The Art of Being Gay - 13. That Song Stuck in Your Head

That Song Stuck in Your Head

"Where did you disappear to last night?" Chad said as he approached Peterson sitting in the break room at work. "One minute you and Wes were canoodling across the table from us. The next thing we know, you guys disappeared."

Peterson looked up from his sandwich, neatly wrapped in wax paper, and his glasses sparkled in the fluorescent lights. "He drove me home. It was a fun night."

"Sooooo...spill it. Did he spend the night?" Chad asked, pulling out a chair and plopping down. "Are you seeing him again? What's the deal?"

"I think that's rather personal," Peterson said, taking a nibble. He slowly chewed. "Did you and Roy hook up?"

Chad grinned. "I see how it is. Trying to change the subject?"

"Yep," Peterson responded. "Are you two an item now?"

"Naw. I got shot down," Chad said. Peterson was surprised at the mechanic's relatively good mood considering the result.

"Really." Peterson sat back in his chair, wiping his fingers with a napkin carefully. "You seem fine with it. I'm a little confused."

"He's not ready yet. We talked and I think he needs to get used to the idea." Chad set his chin on his palm. "So, Wes?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but Wes dropped me off and we kissed. I'm supposed to call him later today. We may get together this week, maybe even tonight."

Chad watched as Peterson took a small drink from his bottle of water. The blond man's lips were quivering. His fingers were gripping the thin plastic of the bottle a little too tightly causing a crackling sound. He then noticed Peterson's cross eye was trained above his head while his other eye darted about without looking directly at him.

"We're friends, right?" Chad asked.

Peterson took off his glasses and began polishing them with his napkin. "I'm not falling for the 'friends tell each other things' bit, Chad. Just drop it."

"You're getting mayo all over those lenses," he said with a smirk.

"Fuck!" Peterson barked. "What the hell am I doing?"

"Late night?" Chad chuckled. "Did someone keep you up into the wee hours?"

Peterson looked around nervously. He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket breathed on his glasses, and then rubbed them vigorously. He leaned in and whispered, "I was up until early this morning, but it wasn't with Wes. He dropped me off last night like I said."

"What?" Chad asked, moving closer. "Who did you have over?"

"I'd rather not say. I'm a little embarrassed."

Chad sat and waited. Peterson's glass cleaning was becoming his single focus as he seemed to work through his dilemma. Finally, the blond man put his glasses on and sighed. "I called Matthew last night. He drove in from Wisconsin. He didn't get here until three this morning."

Chad sat back, his hand to his throat. "Your ex? The guy you dumped after your mom died?"

Peterson nodded and shushed him. "He's at my house sleeping right now, or at least he was when I left."

"Jeez, Peterson. Why did you do that? Talk about crazy. Wes and you were getting along so well I thought-"

"This isn't about Wes. Well, kind of, but it was something I felt I had to do." Peterson said.

Chad rubbed his face. "Wes is going to be devastated. You go on a date with him and then fall into bed with this married guy. Peterson, you are quite the player."

"Hardly," Peterson said, waving at the other man dismissively. "I…we…Matt… Shit, this is hard to explain. We needed to say goodbye to each other."

Chad looked at him and blinked. "You dumped him on the phone. You never properly said goodbye, but why now? Why six months later?" That's when it all dawned on him. This was the goodbye-ex-tryst. It was something no one really talked about but everyone seemed to do it. After a few months following a breakup, long term couples would sneak off for one last farewell fuck. It was something he'd done with Eileen even though he felt no real attraction for her physically. Emotionally, he fell into it, just that one more time.

"It's a one-time thing then?" Chad asked.

"Yeah," Peterson mumbled. "Afterwards, we both realized it was a big mistake. He's leaving when I get home this afternoon."

"I see," Chad said. "Don't worry. I won't say anything."

"Thanks," Peterson said. "I don't know what got into me. Wes is a lot sexier, sweeter, and he's right here, all the time. Maybe I needed to get Matthew out of my system one last time."

"That's probably it," Chad said, patting the blond man's hand. "It's time to move on."

"Yeah." Peterson gave Chad a half-hearted grin. "I do like Wes, a lot."

