Subtle Beauty - 11. Chapter 11

 

What are you boys doing? Grandpa's words rang in my ears.

 

I wanted to look away from Grandpa but couldn’t. His eyes—so much like Mich’s, yet I gazed at them in a different way. When I peered at Mich’s eyes, I longed to know what was going on in his head. With Grandpa, right now, I really didn’t want to know. Something about them freaked me out.

 

Briefly, my gaze moved toward Mich. His head was lowered—ashamed at being caught? Look up, look at me. My heart sank lower when he didn’t. I felt horrible, worse than the day my Mom caught me trying out a cigarette. What do I do?

 

Grandpa’s eyes focused on me and I caught my breath. Do something. What? Anything. Any idea? None, but you have to do something.

 

I swallowed. My mouth tasted bitter. Swallowed again. Opened my mouth. Gulped. Fluttered my eyelids to clear the tears that were forming. Took a deep breath...

 

“Grandpa, I’m sorry.”

 

Mich sighed. Grandpa kept his eyes on me. I wished he’d say something. At the very least, move. Or breathe.

 

“I’m sorry,” I repeated. “This is all my fault. Mich is not what you think he is. I—I seduced him, forced him. Please don’t be mad at him. I’m to blame.” The more I talked, the more I believed what I said. I’m to blame.

 

“Coop, please, stop talking.” He wiped away my tears with the back of his hand. I didn’t even realize that I was crying. It lessened the hurt I felt, so I let it flow. This is it. At least I had him for a while.

 

Gently, I took hold of Mich’s arm and distanced it from my face. I wished to hold him longer, wrap my arms around him for the last time. But that would only make things worse.

 

“I’m really sorry for... for everything. Don’t worry Grandpa, this will be the last you’ll see of me. I promise I’ll keep away from Mich if you promise not to be mad at him. He’s a good grandson.” I blinked the remaining tears from my eyes.

 

When I opened my eyes, Grandpa had me on a tight embrace. Mich looked at me with disbelief in his eyes. Okay, what’s going on?

 

“Are you ok now?” Grandpa asked.

 

“Yeah, I mean yes. I have to get going though, the bus is crowded at this time of day. Sorry for all the trouble, Grandpa, really I am. Please don’t think less of Mich. Blame everything on me.” Grandpa hugged me tighter.

 

“Cooper, I’m sorry for putting you through that. I am but an old man and because of my age, I sometimes think I know better. You might think me cruel, and I don’t blame you. Though my way was questionable, I wanted you to face the reality that not all people will understand what you and Michael are getting yourselves into. But more importantly, I want you to know that I understand.” His voice was kind and soothing.

 

My tears started again and flowed on to Grandpa’s shirt but he didn’t seem to mind. He held me, tapped my back and whispered in my ears. It’s ok. Just let it out. Not your fault Cooper. Grandpa understands.

 

“Mind if I take it from here?”

 

Grandpa had a comforting smile for me when Mich took his place. My tears flowed down his naked back. Naked? Fuck. I pushed him off of me. Hard.

 

“What?” he asked in a confused voice. His expression was that of a guy who had just been slapped in the face.

 

I wiped my wrist against my face. My face warmed up. “You’re, um, naked.” I kept my head low to avoid his gaze.

 

“So? In case you don’t notice, you’re half-naked too.”

 

My eyes moved to my un-clothed torso. Oh yeah, forgot about that. My cheeks turned warmer.

 

Grandpa laughed. “If only you two can see yourselves.”

 

I looked at Mich and a red tinge lined his cheeks. My lips formed into a smile which was mirrored in Mich’s face a second later.

 

“That’s better,” Grandpa commented. After a pause, “Feeling better now, Cooper?”

 

“I’m fine.” No tears. Smiling. Yep, definitely fine. “I made a fool of myself, didn’t I? I’m nothing more than a huge crybaby.”

 

“That you are.” Mich’s gaze dared me to say something. I wanted to, but decided against it. No one asked for your opinion, you big meanie.

 

“I’m happy that you two are finally together. You are together, right?” Grandpa eyed me then Mich.

 

“Of course,” Mich said proudly. He wrapped his hand around mine as if to prove the fact. My heart thumped hard against my ribcage.

 

“Good. I knew you liked each other before you two even realized it. The hard part was making Michael here feel that I’m ok with it without telling him upfront. I felt that it would scare the hell out of him if I said it aloud. Then one night, a sobbing Michael approached me. Through all the tears, he kept saying ‘sorry.’ I don’t know how he got it in his head that I would love him less just because he likes another guy.”

 

With a straight face, I looked at Mich’s face. Who’s the crybaby now, crybaby?

 

Grandpa continued. “I’m glad he got the courage to finally tell you. I kept telling him he should. That he’ll never know for sure how you feel if he won’t say anything.”

 

“Actually, I was the one who made the first move. I told him I like him.” Would it be childish to stick my tongue out at him?

 

“Ah, well, I had a feeling you did. My grandson is not very brave sometimes.” He winked at me.

 

Mich moved his head from side to side. “You’re being nice to Coop, because you made him cry earlier.”

 

“If I remember correctly, you didn’t make any move to stop him.” I voiced out my earlier sentiment.

 

Mich studied my face, and his eyes became melancholic. “I’m sorry, Coop. Grandpa made me. Said it’s for your own good. You’ve kept it all here,” he placed his palm against my left chest, “all the confusion, fear, doubts. Unlike me, you didn’t have anyone to talk to about your... feelings.”

 

His warm hand felt good against my skin. Did he notice the change in my heartbeat? I bet he did. I wonder what he’s thinking, knowing that he has this effect on me.

 

His words rang true, though. I wished I could talk to someone about my feelings, anyone. Even Vern?

 

“I’m here,” Mich offered.

