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    AC Benus
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  • 204 Words
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Poetry posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

My Twentieth Year - 6. a critic

Poem No. 14

 

i.

I might have been first

Instead I am the worst

 

Did God make an illiterate writer

a painter with no hands

 

Did he make a critic for his creator

a simple fool with no fans

 

What exactly did God make –

a quivering mass of self-pity?

 

No, not God. I did that despite his sake

he is love, and cannot be flighty

 

ii.

The rain is coming now

How nice it would be

to be washed clean by it

but

I lack such soap.

I might have been first

Instead, I'll remain the worst.

 

 

Poem No. 15

 

Sweep and pound as hard as you can

wind, throw them at me

 

Sweet pungent smell, clean my mind

fury of the storm, make me see

 

Wetness awaken me, frighten

me with the cold

 

I don’t like the air I breathe now

fill me with newly brisk air

 

Rain help me see me

anew!!!

 

 

Poem No. 16

 

They…

 

…squeak, and squawk and rumble,

and they fly.

Oh, I'd like to be an elevator humble,

and live in the sky.

Copyright © 2017 AC Benus; All Rights Reserved.
  • Like 6
Poetry posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Chapter Comments


The first, (14) oh it's angry, full of self pity but I think you know it as you write it. Loved this:
Did God make an illiterate writer
a painter with no hands
# 15 - Cleansing, opening yourself, mind and body, you want to be fresh and new. Some new found confidence ...
#16 - The last - my first thought was Beatles Yellow Submarine.. strange flying things and a place where there can be an elevator in the sky.
Enjoyed them all. Your feelings about yourself are sometimes too evident and I just want to hug you.
tim

  • Like 1

14.
I read this poem this morning and mused about it all day. Does a person do this to himself, is it part of a personality, is it enhanced or subdued by external factors ? I don't have the answers. Maybe these feelings surface in all of us from time to time, sometimes stonger, sometimes less so, or maybe there are even people who don't have these doubts at all. Aren't they lucky.
15.
I hope a long solitary walk in this weather cleared away the cobwebs in the writer's head.
16.
To even out the mood of the previous ones. When reading I saw the elevator at FB you described.
I'm with Defiance in appreciating the beauty of the words. Thanks, AC.

  • Like 1
On 02/07/2016 01:06 PM, Defiance19 said:

I've got no more likes so I'll be back..

 

It doesn't matter what emotions your poems speak of or evoke, I mean it does, but I'm always caught up in the beauty of the words, and the way you use them to express it..

Wonderful AC!

Thank you, Defiance19. It's your review that's beautiful, and so is your compliment. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

On 02/07/2016 05:03 PM, Mikiesboy said:

The first, (14) oh it's angry, full of self pity but I think you know it as you write it. Loved this:

Did God make an illiterate writer

a painter with no hands

# 15 - Cleansing, opening yourself, mind and body, you want to be fresh and new. Some new found confidence ...

#16 - The last - my first thought was Beatles Yellow Submarine.. strange flying things and a place where there can be an elevator in the sky.

Enjoyed them all. Your feelings about yourself are sometimes too evident and I just want to hug you.

tim

Thanks, Tim! I love your yellow submarine comment; it's wild to hear that came to your mind.

On No. 14, I like your take on it as well. On No. 15, I did often walk in the rain alone at that time. Still feel like doing it nowadays, sometimes.

 

Thank you for support (and hug ;) )

On 02/08/2016 03:01 AM, J.HunterDunn said:

14.

I read this poem this morning and mused about it all day. Does a person do this to himself, is it part of a personality, is it enhanced or subdued by external factors ? I don't have the answers. Maybe these feelings surface in all of us from time to time, sometimes stonger, sometimes less so, or maybe there are even people who don't have these doubts at all. Aren't they lucky.

15.

I hope a long solitary walk in this weather cleared away the cobwebs in the writer's head.

16.

To even out the mood of the previous ones. When reading I saw the elevator at FB you described.

I'm with Defiance in appreciating the beauty of the words. Thanks, AC.

Thank you, Peter. I sincerely believe my 20-year-old self would be amazed to hear someone say they mused about one of his poems all day. I think – quite honestly – that would floor him; and it still pretty well amazes me too.

 

As for the rain, there was/is just a feeling of immediacy to it that can, as you say, clear the cobwebs.

 

Your elevator comment made me consider the origins of this poem. It might be Famous-Barr's elevators… I remember my dorm's elevator was clunky and slow…so it was not that one. I had not stated working yet in the Boatman's Bank tower – which has super-fast elevators to the 20th floor where I worked – so, it can't be that one… Truth is, I don’t think I remember at this juncture.

 

But I sincerely appreciate you remembering the numerous references to Famous elevators in "Katie's Sketchbook" ;)

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