The Holly and the Ivy - 4. Sleepless Night

The Holly and the Ivy

Chapter Four – A Sleepless Night

Something was wrong. The warmth beside me was gone. I tried to see in the dark, held my breath so I would hear him better. Nothing. Where was he? We had gone to bed together, which had been rather awkward, to say the least. I had helped him to the bathroom and back, then I’d gone in and when I returned, he was reading a book. I had said I was tired and, after a while, I pretended to sleep.

Diarmad couldn’t have got up alone. He hadn’t even been able to lie down by himself. I tried to stay calm, suppress this incomprehensible bout of protectiveness, while blindly fumbling around for the bedside light. “Diarmad?”

My eyes had to adjust to the sudden light, then I saw him sitting in the loveseat near the large bay window.

“I’m sorry, Noël. I couldn’t sleep and kept tossing and turning. I was afraid to wake you so I got up. Seems I woke you anyway.” He didn't look at me, but kept his eyes on the dark forest outside.

“Yeah I felt al… um, I mean your warmth was gone and I err...” Gods could this get any more awkward? I focused on the more important thing. “You got up alone!”

“Yes. I guess I am feeling better already, huh? I could actually walk over here…until I collapsed on the seat, that is.” Shifting around a little, he smiled wryly.

I wondered how long he had sat there. Maybe he hadn’t been able to come back to bed and was too embarrassed to wake me. “What time is it anyway?” I squinted at my wristwatch. “Almost four, still the hour of the wolf, where the sleepless are haunted by their worst nightmares…”

His head snapped up, his eyes widened. “W-what are you saying?”

“I don’t know… I always think of that when I wake at this time.” I shrugged, then I saw his expression and it dawned on me… He must have had nightmares. That’s why he’s up in the middle of the night. “How bad are they?”

“What?” He looked almost panicky. The hand lying on his thigh twitched slightly.

I pushed the covers aside and swung my legs out of bed. Seeing his uneasiness, I almost let it slide, but I knew better. “Your nightmares… talking about them can take their power away.”

I knew damn well what I was talking about. The image of Nana being crushed by that car was burnt into my brain, and still haunted me almost every night. The cold gaze of the driver freezing me on the spot… I leaned forward, trying to catch Diarmad’s eyes. “You should talk to someone...”

“I don’t think so…,” he muttered more to himself than to me, his gaze already back to the window. He was evading me and I let him be. I knew this was wrong, but I felt I didn’t have the right. Yet.

Maybe I could distract him. I still had so many questions. The most pressing was what the hell happened in the afternoon? How could I throw someone across the room without even touching them? I was afraid of the answer. That’s why I hadn’t insisted on an explanation before. I wasn’t ready to face the obvious truth: the letter was genuine.

Okay, here goes. “Could you explain to me what happened today? How could I throw Moira through the air without touching her?”

Diarmad didn’t answer right away and I thought he would ignore me. He kept looking out the window. “I think it was Tristan. His soul is merging with yours. Technically it is too early for that, but he was always very protective of me." He smiled indulgently. "And way too rash. You must have felt threatened by Moira, which then triggered one of his… more violent abilities. That’s the only explanation I can think of.”

I lifted my hand to stop him. “Wait, wait, wait. His abilities? What abilities? I thought he was human. We don’t have these powers.” I was still in denial, yet here was the proof I had wanted. The abilities Nana had talked about in her letter... I had them, one at least.

No, there must be another explanation.

Diarmad continued to stare into the night while casually dropping the next bomb. “Of course not. He didn’t either until he became my Bonded.”

“Your Bonded?” Again something I knew nothing about. I hate it when I feel stupid because people hold back information I should know about. “What is a Bonded?”

“To become a Bonded, a human has to ingest a very small amount of blood from their mate.”

Blood? “They have to drink blood?” I felt disgusted and intrigued at the same time.

“Yes, that is why my second mate is called Bonded. Their life span is prolonged up to four times that of a normal human and sometimes, depending on the donor's strength, they can get special abilities too,” he explained calmly as if it were nothing. At least he was looking at me now and no longer staring out of the window.

“Abilities, huh? You mean like being able to throw people around like a friggin’ Jedi for example?” I quipped.

“Something like that yes." He frowned distractedly. "You shouldn’t have had access to these powers yet though, that’s very unusual.”

“Wow.” Reality check. There is no denying it any longer. And if I have those powers, it means I have this Tristan guy in me somewhere. I am Diarmad’s fucking mate, whatever that means. I couldn't sit still any longer and walked over to the dresser against the opposite wall. Pointing at the painted pictures on top, I asked, “Are these Luis and Tristan?”

Watching me warily, he nodded. “Yes. The blond is Luis and the brunette is Tristan, Simon’s brother.”

Tristan was Simon's brother. This is getting better and better. I ignored this new piece of information for the moment. “Landyn said Luis was the Servant and Tristan the Brother, but when I asked him to explain this to me he said I should ask you.”

