Gemini - 14. Doubts

strong>Warning: Nudity and boners! I tried to be nice about it but my characters won't listen. Damn teenage hormones!

Josh

"It's all of this," I said fidgeting a bit. "It’s all of this, Ethan," I repeated, running my fingers through my hair and pulling on it. “You know," I pointed to random objects as if Ethan could see inside my head. "Jacob’s parents, Ian, the farm, Cody, everyone at school, just everything,” I babbled. “Do you think we’re doing the right thing? Jacob and me, I mean. Am I doing the right thing?”

“What do you mean?” Ethan asked with a puzzled expression. “What about it you think is wrong?”

I sighed. “It’s just... Jacob’s family, they are so nice to me. I feel really bad about deceiving them. How are they going to react when they find out? We are breaking their trust in Jacob. The same goes for everyone else.”

“Oh,” Ethan just said. He withdrew his hand from my shoulder and sat up in bed, resting his back against the headboard. “Let me think about that for a minute.”

I turned around, so I was lying on my side, looking at him.

“Do you see what I mean?” I asked, unsure if I should have elaborated.

Ethan nodded and finally spoke. “I guess so, but I think you’re making too much of it. An opportunity like this one? You only have something like this, once. They will understand.”

I shook my head. “Jacob said something similar, but that’s not really my point. It’s still wrong. Assuming they will understand doesn’t really make it right, does it? When we were at Jacob’s place today, his mom hugged me and we talked a bit. She’s so different from my mom. I wish I could just… I don’t know, trade with Jacob forever or something. At the same time, however, it just feels totally wrong. I can’t help it but I want to blurt the truth out every time I see her.”

“Okay, let’s think practical,” Ethan suggested. “Assuming you would tell her tomorrow. What would happen?”

“I really don’t know,” I said, but then I thought about it. “I guess they would be shocked. It would make it much more difficult for Jacob and me to trade places. Maybe even impossible. They would also want to meet my parents, and that would really suck. I’m scared that they will screw things up.”

“Okay, so you don’t want to lie, but telling the truth means dealing with too many problems. Your parents will find out eventually, though, don’t you think so?” Ethan stated.

“Yes,” I said sadly. “It’s really weird. Sometimes I really don’t want to do this, but sometimes I just don’t want it to ever end.”

“I get that,” Ethan said. “Okay so how about this? Tomorrow, you and Jacob could switch back, so you don’t have that problem anymore. We can still meet in the park and hang out. During the weekend Jacob will be in Washington and we’ll try to somehow get you away from his parents as much as possible. If we ask nicely, they will probably allow you to hang out with me all weekend. That way you don’t have to deal with them much. Next week are the finals so we will be kind of busy anyway and there will be not swapping roles. And if this still remains a secret after that, then we can talk about it again, what do you think?”

I stared up at the ceiling and thought about it for a while. He was right, I didn’t really have to see Jacob’s family all that much, at least not until the summer holidays started. I would miss the hugs from his mother though, they were kind of addictive, even if I had gotten only a few so far. Maybe at some point all of this would have a happy ending and Jacob’s family would even accept me as some sort of step brother? I wished I was eighteen and could just move away from my parents.

As I was thinking about this, I felt Ethan shift in the bed and get even closer to me. As I turned to him to speak again, I could feel the heat emanating from his body towards me. “I… I think you’re... right,” I all but stuttered, totally distracted from his closeness. Did I smell good? I was glad that I had just brushed my teeth.

“Okay, and believe me. Once you and Jacob tell his family, they really will understand. They are great people,” he said, and then he shifted over and pulled me into a hug. I was too shocked to even react. He only held me for a second or two, before he let go of me and slid back to his side of the bed.

“Thanks,” I whispered. I was glad that he hadn’t held me any longer. I was harder than ever and he would’ve noticed sooner or later, had he stayed close to me. I closed my eyes and savored the moment.

