Subtle Beauty - 12. Chapter 12

Mich... “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I am an insensitive prick.” Fuck, fuck, fuck.

As I spoke more words asking for forgiveness, Mich turned more pensive. Looking at him, I felt the urge to comfort him. I wanted to hug him, let him know he wasn’t alone. I’m here.

A slight wind blew. Mich closed his eyes and I distinctly saw a single tear fell down his face. Letting go of my inhibitions, I laid beside him close enough for our shoulders to be pressed together.

“Mich, I—” Before I could finish, he had his arm around me. His head rested on my chest. I slowed down my breathing to make him relax. Gently, consciously, I wrapped my left arm around his body while my right hand caressed his hair.

He inched closer to me.

When the sun had shifted to my left, I made my move. “Look how blue the sky is. And those clouds, beautiful.”

“What are you talking about?”

“They look so inviting, so fluffy. Like you could jump in them and not fall through.”

“Oh, yeah. A little bit.”

I tussled his hair softly. “Mich, Can we… maybe we can talk about what... happened?”

“No.” His voice was barely audible. Due to the closeness of his face against my chest, his word somehow reverberated inside me, so that I felt more than heard it.

“Mich, I’m no expert but if you can’t talk about it then surely there must be something wrong.” I’m here for you.

“I... I talk to Grandpa about it. Not all the time, but sometimes. Not as much as he wants to anyway.”

“Can’t we just stay like this and not talk? Please, Coop.” He buried his face on my chest.

So this is how it feels to be wanted. Feels so good. I would’ve agreed to his request but a dampness in my shirt changed my mind.

“I understand that you don’t want to talk. I’m not gonna force you to. But there’s something I want to say. It’s up to you if you want to listen or not. Is it ok?” I felt him nod.

“I know it hurts. I don’t know how much, but I can feel through you that it does. It hurts me more when I see you in pain. Mich, you have no idea.”

I hugged him tighter when he began to sob.

“You know what I think? You’re still lucky. You had them. It didn’t feel enough for you, but you had them. There are those who didn’t know their parents. It hurts to lose parents, but imagine how it feels not to have one. To grow up not knowing who your parents are. I bet it feels awful. I reckon they spent most nights thinking about why their parents left them. But I think they spent most of their time wishing they could be with their parents even for just a second. You had your parents for a while. You got to hold them, kiss them, be with them. I’m not saying you should not hurt, Mich. All I’m saying is maybe you can focus on what you had and have rather than on what you could have had if your parents were still alive.”

I cried with Mich. I’m nothing more than a big crybaby.

“It’s my fault. I’m the reason their gone,” Mich said with vehemence.

“That’s not true. I don’t know what happened, but I have a feeling it’s not your fault.” He can’t have.

I waited with bated breath.

“I was eight. My parents were going on a business trip to Kuala Lumpur. I always go with them, always. No matter where. But this one time I wasn’t allowed to. I was sick, I had a stupid cough. I pleaded with them to take me, but they were adamant. I got mad. You know what I said before they went? ‘Go on and leave me. Stay away as long as you want. I can take care of myself. I don’t need you. I hate you.’ When they left for the airport, I kept saying to myself ‘Don’t come back. Don’t ever come back.’ Then Grandpa got a phone call and... and... I got what I wanted, Coop, they were never going back. Never.”

Eight years old? All this time he blamed himself? “You know well enough it’s not your fault, Mich. You were angry. That doesn’t mean you wanted your parents dead.”

“I love them so much, Coop. I wish I said so instead of telling them I hate them. You’re right, I’m lucky because I had them for a while. Maybe they were taken from me because I didn’t value them enough.”

Fuck. “No-no, Mich, I didn't mean it that way. I—"

His voice gently cut over mine as he continued his story. “Their plane landed in the Pacific. The ocean’s big so most of the bodies weren’t found, including my parents. My Dad’s a great swimmer that’s why I got it into my head that they were just stranded in some island. One week after the crash, I begged Grandpa to let enroll me in a swimming class. He must’ve thought that it was my way of coping with what happened so he let me. But my goal was to be a good enough swimmer so I could search the Pacific myself, search for them. That’s why swimming is important to me. Pathetic, huh?” Mich looked up and our eyes met. The tear streaks were still clear on his face. I reached for him and we shared a kiss. A comforting kiss which we both needed. The kiss lingered as if our lips were glued. Neither of us made a move. His whole body was on top of mine, but I didn’t mind.

When he ended our kiss, I opened my eyes to find him looking at me.

“What?” His eyes bore into me and I felt... naked.

“Thanks. I know my issues won’t get resolved that easily, but talking to you about it helped. I haven’t told Grandpa that I blame myself for what happened mainly because I’m afraid he’ll also blame me for losing his only daughter. More importantly, I’m glad you’re here with me.” A smile lightened his face.

“Mich, I’ll always be here for you. I’m sorry though for thinking you’re better off than those who never knew their parents. I can be selfish sometimes.” I sighed.

