Bernard: Diary of a 46-yr-old Bellhop - 6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Firsts

It’d been just over three months since Bernard’s suicide attempt. Soon it would be Thanksgiving. He and Jack had been dating for over a month and a half. Things had gone well for the duo, except in the affection department. Bernard was terrified of having relations at all. Jack set out to help change his mind.

On the night of their date, Jack sent a bouquet of gerbera daisies and dressed up in black pants, a crisp white shirt, and a navy blazer. Bernard saw him and smiled wide.

“You look terrific!”

Jack kissed him in thanks. “So do you, all in gray. Love that tie.”

Bernard straightened his jet black tie and smoothed his silver-gray suit. “Well, you said this was a nice place. Thought I’d dress the part. I had to buy some new pants after losing over 30 pounds so far.”

Jack grinned at him. “That’s wonderful! I’m so proud of you. See, that diet is working and you’re exercising too.”

“Every chance I get.”

Jack kissed him softly. “Maybe we could add something to that routine.”

Bernard’s smile disappeared and he flattened his lips to a thin line. “I wish I could do what you want to. I’m so afraid of that--”

Jack tilted his head and started a sentence when his stomach rumbled loudly. “Come on, we’ll talk about this later. I’m starved.”

“You can’t change my mind on this one.”

“All in good time, my dear.” Jack said confidently.

They dined at a nicer restaurant than usual. Bernard eyed the less expensive appetizer section.

“Don’t want to order something too expensive.” He explained.

“Why not?” Jack inquired.

“Uh, well ya know. Just in case…” Bernard started.

Jack cocked his head thoughtfully and took his hand. “In case of what? Getting sick off something new?”

Bernard shot a quick glance up at his boyfriend. “Uh, just in case this is our last date.”

Jack let out a long sigh. “Bern—how can you even think that? I have no intention of ever letting you go. I know how you feel about that, but I promise you, I can help you with it--”

The older man pulled his hands away, gripped his hair and sighed loudly. “Dammit, I thought I told you I can’t do that.”

Jack reached for his hand again, but he pulled it away. “Bern—”

“No, please don’t make a scene, Jack. I told you I’m not comfortable with being seen like that or doing that. Look, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or turn you off or do anything to jeopardize us and this wonderful relationship we have right now. I don’t want to hurt you, but I don’t think I can do what you want to do. Sex just is something that I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable with. Not ever…” Unshed tears glinted behind the blue eyes and Jack leaned towards him.

“Bern—”

The waiter walked up to interrupt and take their orders. Jack handled it. “We need a few more minutes, please.”

“Very good, sir.” The waiter left.

Jack reached for his companion’s hands again, but was denied. The man wouldn’t even look at him. Jack cocked his head and tried to look into his boyfriend’s face. “Bernard? Please just look at me?”

Bernard looked up with a sudden glare. “You know I can’t do that!” He snapped. “You take me out for an expensive dinner and expect me to just loosen up? Forget this! I told you, I’m not capable of that! Not even with the man I want more than anything-- His lower lip quivered and he jettisoned himself from his chair with a jolt as he ran out to the parking lot.

“Bernard! Wait a minute! Wait up!” Jack looked over his shoulder at the waiter and caught his attention. “We’ll be right back.”

“Yes sir.”

Jack ran out to the parking lot and found Bernard sitting on the bumper of his boyfriend’s car, bawling. He approached the man cautiously.

“Shhh, hon. It’s alright. I promise you.”

Bernard lifted his head and Jack saw the familiar pained expression in the man’s face he’d seen all these months. “Jack, do you know what it’s like to go to bed every night, pining for you, dreaming of you, pretending I’m naked with you and making love with you?”

Jack smiled lightly and stroked his companion’s hand. “Then you do want me?”

Bernard grasped Jack’s face and kissed him. “Of course I want you! Do you think it’s easy for me to go to bed every night with my dick pushing into that mattress?”

“Then end the suffering for both of us! Make love with me, Bernard. Tonight.”

“But I can’t! Sex was always the ultimate for me and when those guys told me what they did and they’d rather fuck an elephant…I’m too fat, and a loser and not worthy of you!”

Jack cocked his head and wiped away the man’s tears. “I’m so sorry for what those assholes said to you. You’ve lost weight and look very good to me. You are hardly a loser! You’re a very special man with a big heart and a lot of pain buried inside of him. I want to share myself with you; honest! No one’s pushing me to do this. I’ve fallen for you all on my own. Please, Bernard. I want you. I can prove you’re worthy of me.”

Bernard’s eyes finally met Jack’s again. “Y-You really want me? You want to be in bed with this?” He poked his large stomach and was repulsed by the fat that rippled under the shirt.

Jack looked at him intensely. “I’ll say this one final time. Yes, dammit. I want to be in bed with you, holding you, suckling you, hell even being inside of you if you want me to. Just let me be your lover.”

The older man’s tears finally stopped as he realized Jack was serious. “You really mean that, don’t you? You want me?”