“No problem,” he whispered back.

Still feeling the touch of his body lingering on my skin, I cuddled even deeper into my pillows and blanket, imagining he was still holding me. I wished I could just roll over to his side of the bed and spoon up behind him. Should I tell him that I was gay? Just say it, so I was over and done with it? Take a risk and probably face rejection, but at least get rid of those feelings of uncertainty? I wrestled with myself for a while, but eventually I gave up. Tonight was not the night.

I closed my eyes and hugged the blanket. There was still a throbbing problem between my legs, crying out for attention. I slid my right hand down and gave it a squeeze through my boxers. It didn’t look like it was willing to disappear by itself any time soon. Should I just go to the bathroom and… No. It felt too weird doing that at a friend’s place. I gave it a last squeeze and withdrew my hand, hoping I wouldn’t suffer from blue balls the next day.

I sighed and looked over to the other side of the bed. “Good night Ethan. Sleep tight!”

“Good night Josh. You too,” he replied softly.

‘I love you’, I added in thoughts. I wished I could have said it out loud, but I didn’t want to deal with those consequences yet.

♊

“Hey Cody, wait up,” I called as the coach had just sent the class off to the locker room. I had tried to catch him alone all day but never found a good opportunity.

“What’s up, J?” He asked when I had caught up to him.

“You got a few minutes in the next break?” I asked as we entered the locker room. “I gotta talk to you.”

“No problem, I’ll meet you outside after we’re done here,” he replied.

“Thanks,” I said. “I’ll see you then.”

I gave him a nod and found Ethan in our small corner. The other guys around us were already stripping, but I hesitated for a few moments, waiting for them to head off to the shower. When they cleared out, I turned away from Ethan and started undressing. Finally done, I grabbed my towel, held it in front of me and shyly turned around.

“Nervous?” Ethan whispered with a sly grin.

He was standing stark naked in front of me, showing off every inch of his body. For a split second, I glanced down towards his little, neatly trimmed patch of pubic hair before I caught myself and stared straight into his eyes.

“Uhm, a little, I guess,” I stuttered. “Better than yesterday.”

He grinned. “You’ll get used to it. Let’s go.”

As we walked towards the showers, the picture of what I had just seen flashed back into my head again and again, and I felt my little friend plump up slightly. I closed my eyes for a second, trying to will my body to obey me, but that only made it worse. Finally, thinking of dead puppies stopped the process and while I wasn’t really hard, a quick glance downwards told me that it definitely looked much bigger than usual.

Luckily, it seemed like it was still in a state that, if barely, was acceptable for the locker room. When we entered the shower room, I quickly walked past Ethan and found a shower in a corner, just in case things got worse. Ethan shot me a weird look, but then he shrugged and took the shower next to mine.

I had barely stepped under the shower and started washing as Ethan spoke to me again. “So you talked to Cody?”

Out of reflex, and politeness, I turned my head and looked at him before I replied. The second I did, however, I regretted not having spoken with my eyes fixated on the wall. He had turned his whole body towards me and was slowly, almost sensually, washing ‘down there’.

I tried to force my eyes to stay locked on his, but it was too late. I had already seen it all and couldn’t delete it from my memory anymore. “I’ll talk to him during the next break,” I quickly said before I turned back to the wall. I prayed that my little friend would listen to me just this once, but I was fighting a losing battle. Desperately, I looked at the shower button, hoping that somehow I could switch the temperature to ice cold, but I already knew that there was nothing to adjust the temperature.

Only seconds later, all hope was lost. There was no hiding of that thing anymore. For a moment, I turned further away from Ethan, but then realized there was also someone showering on the other side of the corner. If I avoided Ethan seeing me, I risked the other guy noticing and while I surely didn’t want Ethan to see me in this condition, at least he wouldn’t shout it out to the class.

