In love with my brother - 9. Chapter 9 - Welcome home surprise

Anikin called earlier to let me know our movie plans had to be rescheduled, because he’d been loaded up with work at the firm for the evening, probably some of the night as well, so he couldn’t say when he would be home.

I wasn’t really surprised it turned out like this, most of the time had come to be like this lately anyway, and I didn’t want to be a bother to his work. The only problem about this change in my everyday life, was my boredom. Sure I could hang out with Sean and the other guys from school, but in my depression I didn’t really feel like going out.

I was lying on the couch zapping through the many channels, without anything interesting coming up. In the end I settled for a horror movie, not usually my thing but what else to do.

I got up and went to the kitchen; found a few beers in the fridge, from one of Anikin’s get-togethers a couple of days earlier, and some Jelly beans. I went back to the couch and settled down getting comfortable. Since the party where Tamaki had gotten me drunk, Anikin didn’t mind me having one or two drinks whenever he had people over, hence I was getting used to drinking.

The movie turned out to be one of those really old B movies and not scary at all, therefor it hadn’t been a problem watching it alone. By the time it ended I had already emptied all four cans of beer, and I was getting tipsy.

After I’d managed to clean up my clutter I went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. As I was brushing my teeth I felt my suppressed carnal needs overflow and I knew I had to deal with it, somehow, if I wanted to sleep later on. Anikin wasn’t home and probably wouldn’t be for a few hours, thus in my drunken state I found myself walking into his bedroom.

Deep down I knew this was a really bad idea, but my hormones wouldn’t let me walk out of this unsatisfied.

I slowly pulled off my shirt, nervous about what I was doing, but I felt so hot and the idea of this thing being forbidden, was just turning me on even more. My dick was throbbing like crazy already and I hadn’t even touched myself anywhere yet.

I undid the tie in my sweats and pulled them down, savoring the cool air on my heated skin. Out of the corner of my eye I saw one of Anikin’s shirts slung over the chair, I grabbed it and held it to my face, breathing in deeply. The smell of Anikin was still lingering in the fabric. I pulled it on and crawled onto the bed.

In the haze of booze and desire I started to touch myself, shy at first, imagining that it was Anikin’s hands and mouth sliding over my skin. Touching my lips, my nipples and finally taking hold of my quivering erection. I got braver and went to touch my nibbles at the same time as I was stroking slowly up and down. It was heavenly and I wasn’t far from the climax I had been craving.

Just as I was almost there and Anikin’s name slipped across my lips, the door was opened.

My eyes flew open and I saw Anikin standing in the door. His eyes big in disbelief and his face going pale as he took in the scene of me I laying on the bed, cheeks all flushed, my still hard leangth pulsing in hand and his shirt hanging lewdly low on my shoulders. Silently he turned on his heels and closed the door behind him.

I had sobered up the second Anikin had walked in on me, and with the sound of the door clicking shut I pulled the shirt around me and jumped quickly out of the bed. I flew to the door in panic with a desperate need to justify myself. I ripped it open as I called out his name and almost collided with him, as he was standing just on the other side, facing away.

“Ah, Anikin… Uhm you see… eh… it’s just… I uh... you know…Uhm… I’m uh…“ Even with my need to explain to him what exactly I’d been doing in his bedroom the words would not connect in my brain. Anxiety hit me and I felt really exposed standing there, half naked, trying to clerify why I’d been masturbating in my brother’s bedroom.

“I… I’m really sorry… you… you must be tired, I’ll go to my own room now and…” I quickly mumbled as I was about to flee past him. I never got a chance to finish my sentence. He caught my arm in a solid grip and pulled me back into the room slamming the door behind us. He pulled me to the bed and tossed me down on it, hard enough for me to bounce up and down twice.

I didn’t recall ever having seen him this mad.

“Anikin, I’m really sorry, it won’t happen again, I swear.” I was actually scared of what he might do. I couldn’t see his eyes, the dim light coming in through the window casting them in shadows.