"He seems to be nuts for you," Chad said. "I better get back to it. Next week will be a big one. Thanksgiving, then Black Friday. Is it really that busy?"

"It is," Peterson said. "We're both scheduled for that night shift. You weren't planning on going to Iowa I presume?"

"Naw. It's too far to go for a meal. I'm taking a couple of days at Christmas to go down to Council Bluffs. This year it's just me, a TV dinner, and some football until I come here." Chad stood up and stretched.

"Me too," Peterson said. "It's the first year without my mom. I'd just as soon spend it as quietly and quickly as I can."

"Sounds like a plan," Chad said. "See ya!"

Peterson waved him off as the mechanic returned to the warehouse

 *******

"Your Aunt Kay will be lonely without her kids around," Kendra said. "Besides, you’ll be working the next day anyway. If you want me to stay, I will. But, she really wants me to come and make a long weekend of it."

"No, it's fine Mom. I was mostly joking with you," Roy said, putting his feet up on his desk. "You're right. With our new holiday hours, Thanksgiving is mostly a bust anyway. I'll grab a bite at Perkins or something. You should go to Fargo."

"Okay, then don't start whining about it next week when I leave." Kendra paused. "Why don't you see what Tyrell and Hugo are doing?"

"I'm not going to Tyrell and Lonnie's mother's house for dinner. She has enough mouths to feed without me joining the crowd over there," Roy explained, moving the phone to his other ear.

"What are the other members of your gay club doing for Thanksgiving?" She asked. "If they're not doing anything, you could all go out to eat together."

Roy smiled. "That's a great idea, Mom. Why didn't I think of that?"

"Because, you’re used to it being just us for the holiday. We used to have friends come over when you were a kid, remember that?" She asked.

"I do. That was fun. You and Dad's friends would all bring a dish to pass and you roasted the bird. I forgot all about that." Roy stood up and moved around his chair. "I'll go ask them right now before they make plans. I know Chad has nowhere to go and I'll bet Peterson is in the same boat."

"See, it all works out. Speaking of, how is that nice man, Chad? Have you made your big move yet," Kendra teased him.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't hear the last thing you said. The connection is getting bad. Talk to you soon," Roy said quickly, then hit end on his phone. "God, that woman is nosy."

"Who's nosy?" He heard someone say from the doorway. He looked up to see Madeline waltz in chomping on some gum and making all kinds of smacking noises.

"You and my mom are," Roy said, shutting down his computer. "Need something?"

"Yeah. I can't work Thanksgiving night. My relatives are all coming in for dinner at four o'clock. You scheduled me at six. I know it's late notice but if you could help a gal out..."

"Aren't you Manager on Duty that night? Who am I supposed to get now? It's next week," Roy said with a snort.

"Please Roy," Madeline whined. "I'll work Wednesday night for you and even Friday if I can get that night off."

"Why not?" Roy agreed. "You work Wednesday night for me, I'll take the Thursday night shift. My mom's gonna be gone anyway."

"Excellent! I owe you one," she said, flashing him a smile and ran out of his office.

"You do. Now, let's see if the boys wanna go out for dinner," Roy said to himself.

Roy skipped down the stairway to the store's main floor. He walked briskly back into the warehouse area, looking around for Chad. When he saw the mechanic climbing into the forklift, his heart beat a little faster. Since last night's little smooch, Roy couldn't clear the big guy out of his head. It was like a song playing over and over, with the same few words repeating themselves. 'God only knows how I feel about you,' by the Beach Boys kept rippling through him no matter what he did.

It was infuriating since he didn't know what to do about it.

"What's up?" Roy turned to see Peterson approaching.

"Hey!" Roy greeted him. "What happened to you last night?"

"Chad already grilled me about that. Wes took me home, I kissed him goodbye, and we're seeing each other tonight, probably," the blond man said. "Now you're caught up."

"That's cool," Roy said. "I was wondering what you were doing for Thanksgiving?"

"Nothing. It's the first holiday since my mother passed away so I'm lying low," he said. "Why?"

"I thought if you guys weren't doing anything, we could all go out for a bite before work. Kendra's going to her sister's and I just got bamboozled into working that night too." Roy saw Peterson grappling with the idea.