 

Anyone but Mich, I corrected myself. If I told him how I felt, he might misunderstand. I—I don’t want to scare him away.

 

“You can talk to me. I want you to be happy Cooper. I mean it. You’re a good kid who deserves happiness.” Grandpa patted my shoulder.

 

“Thanks.” A huge smile appeared on my lips, a smile I knew would be hard to get rid of. Not that I wanted to.

 

“You’re welcome.” He ruffled my hair. “I’m going in to prepare dinner. But before I go, I feel the need to remind you guys to be safe.”

 

“Grandpa!” Mich protested.

 

Safe? Why should we be safe? Is this not a good neighborhood for... couples like us? Unless—oh.

 

“Grandpa we’re not going to do that.”

 

“We’re not?” Mich’s eyes were questioning.

 

“Shut up, Mich. Just shut up.” I covered my face with my hands.

 

“I’ll leave you two to sort out that particular detail,” Grandpa said in an amused voice.

 

“He’s gone, Coop. He was just making fun of us. You can come out from your hiding place.” He made an amused sound. “Not that you’re well hidden.”

 

“Coop, your face. It’s all red.”

 

Kudos for pointing the obvious. Why did he think I covered my face? “Can we take a bath so we can finally change? It’s getting chilly.”

 

“Together?”

 

Like grandfather, like grandson. I ignored him and marched my way inside.

 

“Oh yeah, baby, work it,” Mich called after me.

 

***********************

 

“Where are we going?” I sat next to Mich inside his car.

 

“No matter how many times you ask, the answer’s still the same. It’s a secret. Why don’t you just relax and enjoy the scenery. And stop fidgeting.”

 

“Well if you answer the question then I wouldn’t have to repeat it, do I? And I’m not fidgeting.” I couldn’t hide the irritation in my voice.

 

“Sure, whatever you say.”

 

I spied him glancing sideways at me. “What?”

 

“You look good,” he said with a smile.

 

“Why don’t you just keep your eyes on the road? Can you do that? Concentrate on driving so we can get to wherever it is you’re taking us faster.” Discreetly, I straightened the shirt I had on.

 

“Saw that.”

 

Busted. “Thought I told you to keep your eyes on the road?”

 

“For your information, you’re not the boss of me, so you can’t tell me what to do. And... you look so damn hot.”

 

Did he just say what I think he said? “I don’t,” I whispered.

 

“Trust me, you do.”

 

I couldn’t place whether he was playing or not. His voice made me self conscious though.

 

“Hey, Coop, I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.” He patted my thigh. “You really do look good. Your clothes fit you perfectly. And did you do something with your hair?”

 

I blushed. “Vern did. She gave me these clothes as a gift about a couple of months ago. I thought they’re too flashy for school.”

 

“Vern made me wear them today,” I continued when he didn’t say anything.

 

“You must remind me to thank her.”

 

I laughed. “I think she was more than willing to give me a makeover. My scalp still hurts from all the brushing.”

 

“Why do you hide the fact that you’re good looking?” Mich asked out of nowhere.

 

“Easy,” I shifted my position so I could look at him better, “because I’m not.”

 

“We both know that’s not true.” He glanced at me briefly.

 

“That’s where you’re wrong.”

 

A sigh escaped his lips. “Isn’t the whole point of dating to get to know the other person better?”

 

Oh, great. He’s going to use logic to make me talk. “Yeah.”

 

“Then?”

 

“If you’re not gonna talk then what’s the point of us dating?” he added when I said nothing.

 

I knew he’d resort to that. “Ok. Fine. You win.”

 

“So?” Mich prompted.

 

An idea formed in my head. Trying not to smile, I said, “I’ll tell you, but you have to tell me something about yourself first.”

 

“Not fair. I asked you first.” His face darkened.

 

“Stop the car, so I can get out.” My voice was threatening.

 

“What? Tell me you’re joking Coop.” He looked dubiously my way.

 

“You’re putting me on the spot here, have you considered that?”

 

He bit his lower lip. “Ok, I’m sorry. Ask whatever you want.”

 

Without a moment’s hesitation, I asked, “Where are your parents?”

 

The car swerved to the right, but Mich had it under control immediately. His lips were pressed together. The look on his face said it all. I wasn’t making a very good impression on our first date.

 

“We’re here.”

 

Mich kept his gaze away from me. He got out of the car without saying anything. Through the rearview mirror, I saw him take a basket and blanket from the trunk. Not knowing what to do, I stayed in the car. I saw him walking away through the side mirror.

 

Who in their right mind would deliberately offend their date? Great. Awesome. Perfect. Wish aliens would come and abduct me right now.

 

I jumped from my seat when someone—or something—knocked on the window.

 

“Are you going to stay there all day?” Mich opened the door and I eased out.

 

I let him walk in front of me. He walked without looking back. His stride was normal though a bit distracted. To keep myself from thinking about how much I was messing up our date, I busied myself from studying how fine the sand was. I bet it would feel warm against my feet. Why the heck did I wear sneakers? Mich wore sandals. The lapping of the waves against the shore sounded peaceful. I realized that there was no one else in the beach except us before I bumped against Mich.

 

“Sorry,” I said.

 

“No harm done. Just watch where you’re going,” he teased halfheartedly.

 

“No, I’m sorry for my question earlier.”

 

Mich set down the basket and gently laid the blanket in the sand. “Sit down. Oh and you might want to remove your sneakers, the sand feels great.”

 

Instead of sitting, Mich laid down. “My parents are not here.”

 

“Oh, I see. That’s why I haven’t seen them. Where are they? In another state? Another country? How often do they come home?” I chanced a look at Mich. My eyebrows creased when I saw his forlorn face. “What’s wrong, Mich?”

 

“My parents... they’re... dead...”