“I think that’s the point I’ve been trying to drive across. I’d rather show it to you in person.” He whispered seductively into Bernard’s ear. He kissed the lobe softly and moved to Bernard’s soft, round cheek. He lapped up the tears and smoothed his thumb over it. “Come home with me, after this wonderful dinner. I promise I won’t pressure you into anything. As long as I just get to be with you whether it be clothes on, lights on, whatever. I don’t care. As long I get to be in your arms. I love you, Bernard.”

Bernard smiled at him and kissed him lightly. “I love you too, so much. Just tell me one thing. How can someone who looks like you possibly want me?”

Jack sighed. “Beauty is only skin deep. I know it’s cliché, but it’s true. I started falling for you in the hospital.”

Bernard cleared his throat and held back tears. “Was it out of sympathy and pity?”

“At first I guess, but I got to know you. The real you over all of our dinners and hanging out with your mom; I really enjoyed that.”

“Now you’ll probably see the real me, flesh and all. Just don’t gag.”

Jack kissed him softly. “Never. Come on, let’s go eat dinner. Deal?” He held out his hand for Bernard to take, which he did.

“Deal.”

They returned home to Jack’s house just over an hour later. They walked inside and turned on a few lights. Bernard made himself at home and poured himself a glass of water.

“Can I get you anything while I’m in here?” Bernard asked.

Jack shed his sport coat and began unbuttoning his cuffs. “No thanks, baby. I’m good.”

Bernard sipped his water and watched every motion Jack made. Everything was suddenly sexy; especially when he bent over to put away his magazines. Bernard nearly dropped his glass in the sink. It caught Jack’s attention though and he walked over.

“You alright? Drop something?”

Bernard regained his composure and found his speaking ability again. “Oh, uh. It’s fine.” He glanced down at the glass. “Nothing chipped or broken. Just, a bit distracted.”

Jack took the glass from him, finished off the water, and set the glass down on the counter. “I’m that way myself. You’re not the only one who’s nervous.”

“Y-You are too? But you’ve had a lover…”

“But this is my first time with you, and your very first time to boot. The pressure’s on me to make this extra special. I’ll even start things off for us.” He unbuttoned the first half of his shirt and flipped the fabric back so Bernard could see.

Bernard brushed his fingers over the tan chest that beckoned to him with its dark, raven hairs and smiled warmly. “You feel wonderful.”

Jack gathered him into his arms. “Just wait until you feel all of me. Please, get the rest?” They kissed a few times, allowing the intensity to flourish and be fueled by their deep love. Bernard finished undoing Jack’s shirt and cleared it from his body. He nervously ran his hands over the body in front of him. Jack took his hands and guided him to smooth his skin. They kissed again.

“You feel incredible.” Bernard whispered.

“My turn now.” Jack stated. He unbuttoned the top two fasteners on Bernard’s shirt and kissed him squarely on his neck.

“J…mmm.” Bernard moaned. He loved feeling the rosy lips kissing his neck and chest. Jack slowly unbuttoned the rest of his lover’s shirt and smoothed it from his shoulders. He kissed the exposed flesh more and smoothed his fingers through the gray hair that carpeted the chest.

Jack smiled at his companion and kissed his free arm. “You are very handsome, Bernard Covington. I love you with all my heart. I truly do.”

The blue eyes stared back at him. “I love you so much, Jack. I didn’t think anyone could ever make me feel this way in my life!” He brushed his fingers along Jack’s tanned face and down his exposed chest. “You are so incredibly handsome…your skin is so…smooth.” He leaned in and kissed the skin, then lifted his head as if to ask for permission to continue.

Jack kissed his hair and smoothed it with his hand. “Please continue. You’re a wonderful kisser.”

Bernard laughed and bent his head down to continue his pawing of Jack’s chest and hair. Such soft follicles they were. Dark yet had hints of light in them. They seemed to almost disappear when he ran his hands over them to lay them down. “Mmm…my Jack. My wonderful, handsome man. Can we go back to your bedroom? It’s a little bright in here.”

Jack took his hands. “Absolutely. I’ve prepared everything, just in case you said ‘yes’ tonight.”

They walked back to the bedroom and Bernard covered his mouth to hide his gasp. On the black coverlet of the bed were white and red rose petals sprinkled over it. On the nightstand were two champagne flutes and a bottle of sparkling grape juice chilling in a bucket next to it. A bouquet of roses laid on what would be Bernard’s side.

“Jack…I…I’m speechless! This has got to be the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard of a man doing!”

“You like it?” He teased.

Bernard kissed him quickly. “I more than like it. This is incredible! I hope I live up to the expectations.”

Jack put his arms around his boyfriend. “No expectations, no demands, just our love and the two of us lying together in whatever way you want. I promise.”

Bernard felt his lower lip quiver as he turned in Jack’s arms and looked into his eyes. “I think I’m ready, but let’s hurry so I don’t lose my nerve again.”

“Excellent.” Jack said with a smile.

