Jump to content

  • Join Gay Authors

    Join us for free and follow your favorite authors and stories.

    Aditus
  • Aditus
  • Author
  • 09/11/2014
  • 674 Words
  • 1,619 Views
  • 29 Comments
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
2014 - Fall - Scars Entry

In Sickness and in Health - 1. In Sickness and in Health

In Sickness and in Health

He sat beside her bed, holding her hand. She was thin, too thin. Her skin was yellow, as were the whites of her eyes, a telltale sign of liver failure. Sometimes she would fall asleep for several minutes, and then, when she woke, she had this faraway look, as if seeing something nobody else in the room could see.

She was forty years old and dying. According to her doctors it would happen in the next few days. Nothing could be done; the cancer had come back.

***

I hadn’t seen him for almost two years when I met him again at the post office a week ago. We hadn’t parted exactly on good terms back then. Sometimes I talk without thinking.

He was looking good. When he saw me he came right over, his hand outstretched to take mine in a firm grip, a smile on his face. I expected the usual ‘How are you?’ ‘I’m fine’ talk, a little awkward at first maybe because of the things that had happened between us. I never expected it to turn out like it did.

“I’m fine. Laura, however, is not. The cancer is back. They’re talking about chemotherapy, but it doesn’t look good. We’re getting a second opinion tomorrow.”

What do you say when you hear something like that?

I went for “Crap!”

He said something like, “Yes, that about sums it up perfectly.”

Later I thought I should probably have said something else, but at least it had come from my heart. So I didn’t feel too bad.

He was oddly calm, even smiled a lot during our short conversation. I could almost touch his agony, the resigned despair lingering in the background. He was carrying it with such an admirable determination and dignity it seemed almost unreal.

It wasn’t as if I hadn’t thought of them every now and then during the last two years, wondering how they were doing, if she was okay. I never called, though. I held onto the grudge. Maybe I had been a little embarrassed too. If there were something serious going on, they would call. Wouldn’t they?

Now that I knew, should I phone her? Should I visit?

I’d have panic attacks and insomnia for weeks if I were going to see her. I don’t do well so close to death, never have. And then I was kicking myself for even thinking about me and my condition.

The dreaded call came last Friday. They had to bring her to the hospital. She was treated with heavy doses of morphine and psychotherapeutic drugs. She had probably two or three days to live.

Just for my information.

After I’d hung up I thought about the call some more. Was it just for my information? Wasn’t it really to give me the chance to say goodbye? Was it a call for support in a grave situation? Would they even want me to be there?

I called back and asked. Something I should do more often. When in doubt just ask politely.

***

He cooked her favorite food and brought it to the hospital while he himself was only able to eat zwieback. He was calm and composed all the time, talking to her with a confident voice when she was awake.

What do you talk about with your dying wife?

He comforted visiting friends and family, he genuinely smiled when someone joked with her about the things she had done, made her smile too.

This weekend my friend and former colleague, Laura, died of liver failure caused by breast cancer. She passed with her husband holding her hand and stroking her hair.

He would rather celebrate her life than mourn her death.

***

Me, I will always admire his strength and his determination, especially as I know he wasn’t doing this for the first time in his life.

I see a core of steel and I fear what will happen when it shatters.

If it does, I guess then it’s our turn.

Thanks to Valkyrie for taking one last look.
Copyright © 2014 aditus; All Rights Reserved.
  • Like 16
  • Love 1
  • Wow 1
  • Sad 2
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
2014 - Fall - Scars Entry
You are not currently following this author. Be sure to follow to keep up to date with new stories they post.

Recommended Comments

Chapter Comments



Sasha Distan

"When in doubt, ask politely"

You know how I feel about this piece, and I think it is wonderfully written and beautifully heartbreaking. I am seldom so happy to be so sad.

Bravo.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Lisa

I ditto Sasha. I cried more reading this now, now that I know more, than I did when I first read it.

 

Such a moving story, Addy.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
joann414

'tears' and more 'tears'. Although I don't know what prompted this, I can feel your emotions running throughout the story. Beautifully sad. Great job Addy!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
  • Site Administrator
Cia
  • Site Administrator

I liked the bravery of your character--to overcome his own pain and fear to comfort another. I'm the first to admit that death makes me awkward. I don't know how to handle sympathy from others, preferring to be alone, and I never seem to know what to say. "Crap!" sums it up though. That was a great line in a short story that packed an emotional wallop.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Yettie One

Just perfect. Quiet sentiment and touching words.