I wished the ground would just open up and swallow me whole. When that didn’t happen, I finally continued to wash myself, hoping to get done and out of here without anyone discovering my little problem. Just then, the first guys started to head back to the locker room and I thanked God that we had started to shower so late. The guy next to me was leaving and the one next to Ethan had already gone. I whispered another prayer that everything would go alright and even though my little friend kept standing like the small, brave soldier he was, everything went fine. Until I reached for the body wash, that is.

As I looked at the soap tray, I realized that I had left my body wash in my backpack. I quickly turned my head back to the wall in front of my and frantically started thinking. If I asked Ethan whether I could take his, he would look at me, but I couldn’t just go without body wash either. I was still trying to find a solution to my problem when I heard a giggle coming from Ethan.

I turned to look at him and saw that he was staring down to my midsection. In that instant, I turned about fifty shades of red and my heart beat so hard, it was about to explode. I felt like my life was about to end and as I locked eyes with Ethan, I was glad that the water from the shower was preventing him from seeing the tears forming in my eyes.

The second he saw the look of despair on my face, his cheerful expression dropped, if only a little. “It happens, don’t worry,” he whispered quickly.

I didn’t react at all, so he kept talking. “Seriously, it’s no big deal. If anyone gives you trouble about it, just tell them you were just thinking of the last night you spent with their mom.”

It took a while before those words reached my brain, but when they did, I couldn’t help but snicker. “Seriously Ethan, only you could come up with something that stupid.”

“Hey, what’s wrong with it? I’ve used it before and it successfully stopped your heart attack,” he giggled. He conspicuously leaned over to me and whispered. “You look just like him. It’s amazing.”

I shook my head and blushed even more, if that was possible. “May I use your body wash?” I asked shyly. “I forgot to take mine with me.”

“Sure,” he said, and handed me over his bottle. When I took it, he gave me a sly grin and reached over to the soap tray. My look followed his hand and I spotted a small, old piece of soap lying there. He wouldn’t, would he? Snickering, Ethan shoved the soap over the edge, so it dropped to the ground between us. I stared down at the soap and then back to him. He winked at me and made a suggestive movement with his hips before he nodded at the soap with his head, as if he was encouraging me to pick it up.

The look on my face must have been priceless because Ethan barely managed to contain himself. He was holding a hand over his mouth, trying to suppress the noises of his snorting and laughing, so nobody would notice what was going on. I shot him a dirty look, but couldn’t keep myself from grinning either and I slowly but surely felt my dick starting to deflate. Apparently his antics had gotten me distracted enough to relax.

“You’re impossible, you know that?” I told him as I soaped myself and handed the body wash back to him.

“Yeah, whatever,” he grinned. “Do you need help with this or can I go now?”

“You wish,” I laughed. “Nice try, but I think I can handle.”

“I’m sure you can handle that one well,” Ethan quipped, looking at my little soldier again. “Just be careful you don’t shoot anyone.”

I rolled my eyes, trying to hide my grin. “Sure, whatever.”

Still chuckling, Ethan left and I followed him shortly after. I still avoided looking around too much, but I had significantly relaxed and it didn’t seem like such a big deal anymore. I quickly toweled down and got dressed. After telling Ethan that I’d meet him in the next lesson, I left and found Cody waiting for me by the door to the locker room.

“Hey J, what’s up?” He asked me as I stepped out into the hallway.

“Not here,” I replied tersely and gestured him to follow me. As we walked down the hallway and left the building to find a spot where we could talk without anyone overhearing us, I thought about what had just happened under the showers.

Was Ethan gay or was he just playing around? Or maybe he was straight but trying to find out if I was gay? If that was his game, then he had probably figured me out by now. The way he had shown off his body… I was pretty sure that he had intentionally tried to get me hard. At least he hadn’t reacted in a bad way when I did, so if he had figured me out, then he was at least accepting of me. Maybe I should try to find out if he might be interested in me?

