Gemini - 18. An Unplanned Sleepover

Jacob

After killing some more time in the kitchen, and then brushing my teeth, I finally went to my room. Carefully I pressed down the door handle, so I wouldn’t wake up Ian or Conrad if they were asleep. The lights were already off when I entered the room. I quickly sneaked over to my bed and started stripping. When I was down to my boxers and about to slip under my blanket, I heard a voice from the bed across the room.

“Where have you been?” Ian asked in his typical, caring voice that he used so often when talking to me.

“What’s it to you?” I shot back.

He sighed. “What’s up with you Jacob? You’re so weird lately. You don’t hang out with us anymore, barely talk to us at all, you’re gone all day, and now you’re damaging your reputation and hanging out with that fairy,” he sighed again. Hearing that word alone, and how he said it, I felt my anger levels rising alarmingly. I just barely managed to keep my mouth shut and listen to him talking in his soft voice. “Conrad told me about earlier today, the way you just walked away… Something’s wrong, and you can’t just avoid us. You used to talk to us about stuff. Now you’re all secretive and shutting us out. You won’t even tell me where you’re going anymore.”

The logical part of my brain told me to calm down, but I didn’t care anymore. Now he was being all worried and nice again, yet I had a strong feeling that if I was gay, he and Conrad would sell me down the river very quickly. The whole thing about being brothers, it was but superficial. I remember all the things Cody had told me about boys getting kicked out of their homes and the like. Then I would end up in some dark alley at night and had to suck off random creeps, maybe even run into Philip. Just like Seth did.

Okay, I was certain that between my parents, Sarah and Ethan that wouldn’t happen, but the thoughts were there, and that fueled my anger immensely. I rarely got mad at my brothers, but now all I wanted to do was fight with them. I wanted confrontation, I wanted to provoke, to vent my anger somewhere.

“I was hanging out with that fairy you were talking about,” I said nastily. “His name is Cody, by the way.”

There was a long pause and Ian sighed once more. “Okay, this Cody guy. Why are you even spending time with him?”

The way he said Cody’s name was yet another reason to be pissed. “Whatever,” I said, and laid down on my bed, my back facing to them. Not that they could see it, but I did it anyway.

Suddenly Conrad spoke up. “He’s pro’lly all sweet talking you and shit, and then he’ll try to turn you gay. That’s what one of these guys tried on me, too. Isn’t it like that with the two of you, too?”

That was so stupid, I didn’t even know whether to laugh or cry. “Yeah right,” I said sarcastically. “Why don’t you just leave me alone? I can take care of myself just fine.”

“Well, you’re not acting like it,” Conrad shot back, and now he sounded annoyed, too. “You’re hangin’ around that little fag all time and now you’re pushing us away. What’s up with that?”

“Conrad…” Ian started, but I cut him off.

“Would you shut the fuck up for a minute and listen to yourself? What a bunch of bullshit,” I snarled. My voice was definitely raised above the acceptable level now. “And what if I was gay, huh? Would you be grossed out by me? Would you turn your back on me, let some asshole at school make fun of me? What if mom and dad kicked me out? Would you even fucking care what happened to me?”

I was on a roll now. “Would that be worth losing a brother, just because of your narrow-minded bigotry? Because you are afraid you might catch it like some kind of disease? Is that it?”

My outburst was followed by a shocked silence. When neither of them started speaking, and the wait was getting too long for me, I got out of my bed.

“Jacob?” Ian asked. “What are you saying?”

“Fucking work it out yourself,” I spat as I pulled on my pants. “This is stupid, I’m outta here.”

“Jacob, wait,” Ian said, but I was already at the cupboard, pulling out a change of clothes. “Where are you going?”

I was tempted to say ‘to my fairy queen, duh’, but that would have been a little much. “Ethan’s” I responded crisply while I was walking towards the door.

“I’ll see you at school, I guess,” I said before I left the room. When the door was closed, the tension quickly subsided, as if I had locked it away in the room behind me, and I felt a little stupid for reacting so dramatically. Then again, I was still really pissed off, and it was better that I left the room before I said anything that I would really regret. Also, maybe this would make them think and also teach them a little lesson.

I put on my shoes, stuffed the clothes I had previously grabbed into my backpack, got my toothbrush from the bathroom and left the apartment. On my way down, I sent Ethan a short text.

Hey, you still up? Can I crash at your place tonight?