Jack shut the door behind them and made sure the only light in the room was from the adjoining bathroom. They both stripped off their pants and socks and stood back for a moment. Bernard had on cotton boxer shorts in a hue of dark green while Jack sported tiny bikini briefs in a shade of royal blue.

Bernard tried to hide himself, even in his boxers. “I’m feeling a bit exposed, but you’re making me feel better.”

Jack kissed him sweetly. “You look wonderful. You’re a teddy bear of a guy and I want to be in those arms of yours. You like my outfit?” He inserted a finger around his waistband and drew the elastic away just enough so it tantalized Bernard with a preview of what lay underneath.

Bernard smiled widely. “You look amazing.” His eyes could barely drink in the sight of the well-built man in front of him. They fell to the crotch, where short black hairs peeked out from behind the blue bikini. His hand reached for it right away, to Jack’s delight.

Jack laughed and reached for his lover’s package as well. “Mmm, someone’s certainly not shy. You teaser. My wonderful Bernard.” They walked over to the bed and laid down atop the rose petals with Bernard on the bottom. Jack leaned over and kissed the man passionately. He straddled the larger man and their bodies flattened out as they pressed together tightly. “I want you so bad…”

Bernard ran his hands down Jack’s back and felt the cotton underwear he still sported, but could feel the tight, shapely buttocks beneath them. “I want you too.”

Jack sat up slightly, arched his body and removed the royal blue bikini-style briefs, allowing his swollen erection to be felt by Bernard’s body, even beneath the boxers. Jack felt a surge of passion and cupped his lover’s face and kissed him again. “Touch me, baby. Take my cock into your capable hands.”

Bernard took hold of the throbbing organ again. Jack moaned a bit, he was clearly turned on. The sensation made Bernard happier as well as he moaned as well. He sat up and shed the boxers at last and pulled the young man to him. “I love you so much Jack.”

They kissed again and held each other tight. Bernard ran his fingers through Jack’s short tresses and held him close. Jack suckled his lover’s neck and danced his fingers down the large chest to his large cock, which was finally awake.

Jack wasted no time and quickly enveloped the man’s dick into his mouth, past his rosy lips and began to suckle him.

Bernard cried out with elation! He reached for a headboard, but found only pillow. He felt tears stream down his face again, but they mixed with the sweat of their passion. “Baby!”

Jack glanced up and winked at him, and after two full minutes finally pulled away, just before Bernard’s spray of white fluid whapped him in the abdomen. Jack moaned and rubbed the fluid over his body as he would sunscreen.

Bernard watched, entranced by not only the man’s body, but his demeanor. His eyes barely left the sight of the naked, sweaty body in front of him. He pinched himself slightly to make sure it wasn’t a dream.

“Good job, hottie!” Jack said with a lusty smile on his lips.

Bernard sat up at bit. “Did I make you come too?”

Jack took hold of himself and only the slightest touch set off the fountain of fluid from him. “You did now. See? I knew you could do it.”

Bernard sat up and ran his hands up Jack’s exposed legs and looked at him lovingly. He cupped the moist dick in his hand and massaged it briefly before moving on to rubbing his hands over Jack’s ass.

Jack saw the look in his lover’s eyes and leaned over to kiss his lover’s chest. He nuzzled his face amidst the thick gray hair that covered most of the pale skin.

Bernard used his rosy lips to suckle at Jack’s pink nipples, and massaged them with his hands. Jack moaned aloud.

Suddenly, Bernard tensed up. “Hon…I think I’m gonna again…” A second spray of fluid exited him again, this time it came faster.

“Damn, baby, two in a row? That’s incredible for a first-timer! I must really turn you on.” Jack lay down on his side beside his new lover and propped his head up on his lover’s ample chest. “So, what do you think of sex now?”

Bernard grinned widely and kissed the man. “You made it easy for me. I’m so sorry about the ridiculous scene at the restaurant. You are the most awesome looking guy, are you kidding? I love it and I love you! I’d come almost every night just thinking about you.”

“You know how I feel; in all respects. Want some sparkling grape juice? Let’s celebrate this wonderful night.”

Bernard grinned. “Absolutely. Let me clear off some of these rose petals first.” He plucked off a few of them from his sweaty body and took the flute into his hand. Jack intertwined their arms and they drank at the same time.

“To our love.”

“To our love.” Bernard echoed.

They drank it down and savored the bubbly sensation on their lips. They kissed to share it.

Jack stood up and pulled back the bedding. “Come, before we get chilled.”

Bernard stood up and pulled back his side’s bedding and joined the naked Jack under the covers. They cuddled together and fell asleep for a short time.

Bernard awoke and felt around for his underwear. He slid them back on, and walked out to the kitchen. He had two glasses of water to cure his thirst. He lingered for a moment and sat down at the foot of the bed with a legal pad he swiped from Jack’s office.

November 14^th, 2009

It happened! I finally had sex! OMG! It was with someone who loves me, respects me, and is hotter than hell to boot! OK…what’s wrong with him? Heaven help me if my momma reads this diary someday and finds out I’m gay like this! I’ve gotta tell her, especially now!