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    Kitt
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

2013 - Winter - Recipe for Disaster Entry

Seven to One, to One - 1. Chapter 1

A special thanks to Wayne and his prompts. This story started as a prompt response to two he posted just before the Thanksgiving holiday.

Seven to One, to One

“Are you sure this is a good idea? Having my mom and dad at the same dinner table? I really do think you are asking for trouble.” Warren stared at his husband and wife with trepidation. “You both know neither one is particularly thrilled with our living arrangement. That’s bound to wind one of them up. Mom is convinced we are all going to hell over it - and dad, well; let’s just say he hasn’t forgiven your brother yet for tossing him out of the commitment-ceremony reception.”

Allen shrugged. “Billy wouldn’t have tossed him out if he hadn’t started badmouthing Cara. You or I would have done the same thing. Billy just beat us to it.”

“Relax, sweetheart. With my parents and Allen’s there - and Billy and Jackie - I am sure we can keep things under control.”

“Yeah,” Allen chimed in. “They are all on our side. If things go nuts it’ll be 7 to 2. Or maybe 7 to 1 to 1,” He giggled. “We win hands down.”

“You are NOT helping here, baby!” Cara slapped playfully at one of her husbands. “Isn’t he nervous enough?”

***

Warren was worried. His parents had been divorced many moons ago for good reason. Putting them in the same room together always seemed to move from polite iciness to complete mayhem in record time. The fights were not just shouting matches, either; sometimes fists flew. Both parents were opinionated, bigoted homophobes, and his mom was prone to physical violence. It always astonished the people around them when the diminutive woman would explode, often swinging at people several times her size.

God, I hope Cara is right and having the rest of the family around has a calming influence on them.

***

Thanksgiving morning dawned clear and unseasonably warm. It was a perfect day to break out the turkey fryer. Warren swept the deck off and wiped down the lawn furniture. He smiled when he looked into the kitchen window to see Cara shoving a whole bag of potatoes at Allen to peel. The weather had been the only thing really worrying her about the day. If it had rained, or worse yet, snowed, the bird would have to go in the oven, and that would have really cramped the cooking!

She had woken the men before dawn. With all three of them working full time, there hadn’t been time before the holiday to do some of the last-minute stuff like sweeping the deck and polishing the silver. The oven had been going full blast with a rotation of pies and cookies all morning, and Cara had turned into a civilian version of Allen’s old drill sergeant.

Her battle plans had been set days ago and the shopping completed last weekend. The heavy cleaning was done, and preparation was down to the little details. The parents were all due around noon, and Billy and his family had just arrived. He and Warren had the kids collecting branches from the woods behind the house for a fire later.

Everyone was smiling as they came up on the deck, having collected a respectably sized pile of twigs and branches to supplement the firewood for the evening. They did pretty well for a pair of preschoolers. They all trooped into the house and put the parade on TV for the children. Just as he was settling down with his brother-in-law for a cup of coffee and some purloined cookies, the doorbell rang - a split second before the door slammed open announcing the arrival of Warren’s parents. Or should I say the combatants? he thought.

“If that stupid floozy they are shacking up with here had told me you were coming, I would have saved myself the plane fare!”

“I’m not any happier about spending time with you, either, Mister Wise Mouth!”

“Better than being a gutter mouth like you!”

“All right that’s quite enough!” Warren shouted, trying to interrupt the two before they got to the point of no return. “There are children in the room, and I will thank you not to call my wife a floozy!”

Richard turned to see Warren and his brother-in-law Billy standing between him and the children.

“Oh, Jesus! They even invited the bouncer!”

Warren grabbed Billy around the waist before he could lunge at the ill-mannered ass. Cara and Allen came running into the room drying their hands. Billy’s wife, Jackie, must have stayed behind in the kitchen where she could mind things on the stove and lie low simultaneously.

“Do you two have to start before you even walk in the front door? What did you do, share a cab and start back at the hotels?” Cara was red in the face and wasn’t waiting for Warren to try his usual peacemaking talks on these two. “You are guests in our home. You can man up and behave yourselves, or you can leave. That includes treating my other guests with respect. I don’t expect the two of you to play nice. I will settle for you ignoring each other. But you WILL play nice with everyone else, including my brother-in-law.”

As the group stared each other down, the door opened again, and a cheery-faced woman popped her head in.

“Hi, everyone! Sorry we are a tad early, but….” Her voice trailed off as the assembled group turned to her. “Oh, my. I guess we are not as early as I tried to be.”

“Come on in, Momma. Warren’s parents were just saying hello in their unique way. Daddy, you are in charge of the children so Billy and Jackie can have some time off today, too.” As she hugged her mom, Cara whispered in her ear. “You get Sonya, and Allan’s dad gets Richard. See if you can manage to keep them apart till dinner time. I’m thinking football in the den will help.”

Her mom giggled conspiratorially and felt like part of the Mission Impossible team.

***

As the family gathered around the table, there was little conversation. Every time Warren’s parents laid eyes on each other, the fireworks started. By this time everyone was afraid that one misplaced word could spark the next fight. Sonya and Richard had covered a lot of ground in the last three hours, everything from who got the better hotel to how clumsy he was to have torn her coat in the cab door. Somehow the fact he was in a separate cab, and it was her rush to be in the door before him that caused the damage made no difference. Of course, his pointing it out did not help, either.

