my mail. After marking several which looked like spam to me, I clicked ‘delete’. All that remained were a couple of forwarded messages. I opened the one from Vern first and almost chuckled as I watched a video of a cat playing Duck Hunt. The last unread item was from an internet buddy—a fellow geek—and the mail was an article about some newly discovered extra-solar planets.

With nothing left to do, I clicked ‘compose’ and typed a message.

Dear Mom,

PS Can you please give Ben a big hug for me?

Moments later, I finally stirred after staring for I don’t know how long at a confirmation message that my mail has been sent. Great. Just great. Now I’m homesick.

With Facebook as the active window on the computer screen, I clicked, typed and scrolled for only a few minutes. Man, I was so bored. Depression, check. Denial, check. Homesickness, check. Boredom, check. What’s next, suicide?

I eyed the search box and I felt a weird sensation pass through me. I usually only experienced that when I was about to do something I shouldn’t. I slapped a hand to my mouth. Am I really about to do this?

In answer, I found myself typing Michael Anderson and then hitting enter. As the page loaded, an ‘Oh, shit’ escaped my lips. This was fucking unbelievable, how was it possible that there were 14,000 people named Michael Anderson? After the momentary disbelief, I sighed, glad there were 14,000 Michael Andersons in the world. I need to get over this crush.

As I was about to logout, a chat window popped up.

Vern: Where are you? (This is fucking perfect. Just fucking perfect.)
(After some pause,) Me: At my apartment.
Vern: You skipped school??? (One was not enough?)
Me: There’s always the possibility that I can be in two places at once.
(A few minutes passed.) Vern: Don’t get cheeky on me, Coop!
Me: Sorry. (I was sorry, but this was partly her fault after all.)
Vern: What happened?
Me: Nothing.
Vern: Mich? (How the heck did she know?)
Vern: Class just finished.
Vern: I’ll come over.

Before I could protest, she logged off. Twenty minutes max were all I had before she was here. What to do before then? I could just leave, but that would be stupid. She’d figure out there was definitely something wrong. If I stayed, there wouldn’t be any escape. She would try to extract the truth from me, she had her ways. Unconventional ways. But most definitely effective. Well almost.

What to do when you don’t know what to do? Nothing, absolutely nothing.

So that was what I did. While waiting for Vern, I stared at the blank computer screen. I would tell her the truth. All that happened was I broke up her ‘relationship’ with Mich, went with him to his house and had dinner. Oh yeah, and then he acted like a total jerk afterwards. That was all, right? No need to tell her I might be gay.

It wasn’t that I enjoy misleading her. Ok, sometimes I do when she’s being, well, her sweet self. But there were things I wasn’t ready to share with her. Yet.

A knock came at the door. I glanced at the clock. Thirty five minutes passed. What took her?

To my surprise, Vern wrapped an arm around me as soon as I opened the door. I was rooted to the spot, unable to move. It didn’t help that I felt a dampness where her face met my chest.

“Are you crying?” I asked, my tone a mix of shock and amazement.

Her shoulders trembled. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know he would do something like that. Didn’t think he was capable of it.”

I patted her back. With a softness in my voice, I said, “What are you talking about?”

“I’m sorry Mich beat you up.” She let go of me and her eyes went to my face. Her expression changed from sorrow to irritation in an instant. “Hey, you’re not beaten up.”

“Who told you I was?”

“You didn’t go to school.” That was the only answer she gave. She closed, no, banged the door shut. The walls reverberated.

“Are you annoyed because I wasn’t beaten up or because you wasted your tears for nothing?” I teased.

“I’m annoyed because you got me worried.” She passed me and made her way towards the room as she spoke. It was only then I noticed she was carrying a paper bag with her. Food?

Looking expectantly at the bag, I asked, “Is that for me?”

“It was supposed to be for you. I’m not so sure anymore.” Sitting on the couch, she placed the bag as far away from me as possible.