It was more a heads-up than a question. I was sure that he was still awake, and I could always crash at his place. Without waiting for a reply, I hit Josh’s speed dial on my phone and started walking towards Ethan’s.

When Josh picked up, he sounded totally groggy. “Hey J, what’s up?”

“I’m sorry, did I wake you up?” I asked worried.

“More or less,” Josh chuckled weakly. “I was out cold on my desk, cuddling with a stack of books, so it’s probably a good thing you called.”

I had to laugh at that. “Well, still sorry. I just wanted to give you an update on everything. I just had a fight with my brothers.”

“Oh, what was it about?” He asked, suddenly much more alert.

“It doesn’t really matter,” I said, but then I remembered the last time I had kept important information from him. “Oh well, I might as well tell you the whole story while I’m at it. When I came home I was already pissed off for a few other reasons. Then they started giving me shit about being friends with Cody and how wrong being gay was, so I kinda blew up with them.”

“Kinda?” He asked skeptically.

“Well, I was so pissed, I got dressed and walked out, so I guess it was more than a minor disagreement.”

“Dude, you don’t have to do that for me,” he said, jumping to conclusions. “Just because I’m gay you don’t have to fight with your brothers about it. That’s my burden to carry.”

“No it’s not,” I disagreed. “Also, it’s not just about you. Oh God,” I pulled on my hair. “They were being so dumb, I just had to say something. It’s also about them running my life and stuff like that. And about Cody. I like him, he’s a nice guy.”

“Okay,” he said, and I could almost see him before me, nodding understandingly, like he always did. “Still, thanks, I guess. Do you think there will be any fallout?”

“Not really,” I replied. “Well, maybe a little bit, but we’ll deal with it. It should blow over soon. I think I got my point across. I’m walking over to Ethan’s as we speak. I’m gonna crash at his place tonight. That message should be clear enough for them.”

“If you say that, I guess I have to trust you,” he agreed. “You know them better than me.”

“There is another thing,” I said, and I already felt my heart beating faster and my anger rising again.

“Please don’t freak out, but it seems you were right about Philip,” I informed him. “Cody and I saw him picking up a young boy at the park. He gave him money, too. It was definitely him,” I paused for a moment and that was a mistake.

“That fucking bastard,” Josh all but shouted. “He pretends to be that nice, caring guy here with me and right after he drives over to the park to pick up a quick fuck? How sick is that? Fuck, what am I gonna do now?”

“Dude, I‘m sorry,” I said compassionately. “Look, we’ll find a solution. Cody said he knew the boy from our school’s GSA. He’s trying to find out more. You only really have to pretend everything is fine for one more day, or so. We will swap for the weekend and after that we might already know more.”

“I hope so,” I could hear him say through gritted teeth.

“It’ll be alright,” I assured him. Yet another promise I could only hope to keep. “Anyway, I’m almost at Ethan’s, I gotta hang up, is there anything else we need to talk about?”

“Nothing I can think of,” he stated, sounding stressed and tired.

“Hey, go get some sleep, okay? We’ll meet up tomorrow to talk, as soon as possible, alright?” I told him, and made a mental note to give him a long, nice hug when I saw him.

“Okay,” he agreed. “Have a good night.”

“Night,” I said and hung up.

There was a new message from Ethan on my phone. Sure. What’s up? Lemme know when you’re here.

I typed a quick I’m waiting outside and only a minute later the front door quietly opened and Ethan led me into the house. He must’ve already been in bed, because he was only wearing boxershorts. We sneaked up to his room and I dumped my backpack in the corner while he slipped under the blankets. When I was taking my clothes off, I glanced over at him, and noticed that he was watching me.

I remembered Cody’s suspicions, and instantly my mind began working. Was he perving on me? Or was he simply looking at me because he was waiting for me to get into bed? Before I could make any conclusions, he yawned and buried himself deeper in the blankets and pillows, so that he couldn’t look at me directly anymore. I shrugged it off as me overthinking things and got in the bed, to my usual spot next to him. Cody was probably wrong on this one. I would keep looking out for any signals, but unless I had an actual reason to suspect that Ethan was gay, I would give him the benefit of doubt.

Ethan switched off the main light of the room. but left the one over his nightstand on and turned to me. His blue eyes were looking at me intensely. “Wanna talk about it?” He asked softly.

I shrugged. “I just told my brothers that if they couldn’t deal with the thought of me being gay, then I couldn’t stand being in a room with them. That was when I walked out and decided to crash here for the night.”