Cara’s family had a longstanding tradition. Whoever was carving the bird would make the blessing at the same time. Since Allen completely turned any bird he attempted to carve to turkey-salad material, the task was left to Warren.

“Thank you for the blessings we enjoy, having those we love around us for the holidays, the bounty of this table and of our pantries the rest of the year, and mostly for my loving wife and husband. I never would be where I am now without them both.”

“You can say that again” Richard mumbled, not quite low enough to not be heard.

Warren shot him a dirty look and dismembered the bird in short order. He put a turkey leg on each of the children’s plates, making them both smile in delight. He figured they would never finish them at the meal, but they were sure to want a snack sometime between now and bedtime. Cara’s dad had been regaling them with tales of Hobomok and Squanto helping the people of Plymouth Plantation all afternoon, and they couldn’t wait to see if they could start a fire the way grampa said the Indians did.

“Will you stop filling those children’s heads with nonsense? All that tripe about Indians and white folk getting along is rubbish. Everyone knows how ill-behaved the Indians were when the settlers came.”

“Sonya, did you pay no attention at all in school? If it hadn’t been for Massasoit and his tribe, none of us would be here now.” Richard was quite proud of the fact his line could be traced back to the Mayflower Compact. “Now here, have some spiced cranberries, and behave yourself.”

The little ones looked at each other wide-eyed as they nibbled at their turkey legs. They were intuitive little buggers and could smell a blowup coming. It had been brewing since Sonya had blamed Diane for spoiling the centerpiece. All the child had done was pick up a crushed flower from the floor.

“Now that dinner is starting to wind down, I want to say I am thankful for having all of you in my life. You have each had a big part in making me who I am. Who else would like to say a few words?” Cara looked around the table.

“I would,” Richard scowled. “Let’s start with the fact I am NOT thankful for ….”

A special thanks to Wayne and his prompts. This story started as a prompt response to two he posted just before the Thanksgiving holiday.
Copyright © 2013 Kitt; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

2013 - Winter - Recipe for Disaster Entry
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Chapter Comments



  On 12/12/2013 at 8:48 PM, Mann Ramblings said:
Now that would be an awful holiday dinner to survive. I was cringing throughout waiting for the explosion. Clever ending to start the real turmoil by trailing it off into the ending. Loved that. Nice work, Kitt. You should write more often. :)
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Talk to the little voice Mann. My first attempt petered out before it went anywhere. If one of Waynes prompts hadn't wound it up again the antho's wouldn't have reached an even dozen.
  • Like 1
  On 12/12/2013 at 10:17 PM, joann414 said:
Gotta love the mouthing of family during the holidays. Makes it a tedious day for the host or hostess. I know. Of course years later, we find humor in these episodes. Great job Kit.
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Yes - eventually we do find these things amusing. I always want to crawl under the table when someone goes where Richard was going tho, until my temper gets the better of me. Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment.
  • Like 1

Ah, I guess I should say thank goodness for the prompts winding up your little voice. Nicely done, Kitt. Unfortunately reminds me too often of meals from my childhood with my aunt and mother being at each other's throats, or more like my aunt at my mothers and us leaving without having anything, not even what my mother brought with us. Family and the ties that bind and choke sometimes. :lol:

  • Like 1
  On 12/13/2013 at 1:56 AM, comicfan said:
Ah, I guess I should say thank goodness for the prompts winding up your little voice. Nicely done, Kitt. Unfortunately reminds me too often of meals from my childhood with my aunt and mother being at each other's throats, or more like my aunt at my mothers and us leaving without having anything, not even what my mother brought with us. Family and the ties that bind and choke sometimes. :lol:
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Thank you. Hopefully you have gotten to the point where you can look back and smile a little. Some of the "earth shattering" confrontations I remember being horrified at as a child are amusing now.
  • Like 1
  On 12/14/2013 at 7:50 AM, Yettie One said:
Crumbs.

No wonder they say it's nearly always a close family member that's involved when it comes to murder. :P

Hahahaha

I'm surprised the carving knife only made short work of the bird and not a tongue or two. :P

interesting little tale. Spice of life to be able to laugh at the misfortunes we endure at a time down the road when hindsight becomes an advantage.

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Who else can get under your skin better than family? Thank you.
  • Like 1
  On 12/14/2013 at 8:20 PM, Bill W said:
Some people aren't happy unless they're making others miserable, which puts a different take on Happy Holidays. I had relatives that acted similarly, so we just stopped inviting them. If they want to be miserable, they can do it at home - alone. It appears as if the rest of the day will truly be a disaster, so I'm glad you left it where you did. Good job.
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Very true. We all seem to have one or two like that in the group somewhere. Thank you
  • Like 1
  On 12/20/2013 at 4:53 AM, Lisa said:
'They were intuitive little buggers...' Omg, that line was hysterical! :)

 

This whole story was hysterical, Kitt! I would NOT want to be at that dinner table! lol

 

I really liked the idea of a wife and two husbands. That is pretty cool. ;)

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I am glad you enjoyed Lisa. Seems to me that we all have had one or two little glitches at a holiday dinner at one time or another. My little voice just seemed to want them all rolled into one meal!
  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
  On 12/22/2015 at 5:49 AM, Graeme said:

This makes me glad that Australia doesn't have an equivalent event to Thanksgiving. So I'm giving thanks to not having to give thanks...and enduring something like this! :D

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Thank you for reading Graeme. Unfortunately we all know one or two people like Sonya and Richard. When we are lucky they don't connect in the same circles of life.

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