Not made for each other - 27. I Love You

Chapter 27: I Love You

Ed was sitting on the edge of his bed, his legs were down, and his socked feet were touching the floor. He must have kicked off his shoes. He didn’t even look up at me; his eyes were glued to the floor. I went into his bathroom and brought him some painkillers from the medicine cabinet. They will definitely help him tomorrow when he wakes up with a doozy of a hangover.

“Here.” I pushed a glass of water and two pills in his direction. He never acknowledged them. “Ed.” Still no reply. “Take these pills they—”

Ed lifted his eyes to meet my gaze; his eyes were bloodshot. “Why are you doing this?” His voice was clear. He was not slurring his words. He seemed to be in control of himself. The way he made it from downstairs to his bedroom looked like his legs were drunk, but the way he was talking seemed as if his senses were totally intact.

I put the pills and the glass of water on the night-table. “Because it’ll help you to not feel like shit tomorrow.”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“No, I don’t.” I exhaled an irritated breath. “Look, Ed, we don’t have to talk about it right now. We’ll—”

“No! We’ll clear this shit up right now!” I jumped back in surprise with the way Ed suddenly hollered.

“You’re not thinking with a clear head,” I scolded and turned around to leave.

The very next moment I found myself cornered against the wall. I was startled. Ed’s body pressed against me; his hot breath, his touch was invading my private space. I felt blood surging through my veins. My heartbeat was thumping out of my chest. I swallowed hard. Ed noticed my uneasiness. He immediately took a few steps back, raising his hands in the air, palms out. “I just want to talk. I promise.” I nodded ineptly. “Do you know Mich and Carol almost fucked each other?”

“How do you know that?” I asked out of curiosity.

“The way you, Carol, Stephen, and Jake share everything, Mich, Kev, Jer, and I never hide anything from each other either.”

He walked towards his night-table and took the pills with some water. After placing the glass back on the table, he turned in my direction. If I hadn’t known better, I would have never believed that Ed was drunk. He was holding his booze pretty well. “Do you think they love each other, Mich and Carol?”

His question caught me off guard. “No. It’s too soon for them to fall in love,” I answered honestly.

“Did you know Kev and Steph have been fucking around for the last nine months?” I had no idea where Ed was going with these series of questions.

“Yeah.”

“Do you think they love each other?”

“Probably not. I mean, Kev doesn’t love Steph, and Steph is confused about this whole situation.”

“What about Jer and Jake?”

“What about them?”

“Well, Jake agreed to go on a date with Jer.”

“So?”

“Do you think they love each other?”

“God, no! They’re far from being in love. And why the hell are you talking about our friends like that?” Ed was talking in riddles. His words were not making any sense to me.

Ed took a step towards me. “Do you know what all these pairs have in common?”

“What?”

He took another step closer. “They are not in love but still in some kind of relationship with each other or on their way to having one.”

“What are you getting at?” I knew pretty well what he was getting at.

He was right in front of me now, his face looming over mine. His eyes were fixed on me. “I’m getting at us.”

“Us?” We were talking in whispers now.

“Yeah, us.” He leaned his face further down towards mine. “Why were you so upset when you saw Alisha come to our home when you knew she only brought me soup and my notes?”

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” I lied.

“Why did the presence of Alisha at our lunch table at school bother you so much?”

“It never bothered me at all.” I outright denied.

“Why were you so pissed off when we fought about her?”

“I wasn’t.” And I lied again.

“Why were you on the verge of an emotional breakdown when you saw that hickey on my neck?”

“Now you’re being delusional.”

He chuckled softly like I told him a joke. “You remember when you and Kev broke up and I was a damn happy fella at that time?”

I got nostalgic for a few moments, and a smile spread across my face. “I remember. You were a total creeper in those days.”

“Do you know why I was that happy?”

“No.”

“You know everything, but you would never accept the truth. You would never accept that you care about me and that I care about you.”

Suddenly my eyes fell on his hickey, and I felt myself tensing up once again. “So now you care about me?”

“You know I have always cared about you.”

“I don’t believe you.”

He appeared to be in anguish as he took a few steps away from me. And then the look of hurt turned into a look of rage. “You’re right! I don’t care about you! Not at all!” He dashed clumsily to his closet, wrenched the door open, and began rummaging through the stuff inside. He fished out a bunch of drawing sheets and threw them on his bed. “If I don’t care about you, then I don’t know why the fuck I would draw you like you were my muse!” There were at least fifty or more drawing sheets scattered on his bed, and the only common thing in each picture was me. I was still gaping at those sketches when Ed yanked out a t-shirt from his closet. If I said I was surprised to see that t-shirt in Ed’s hand, then that would be a huge understatement. I was gawking at it in disbelief. “The way you’re staring at it, I take it you remember it.”

“Ed,” I mumbled uncertainly. Of course I remembered that t-shirt.