I tried to move away but he grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head, as he hovered over me. He gently pulled the shirt aside and ran two fingers down my side. I’m sure that, if I hadn’t been so alarmed, it would have left goose bumps all over my body. But my desire was suppressed all the way down to a zero, even so, probably because of the booze, my hard leangth was still standing proud, refusing to go down, so I pulled my legs up and rolled my lower body sideways in an attempt to hide it.

“Anikin please, I’m sorry.” I felt tears prick at the back of my eyes, what was he doing? I already apologized, I learned my lesson. Why was he still angry?

He grabbed my legs and tried to straighten my body, but with this I struggled. Even so in the end he got both my feet on the floor, my legs apart and my body flat on the bed with my manhood clearly exposed.

“Anikin stop… I am really, truly sorry, just let me go, please.” Tears started to fill my eyes and roll down my temples, I shut them tight as I turned my head to the side, deeply ashamed.

I hadn’t seen it coming. I couldn’t suppress a surprised gasp and the tremble running through my body, as Anikin placed his finger at the tip of my dick and ran it down my length.

With a deep sigh Anikin slid down to the floor right between my legs.

“Huh…” I felt his hands on my hips and my whole body froze for a second, before he pulled me down onto his lap.

Hesitantly I let him pull me over the edge of the bed. He lifted one hand to rub his eyes with weariness but stayed silent. As I didn’t know what to do; I quickly pulled the shirt close around me, to cover up my body.

“Anikin I’m really sorry, so don’t be mad at me anymore, okay.” I couldn’t look at his face.

“MAD? Oh no, I’m not mad Dom… I’m so turned on, that I’m having a hard time containing myself, from just pinning you down and fuck you!!” Eh? My eyes flew to his face. His gaze was so intense it made me flush instantly.

“To come home after an insanely rough day, where everyone has been getting on my nerves, with a constant need for some kind of relief, just to find you practically naked on my bed, calling my name as you’re enjoying yourself… what did you expect?” If he put it like that I didn’t know how to respond.

“I… I was certain you would be angry, since you were mad at me when I confessed my feelings… But I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t help it, I felt so lonely.” I was looking down on my hands as I was talking, too embarrassed to look at him.

Anikin lifted his hands from my hips to place them on either side of my jaw, gently tugging so I would look up at him. The moment I raised my head Anikin leaned in and placed his lips on mine.

“Mnh” I was surprised at first but I wasn’t slow to give in as my lips melted against his, sending sweet chills all the way through my body. His right hand slid to my neck to deepen the kiss, as his left slid down the back of my shoulder. His fingertips left goose bumps in their trail, as he pulled down the shirt.

A small moan escaped my throat and made Anikin pull back. I couldn’t suppress the sound of disappointment as he released me.

“Dom… We really shouldn’t do this.” He pressed his forehead against mine while letting his hand slide down my arm, before leaning back to meet my gaze.

I sensed his mental struggle to hold back, giving me the nerve to provoke him to continue. We were both turned on and I had the advantage of already being nearly naked.

I got up on my knees, purposefully straddling his lap, and leaning in I started to undo his tie. As I pulled it off, I tugged him closer and gently pressed my lips against his. The kiss was soft and unsure; I was nervous and had never tried to seduce anyone before, let alone a man.

I wanted him to respond but I didn’t want to push him. It was more like I was inviting him to take the offer and he sure didn’t wait long to do so. I only managed to open one button of his shirt, with shaking hands, before he leaned back tearing the shirt over his head and pulled me closer to kiss me thoroughly.

As his hands explored my body I slowly melted. Imagining his fingers and lips on my body was no comparison to the real deal.

He pushed me back a little and moved his lips from my mouth to my neck. A deep moan of pleasure escaped my lips as his teeth closed around my earlope, the feeling going straight to my groin.

“Anikin… Please.” I looked down at his face and his gaze locked with mine.

“Please, what?”

“Please touch me.” My cheeks flushed as I had to explain.

“But I am touching you,” he said with a deep seductive vocal and flicked his thumb over my nipple, earning a groan of pleasure from me. Was he actually the dominant type?

