In love with my brother - 8. Chapter 8 - Confession

Anikin was in the kitchen brewing coffee for when he was going to work. In the meantime, I was in my room, pacing back and forth, trying to find the courage to go and tell him.

Before I could get a chance to change my mind I walked out into the hall, as soon as I heard him leave the kitchen.

He was in front of the door, mug in one hand and a stack of papers in the other, reading.

“Anikin…!” I said taking a few steps closer before I stopped.

“Mmm” He didn’t look up from his papers.

“I… I love you,” I hurriedly blurted out before I could chicken out.

“You too,” he answered still not looking up; he clearly did not understand what I meant. I took a few steps closer.

“Anikin…” Anikin started moving again, not listening at all.

“I’m in love with you.” Determined to make him understand the meaning of my words I put all my feelings into them, and this time he froze in the middle of the door. I looked at his back for about 5 seconds before he slowly turned around and met my gaze, he looked horrified. I took a step closer but he backed away, into his office, shaking his head.

“No,” he said putting his hand on the door.

“Anikin…?” My voice was small. His expression changed from shock to anger.

“Don’t even go there” he said slowly with some kind of threat in his voice and then he slammed the door in my face.

For a moment I just stood there, too shocked to move. Then I realized what had happened and the feeling of rejection ran through my body, tears started to well up in my eyes, I hugged my arms around my shoulders and hurried back to my room.

I gently closed the door behind me and slid down, ‘til I was on the floor and let my tears fall. I cried hard not even caring that Anikin might hear me in the next room.

I didn’t leave my room for the rest of the day, going to bed hungry, and the next day I left extra early so I wouldn’t have to go with Anikin.

As the bell rang for lunch I felt sick, I not only hadn’t had dinner the night before but I didn’t have any breakfast either.

It felt like the bell had just rung and the next second Sean was in front of my table, looking at me with excitement.

“So… how did it go? Did hot stuff happen?” He was rubbing his hands in anticipation as he looked at me, eager to get answers. I looked up at him and felt shame and anger burn in my gaze so I looked back out the window.

“No… he slammed the door in my face.” I felt the tears press at the back of my eyes and I focused on forcing them back down.

“Wow… hadn’t seen that one coming.” Sean looked down, speculating.

“You idiot! How could I even have listened to you? How am I ever going to face him again?” Venting my frustration onto Sean I found the energy to get up and stalk out the classroom, bag over my shoulder, to find something to eat at the canteen.

“Hey! Wait up for me.” Sean yelled at me before running, joining me in the hallway.

“Slow down man, you’re gonna fall and break a leg or something.”

“Just shut up Sean. I’m done taking advice from you. Beside I’m starving, haven’t had anything to eat since lunch yesterday so I’m in a hurry.” Sean was smart enough to keep quiet for the moment, but halfway through my food he felt my mood ease up and he was on a roll.

“So how did you tell him?” He pushed his empty tray to the side and leaned towards me.

“I guess I just kinda blurted it out.” I didn’t look at him as I answered but I could hear the disappointment in his next words.

“How boring.”

“It’s not like I could ask him on a date nor do the whole candlelight thing now, is it. Besides, you’re the one who told me not to wrap it up.” The annoyance was back in my voice and Sean threw his hands up in surrender.

“Hey chill man, sorry, I guess you’re right.”

“I don’t know what I had hoped for, should have known it was never gonna happen. Already from the beginning you know, when I realized my feelings I should’ve just let go” I abandoned my fork on the plate still only halfway through my meal. I leaned back and dramatically covered my face with my hands as I groaned in frustration.

“Guess I just have to suck it up, pretend nothing happened, and maybe things can go back to normal.” As I leaned forward I threw my arms to the side in a surrendering gesture and went back to my food.