Subtle Beauty - 9. Chapter 9

“No.” Even as I said the word, I allowed myself to daydream. Of Mich, being with him and all the wonderful things his offer entailed. A dream come true. I deserved it, didn’t I? Yes. Um, no? Yes. Looking back on my past, the inner me agreed. For once, I could be truly happy without any condition. But alas, my damned logic prevailed. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Mich couldn’t be gay. Absolutely no way.

I made him gay? The realization hit me hard. Strong emotions overwhelmed me—guilt, fear, melancholy, solitude. Things hadn’t gone as I’d planned. Mich wasn’t supposed to like me.

Slowly and with coldness in my heart, I looked at Mich’s disbelieving face though I felt tears rimming my eyes. I hurt him. So much. His expression said it all. How could I be so cruel? Forcing myself not to go to him, I willed my tears away and kept a straight face. Better this way.

We stared at each other and I felt like if I blinked or looked away, he would read through me—know how he made me feel, so I kept my eyes on him. Thoughts of Mich filled my head as I stubbornly held his gaze.

He looked so sad. I wondered what he could read in my eyes. Hopefully, that I never wanted for things to be this way. Meanwhile, a small part wanted to let him know how I yearned for him. No. Too late, Mich took a step toward me.

“Stop.”

Another step.

“No.”

A couple more steps.

“Please.”

As he advanced, I stepped back and slipped. Foolishly, I opened my mouth and water poured into my lungs. Panic made my heart gallop and my limbs thrash. Suddenly, two arms gripped and hauled me back to the surface. I sucked in air, coughing and spluttering, not daring to look at Mich. He patted my back hard helping me cough out the water I’d inhaled. Finally, I chanced a glance at him. A large scowl crossed his face.

Before I knew it, Mich had me in a tight embrace, his body trembling. Is he crying? He held me tighter as I tried squirming away from him. Do something else. I held on to Mich, meaning to push him away. But as if they had minds of their own, my arms looped around him until I found myself hugging him back. His chest against mine, our heartbeats mirrored each other. Letting go of my inhibitions, I laid my chin against his shoulder. Water dripped on to my face from his wet longish hair. Mich.

“I’m ok now. Sorry for making you worry.” My voice sounded weird even to me. In a perfect world Mich and I, well, we could be together. But this world is far from perfect. Mich and I—we—existed only in my dreams. There’s no ‘we’.

Mich loosened his embrace, but only so he could look at my face. I peered at his pale blue eyes and my brows creased. His eyes had never been this shade before. Knowing that I caused the light in his eyes to dim, I moved away from him. For the second time, I slipped, but Mich caught me before I could completely go under.

He didn’t say anything. Didn’t need to anyway. His eyes did the talking. I wished he’d look away.

“Coop...”

Whatever he wanted to say, he kept to himself as he saw me cringe. Closing his eyes, he breathed in air and exhaled through his mouth. I watched as he repeated the process, unmindful of his surroundings. Of me. He’s letting me go.

“Don’t move.”

When I looked at his face, he had a friendly smile for me. What happened? His eyes were back to being bright blue again. The awkwardness in his movements was gone as he made his way to me.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Mich playfully swam around me. Keep still, damn it, I’m confused enough as it is.

“Don’t even think about it, Coop. I swear, if you make one move, I’d keep your head underwater myself. You’re not gonna move from that spot until you let me teach you how to swim.”

What made him think I liked being told what to do? Crossing my arms, I scrunched up my face. Let’s see how long he can keep this up. Mich’s smiling eyes watched me in amusement.

My stubbornness continued while worry began to show on Mich’s face. Ha. This would teach him a lesson. He swam toward me and stopped a few inches in front of me.

“Hey,” his eyes studied my face, “I’m sorry, ok? It came out a little too strong. You have no idea how scared I was when I saw you slip before. I’m pretty sure you won’t let me carry you to the pool’s edge, so the next best thing is for you to learn how to swim.”

The stiffness dissipated from my face.

A relieved smile formed on Mich’s lips. “But since we don’t have much time, the only thing I can teach you is how not to drown.”

My cheeks became warm and Mich’s averted eyes served as confirmation that I was blushing. Lessons on ‘how not to drown’ seemed like a good idea. I just hoped the lessons wouldn’t involve us touching.

I nodded once toward Mich.

“Right.” His voice held a note of enthusiasm. “Lesson one: when drowning, stand up. This pool is only five feet deep, Coop, so you can’t drown if you’re vertical.”

A dark look from me wiped the smirk from his face. “Moving on. Learn to balance your body in the water. What you can do is walk around and just feel the water against your body. Learn to move with it.”

With Mich beside me, I took a cautious step forward. He whispered in my ear. “I’m here. I won’t let you drown, I promise.”

Mich matched my every step as I moved around the pool. My slight fear soon turned into enjoyment, I liked the feel of the water against my skin.

“When do I learn how to swim?” I asked, grinning broadly.