“Not there,” I panted, but before I could explain where specifically I wanted him to touch me, he grabbed my hand and placed it on the bulge in his pants, rubbing slightly.

“You touch me instead.” His voice was low and hoarse. He never broke eye contact with me, even when his cheeks flushed slightly from my touch.

His eyes never left my face as I occupied myself with the task at hand. I slowly undid his belt, fumbled some with the button and then I pulled down the zipper. I freed him from his boxers and was nothing less but impressed. My own dick throbbed heavily as I took in the sight.

I gently touched my finger to the tip, earning a little sound of pleasure. I slid my finger down the length of him; he was just gorgeous all over. I had spent so much time wondering, how it would be like to touch someone else’ cock.

He gently took my hand and guided me as both our hands encircled him.

A faint sound made me look up, he was so… sexy and that look of pure pleasure on his face, was almost enough to make me cum.

He tightened his grip around my hand as he leaned forward, never breaking eye contact. First he gently licked my lower lip and when they parted he kissed me again, slow and demanding, with a hunger I wasn’t sure I could satisfy.

He grabbed me by the hips and pulled me closer. He arranged us so I would be able to hold the both of us at the same time, and with me in this position it was easy for him to grab both my buttocks. When I felt his finger stroke against my back hole; I broke the kiss and stiffened.

“UH… Wha… Wha… Whaaa…” Without removing his finger, he leaned forward, using his body to trap me against the bed. With his hot breath on my neck he nibbled the soft skin just under my ear, diverting my attention for a moment and I closed my eyes in pleasure. I noticed him fumble around behind me for a moment.

It was cold at first when his finger, slick with lube teased my pucker, “Relax.” His whisper was low and rasping. He sucked my earlobe in his mouth and let his teeth scraped the soft skin as he pulled back. I couldn’t help a moan that rolled over my lips; at this moment I felt the pressure on my hole and his finger slip in, I tried to pull away, but trapped as I was it became nothing more than a jerk of my pelvis. The feeling of his finger slowly sliding in and and out of me was very alien and painful, but even though I wasn’t so sure about this, I got some kind of reassurance when I felt the excited bobbing of Anikin’s cock.

“Anikin… It hurts,” I groaned. He met my gaze but didn’t answer. His face came closer and I closed my eyes as I thought he was going to kiss me.

“Don’t stop.” I felt his whispering breath on my lips, telling me that he was only inches from my face and it took me a moment to figure out what he meant. But when I felt another of his fingers at the tip of my dick, I realized that my hand had stopped moving. How did he expect me to concentrate on that, with him doing this kind of perverted stuff to me?

Again I started to move my hand, up and down our members and then his lips were finally on mine, kissing me greedily, while his finger started working my backside gently making me articulate strange sounds.

When I had finally gotten used to the alien feeling of his finger at my backside I felt pressure again and another finger slipped in, I grunted with pain, but despite it hurting I was feeling something. My head fell back onto the bed and Anikin’s lips traveled down my jaw and my neck. The thrusting of his fingers were a little rougher now and a little faster, making me breath harder and moan more, even Anikin’s breathing had gotten heavier.

Without lifting my head I opened my eyes and met Anikin’s gaze for a moment, a little smile spread over his lips as he leaned forward and grazed his teeth across the skin of my chin. The look in his eyes was so lewd it made me shiver with desire.

He was going slower again, forcing me to feel it and I surely did. For every three thrusts or so, he hit a spot inside which was sending waves of pleasure directly to my groin, making my dick throb each time and I felt the slow build of something inside me.

“Anikin…” I gasped as I squeezed my eyes tight and arched my back. While gently nipping at my neck, he removed my hand holding our leangths together, and placed both my arms around his neck, as his fingers slid painfully slowly in and out of me.

With his free hand he took hold of my member with a firm grip making me moan loudly by the touch, his hand started to move up and down my length, with the same rhythm his fingers were sliding in and out. The pleasure was unbearable; I was on the edge of climax and yet still far from it. I dug my fingers into the muscles of his shoulders and moaned in frustration.