“It was the very first thing you bought for me. You loved the slogan on it: ‘Mom says stay away from girls.’ I was reluctant to take it because of that stupid quote, but you were adamant.” A small smile played over Ed’s face as if recalling that exact moment. I was speechless; not only did he keep that t-shirt with him for so long, but he also remembered everything about it.

“Ed, I…” I had no clue what to say. I was on the brink of tears.

Ed threw the t-shirt on his left, moved to his closet again and looked around frantically until he finally found what he was looking for. He turned around to show me. “You remember this shirt?” Ed unfolded the shirt and flashed it in front of my eyes. My mouth dropped down to the floor in astonishment. It was a white shirt with red handprints on its chest, my handprints. “It’s the same white shirt I wore the night I took your handprints on this…” Ed searched for something else, and this time he brought out a paper from his closet. “…On this paper.” Edward held that paper in his other hand in a way where the four handprints on them were clearly visible to me. One set were my handprints, in my favorite color, red. “You suddenly turned around after putting your handprints on this paper…” Ed raised the paper a bit higher, “…and lost your balance. I held you in my arms so you wouldn’t fall, and you put your hands on my chest to hold onto me. I could never forget that moment, Zune; that was the moment when I…well, it doesn’t matter, because as you said, I don’t care about you! Please help me understand, Zune, that if I never cared about you, then why the hell have I kept this shirt with me like a souvenir? Answer me!” He hurled the shirt and the sheet with my handprints across the room.

I was still standing at the same spot, my back pressed against the wall. “Ed, I—”

“Zune, all our friends know what’s going on between us. Our moms know what’s going on between us. I know what’s going on between us. You know what’s going on between us and yet you think I don’t care about you!” He never sounded so hurt, so vulnerable, and so angry with me. “Well…” Ed moved to the closet once again, pulled out a stack of loose papers and tossed them high in the air. I looked around in amazement; all those papers flew around the room like Aladdin’s magic carpet. “…I have no idea why the hell I would write those letters to you if I didn’t care about you, letters which I began to write to you because I didn’t know how to tell you how I felt about you. Though, I never had enough courage to give any of them to you. I was afraid…afraid to lose you, but now, I’m done being afraid.” Ed seemed to be on the edge of breaking like fractured glass, and I just stood there dumbstruck. “Each one of these letters starts with your name and ends with the words I always wanted to say to you, staring into your eyes…” I held his gaze like I was bewitched by his brown orbs. “…I love you.”

There was nothing but silence in the room. Ed began walking towards me. His stare was fixed on me. “I was in love with you when you attacked my manhood during our very second meeting.” I couldn’t hold back my chuckle and neither could he hide his smile. “I was in love with you when you asked for those three promises. I was in love with you when we kissed for the first time. I was in love with you when we became friends.” Ed was getting closer with each word.

“I was in love with you when we started meeting secretly. I was in love with you when I waited in the café the whole day for you. I was in love with you when we danced in the rain.”

Ed was a few feet away from me when he stopped. “I was in love with you when we made love. I was in love with you when you began avoiding me. I was in love with you when you disappeared from my life. I was in love with you when you came back, and I said I believed you, and you trusted me. I was in love with you when you were confused about Kev. I was in love with you when you broke up with him. I was in love with you when we got used to each other again.”

Ed started moving towards me again. “And I fall in love with you all over again when we have breakfast, lunch, and dinner together, when we cook together, when we leave the house together and come back together, when we make each other smile and laugh, when we just lay around the house doing nothing, when we fight, when we reconcile, when you get jealous, when you get angry, when you get all emotional, when you act funny, when you’re mature and childish within a span of a few moments, when you scold me, when you roll your eyes, when you curve your lips, when you raise your brows, when you hug me, when you make me feel special, when you say you don’t give a shit about me but still care about me, when you smile, when you merely look at me.”

Ed was right in front of me. He snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me towards him, never looking away. I held the fabric of his shirt’s collar. My breaths grew uneven. “And I’m falling in love with you right at this moment when I’m holding you in my arms…” My heart was violently thudding against my chest. “…When I could listen to your beating heart so close to me…” I could sense the beads of sweat on my forehead and yet I shivered under Ed’s touch. “When you melt like ice under my touch. He lifted me up from my waist and wrapped his hand around me, pulling me closer. My hands were still clutching his collar when I hoisted my legs around his hips still gazing into his eyes.

Ed slowly turned around and made his way towards his bed with his tipsy legs, carrying me through the pile of papers and drawing sheets. Some of the letters and sketches were dispersed over the bed, but Ed didn’t seem to care at the moment. He gently put me on the bed on my back and covered my body with his. His hands were on either side of my head. His face was looming over mine. He lightly brushed his nose with mine, and I smiled. “I love you, Zune. I always have. There’s nothing I don’t love about you.” My smile widened. “I’m falling in love with you with every passing moment of my life.” I felt ecstatic and giddy as the meaning of Ed’s words began to sink in. I wanted to relish this moment forever. “And now, I’m going to kiss you.” My heart was ready to leap out of my chest. I closed my eyes when his face was centimeters away from mine. I could feel his hot breath on my lips. And then I felt Ed’s nose nuzzling the crook of my neck and his body slumped over mine.