"I don't know.” Peterson’s forehead wrinkled, and as Roy started to look away, he said.” Wait! Why not? It would be better than sitting around the house all day," Peterson said with a smile. "I don't know why I shouldn't hang out with you guys. Chad's not doing anything special either. He told me earlier."

"Let's ask him," Roy said and the two men walked over to the beeping forklift backing up toward the aisle.

After some wild arm waves, Chad stopped the machine and climbed out. "Where's the fire?" He asked with a grin.

"We're going out Thanksgiving day. You don't have any other plans, do you?" Roy asked. He heard the song start playing again. Roy tried to concentrate on Chad's face and not the rest of him. His breath was a little winded all of a sudden. ‘God only knows…’

"Sounds good. Say, why don't we cook? If it's the three of us, it wouldn't be that much work," Chad said.

"I don't know how to cook a damned turkey, Peterson do you?" Roy asked.

Peterson shook his head. "We should go out. That's too much work."

"Forget it. I know how to roast a turkey. Peterson, ask Wes if he wants to come," Chad said excitedly.

"I don't know about that. He probably has plans," Peterson hedged. "I mean, we've just started going out and..."

"It's Thanksgiving dinner, not a wedding or something. It's a holiday, a holiday with friends," Chad said. "This could be fun!"

Roy watched as the big guy got as excited as a kid at Christmas. No doubt, missing Justin and the rest of his family was a hard pill to swallow. This was a huge deal for him. "Let's do it. We can cook at my place."

"I'll ask Wes," Peterson said. He was looking a little happier as well. There was no reason this communal holiday needed to be a lonely one. "Hell, why not?"

Peterson went back towards his office and Chad turned to climb back onto the forklift. Roy stood there silently for a minute, until 'God only knows...' Started playing in his head again.

"Wait a second, Chad. I have a question for you," Roy said.

"Yeah, boss?" The mechanic asked with a big grin. "What's up?"

"I...did you?" Roy stammered. "I was thinking..."

"What's wrong, Roy?" Chad asked stepping closer. "You're sweating and pale. Are you sick?"

"No, of course not," Roy answered, embarrassed. "About what you said last night."

"Are you reconsidering your position on my proposal?" Chad said with a wolfish grin. Roy felt his pulse quicken again. He was feeling a little woozy.

"Do you want to go for a drink after work and we can talk?" Roy said, looking around at his other employees. They weren’t looking at them. In spite of that, he felt like everyone could hear his thoughts, they were so loud.

"Sure. Any place in particular?" Chad asked.

"I want to go back to Wilde's," Roy said. It was the only place he could think of. Last night he'd felt something had changed. Sitting in that same place was the only way he’d figure out what happened to him. "Or is that too far?"

"Works for me," Chad said. "Are you sure you're okay? You're looking pretty gnarly. Handsome as usual, but definitely like you're coming down with something."

Roy couldn't put the words together to explain what he feared he was catching. It was nothing like he'd ever felt, except once. Many years ago, he felt as light-headed and flighty as he did right now. It didn't turn out well.

"I'm fine. I'll see you at six, okay?"

Chad smiled again and waved. He climbed into the cage of the forklift. Roy's eyes were pulled into watching as his muscles moved beneath the denim. It mesmerized him.

 *******

Sunday nights at Wilde's Tavern were quite different from trivia nights. The bar was pretty empty with four or five tables of people and only a few sitting at the bar. Two bartenders lazily worked as Roy and Chad climbed onto their bar stools.

"Welcome, what can I get for ya?" The cute dark haired man behind the bar asked. It was the same guy who served them the night before. Chad nodded back acknowledging the bartender’s wink.

"I'll have a whiskey sour," Roy said, glancing at Chad with a perturbed look on his face.

"I'll have a light beer," Chad said.

"Coors light, like last night?" The bartender asked.

"Yep!" Chad responded. "This is the guy who served us last night."

"Oh. I'm Roy," the red haired man said offering his hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Jared. I'm the bartender Gary likes to tease with his trivia questions. I don't really have a favorite porn star," he said with a chuckle. Jared set the bottle of beer in front of Chad. He filled a glass with ice and poured Roy's drink.

"I've never seen you guys before. Did you enjoy last night?" He asked.

"Yeah, it was fun." Chad said as Roy got his drink. "Cheers!"

