Subtle Beauty - 25. Chapter 25

Heart pounding, I looked up to a face I remember well. He had a kind smile on, but a glint of sadness tinged his eyes. As our gaze lingered, I felt myself shudder as my mouth hung open. The slight shivering only ended when he turned a bit.

He ran his fingers through his longish dark red hair unconsciously. “Erm, yeah, I shouldn’t be here. I’ll just come by tomorrow. Nice seeing you again, Coop.”

Without warning, I stood up when he turned to go. “Wait!” He moved away from my line of sight, but I couldn’t hear any footsteps so I knew he waited for me. “Ellie, Ben, I’ll be right back.”

Passing him, I walked a few steps and marched through the door that opened to the terrace. While enjoying the view of our front lawn and the almost empty street outside, I felt his presence nearby watching me. “Hi, Luke.”

Memories of him flashed through my mind as I stared blankly at the gnarled tree growing in our yard. When the recollection ended, Luke stood beside me on the railings of the terrace. Taking advantage of him inspecting our yard, I studied his profile. Finally, my eyes landed on the small scar that cut his left eyebrow in two. Out of all his facial features, I liked that scar the most; I felt it gave him more character. In my opinion, it added to his charisma.

Unprepared, he caught me checking him out when he turned to look at me. Busted. My embarrassment grew when I couldn’t do anything but stare at him more when he raised his scarred eyebrow at me.

A silent sigh of relief escaped me when he chose to look away. “Now I know why you like this place. You’ve got a nice view here.”

Following his gaze, a while passed before his words sank in. “Um, how do you know I like it here?”

His lips formed into a sheepish grin. “Well at the risk of being thought a stalker, I sometimes drive by this house and I usually catch a glimpse of you studying in that chair.” He motioned behind him.

“Oh.” An image of a red car driving by stuck to my head, but I couldn’t decide if it was a memory or a figment of my imagination. “But why?”

Unease crept in his face, the eyes that held mine hinted at the storm which raged within him. “Do you really want to go there, Coop?”

“Luke, I’m so—”

“It’s okay. When you left, Ellie told me what happened. I can’t say knowing made me feel better, but at least I understood why you avoided me.” Hurt laced his words and I felt like someone had a tight grip at my heart.

Unsure what to say, I chose to stay silent and Luke followed my lead. A gentle breeze passed by and I closed my eyes as the wind blew against my face.

“Are you okay?”

My eyes snapped open at the concern in his voice. Directing my attention to him, I found myself peering deep in his dark green eyes. To ease the tension, I smiled at him. “I’m fine. Was just enjoying the feel of the wind against my skin.”

His eyes roamed my face; I noted a multitude of emotions hiding from within them. Without averting my gaze, I gave him another smile. “I’m guessing Ellie told you about my… situation?”

“Yes.” I thought I saw tears brimming his eyes, but he shifted his head before I could be sure.

I let out an awkward hollow laugh. “Not to be rude, but why are you here, then? We both know I don’t deserve your friendship after all I’ve done to you. To be honest, you’re better off without me.”

He gripped the railing tightly until his knuckles turned white. “You’re wrong, Coop. Maybe you’re right about not deserving my friendship, I’ll give you that. But you know what? My life was so much better while you were in it. I know you don’t need me, you’ve proven that already, but… I need you. Your friendship meant so much to me.”

The words he uttered surprised me; it made me realize how badly I treated him. Against my better judgment, I made him face me then wrapped my arms around him. Body shivering, he hugged me back. “I’m sorry, Luke.”

When we finally let go, I scanned his face and was surprised when I saw trails of tears running down his cheeks. “Don’t be sad for me, please. I’m okay with this, I’ve accepted it. If we’re going to be friends, you’ll have to accept that I’m dying soon.”

Shaking his head, he gave me a gentle smack on the head. “Don’t complain, you deserved that. Tell me how you became like this, Coop.”

“Like what?” I hoped he’d buy the slight annoyance in my voice as real. The small smile on his lips told me I failed.

“You’re the most unselfish person I know. Now is not the time to change, C. I think your whole ‘I’ve accepted the fact I’m dying’ routine is bull. You’ve given up on life and you’re hurting the people around you.”

Looking up, I turned my attention to the stars above. “What would you have me do?”

“I’m not sure if you remember, but my Uncle’s a doctor.” I nodded without taking my eyes off the sky. “Right, but do you know what my Uncle’s specialization is?”

Thinking hard, I couldn’t remember whether he mentioned anything in the past. Unable to recall anything, I shook my head.

“My Uncle’s an oncologist. That’s why I’m glad Ellie came to me. Unc can help you, Coop. If he can’t help you personally, he knows other doctors who can.” The excitement in his voice almost made me hope. Almost.

“I’ve seen more than one doctor, Luke. Three to be exact. They all said the same thing. I’m thankful for the offer, really I am. I just don’t think hearing another doctor, your Uncle of all people, repeat what the other three said would be very enjoyable. Hope you understand.”