Ethan gaped at me, totally confused. “You’re... gay? But…”

I grinned, enjoying the moment, but then I decided I didn’t want him to suffer from a heart attack or anything. “No man, I’m not gay. It’s just that the whole thing was about being gay, and I was really pissed off about how they were talking about Cody. I kinda wondered how they would react if I was like Cody, you know? If they would have my back. Their reaction wasn’t all that good apparently, so I decided to show them that I didn’t like the way they were thinking and walked out.”

I paused and thought about what I had just said while Ethan was still trying to process everything. “Okay, to be honest, I was just really pissed off. There was no plan behind it, but that’s the way it ended up happening. Also, it’s working out to be a good distraction for the whole deal with Josh.” I grinned at him. “You should close your mouth, or are you planning to have a few flies as midnight snack?”

“Uh, yeah,” Ethan said, and closed his mouth. “That’s cool, I guess. What you did, I mean.”

He tried to smile, but I could tell that something was bothering him, or making him unusually thoughtful at least. “What’s up?” I asked him. “Aren’t you all pro equality and stuff? Do you think I’m weird for doing this?”

He quickly shook his head. “Nah, that’s not it. I’m just… being sleepy and weird. I think it’s cool what you did. Right now, I’m trying to process what it means and how Ian and Conrad will react to that.”

“I guess I’ll know tomorrow at school,” I stated. “They will definitely want to talk to me.”

“True that!” He agreed.

“Well, I’m tired and so are you,” I suggested, not seeing any point in discussing this any further. “Let’s go to sleep.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Ethan said sleepily. He turned off the light. “Have a good night, J.”

“Night Ethan,” I replied. Then I smiled at him, even though he couldn’t see it. “And thanks for letting me crash here, it’s nice to know that I have a friend who I can count on.”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s nothing,” he said sleepily. “You would have done the same for me.”

“Definitely,” I replied, but he probably didn’t even hear it. I could already hear the regular breathing coming from his side of the bed.

♊

I took a big bite out of my last sandwich as we walked towards the school gates. “Have you talked to him yet?”, I mumbled through my full mouth.

Cody gave me a disapproving look for my manners. “Nope.”

“Dude, time’s a wastin’,” I told him. “We need some progress with this.”

“Well then go perform some magic tricks or something if you’re so smart,” he said annoyed. “What am I supposed to do? Walk up and ask him if he’s doing older men for money?”

I grinned. “I s’pose? I’m sorry. I don’t have any better ideas either.”

“I’ve already tried to find out some stuff, but you can’t just ask these questions without arousing suspicion,” Cody replied. “I did find out that his parents kicked him out when he came out, though. Other than that, I have nothing. I’ll try to find out more tomorrow or next week.”

I wanted to tell him to be quicker, better, but that wouldn’t help either of us. “Kay, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I told him, and we bumped fists. “Thanks for trying.”

“No problem. I’m just as eager about this as you are, but I don’t wanna ruin it.,” he said. “Anyway, see ya.”

We parted and I walked down the street towards the park. I wished that I could deal with one problem at a time. It would be so much easier. Instead I had Ian, Conrad, Seth and Philip to worry about all at the same time, and thoughts of Ethan and whether he was gay or not were still flying around in my head. And there was Parker, too, but I couldn’t even think this far anymore.

Ian and Conrad had luckily not bothered me during the day. I had seen them once or twice in school, but except for a few short glances, we hadn’t even as much as looked at each other. Or at least I hadn’t looked at them. I had spent a lot of time watching Ethan instead, trying to see anything that could tell me whether he was gay or not, but without success. Maybe he was a bit more quiet than usual. A sudden chirping of my phone interrupted my thoughts.

I think Ian’s following you - Sarah

I wanted to turn around and look, but fought the temptation and forced myself to keep walking. At the next intersection, I took a turn to the right, away from the park and briefly glanced back at the street behind me. Just in time, I could see someone disappearing behind a bush.

I quickly typed a response to Sarah. Thanks! You’re a life saver <3

I continued walking down the street that I was on now, trying to think of what to do. Should I just wait at the next corner and confront him? Or go somewhere that might even explain my absence during the last days? I quickly typed a text for Josh. I won’t come to the park. Ian’s following me.

I couldn’t think of anywhere good to go, so at the next intersection, I once again took a turn to the right, and made another unobtrusive glance. Ian was still behind me. Apparently he hadn’t noticed that I had seen him, so I kept walking until I reached the street that would take me back to school. Once I got there, I went around the corner and leant against a nearby tree, waiting for him to catch up.