Jared the bartender drifted down to another customer as the two men settled in. "So, what did you wanna talk about?" Chad asked. "Is this our first date?"

"No!" Roy said quickly. "I mean, this isn't. I, um, don't know how to talk about this."

"What's to talk about? I like you, a lot. We get along so great, as friends." Chad looked around and then leaned in close. "And I think you're the hottest guy I've ever met. I mean, the dreams I've been having and the dirty thoughts."

Roy's face turned a vivid pink. "Stop that. I like you too. We get along so great. I'm nervous about this idea, your idea of us being together."

Chad nodded slowly. "I get that. Sometimes I think why fuck it up with dating? Then, I wake up and grab my pillow and, God I'm pathetic."

"What? You grab your pillow and what? Chadder, don't shut down on me." Roy touched his arm. He felt the goose pimples on the mechanic’s arm and a thrill ran down one leg.

“I wake up and hug it and say ‘Good morning, Roy.’ Okay, are you happy? You probably think I’m some creepy stalker or something,” Chad pouted.

That idea had popped into his head, but in tandem, it was one of the sweetest, most complimentary things anyone had ever said about him. ‘When Chad wakes up, he thinks of you first,’ Roy thought.

“I think that’s quite nice,” Roy said after a minute. “I don’t talk to my pillow, but I do wonder if you’re having a good morning.”

“You do?” Chad asked. “You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?”

“No, I really do,” Roy said.

He leaned over and was about to kiss Chad deep and passionately when Roy heard, “It’s our gym buddies, The Island of Misfit Toys guys!” They both turned and saw Adam and Gunner walking towards them. Both men had big, friendly smiles on their faces. “You came back.”

“We did. Wanted a drink after work and this place is nice,” Chad said. “What are you doing here?”

“They’re playing the game for us tonight. A bunch of the rugby players are coming. You blokes should join us and learn how it’s played,” Adam said brightly.

“G and T?” Jared asked Adam. The red haired man nodded.

“The usual, Gunner?” the bartender asked, lifting a big hurricane glass in the air.

“Sure, mate,” the big guy answered. “I drink fruity drinks when the Wallabies are playing. It’s good luck for ‘em.”

“Good to know,” Chad said with a laugh. “Grab a seat until your friends get here. We were just talking.”

“We’re not interrupting anything, are we mates?” Adam asked while sitting down next to Roy.

“Not really,” Roy said, taking a drink. His determination to kiss Chad had dissolved.

“Cool,” Adam said. “It’s nice making American friends for a change. After Gunner and I moved here, we had a fuck-all time finding people to hang with until we joined the Mayhem. Half of them are ex-pats from the UK or Aussies so we get sheltered a bit.”

“It’s great getting to know you guys too. When did you move here?” Chad asked.

“A year ago, right babe?” Adam asked. Gunner was busy sucking down his garish red drink, but he did pause and nod.

“Yeah, we got here right before Halloween.” Adam said.

“How do you like it here?” Chad asked.

“It’s nice in the summer. Bloody cold in the fucking winter though I must say. Froze my tits off last year,” Adam chuckled.

“I had to keep his bum warm for him,” Gunner said with a wink.

“I do most of the arse warming, you’re not fooling anyone darling,” Adam said. Gunner shrugged and finished his drink. Jared was already making him another one.

“What brought you here?” Roy asked.

“My work transferred me here. I work for Boston Scientific and there was a promotion for me to come here.” Adam smiled. “It was quite the transition for us.”

“What do you do, Gunner?” Roy asked, looking at the huge beast taking his second glass of bright red punch from the bartender.

“Mostly fitness training with private clients, old ladies for the most part,” Gunner grunted.

“Mostly he’s a kept man. He’s my little house husband,” Adam said, elbowing his man.

“It’s a living,” Gunner said grinning. “I like being pampered.”

“If he could cook, it would be perfect,” Adam teased.

“You like my stuff off the barbie,” Gunner said, looking a little hurt.

“Yeah, you’re great with that, but don’t get me started on our little turkey experiment last year,” Adam said. “That was a nightmare.”

“I ain’t ever done a turkey before. We don’t have a day dedicated to a giant roasted bird in Australia,” Gunner said. “Angus didn’t complain.”

