There is No Forever - 6. Chapter 6

“Yass! A double shot of vodka cranberry for me please!” Jesse spoke loudly and obnoxiously to the bartender at Juniper. Stefan and Devan looked embarrassed. The group went out on a Tuesday night, an undesirable day of the week to be out on the town. Days passed, and Jesse has been wanting to go to the clubs and bars more frequently than usual, drinking more and more each time. While there have been interventions and pleas to keep him from going out so often, Jesse was stubborn. Drinking was another means of ignoring his relationship. If he always came home drunk, or stayed away from home, he wouldn’t have to explain to Nikolai his concerns for their partnership. Jesse would act as if the relationship would fix itself, or made it seem as if he wasn’t in a relationship at all.

“Jesse, I think you should tone it down a bit,” Stefan said. “You’re starting to get the attention of the whole bar-”

“Stefan girl, lighten up” Jesse said in slurs, “Let me just get my drink.” The bartender, appearing impatient, handed Jesse the drink.

“Six dollars,” the bartender said.

“Keep the change.” Jesse slid over a twenty dollar bill that fell down near the bartender’s feet and grabbed the drink. He walked off clumsily. Devan, Stefan, and the bartender looked at one another.

“Sorry.” Stefan said as though responsible for Jesse’s behavior. “He’s...been drinking a lot.”

“Yeah,” the bartender said matter-of-factly. “Do yourself a favor: take him home, or he’s gonna be kicked out of here.” The bartender walked off. Stefan and Devan followed Jesse to the VIP room, where he gulped down his cranberry vodka to it’s last few sips. Stefan felt uncomfortable watching Jesse become so inebriated.

“Damn, we already finished the Stolichnaya and have to buy our own drinks? Ugh, Nikolai was being cheap today with this VIP room.”

“We need to go,” Devan said.

Jesse put down his drink, his face showing confusion and apprehension. “Excuse me?”

Devan’s patience ran out, and he couldn’t hide his irritation. “You’re drunk, and the bartender is already talking about needing to kick you out.”

“WHAT?!” Jesse became enraged and lifted himself from his seat. “He thinks he can escort ME out? Oh, I’ll show him-”

“Jesse!” Stefan pleaded as Jesse was on his way out the VIP room. “Please, let’s just go. Don’t do anything you’re going to regret-” Jesse’s eyes swung over to Stefan.

“Regret?” Jesse laughed condescendingly. “What exactly am I going to regret? Telling this no-name that he’s talking to the boyfriend of the man who’s responsible for that extra cash he gets in his paycheck each week? Who else is this nobody gonna get to pay their bills every month? You can miss me with that.” Jesse flew past the two to the first floor of the club.

Stefan looked at Devan with panic in his eyes. “What do we do?” Stefan asked.

Devan shrugged. “Let his ass get kicked out.

Stefan was dumbfounded. “Devan.”

“That’s the only way he’s gonna learn, Stefan. Jesse says he doesn’t like to be treated like a kid. Well, time for him to get a lesson on what being grown means. Let him fuck up.” Stefan’s worried expression didn’t leave him. He seemed unsure at first, but felt the urge to go after Jesse on the first floor. So he did, having a hurried pace as he went down the stairs. Devan watched him go. He then walked into the VIP room, sat on the couch, reached for his vodka, and drank without concern.

Stefan got to the first floor and looked at the bar. Everything seemed to be business as usual. Stefan had a sinking feeling. He walked up to the bartender that Jesse had paid earlier.

“Hey, has Jesse been down here?” Stefan asked.

The bartender nodded. “I haven’t seen him.” Stefan was confused. He looked around the bar, first and second floor, and couldn’t find any sign of him. He even checked the smoke area, but had no luck. As he was beginning to head back to the VIP room, the men’s bathroom door was opened by another patron exiting and Stefan thought he saw someone who looked like Jesse inside. Jesse looked to be smiling. Stefan went over to the bathroom and opened the door. He then closed it shut immediately.

His eyes must’ve deceived him. The image, having been etched into Stefan’s mind didn’t go away.