“AHH… Anikin… I… I feel… I feel strange…” I felt something build up inside of me, but it felt different. He changed the angle with which he was working my backside, and grabbed my member tightly in his hand without moving, it was almost painful.

With two more thrusts of his fingers he sent an orgasm rolling through my body. A moment later he let go of my member and I came violently and a lot, my whole body was in spasm with pleasure and I moaned loudly as I clung to Anikin.

When I finally slumped, my head on his shoulder, Anikin slowly pulled out his fingers and gently encircled my sweaty torso and kissed the side of my neck

“What about you… you still haven’t…” I huffed as I forced the words past my gasping breath, lifting my head to look at him. Anikin said nothing, just grabbed the shirt I had been wearing earlier on, and wiped off my stomach, shaking his head.

“Why?” I asked, not because I was disappointed but because he suddenly seemed so withdrawn.

“I had a long day, I just want to go to sleep.” He gave me a tiny smile and I realized just how tired he must be.

“Oh… Of course, I should have known.” I let go of him, leaning back.

“I need to go to the bathroom, you go to bed first.” I moved and he got up then walked out of the room without another word.

I remained on the floor for a while. Was I to sleep in here, would he expect it? Or would it be a bother? In the end I decided to go to my own room, giving Anikin the chance to get a good night’s sleep. Getting up I grabbed my own t-shirt, pulled it over my head, tiptoed, with the rest of my clothes in my arms, down to my own room. I left the door ajar, as an invitation to Anikin or to avoid him hearing it close I didn’t know, then I crawled into my bed and snuggled close to the wall, as it was a little cooler there, and quickly fell into a peaceful sleep.

***

I was slowly pulled out of my dream, disappointed it was already morning. I noticed the sun was up, so the time must have been around 9am. I was comfortably on my back buried in pillow and duvet. It was still too early to get up on a Sunday. I rolled on to my right side as I closed my eyes shut again, but only for a moment, something was off.

I opened my eyes and just inches from my face was Anikin’s. He was still asleep, his lips slightly parted. In a daze, as last night’s episode played in my mind, I studied his sleeping face. My eyes took in all of his features ‘til my gaze locked on his lips. My mouth watered with the thought of his kiss and I had to swallow. I lifted my hand and gently touched my index finger to the edge of his bottom lip.

He gave a little moan in his sleep and I stiffened. I pulled back my hand and went back to studying his face, looking up I met his drowsy gaze. I felt the blood rush to my face.

“What are you doing, staring at my face while I’m sleeping?” In a panic that I was discovered, I quickly pulled back and sat up, wincing at the dull ache in my butt.

“Anikin… What are you doing in here in the first place?” Anikin rolled onto his back placing one hand behind his head as he looked at me.

“I should be asking you the same thing, I felt kind of used last night. After doing this and that to you, you just got up and left to sleep alone. I’m hurt.” He held my gaze as he waited for my response.

“Ah… I… I thought that you might want to sleep alone since you had a rough day yesterday.” I looked down and pulled the duvet closer around my still naked body, feeling shy and vulnerable.

“Heh.” Anikin pushed himself up and came closer. Leaning on his left arm he raised his right hand and slid a finger slowly from my neck to my shoulder following its trail with his gaze.

“You are not as bright as you look.” His finger continued from my shoulder down my arm and his eyes came back up to meet mine.

“I finally give into my desires and you go thinking these kind of stupid thoughts.” He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine. As soon or lips came into contact I melted under the heat, the memory didn’t do the real feeling justice, all the while his finger continued from my arm and down my side to the soft skin by my hip, making me gasp. Anikin was a skilled kisser so it wasn’t long till I could think of nothing else but his lips against mine; I didn’t even notice him pulling away the duvet, until he placed his hand on the bare skin on my chest.

My nipple turned hard imidiately as his finger slid over it. As I moaned with pleasure into Anikin’s mouth I felt him smile and he started to play with it; pinching it and pulling lightly at it, all sweet torture.