Mich hesitated for a moment. Softly, he said, “Put your head underwater.”

With my mouth slightly open, I looked at him. Was he out of his mind? No way am I going to put my head underwater. I could have drowned two minutes ago. I wasn’t looking forward to a repeat anytime soon.

He bit his bottom lip. “I’m not kidding.”

“What?” My voice and thoughts said as one.

“Look,” Mich appeared helpless, “this is the hard part. The first step for you to learn how to swim is by putting your head underwater and try lifting your feet up. That I can’t teach you, you must learn it by yourself. If you feel like you’re losing control just—”

“Stand up,” I finished for him.

He nodded. I tried to get him to look at me but he averted his eyes. Do it or don’t do it. After filling my lungs with air, I ducked. Momentary panic gripped me, but I calmed myself. Lifting my legs was harder than I thought. When I broke the surface, I gasped for mouthfuls of air.

How long was I under? Mich’s expression held the answer—long. The unspoken question of ‘What were you thinking?’ hung in the air. He kept shooting arrows at me with his eyes.

I’m sorry. “This is hard. Are you sure there’s no other way?” I misinterpreted Mich’s coy glance as a ‘yes’. “In that case, enough lessons for today. Thanks.”

Mich answered my smile with his goofy smile. “Actually, there’s another way.”

Why didn’t he say so in the first place? “Good. What are we waiting for?”

“Are you sure?” The uncertainty in his voice brought my eyebrows together.

“Yeah, let’s do this while there’s enough light left. What do I do this time?” Filling my lungs with air, I looked at Mich for confirmation to go under. He held on to my arms to keep me from doing that. I exhaled, letting out a lungful of air.

“Why don’t you just keep your upper body horizontal on the water while keeping your feet firm against the tiled floor?” he instructed.

I did what he ordered.

“Good. Now stretch your hands on top of the water.” As I followed his last command, I felt Mich’s hands on my stomach.

Fuck, his hands were inches away from my crotch. This was not happening. Oh, yes it is. Please, don’t harden. Not today.

Concentrating hard on keeping my cock limp, I barely heard what Mich said. “When I say ‘go’, you’re going to lift your legs on top of the water, ok? Don’t worry, I’ve got you. I won’t let you drown. Just keep your mouth closed and your nose on the surface. Understood?”

Without waiting for my confirmation, he said, “Go.”

Lifting my legs, I found myself floating on the water. Mich carried most of my weight with his hands, but I found that the water helped too. It’s all about buoyancy, moron.

“Move your hands and feet.” Mich’s modulated voice directed. I’m guessing this is not his first time to do this.

I complied.

“Coop,” he coughed. “Not too much.” Cough. “You’re splashing water into my eyes and nose.”

Oops.

My movements calmed down and Mich stopped coughing. “Coop, I’m going to let go of you. Try to stay afloat as long as you can. Trust me, I’m not going to let you drown.”

“I’d drown first before I let that happen,” he added.

Before I could react, he took away his hands which supported my weight and I fought hard to stay on the surface. It was a losing battle right from the start. I desperately tried to stay on the surface for a few seconds then sank.

Mich caught my arm and pulled me before I could even align myself to stand up.

“Are you ok?” he asked as soon as I broke the surface. Worry was painted all over his face. His earlier offer of a date flashed momentarily in my head.

“I’m fine, Mich.” My eyes were glued to his face. “I guess you’re regretting the offer to teach me how to swim, eh?”

“You’re doing great. But it’s better if we end the lesson here. Let’s pick up where we left tomorrow.”

Relief poured out from within me. I’m glad he’s not insisting on a date. But it bothered me that he wanted to meet tomorrow. Why? I made it clear that I didn’t want to go out with him, right? Friendship is a bad idea right now.

Mich wrapped a towel around me when we got to the lounge chairs. He motioned for me to sit down while he laid his body on the other chair.

I let out a long sigh. “Mich, thanks for today. I never thought I’d get to goof around a pool without dying.”

Laughter would lighten the mood, but Mich didn’t oblige. He waited for my next words. I guess this is goodbye.

“I like you, Mich. I really like you. But I know there’s just no way for you to like me that way. I appreciate that you invited me out on a date, it’s just so nice of you to offer that to a gay guy like me. You’re great, but—”

The rest were lost inside Mich’s mouth as he covered my lips with his. It was unexpected, but also breathtaking and exciting. My first kiss. I wanted it to go on forever.

The kiss ended. My eyes remained shut, although I didn’t remember closing them. When I re-opened them, a red-faced Mich came into view.

“You talk too much,” he said as an excuse.

My lips stretched into a big grin. Tried as I might, I couldn’t get rid of it. Mich kissed me and it felt great. He likes me. He had a lot of explaining to do though.

“What exactly happened? With you? Us? How?” And other incoherent words tumbled out of my mouth.

Mich’s cheeks turned into a deeper shade of red.