“Oh come on, I haven’t had lunch yet. And it wasn’t my fault you thought I was beaten up”

“First,” she held up her right pointing finger in the air for emphasis, “you didn’t go to school. Now you’re telling me you haven’t eaten yet? What’s wrong Cooper Wallace? Spill it.”

I was desperate. “Give me the food and I’ll tell you everything.” My stomach grumbled as she handed me the bag. As if I would tell her everything. Cooper Wallace, one; Veronica Sullivan, zero. Victory!

As I ate my way through a large order of lasagna and a twelve inch pepperoni pizza, I told Vern what happened yesterday. I steered off of awkward moments like when I imagined Mich shirtless, the prolonged eye contact and my feelings in general while I was with him. Just as I finished eating, I got to the part where Mich manhandled me out of the house.

Vern’s laughter bounced off the ceiling and walls. “So let me get this straight, you’re depressed because of a silly thing like that?”

With a mouthful of pizza, I said, “It’s not funny. How would you feel if it was done to you?”

“Well, I’d be peeved, of course. But you skipped school and didn’t eat. You live for school and food.” I do not, ok maybe a little.

“Maybe Mich acted like a jerk because he saw you eating like a pig,” she added.

“I was at my best behavior yesterday.” I burped. “Why are we still talking about Mich?”

“Because there’s something you’re not telling me.” There are so many I don’t tell you baby, I haven’t been totally honest with you since we became friends. “If you won’t tell me, I’ll find out for myself.”

It was hard keeping a straight face when my insides felt like smiling, but I managed it. Vern scrutinized my expression and movement. I was flabbergasted when I saw a satisfied smile appear on her lips. What was that all about?

“Well I can’t help but feel a little bit responsible for this,” she started.

“That’s because you are.”

Her expression was reproachful. I said it aloud, didn’t I? When would I learn to keep my thoughts silent?

“As I was saying,” this time, her expression was daring me to try and interrupt her again, “I feel a little bit responsible, so I’m taking you shopping.”

No way!

“And I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer,” she said with finality.

Is she a mind reader now?

“I know what you’re thinking, Coop.”

Ok, she’s officially creeping me out.

“You’re coming with and that’s final.”

Help!

********************

Hours later, we arrived back at my apartment. I walked, feeling like a zombie. The horror! Just how many clothes, shoes, bags and accessories does a woman need? The worst part was she made me try some clothes and shoes on, I was like a human mannequin for her. Why couldn’t she just drag one of her boy toys on her shopping spree? They would have at least pretended to enjoy it to win her over.

She also made me go to a salon for a haircut. That was the only thing I enjoyed at the mall.

“Thanks for keeping me company, Coop. I know how much you hate it, but it’s the only time we get to do something together.”

Ok, I felt guilty now about griping. “I enjoyed the haircut.”

“Looks good on you.” She gave my hair an appreciative gaze. “Listen, I am sorry about what happened. I didn’t mean for things to go that way between you and Mich.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m not exactly friends with the guy, so I should have just shrugged the whole thing and moved on with my boring life. I’m sorry for making you worry.” I brushed the back of my hand against her cheek.

She smiled at me. “Are you making a move on me Cooper Wallace? Just so you know, that was so wrong.”

I stepped back. “What? It was a friendly gesture.”

“Yeah, right.”

I was about to reply, but she held out a couple of paper bags to me. “What’s this?” As far as I could recall, she left all of these blasted things in her car.

“It’s for you.”

Taking the bags, my eyes grew big when I saw its contents. “But...”

“’Night, Coop. See you at school tomorrow.”

When I finally looked up, all I saw was my apartment’s closed door. How she managed to be so irritating at one time then so caring the next was beyond me?

The soft knock on the door brought me out of my incredulity at what just happened. “Vern, th-” Fuck! “What are you doing here?”

In spite of my irritation, I couldn’t help but notice how adorable Mich looked leaning against the doorframe with a goofy smile on his face.