Just as he let go of my lips to lower his head to my other nipple, my stomach growled, loudly, Anikin dropped his head and started laughing.

“I’m sorry. I got carried away. Come on, I’ll make you breakfast.” He pulled away and got out of bed, I’d expected him to be naked but he was wearing boxer shorts, the expensive, black, tightfitting ones that drew your gaze to the butt without being able to look away.

After Anikin left the room I remained in the same position on the bed, dumbstruck, or in a trance or in shock, I didn’t really know. What was I supposed to do now? Just act like nothing had happened? Dance on a pink cloud of happiness? I really just felt kind of awkward with the whole situation.

I finally managed to climb out of bed and pull on some random weekend clothes. I took in a deep calming breath before opening the door to go join Anikin in the kitchen.

Anikin was at the stove cooking with the phone pressed between his ear and his shoulder, chatting happily with the person on the other end.

“What? Are you serious, she really said that?” He asked into the phone while laughing, he turned his gaze towards me as I sat down and smiled warmly at me before turning back to his conversation.

As Anikin cooked and following piled the food onto a plate, I watched him. He still wasn’t wearing anything but his boxers and I wouldn’t have been able to look at anything else, even if I wanted to.

It all felt so normal even though it was far from just that. What was I supposed to do when he was through on the phone? I felt a lot of conflicting feelings inside, I was happy at the same time as I was anxious and just wanting things to go back to the way they were before.

Anikin came around the counter bar with the plate in his hand.

“Come on, does it have to be today?” He paused behind me for a moment, standing closer than he usually would have.

“Right, right, I get it.” Anikin reached around me putting the plate down in front of me stroking my arm with his hand as he pulled back, a thrill went through my body and I looked after him as he walked towards his room, probably to get dressed. I turned to my food after he turned the corner and started eating. He’d made egg, toast and bacon, my favorite and I smiled to myself.

Deep in thoughts while enjoying my food I didn’t notice Anikin walking back into the room, until his hand was warm and caressing on my neck. It wasn’t there for more than a second but still long enough to make my insides overheat.

“Dad has some stuff he needs my help with, it is pretty urgent so I properly won’t be back till after dinner,” he announced as he started to gather his car keys and other stuff.

“Huh?” I was disappointed at the same time as I was somewhat relieved, this gave me some time to gather my thoughts but still, I felt abandoned.

“I’m sorry, I had hoped to spend the day with you, but apparently this can’t wait. How about you go buy a new movie and I’ll watch it with you tonight?” He went back to his room and came back a few seconds later with a light jacket in his hand.

“Sure,” I answered with a smile as he came towards me.

“Don’t get bored now, I’ll see you later.” With a smile he bent over and kissed the top of my head as he passed, then he was out the door. A moment later I heard the car start and leave the garage.

With a huge sigh I turned back to my breakfast and ate in silence.

I cleaned the up the kitchen after I finished eating and then started on the rest of house. Usually when I did deep cleaning, normally once a week, I did everything in the same order, a routine that allowed me to not think about the task at hand as I just let my mind wander.

While my body was in motion my brain slowly started to calm down, and I could sort out the disorder of feelings in my head.

Was this thing actually happening? Had Anikin finally accepted my feelings? And was it mutual, did he genuinely return my feelings? And what had changed his mind so suddenly? Maybe Anikin had actually been feeling the same as me all along, but had had the same reluctance about the whole thing.

Finally done with the cleaning I glanced up at the clock, I had taken longer to clean than usual; it was already past 3.30 P.M. I quickly packed away the cleaning tools, grabbed my wallet and my keys. With my hands in my pockets I strolled down the road, sharing a few words of hello and the weather with the neighbors out, as I walked past their gardens.

I reached the small convenience store on the corner by the main road, it was only a fifteen minute walk each way, even though the walk was short the fresh air felt good. I walked directly to the corner of the store where they kept a small Selection of both old and new movies.

My gaze fell upon the newest edition of fast and furious; I’d missed it at the movies and had been waiting for quite some time for it to be released. I grabbed it out of the rack and did a quick run through the store for a few things I knew we’d run out of. I paid and strolled on home, the sky had started to cloud over and those who had been out to do garden work started to pack up their tools and headed back inside.