Mich’s brows creased. “Is there something you’re not telling me, Coop?”

“Huh?”

He looked suspiciously at me. “Where are your parents?”

I laughed.

“Have you gone mad? What’s so funny?” He held my face in between his hands, so I would look at him.

I tried to be serious, but failed. “I think you’re insinuating that I’m talking about myself, that I’m one of those who never knew their parents. I have parents and a family, Mich.”

Disbelief showed on his face.

“You can accompany me the next time I visit my family if that would put the doubt away from your suspicious mind. Or you can give me your phone, so you can talk with them.”

He smiled shyly. “Sorry.” After a while, his smile broadened. “So you’re inviting me to meet your parents? When?”

“As soon as I have enough money.” I shifted my gaze to hide my embarrassment.

He placed his face on my neck. “Ok.”

If he doesn’t change his position, I’m going to further embarrass myself. “I’m starving, let’s eat.”

He held up his head to look at me. “You’re always hungry. And no, we’re not gonna eat just yet.”

“Why not?” My heartbeat intensified. Surely he’s not thinking of us doing that, is he?

“There’s something we must do first.” He leaned down to peck my neck.

Oh, shit. I’m not yet ready. What do I do? What will he do if I say no?

“We need to talk about you like you promised earlier.”

Relief washed over me. My heartbeat and breathing returned to normal. “Don’t you think we had enough drama for today?”

He frowned. “I want to get to know you too, Cooper Wallace. Don’t think for a minute you’ll get off of this one.”

“Ok, but on one condition.”

“I think you mean another condition. You already had your condition. This will be your second. When will it end, Coop?” A mad glint appeared in his eyes.

“I promise this is the last. Who knows, you might even like it.” I smiled mysteriously.

Shaking his head, he said, “What’s the condition?”

“Kiss me.” My voice reflected my longing.

Without a moment’s hesitation, his lips covered mine. This I’m ready for. His lips felt oh so good.

“Again, please,” I said when he stopped.

His laughter shocked me. “Didn’t realize how intense you are, Coop.”

Offended, I replied, “Are you saying you don’t like it as much as I do?”

His answer was silence.

“Well I think you like it more than I do. Your ‘thing’ is pressing against me.”

“Sorry.” His mischievous smile negated his word.

“Maybe you can move a bit.” Before my ‘thing’ reacts.

I inhaled sharply when he moved his hips. He purposefully pressed his ‘hardness’ more against me as he did so. Hmm maybe ready for that after all.

“Now ta—”

My stomach growled.

“You weren’t kidding about being hungry, were you?” He got off me and grabbed the basket.

The more food he took out, the hungrier I got. Pasta. Fruits. Cake. Bread. Chocolates. “You made all these...” for us?

“Well...” he surveyed the food, “I bought the fruits from the market. Don’t worry, I made sure they’re fresh.”

I gave him a warning look. “You know what I mean.”

“Yes, I made them.” He peered at me and shook his head. “Ok, you got me. I helped Grandpa make them.”

Sure?

“Fine, I watched, but only because I want everything to be perfect for our first date.”

“Thanks. It’s such a shame that I’m screwing up our date that you worked so hard to prepare.” Way to go.

“Despite everything, I’m enjoying being with you. I’ve never felt so close like this with anyone before. So I hate to disappoint you, but you’re not screwing up this date. You’re making it special actually.” Red patches appeared on his cheeks.

“The date’s not yet over, so I still got plenty of chance to ruin this day.” I grinned at him.

“I highly doubt that. But in case you do, I’ll give you plenty of chance to make it up to me.” He extended his hand to caress my cheek.

I didn’t shrink away from his touch, not this time. A silent understanding passed between us. We made it over all the awkwardness, we were ready to move on.

I grabbed paper plates and plastic utensils for both of us. While I loaded our plates with pasta and bread, he poured orange juice onto a couple of plastic cups.

“How do you stay fit with Grandpa’s cooking? This is delicious.” I slurped a noodle into my mouth.

“I’m active in sports. What’s your secret? I mean, I’ve seen you naked Coop and your body’s in better shape than mine.” Unlike me, he played with his food. He grabbed an apple and gingerly bit on it.

“I work out. Sort of, at least.”

He stared open-mouthed at me.

“What? Is that too hard for you to believe? Don’t I have any right to do that? I do sit ups and push ups every morning at my apartment.”

His face was impassive.

“As far as body goes, yours is definitely better. This is kind of embarrassing, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of you during your swimming match.” I lowered my head.

He cupped my chin so I would look at him. “If I weren’t scared stiff because of worry, I probably would’ve done something bad while changing your clothes the day you collapsed. I... I dream about you and me sometimes.”

“You’re telling me this because?”

He placed his plate on the blanket, ungently. “I want you to know that I admire you just as much as you do me. So before our conversation moves somewhere we’re not sure we’re ready for, why don’t you tell me why you hide the fact that you’re good-looking?”

I inhaled a mouthful of air then exhaled it loudly. “There was this guy.”

“Oh?”