After what he did in the shower, I assumed that even if he didn’t like me in that way, he at least wouldn’t freak out completely. But what should I do? ‘Coincidentally’ roll over to his side of the bed at the next sleepover? Just try to kiss him? Come out to him? I had read so many stories about gay teens, but now that I was in this situation myself, anything that I could remember from those stories seemed useless.

I couldn’t just kiss him and I doubted suddenly rolling over to his side of the bed was a great idea. He would either assume that I was just sleeping, or if I felt him up… well, that would freak out even the coolest straight guy. If I tried to come out to him, I’d most likely just stutter like a retard and completely embarrass myself. I had to think of something else. More innuendos? Maybe a few casual touches?

“So what did you want to talk about,” Cody asked impatiently.

Startled, I looked up. We had left the building long ago and despite having zoned out, I had somehow managed to lead us to a vacant spot on the schoolyard.

“Uhm,” I said. Crap, didn’t I want to think of a plan on how to approach the topic without giving anything away? “Uhm,” I said again. “You were kinda weird yesterday. Why did you ask all that stuff about what I was doing?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” he said with a grin. “What do you mean?”

“About me meeting with someone. Are you like, spying on me?” There you go, offense is the best defense.

He frowned. “Not intentionally.”

“You… what?” I said, suddenly holding my breath. “What do you know?”

He laughed. “You should see your face. I knew that something was going on.”

I didn’t respond. Instead, I just stared at him, waiting until he continued speaking. He shrugged. “I heard you and Ethan talking about some really weird stuff in the locker room yesterday. I didn’t get it at first, but then I remembered something and had an idea. A few days ago I was in the park with my little brother and saw someone who looked exactly like you.”

I looked at him in shock, but he just continued. “I wanted to say hi at first, but then I saw that he was wearing like super expensive clothes, so it couldn’t be you, no offense. I first thought that it was a weird coincidence, but when I heard you and Ethan talking, I did the math. I have no clue what’s really going on, but it sure is weird.”

“Crap,” I said panicky, barely keeping myself from grabbing him by his shirt. He knew far too much. If he mentioned something about this around the wrong people, it would get back to Ian or even Jacob’s parents and they would find out in no time. “Cody listen, you can’t tell anyone about this. Please!”

He held his hands up. “Okay, okay. Why don’t you just tell me what this is all about before I make any promises?”

“This is serious, you… just promise,” I demanded. He tilted his head and gave me a questioning look. I groaned. “Alright, I’m Jacob’s identical twin. We got separated at birth and just found each other again. Only Ethan and Sarah know, and now you, too.”

“Wow,” he said astounded. “So why don’t you tell anyone?”

“Cuz my parents are assholes and would destroy everything,” I murmured dejectedly. “Please keep it a secret. This afternoon, you can come to the park with us if you want, but please don’t tell anyone. We’re not ready yet.”

He thought for a few seconds and then he grinned. “Alright. It sounds crazy, but I can’t wait to see it with my own eyes. I suck at keeping secrets, but I guess this one I can handle.”

“Thanks Cody!” I didn’t know what to feel. I was still a bit shocked that Cody had figured us out so quickly, but at the same time, I was relieved that he had agreed to keep silent.

Between Ian’s suspicious looks, Cody having found out about us, Ethan’s behaviour and my feelings of guilt towards Jacob’s parents, I was starting to feel paranoid and amiss. I couldn’t wait until the next lesson was over so I could meet Jacob in the park and finally be myself again. In a way, I was sad about going back to my own life, but I had made so many mistakes on the way, it was probably better to let things get back to normal for a few days.

Many thanks to Bill W cuz I can bug him all the time when I can't think of the right word for something and thanks to Nosty for the soap. Also, a huge welcome! to Kigge, who helps me with some Beta-ing and the editing of the German version.
Oh and thanks to all the awesome peopke who take the time to leave me reviews and likes!
PS: Sorry for all the updates! There was a major problem with spacing and I couldn't figure out how to solve it.