Just before reaching the house, rain started to pour down. It was still warm out so I stopped for a moment, letting the rain soak my clothes and wash away the last bit of uncertainty and clouded thoughts. When I finally walked through the front door I had decided to just let things happen when they were meant to happen and live one day at a time, otherwise I would go insane with all the questions and feelings turning everything upside down.

I went to take a shower, meaning for it to be quick but ended up stalling under the warm water. Twenty minutes later I went to the kitchen only a towel around my hips and my hair still wet from the shower. Dinner would have to be leftovers from the other day heated in the microwave, though I didn’t really feel hungry. The closer the time got to when Anikin would be back the more nervous I got, even though I decided to just let things happen as they happened, I couldn’t control everything and a lump started to form in my stomach, taking away my hunger.

***

Around 6 P.M I finally heard the car pull into the driveway, I had occupied myself with chopping veggies for snacks to go with the movie.

“Hey Dom,” Anikin said as he turned the corner and saw me. I met his gaze and answered with a relaxed smile, or at least I hoped it was relaxed.

Anikin went to the coffee table.

“Is it out already? Awesome, I’ve wanted to watch it for ages. Nice choice,” Anikin exclaimed as he picked up the dvd box. He put it back and took off his jacket.

“Just give me a moment to change out of these clothes and take a quick shower, I’ve been fixing the old man’s fence all afternoon and I feel real sweaty.” Anikin went to his room and there was some rummaging before he went into the bathroom.

I made ready for movies while Anikin showered and just as I finished and sat down he came out, rubbing at his head with a towel dressed in a loose T-shirt and sweats.

“All set?” He asked and stopped by the dining table.

“Yes.”

Anikin discarded the towel over one of the chairs and came toward the sofa. He dropped down beside me, really close beside me. It felt like he would be sitting on top of me if he got any closer, but that might just be me being nervous and on edge.

Anikin grabbed the remote and went quickly through the selections menu and pressed play while I made myself as comfortable as I could; I leaned back and pulled my legs up wrapping my arms around me knees.

As soon as the movie was playing Anikin leaned back and casually placed his arm on the backrest behind me, making the atmosphere intimate.

Half an hour went by and even though I was watching the screen, I hadn’t the slightest idea what the movie was about. I was so conscious about Anikin being so close to me that all my senses were locked on him.

Suddenly Anikin leaned forward and hit pause then turned to me.

“Are you even watching the movie?” He asked.

“Sure I am. Why do you ask?” My answer was way too fast and a bit too strident, I coughed to clear my throat.

“Because you’re so tense I can almost feel you shaking… “ He eyed me carefully.

“Are you afraid I might do something to you?” His voice turned seductive as he leaned towards me.

“No I… wait… that’s not…” I stammered while leaning away from him, my brain frantically searching for a way out of the situation. I felt Anikin’s hand on my knee, halfway bent over me, suddenly he pulled my legs up making me tip over and I was flat on my back.

“There, I did something. Now relax and watch the movie, you’ve been waiting just as long I have to watch it.” He straightened and, with my legs settled across his lap, he pressed play and sat back, his eyes on the screen. For a moment I just watched him in astonishment, then as demanded; I turned my eyes to the screen and was actually able to watch the rest of the movie and enjoy it. Even when Anikin grabbed the bowl with the veggie snacks and offered me one, while chewing on his own, I was able to take a few normally, like this was something we did every day.

When the movie ended I swung my legs to the floor and got up to put away the disk while Anikin cleaned up the coffee table. Ten minutes later we stood side by side, brushing our teeth. As soon as I was done I bid Anikin good night and headed for my bedroom. However, just as I walked out the bathroom door Anikin grabbed me by the collar, pulling me back, almost choking me.

“Your bed is too small,” He exclaimed and pulled me with him into his own bedroom. He let go of me and closed the door behind us.