I opened my eyes. “Ed?” He didn’t reply. “Ed?” I gently shook him but still no response. I gently pushed his heavy body off of me, and he landed on the bed on his back. He was passed out. Seriously?!

“Ed?! Ed?!”

Who does that? A minute ago, a guy professes his undying love for you, takes you to bed, he’s about to initiate a kiss, and then passes out. So-fucking-romantic!

“Ed? Argh!!” Ed didn’t budge. “I so hate you!” I slapped his arm to punish him and crawled off the bed. I collected all the sketches and letters from the bed and the floor and put them back in Ed’s closet, along with the t-shirt, white shirt and the sheet with my handprints.

I placed a bucket next to his bed and rolled Ed on his side so he didn’t choke on his own vomit. I also put another couple of painkillers and a glass of water on his night-table. I felt I did everything I could for him at this point.

I glanced at Ed. His mouth was open a bit, and he was snoring pretty loudly. I closed his mouth slowly with my hand, but it opened again a few moments later. I smiled and gave up. I kissed his forehead. “Goodnight, Ed.”

I left his room and closed his door quietly. Once in my room, I took some deep breaths to calm my stimulated nerves which were inducing me to grin like a fool in love. I walked to the mirror and sat on a stool in front of it. I stared at my reflection. I was smiling. I tried to stop it, but I couldn’t. I was blushing seeing my own reflection in the mirror. How cliché.

The way Ed described his feelings to me was something I never saw coming. Now, I couldn’t deny my feelings either. There wasn’t an ounce of doubt in my mind that I was in love with Ed; I didn’t know when it happened and how, but I knew this elated, titillating sensation I was feeling in every fiber of my body was nothing but love. There wasn’t any other way to explain my impulsive behavior…to explain my anger for Alisha, my frustration over her presence around Ed; I was jealous of her.

Like Ed, I was afraid to face my feelings, my desires. I was blindsided with my inability to recognize my own feelings. But now I was able to see everything clearly, past those foggy clouds that had been hovering over my mind.

I chuckled at my own stupidity. What an idiot I was for neglecting these feelings for so long. Just like Ed, I was also afraid to acknowledge my feelings, but now things had changed for both of us. We can have a new beginning.

“I love you, Ed. I really do,” I confessed, as I stared at myself in mirror and grinned.

I went to bed with a blissful smile on my face. The first thing I needed to do in the morning was to talk to Ed.

***

I woke up the next morning smiling, thinking about Ed. I hugged my pillow and rolled onto my side mumbling to myself, “Ed and Zune. Zune and Ed.” I blushed. I was turning into a nut case. I scrambled out of bed, and after taking care of my morning rituals, I went downstairs; Mom was in the kitchen preparing coffee.

“Good morning, Mom!”

Mom looked up from her coffee mug. “Good morning, hon.” She raised her brows in suspicion. “You look different.”

“Different? Different how?”

“You’re glowing, and you sound perky today.”

I flipped my hand to brush her off. “You’re just imagining things, Mom. By the way, where are Becca and…Ed?” As I said ‘Ed’, I averted my eyes.

“Oh, hon, I forgot to tell you. John, Ed’s father, was hospitalized this morning; Becca and Ed left early this morning to see him. They didn’t want to disturb you, so they told me to tell you when you woke up,” Mom explained.

My smile disappeared from my face. “What happened?” I asked.

“I don’t know exactly what happened; Becca and Ed left in a bit of a hurry, but they said they’ll call once they got to the hospital.”

“Oh.”

“Do you want coffee?”

“No.” I sighed.

Mom walked to me with her coffee. “Is everything okay, hon?”

I forced a smile on my face. “Yeah. Everything’s perfect…just perfect.”

I went back to my room and then to Ed’s room to look for any note or letter Ed could have left for me before leaving but I found none. I was all keyed-up now. As Mom said, Ed left in hurry; probably he didn’t get the opportunity to inform me or leave me any note or letter.

Or maybe he didn’t remember anything about last night. Maybe he does remember what happened between us but regretting it now or maybe this was just me being paranoid and melodramatic.

I tried to push away every eerie and obnoxious thought but…but I couldn’t. I looked around his room and relived every moment of last night vividly. I was aching to see Ed. I was longing for his touch. I stared at the ceiling and let out a precarious breath. I have to keep it together.

Ed was gone, leaving me in the turmoil of uncertainties.

TBC.

Author's Note : Please tell me what you all think about this chapter. Your opinion, your views really matters to me 

   Jeet01, Silentdreamer, Drew Espinosa, Gregg, Yoxone, ARose and all my readers for following, liking, reviewing and reading my chapter  

And biggest     to LISA