Sean bumped down on the bench next to me, saying nothing a first, but I could feel his gaze at me, and I believed he had this huge goofy smile on his face.

“What?” I asked without looking up from my book.

“So… tell me all about it.” He elbowed me knowingly, hard enough for me to tilt slightly.

“Tell you all about what?” I looked up and just as I thought; his lips stretched his round face into a huge goofy grin.

“How long have you known you were gay? I know you dated a lot of girls. They didn’t cut it huh?”

“Look Sean, I’m not gay. I don’t get turned on by men, and I like sex with girls. Why do you think I kept dating them? Keep dating them,” I quickly corrected my mistake, even though I’d been single for quite some time by now.

“Oh… really, how about setting up a date then? You should be fit for it right?” Sean put his arm around my shoulder and started studying the girls walking by.

“Come on, I have too many classes to be dating. Besides I don’t feel like having a girlfriend right now, too much work.” I pushed his arm off me and started to pack up my stuff, as it was almost time for my next class.

“What about your brother then? Where are you going with that?”

“What about him, I don’t even know what these… feelings are about.” I threw my arms resignedly to the sides.

“Right right. But when the time comes I think the best thing to do is just spit it out without wrapping it up. Listen to your friend here and things will turn out good.”

“Geez, just let it go already.” I left Sean by the bench as his next class was in the opposite direction to where I was going.

A few weeks passed as I brooded over my inner turmoil, I even went to talk to the school shrink, to get some perspective on my trouble. In the end the only answer had to be that I was actually in love with Anikin and since I had nowhere to place my frustrations I ended up quiet and introverted. I started having problems keeping up with my studies. It wasn’t like I was obsessed with being in love. It was more all the thoughts of being in love with a guy and that guy being someone I grew up with. Someone I had seen as my brother most of my life. That someone to now be the subject of romantic thoughts and sexual desire. It was very hard to reconcile the thoughts.

One day Sean pulled me aside, looking at me with concern.

“Listen bud, maybe you should just confess. Get it out of you system, he might actually feel the same way without you knowing.”

“And what if he doesn’t? Then what? I live with him for heaven’s sake, and I have nowhere else to go. He might even hate me afterwards.”

“Alright, just think about it then?” He patted my back a few times before pulling at the strap of his schoolbag and wandering off. I set my direction toward the shrink office to make my appointment.

***

I knocked on the door to announce my arrival.

“Come in.” A muffled answer sounded through the door before I entered.

“Dominic, welcome. How are you today?” The shrink was a tall male, in his last forties. He wore round glasses from last century and his hair was growing gray.

“I’m fine Doc. And you?” I closed the door behind me. Doc got up from his desk and we both went to sit at the counsel area, which was a corner of the office furnished with a couch, where I was sitting, and a chair, meant for the doc.

“So how have you been since last time? We talked about your grades. Have they gotten any better?”

“I’ve spent more time trying to concentrate, but I’m still behind. I’m doing a lot better though.” I leaned back, more relaxed today than the first time I was in this office. I still remember how angry I was when my homeroom teacher told me I had to go see doc. However, I did want to fix my issues, so here I was talking about my problems.

“Has it gotten easier dealing with these thought of uncertainty? Have you come to a conclusion, about your feelings?” Doc glanced up at me from his notebook.

“No not yet. Though I’m pretty sure I’m not gay, I don’t think I would have this much uncertainty about the subject if I was.”

“Has it occurred to you that you might be into both males and females?” He put down his pen and raised his head.

“Yeah, I did consider it. Though I still believe it’s kind of a one-time-special-case thing.”

“Do you still not want to talk about him? It might help you move forward from where you are now?”

“No I think I’m good. I just need time. It’s a lot to take in; falling in love with a guy and all.” I spent the next hour of my session going over my childhood, while thoughts of my current problem were swirling around in my head.

***

Another five weeks went passed with me thinking and sorting out my feelings before I finally came to the decision of confessing

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