“And he was absolutely right to do so. He should never have talked about this in the first place,” Diarmad answered sharply, folding his arms against his chest. I was sure, if he could have got out of the chair at that moment, he would have paced the room.

“Don’t be angry with him. I kinda tricked him and he let it slip when I was in the kitchen to get your juice.” I still wasn't happy about Landyn pretending to be my friend, when in reality, he was nothing but my bodyguard, but this had been an honest mistake. He hadn't gossiped but I had pressed him to tell me more. I couldn't let him take responsibility for this. I turned and leaned back against the dresser. "I made him tell me more after the first slip."

“Well, he should have known better. This is personal; it should be discussed only between you and me and not be kitchen gossip,” Diarmad huffed.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked him. I was just−"

“You were curious; of course you were.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and then obviously came to a decision. “Okay, what else do you want to know?”

Suddenly I was wide-awake. I walked over to him and squatted down, so I could see his eyes. “Just like that? You’ll answer any question I have?”

“Within reason, yes.” Was he already regretting his offer?

My gaze returned to the painted pictures on the dresser. I got up, took one of the frames in my hand, and showed it to him. “Okay. Tell me about Luis.”

“Luis?" He shook his head as he watched me running a finger over the portrait. "You surprise me Noël. I would have bet on you asking me about the powers you could develop or at least about Tristan.” For the first time that night he really looked at ease.

“Luis was my gardener." He smiled fondly, remembering him. "He really loved his flowers and plants. Everything thrived under his hands. You should have seen my gardens back then. However, what he loved even more was to create flower arrangements, and every time he did, there was ivy in them. He was a true artist and when I chose his mark, it had to be the ivy leaf."

Geezus! What mark? Diarmad hadn't even realized what he'd said, again. “His mark?” Did this never end? Just when I thought I had it all sorted, he threw something else at me.

My question brought him back to the present. I could see his eyes slowly focusing on me again, before he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, “Yes, as my first mate Luis had to be marked." Sure, stupid me. How could I not know this? "I always think of Luis when I see ivy.” Finally he must have noticed my blank look. “It’s like a birthmark in the shape of an ivy leaf. You have it on your right hipbone I believe.”

“So that was what Landyn and Simon were talking about…” I murmured to myself. But why do I have Luis’s mark?

“All the years living with me, Luis strived to make my life more beautiful. He was such a kind soul. After I told him he was to be my mate, he was so joyous. I knew I would meet him again in you, I was devastated when he died.” He stared out of the window again, a wistful smile on his face. Then he seemed to remember what I'd said before and frowned, his voice getting colder. “What were Landyn and Simon talking about?”

Shit, he really doesn't like it when they talk about his personal stuff behind his back.

“They didn’t know I could hear them. Simon doubted that I’d be your… final mate.” I still had problems with the word. “So, to prove it, Landyn pointed out my birthmarks.”

“Obviously they should not have discussed this where they could be overheard. I understand that Simon has problems with you; he and Tristan were very close, even for brothers. When he realized that as Landyn’s mate he would outlive his brother, he was much shaken. Only his love for Landyn saved him from going into a state of depression after Tristan's death. He asked me so many times why Tristan couldn’t have been my final mate. He couldn’t fathom that someone could be stronger than his brother." Diarmad fixed me with his eyes. "This is not a matter of physical strength, you know that, right?”

“That's good, huh? I'm not exactly bodyguard material." Stupid answer, I know.

Now I knew why Simon was behaving so standoffish then. "I couldn’t understand why Simon was always so hostile. But why? Through me he could get back a part of his brother." The words were barely out of my mouth when I realized what I had just said. 'Through me...' I had accepted my role... task... whatever. Maybe.

I watched Diarmad, but he didn't seem to have noticed the significance of the statement I'd just made. “Nobody says human behavior is always logical.”

“But Seraei behavior is?” I asked defensively.

“Not really, no.” He grinned suddenly. “And Tristan is both.” In an instant, his face went from happy to serious again. “That reminds me, there is one more thing I need to tell you. You mentioned earlier you have always healed well. This was actually the first sign you really are who we hoped for. You have accelerated healing capabilities because you harbor two joined souls; one of them even part Seraei.”

So he had noticed what I'd said and wanted to show me more proof. Great. I tried to play it down by faking ignorance. “Part Seraei?”

“Yes, through my blood Tristan became part Seraei, a very small part but still… he adopted some of our particular features you could say. Beside other… things, we have accelerated healing capabilities, which increase when we are mated.”

That knocked my socks off. “I’m part Seraei? Wow…”

“Well not yet," Diarmad said with a half-smile. "But by holding Tristan’s soul alone you’d already developed accelerated healing at a very young age. It is a protecting ability; that is why it shows first.”

“That’s good to know. Now I needn't worry if Ronan ever feels like slamming me into a wall again. At least I'll heal quickly afterwards,” I grumbled.