“Angus was blotto. That was the night he broke down, remember?” Adam said. He then looked at Chad and Roy and winced. “Didn’t mean to air our mate’s dirty laundry like that.”

“He started getting a little weepy last night too,” Roy said. “Don’t worry. We wouldn’t say anything.”

“Problem with Angus is he needs to find the right man,” Gunner said. “He’s the lonely type who gets so needy.”

“Poor guy. He really is the best, but he’s so clingy. When he starts dating a bloke, he’s all over him and chases them off. I feel bad for him,” Adam said.

Roy wasn’t really paying much attention to the ‘woes of Angus’ story. However, he wondered if their little Thanksgiving get together could be a little bigger. He was enjoying Adam and Gunner, even if they interrupted their moment. Maybe knowing another couple would help give them a kind of example. Roy still didn’t know how to negotiate things with Chad. Hell, it wasn’t Chad who was the problem. It was him.

“What are you guys doing for Thanksgiving?” Roy asked.

“Nothing, I’m guessing. Probably have Angus over and cook something on the barbie, not a turkey that’s for sure,” Gunner said.

“Why don’t you join us?” Chad said, turning to Roy. Roy nodded enthusiastically. “Peterson’s coming over to Roy’s and maybe Wes. If you want, we’ll have more than enough food.”

“That sounds amazing. Are you sure we wouldn’t be imposing?” Adam asked. “Oh, Angus?” he said, looking at Gunner.

“Bring him along,” Roy said. “The more the merrier.”

“Will it be all couples?” Gunner asked. “He’s a bit sensitive about being the third wheel.”

“Not really,” Chad said. “Roy and I are more friends than anything else. I rather doubt Peterson and Wes will be that touchy-feely in front of us. Bring him along. It will be a blast.”

“When you put it like that, what the hell. Sure, we’ll be there,” Adam said. “This round’s on us then.”

“Cheers,” they called out and clinked glasses.

Roy watched as Chad chatted easily with the guys. He wondered if their moment had passed. It seemed they couldn’t get on the same page. Was there something wrong? That feeling he’d experienced last night was fading. It was like a window was closing, a door was being barred. There was a terrible sense that things weren’t the same.

Roy chewed on his straw and watched Chad. The song that had been in his head was gone. He couldn’t even remember which one it was. Why couldn’t he remember? It was something about God. No, that can’t be right. What song was it?

Roy blinked back his itchy eyes. Chad was laughing it up with them. He was sitting there, alone, feeling like he’d done something wrong. What happened?

“What do you think, Roy?” he heard the mechanic ask him. Roy moved away. Then, a warm hand touched his face, gently directing it with the lightest touch.

“How’s it going?” Chad asked. His eyes were gently probing him.

Roy couldn’t answer, not at first. Then, the big guy smiled at him, one of those smiles that was both reassuring and searching for answers. “I’m just tired.” Roy gave the other man a grin.

“Guys, we gotta go. Last night was late and both of us worked today,” Roy heard Chad say. “Let’s meet up later this week. We can talk about our Thanksgiving dinner then. I want to get this guy home.”

“Are you sure? The match is about to begin,” Adam said.

“I’m sure,” Chad said. “We’re a little tired tonight. It’s been a long weekend.”

Roy looked over at the other couple and smiled. Obviously it had worked, as false as it felt, because Adam and Gunner grinned broadly and smacked them both on the back.

“We’ll talk later,” Adam said. “I’m looking forward to a real American Turkey Day.”

“We both are,” Gunner added a nice, wet belch following his sentiments.

“God, he’s such a fucking pig,” Adam laughed and smacked his man.

“You like me like that,” Gunner said, wriggling his eyebrows.

They all laughed at that. Chad guided Roy towards the entrance. For the first time in his life, Roy felt someone was watching over him. The big guy had his hand placed firmly at the base of his spine. It belonged there. Roy didn’t know why he thought that, but it did.

“Let’s get you home,” Chad said. Roy looked up at him and the other man blushed.

‘God only knows how I feel about you…” floated back into his head. It felt good to hear it again.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOMyS78o5YI

Songwriters WILSON, BRIAN DOUGLAS / ASHER, TONY

Published by Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group