“Doctors aren’t perfect, they make mistakes too. Look I’m not forcing you to see Unc. I know it’s your life and everything. All I’m asking is that you think less about yourself and more about the people who cares for you.” The sky still held my gaze, but I felt his hand on my shoulder “Anyway, it’s good seeing you again.”

Minutes later, the roar of an engine made me look at the street and saw a red car passing by.

*************************

Sitting on the swing hanging from one of the branches of the gnarled tree in our yard, I thought about what made me call Luke. The look of helplessness on my parents’ faces? Him? Or maybe I’m just not ready to die yet.

Shrugging, I stretched my neck and soaked up the sunlight seeping through the leaves. An idea made me smile; I elevated my legs and began swinging to and fro. With my eyes closed, I felt like I was somewhat flying. This feels so juvenile, but fun!

“Want me to push you?”

The voice startled me. I would have fallen if I hadn’t had a tight grip on the ropes. Willing myself not to blush, I opened my eyes as I stopped the swinging. “Don’t you dare, Luke. I may be sick, but I can still kick your butt.”

“Oh yeah?” His voice held a note of amusement. “How much are you willing to bet on that?”

“Ha! I’m not the skinny kid I used to be. I can take you on.” Maybe. The bulge of his arms made me doubt I could actually do it.

He regarded me with interest. “You’re right. Definitely not skinny anymore. I’m impressed.”

He’s checking me out! I could feel the warmth on my cheeks and knew I blushed deeper when his eyes moved to my face.

“You’re a mystery, Cooper.” His gaze never left my face as he caressed his chin. “Yep, an absolute mystery.”

Controlling the urge not to pout was almost painful. “And what do you mean by that?”

Grinning, Luke sat on a bench facing the swing. “Well… you’ve changed, but you’re also the same.”

“What?”

Luke’s laughter filled the yard; it sounded good on the ears. “I know I’m not being clear. Let’s see.” He stopped and pondered for a while. “In a lot of ways, you’ve changed to the point that I’m doubtful whether I know you anymore. But there’s still the shadow of the old Coop showing through sometimes.”

Holding his gaze, I smiled at him tentatively. “Which Coop do you like more?”

He leaned against the bench and spread his arms on the backrest. “That’s an unfair question. I’d need to get to know the new Coop first before I can decide. But I’m glad you decided to keep your old habits.”

I didn’t voice my question this time. Instead, I looked at him curiously and waited at his explanation.

“Thinking about it, what you did last night was so you. You’re one of those people who welcome a soft breeze or enjoy sunlight. It’s one of the reason I like you.” His eyes met mine for a second then he looked up and closed his eyes.

“Luke, time is running off on me so forgive me for being blunt. Let’s get one thing clear, friendship is the only thing I can offer you. Whatever feelings you might have, you should direct them to someone else. Not me.” I stared at my feet, not daring to look at him.

“I’m sorry if I can’t control my feelings sometimes. It’s just that I’ve never felt like this with anyone but you. Part of me also wishes I’d have told you how I really felt before it was too late.” Luke had his head on his hands when I looked up to him. “Do you think it would’ve mattered if I said something earlier?”

Standing up, I joined him on the bench. I put my feet up and hugged myself. “Luke, I love my sister more.” A lie; it would have mattered.

“Ah.” He straightened up in his seat, careful not to let any part of his body touch mine. “If that’s the reason you asked me to come here then you need not worry. I’m not going to do anything that would make you run away from me again.”

Turning to him, I saw the pained expression on his face. “Are you sure you’re okay with us being just friends? I know my actions say otherwise, but I do care about you. Causing you hurt is the last thing on my mind.”

“I’ll be fine. Or at least I’d be after I made my peace with the fact we can’t be together. At least now I know for sure.” A weak smile crossed his lips; it was faint, but enough to let me know he’d be okay.

“Wow, I’m on a roll. It seems like every time I open my mouth, I somehow manage to hurt you. You’re still allowed to rethink my offer of friendship, you know?” But I wish you wouldn’t. I need a friend right now.

“I’m sticking around, Coop. It was a mistake not going after you when you pushed me away in the past. Not going to make the same mistake.” He crossed his outstretched legs. “So what’s really the reason you asked me here?”

Shifting in my seat so I could see him better, I took a deep breath. “I thought about your offer.”

His mood lightened, an expectant smile on his lips. “And?”

“You maybe right, I’m being selfish. I had a talk with my parents earlier and they also seem to think that I’ve given up.” I placed my chin against my knees. “I’m still not sure, but there’s no harm in keeping some hope alive that perhaps I’d get better. I wanna try, Luke.”

“That’s great, Coop.” In his excitement, he started patting my back, but quickly stopped himself.

“If it’s not asking for much, I wanna ask for your help. I’d also like to get better at swimming.”