“Well, after what you did to Moira, I doubt he will try that again any time soon.” He looked amused for a moment, probably picturing Ronan crashing into the wall with a twitch of my pinky.

It was an image I liked: six-foot-five-muscle-bound Ronan flying through the room just by my will. On closer consideration though, it became... unsettling. Things were gliding out of my grasp, an avalanche had started and I couldn't stop it if I wanted. This was happening...

I needed a safe topic, something to distract me before I completely lost it. “So, Tristan is Simon's brother. Tell me about him.” Safe topic, yes.

Diarmad had been watching me closely, the hand on his thigh clenching and unclenching, as if he wanted to touch me, calm me. I was sure he could guess at least part of what was going on inside me.

“It was actually Simon we met first. Landyn had already lost his first mate Amergin. As an Ancient or Elder, as I prefer to call us, he needed two human mates. When Amergin died, Landyn wanted to find his final mate as quickly as possible, if only to have Amergin back. His name is Gaelic, it means poet, and that he was. Ask Landyn to show you some of his poems, they are beautiful. Diarmad flattened the wrinkles on his pant leg with his finger, his left foot twitched indicating he wanted nothing more than to get up.

What a curse it must be, watching your loved ones die, knowing with certainty that you'll lose them eventually. How much must they long for their final mate, the one who wouldn't have to leave them.

“In the end Landyn had to wait fifty years until a member of the Order spotted a man who had Amergin’s mark. He worked as a steward at one of the smaller estates not so far away from mine. Landyn was so excited. I had to hold him back, otherwise he would have ridden over to look for himself as soon as they told him." He grinned, and it was all in my head: Landyn storming to the stables and Diarmad holding him back trying to reason with him.

“The estate was up for sale, so I bought it and we took on the remaining staff. This way Landyn could get to know Simon slowly. It's their story, maybe they’ll tell you some time. A year later, they celebrated their joining ritual. Amergin and Simon have been perfect for Landyn." There was longing in his voice, and it hit me in the gut. It was what he'd hoped to have with me, what I couldn't imagine giving him, yet. He was still a stranger to me.

Diarmad didn't seem to notice my uneasiness. His mind was still in the past. “Simon had a younger brother, Tristan. One day he came to visit him. Tristan had been working as a valet and uh… today you would probably say bodyguard, but his employer had lost everything because of some bad financial decisions. So, Tristan had decided to live with his brother for a while. As soon as I saw him, I knew he was my second mate. I offered him a position as valet to get to know him better. Months later, I finally told him about the Seraei. With Simon being already mated to Landyn, it was easier for him to accept us and one year later, he agreed to become my Bonded, my second mate. His and Luis’ souls complemented each other perfectly; they merged into one wonderful person." There was a ghost of a smile on his face which disappeared as fast as it had come. Suddenly he seemed eager to finish his tale.

“Tristan was skilled in the use of all kinds of edged weapons as well as hand-to-hand-combat and he became very protective of me after we had mated. He was also a loyal friend. Over the years our friendship became deeper, he became my brother. We should have been together for four hundred years at least. My blood is much stronger than Landyn’s, it would have prolonged Tristan’s life much more than his had Amergin’s. But it wasn’t to be. ” The last sentence was almost inaudible and when I looked up from Tristan's picture in my hand, Diarmad had tears in his eyes. "He died in Simon’s arms after he protected me from an attack we never knew the origins of." He stopped for a moment, but then pulled himself together. "I eventually found solace in the fact that Tristan and Luis would be back with me sometime in the future, joined with the soul of my final mate. Simon was inconsolable and heartbroken, though. He fell into a deep depression and only his love for Landyn saved him in the end. But he has changed. He is cynical, and every time my third and final mate comes up in a conversation, he gets reclusive and angry."

Yeah, tell me about it.

“After you were born, it became worse. We hope that when the merging of the souls is complete and you are fully united with Tristan, Simon can recognize parts of him within you, and he will finally heal." His dark blue eyes pierced me with an almost curious interest. "Well, yesterday you definitely showed some of Tristan's traits when you got Moira…”

“How do you know it was Tristan,” I asked dryly.

He raised his eyebrows, as if asking how it could not have been him.

I put Tristan's picture back on the dresser with a too hard thud and breathed in deeply. When I turned around, he leaned back in his chair, one leg across the other, watching me with curiosity.

I mentally counted to ten. “Okay, the throwing was him or one of his powers, but the reason I did it...? Fuck! You really think he did this? Through me right?" I was getting more and more pissed. "I used his powers, yes. But the rest was me!" I didn't need him to know Moira had to be put in her place. I could see this all by myself, thank you very much.”

Would everything I did in the future be explained away as their doing? You did this because of Luis, and you did that because of Tristan, but never you did this because you’re you, Noël. Noël can do things all by himself. Fuck it! Who am I?

"Damn it! I have to go to the bathroom."

More explanations. We learn things at the same speed Noël does. And we're equally confused? Discussion thread.
Hugs for Val, Lisa and Zombie.