It is never an easy thing to cope with, and you are right in a way, sometimes just being able to write something down is in its own way like talking it through with someone.

Thank you for sharing, thank you for allowing us to share a very personal moment, and thank you for writing so open and honestly. It made it an amazing read.

:hug:

  • Like 1
Link to comment
comicfan

There is such an awkward pain here that everyone can relate to. Death isn't something anyone does well, and to see a character with such strength dealing with his wife as she dies and the friend who doesn't know what to say other than "Crap" makes so much sense. As it ends you can't help but fear what will happen when, after his wife is buried, the main character is finally able to let go and that steal resolve breaks down. Extremely honest and painful tale.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Aditus
On 09/12/2014 03:12 AM, Sasha Distan said:
"When in doubt, ask politely"

You know how I feel about this piece, and I think it is wonderfully written and beautifully heartbreaking. I am seldom so happy to be so sad.

Bravo.

Thank you Sasha! Without you there wouldn't have been a story. *snuffle*
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Aditus
On 09/12/2014 03:26 AM, Lisa said:
I ditto Sasha. I cried more reading this now, now that I know more, than I did when I first read it.

 

Such a moving story, Addy.

Thank you Lisa! For reading, listening and encouraging me. All the time. xxx
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Aditus
On 09/12/2014 05:46 AM, joann414 said:
'tears' and more 'tears'. Although I don't know what prompted this, I can feel your emotions running throughout the story. Beautifully sad. Great job Addy!
This one of the honest things I ever wrote. I'm glad you felt that. Thank you for your comment, Jo Ann.
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Aditus
On 09/12/2014 05:56 AM, Cia said:
I liked the bravery of your character--to overcome his own pain and fear to comfort another. I'm the first to admit that death makes me awkward. I don't know how to handle sympathy from others, preferring to be alone, and I never seem to know what to say. "Crap!" sums it up though. That was a great line in a short story that packed an emotional wallop.
He's amazing, isn't he? Because he is a real person. I'm like you, I always deal poorly with death. This time I tried writing.

Thank you for your comment, Cia.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Aditus
On 09/12/2014 10:00 AM, Yettie One said:
Just perfect. Quiet sentiment and touching words.

It is never an easy thing to cope with, and you are right in a way, sometimes just being able to write something down is in its own way like talking it through with someone.

Thank you for sharing, thank you for allowing us to share a very personal moment, and thank you for writing so open and honestly. It made it an amazing read.

:hug:

Thank YOU for reading. It feels a little like unburden on other's shoulders. It helps.
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Aditus
On 09/12/2014 02:23 PM, comicfan said:
There is such an awkward pain here that everyone can relate to. Death isn't something anyone does well, and to see a character with such strength dealing with his wife as she dies and the friend who doesn't know what to say other than "Crap" makes so much sense. As it ends you can't help but fear what will happen when, after his wife is buried, the main character is finally able to let go and that steal resolve breaks down. Extremely honest and painful tale.
Thank you for your comment Wayne. I still can't believe I said that, though.
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Bill W

The story was very sad, yet incredibly touching. I had an uncle like that, devoted and caring, even when his wife developed dementia and often didn't even know who he was. He was there by her side every day, right up to the end. That indeed takes enormous strength and love.

It also made me wonder what the dispute was about. It's so sad that it kept them apart for so long. Life is short and there's not enough time for such disagreements.

Thanks for sharing, Aditus.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Timothy M.

At first I thought it was his parents and that scared me. I can't say it was a relief to find I was wrong, because it was still sad and I spent time wondering what he had a grudge about. Was the quarrel with both of them, or only with the husband or maybe it was a work related problem involving the wife? Will he keep in touch with the widover or will he revert to being a 'coward'? (I know that's not a fair epitet.) I'm glad not all stories have me speculating this much (with my guts all twisted from sadness), but I guess it's OK to be shaken once in a while.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Cole Matthews

Addy, what a sad, beautiful, and gut wrenching story. I'm teary eyed in memory of my own dealings with the death of friends too young. You expressed the shock and disjointed feelings so well. Thank you for sharing such a personal piece. I'll carry this with me.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Percy

You captured all the emotional notes of witnessing the decline and death of an acquaintance beautifully, Aditus. Some very elegant writing here on a complex relationship. This phrase particularly caught me, " I could almost touch his agony..."