“Now strip,” He ordered. What? What did he mean? Was he going to jump me just like that? For once my mind was calm, and I started to wonder what he had in mind.

“Strip? Isn’t it a bit too soon, I mean, things are moving way too fast for me, maybe we should… And what do you mean, my bed is too small? It’s a queen size!” If Anikin wasn’t going to explain I just had to ask my way through.

“Are you going to sleep with all you clothes on? You twist and turn too much, and it’s smaller than mine.” Anikin started to strip himself off his clothes.

“Sleep?” I hesitated.

“Yes, just to sleep. You have school tomorrow.” So school just saved my butt? Why did the thought of that disappoint me? Would any other reason have made me feel better about it? Why was I even making it an issue? Wasn’t it a good thing? At least for the moment; that my butt was safe, no matter the reason.

With my eyes narrowed in a guarded look on Anikin, I went to the other side of the bed and started to undress.

Still in his sweats Anikin was searching the wardrobe for a suit. After deciding on the dark gray one, he began pulling out different shirts just to leave them for another one, finally deciding on a pale blue, hanging it on the rack with the suit.

“Are you going to the firm tomorrow?” I crawled into the bed and settled in while watching him decide which tie to go with the rest.

“Just in the morning, I have an important business meeting. The board want’s the layout for next year’s turnover.” He held up a dark blue tie and a grey one with glazing pattern.

“The blue one will match better,” I commented and he turned to look at me, with what looked like wonder, in his eyes.

He left the tie over the back of the chair. I snuggled in deeper while Anikin striped out of his sweats and turned off the lights.

In the dark I couldn’t see much. Only slightly did I make out the outline of Anikin’s body as he crawled into bed, settling down under the duvet.

“Night Dom, I’ll see you in the morning.” I bid him goodnight for a second time and the room went silent.

The only thing to be heard in the dark was my own breathing and steady heartbeat. Even with Anikin lying here, in the same bed right next me, I felt oddly calm; but I wasn’t able to sleep, far from it. Thoughts and questions were running through my head keeping sleep at a distance.

“Anikin?” I whispered, wondering if he already had fallen asleep.

“Mmh.” It wasn’t really an answer.

“Are you sleeping?” I tried.

“Yes, in deep sleep.” His answer was clear, but he didn’t move.

“Is this thing serious?” My voice was low and unsure.

“If you are asking about sleeping in the same bed, then yes.” He still didn’t move.

“No. I mean us. Is this really happening?” This made Anikin react, after some shoving around he was under my duvet, his hand on my neck and his lips on mine. It wasn’t a passionate kiss just a soft, chaste and it felt really nice.

“It’s really happening.” I could almost hear the smile in his voice when he pulled back and settled down with his head on my pillow.

“But… It feels so out of place. I’ve known you for so long and now we have this, and it’s so far from what’s normal. I don’t know what to do with myself.” The feeling from the past day started to well up and words just flooded out.

“You’re the one who confessed in the first place,” he reminded me, as if he didn’t understand why I felt like this after having done that.

“I know… But I’ve never been in love with a guy, and then on top of that it turned out to be you. And I don’t even think I’m gay.”

“Being gay has nothing to do with who you love or don’t. That is just about sexual preference.” So what he said was that I could be in love with him without having sexual desires towards him? But I did, if fantasies about having sex with him didn’t count as sexual desire I didn’t know what it was. Did that also mean that he could, or had been in love with women, though he preferred sex with men? Wait, that just confused me more, better not go there.

“Still… a lot has happened and I barely know the way up and down anymore. I don’t even know if I should be happy. I just feel kinda anxious about it.” It was hard to put the feelings into words.

“I can imagine how you feel.” At least he was considerate towards me.

“It’s still new. I’m a little tangled up in feelings myself. I just know that it feels good. Not just when I touch you physically. But being with you, like this, it makes me happy and it feels right. Let’s just take it one day at a time, take small steps, feel our way through it. Okay?” His hand was on my back as he spoke, stroking gently, it was soothing.

“Okay.” I cuddled close and he held me in a tight embrace as we fell asleep.

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