When Ian finally came around the corner and noticed me, his look was one of surprise, mixed with a little bit of guilt. Almost like a little child caught with the hand in the cookie jar. He stopped for a second, but then started walking until he was standing close to me.

“Hey Ian,” I greeted him, though my tone was anything but friendly. “Taking a walk?”

“Where were you going?” He wanted to know.

“None of your business,” I told him. Most of my anger from the night before had vanished, and I almost felt bad about the way I was acting now, but I didn’t want to back down even one tiny bit. I knew if I did, they wouldn’t get my point with Cody and those words they were using.

He gave me an irritated look. “Mom asked why you spent the night at Ethan’s,” he informed me.

“What’d you tell her?” I asked.

He shrugged. “That we had a fight and that she didn’t need to worry because it was no big deal or anything, so it would be resolved soon.”

“Well, that depends on you, I guess,” I told him. “I’m not gonna let you guys tell me who I can hang out with and who I can’t.”

He sighed and looked at me thoughtfully. “Jacob…” he started. I looked at him questioningly, waiting for him to go on. Finally he spoke again. “Jacob, are you gay?”

That question took me off guard. Not so much the words, I could have expected that, but more the tone. It was soft and caring, and the look he gave me was almost like the one when I had first told him about the nasty comments from some of my classmates at the start of my freshman year.

I wanted to be angry with him, but I just couldn’t. Instead, I shook my head. “I’m not. I’m sorry if I made you worry about that. I just wanted to get my point across.”

He looked at me, hesitating, doubt in his eyes. “So you’re not…”

I laughed. “Oh God, do you have any idea how much I love boobs? I am so not interested in guys. I don’t get your problem with it either. If you think sex with guys is gross, then I would wonder why you even think about it in the first place. Because I don’t.” I winked at him. “However, if you do, don’t worry. I don’t judge.”

He scowled at me. “I’m definitely not a… I’m not gay, okay?”

“Have I just witnessed an improvement in your language?” I teased him.

He gave me a wry smile. “I’ve been thinking about what you said yesterday. I think I kinda get where you’re coming from. I don’t really understand it, and I still think it’s weird and gross, but if it’s this important to you, I can try and tone down my language a bit. Sound good?”

Typically Ian. Even if he didn’t agree with me, he was still trying his best to make me happy. Although he didn’t really say what I wanted to hear, that he was okay with gays and all, it still made me realize just what an awesome brother he was. That reminded me of Josh and how bad he must have had it growing up, which instantly made me feel really bad.

“Sounds good,” I said. “I wish you would understand this better. Cody’s a really great dude. But I guess I can’t expect you to simply change your opinion. It’s a good start, though.”

Ian looked slightly irritated, probably because I had indicated that I expected him to change his mind about this eventually, but then he let it drop. “Maybe. By the way, Conrad isn’t quite there yet, but if you need me, I will back you up, alright?” He smiled at me brotherly and that automatically got me smiling, too.

“Thank you,” I told him. “That means a lot.”

He shrugged. “No problem.”

Then he pointed down the street. “Wanna go back to school?”

I nodded and we started walking. After a few minutes he turned to me again. “What are you doing this weekend?”

“I was planning to spend pretty much all of it at Ethan’s,” I told him. “We gotta study for finals.”

“Oh,” he said disappointedly. “We were going to drive up to one of the small lakes with a few friends and camp out. I was hoping you could come.”

“I’m sorry,” I told him. “I really have to study and I already promised Ethan.” The plan actually sounded awesome, and I wished I could go with them, but I was going to Washington and I was pretty sure that Josh wouldn’t be all that happy about having to spend the weekend with my brothers.

“What about today? Got any plans?” He asked, and I could tell from his tone that he really wanted me to join him and Conrad in whatever they were doing.

“I did, but that just changed,” I said, and grinned at him. “I guess I owe this to you, after all that drama, huh?”

He laughed. “It’s okay, I guess stuff like that happens every now and then.”

He took out his phone and while he was busy calling Conrad and some other guys to arrange a game of basketball, I quickly typed Josh a text. Hey, I can’t come today. Gotta spend some time with Ian and Conrad to smooth over things from yesterday and all. I’m really sorry.

His reply came shortly after. Don’t worry about it. I understand. I need to study and prepare everything for your trip to Washington anyway. Have fun and ttyl!