Glad you shared this.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Aditus
On 09/13/2014 02:18 AM, Bill W said:
The story was very sad, yet incredibly touching. I had an uncle like that, devoted and caring, even when his wife developed dementia and often didn't even know who he was. He was there by her side every day, right up to the end. That indeed takes enormous strength and love.

It also made me wonder what the dispute was about. It's so sad that it kept them apart for so long. Life is short and there's not enough time for such disagreements.

Thanks for sharing, Aditus.

I wrote a whole paragraph about the reason for their disagreement, but when I read it again it seemed to be superfluous. It didn't matter anymore, there were more important things now. The fight and its reasons were forgotten.

Thank you for your comment, Bill.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Aditus
On 09/13/2014 11:57 PM, Timothy M. said:
At first I thought it was his parents and that scared me. I can't say it was a relief to find I was wrong, because it was still sad and I spent time wondering what he had a grudge about. Was the quarrel with both of them, or only with the husband or maybe it was a work related problem involving the wife? Will he keep in touch with the widover or will he revert to being a 'coward'? (I know that's not a fair epitet.) I'm glad not all stories have me speculating this much (with my guts all twisted from sadness), but I guess it's OK to be shaken once in a while.
Yes, that's why I wrote the warning. Not everybody likes to read this kind of story.

The reason for their grudge felt unimportant in the face of what was happening. And I know he will be in touch because he said:

I see a core of steel and I fear what will happen when it shatters.

If it does, I guess then it’s our turn.

Thank you for your comment, Timothy.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Aditus
On 09/14/2014 12:10 AM, Cole Matthews said:
Addy, what a sad, beautiful, and gut wrenching story. I'm teary eyed in memory of my own dealings with the death of friends too young. You expressed the shock and disjointed feelings so well. Thank you for sharing such a personal piece. I'll carry this with me.
Thank you for your kind words, Cole. Writing this helped, as did reading all your comments.

You encouraged me to post it, I'm glad. :)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Aditus
On 09/14/2014 02:05 AM, Percy said:
You captured all the emotional notes of witnessing the decline and death of an acquaintance beautifully, Aditus. Some very elegant writing here on a complex relationship. This phrase particularly caught me, " I could almost touch his agony..."

Glad you shared this.

Thank you Percy. Writing this helped me to sort through my emotions. I've been uncertain to submit the story and I'm glad it was so well received.
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Headstall

Obviously others are in the know on what this story means while I can only go on what is presented. I can understand the commitment of for better or worse and in this case the husband follows through. Both he and the friend realize that all other drama falls by the wayside when faced by such a loss. A true friend knows things...like the upcoming need to be there for the fallout the one left behind will most likely suffer. And for a true friend, "crap" expressed as a sentiment, is enough. We often expect more of ourselves than others do...at it was not the time to wax eloquently. He expressed himself in the way he felt at that moment and it lacked nothing. In the face of tragedy, it felt to me like a friendship was repaired which gives some modicum of sense to the loss itself. Thanks for this...Gary

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Aditus
On 09/14/2014 08:03 AM, Headstall said:
Obviously others are in the know on what this story means while I can only go on what is presented. I can understand the commitment of for better or worse and in this case the husband follows through. Both he and the friend realize that all other drama falls by the wayside when faced by such a loss. A true friend knows things...like the upcoming need to be there for the fallout the one left behind will most likely suffer. And for a true friend, "crap" expressed as a sentiment, is enough. We often expect more of ourselves than others do...at it was not the time to wax eloquently. He expressed himself in the way he felt at that moment and it lacked nothing. In the face of tragedy, it felt to me like a friendship was repaired which gives some modicum of sense to the loss itself. Thanks for this...Gary
Thank you Gary, for every understanding word you wrote. It's really appreciated.
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Slytherin

"Crap" came from the heart, I think it's better to talk from the heart instead of saying something neutral/appropriate. Thank you for sharing this with us, I really liked it :hug:

  • Like 1
Link to comment
View Guidelines

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Newsletter

    Sign Up and get an occasional Newsletter.  Fill out your profile with favorite genres and say yes to genre news to get the monthly update for your favorite genres.

    Sign Up
×
×
  • Create New...