Still in the VIP room, Devan was watching the TV screen. After taking those first sips, Devan grew disinterested in his drink and left it on the table. He saw Stefan coming up the stairs slowly. Stefan looked pale. Devan got up from his seat to meet Stefan halfway.

“What did he do,” Devan asked, reading Stefan’s face.

Stefan looked up from the floor and looked at Devan’s face. “He was...kissing someone in the bathroom.” Devan looked surprised, then laughed.

“Wait Stefan, but Nikolai isn’t here.”

“I know. It wasn’t Nikolai.”

Jesse met Stefan and Devan who had exited the VIP room. Devan let Jesse know that Stefan and him were leaving and offered to pay for Jesse’s cab home. Jesse joked and laughed to himself as they stood on the curb waiting for the cab. Neither Devan nor Stefan even managed to make a smirk. Devan looked at Jesse with pity in his eyes, covering up what seemed like disappointment. Stefan didn’t even look his way. Jesse figured they must still be upset at his drunken antics and didn’t pay them no mind. When the cab arrived, Jesse declined Devan’s offer to pay for his cab, asserting that Nikolai’s card will pay for it. And he was off, back to the condo.

Nikolai read a book in the living room of his place under a cream colored floor lamp. He sipped his tea, then heard a fumbling of keys at the door. His eyes quickly glanced there, then back at his book. Jesse stumbled in, a wide smile appearing on his lips.

“Hey boo,” Jesse slurred.

Nikolai didn’t look up. “Drinking I see,” he said, turning the page of his book roughly.

“How’d you know? Haha.” Jesse laughed maniacally and wobbled over to Nikolai, planting him a kiss on the cheek.

Nikolai moved his face away. “You reek of liquor. Go clean yourself up.”

“Why? We’ve had some good times drinking before. Go pour yourself something to-”

“I do not want to drink. Now if you’ll excuse me-.” Jesse pulled the book out of Nikolai’s hands so he could read over the title.

“The Great Gatsby...haven’t read that since high school.”

“Give me back my book, Jesse,” Nikolai said, his hand stretched out to receive it. Jesse giggled. He slid the book in Nikolai’s hands.

Nikolai shook his head. “What is wrong with you? ”

“I wanna make love!” Jesse said in a begging tone. “Let’s get you out of your clothes.” Jesse messed with Nikolai’s robe. For some reason, his drinking had made him starve for affection. He was hungry for Nikolai. Why not forget the shortcomings they have and fuck away their feelings?

Nikolai removed Jesse’s hands off him. “Stop this, don’t touch me. I just want to read.”

Jesse pulled himself off in frustration. “Do you have a problem with me?”

“A problem? I told you I wanted to read. I don’t want to sleep with you.”

“Why!?”

Nikolai took his reading glasses off and looked in Jesse’s eyes. “Jesse, why do you continue to only sleep with me after you’ve been drinking?”

Jesse was belligerent. “What? Okay, you’re tripping. Sex is sex, now take off that robe-”

And before Jesse could reach for it, Nikolai blocked him with his hands. “I told you not to touch me.” Jesse pulled his hands away and rested them at his sides. His look of fury hadn’t dissipated. “And do you really feel that way, Jesse? Do you feel that making love to me when you’re drunk or making love when we’re of sound minds the same thing? Do you have the same feelings after both?” Jesse stared on. “Jesse...what’s going on with you? Please, just tell me. I’ll do whatever you need me to do. Please.” Nikolai’s pleading unsettled Jesse. He looked in Nikolai’s eyes and for the first time, he experienced a tinge of guilt.

He saw what he was doing, he saw how he was hurting Nikolai. This man who he met on that cruise and made the decision to pursue Jesse out of every other man that was there that day. How Nikolai persisted through it all even when he could’ve went for someone else. Even when Jesse was at his most difficult to love, Nikolai stayed. Jesse thought to feel remorse, but settled for feeling nothing at all.

“So I guess we’re not fucking huh?” Jesse turned from Nikolai and headed up the stairs, deflecting that part of himself who saw the pain he caused.

Nikolai looked worryingly on, left his glasses on the side table. “Jesse, wait.” Jesse stood at the bottom of the stairs, turned around and looking defiantly at Nikolai. Nikolai rose from his seat and walked over to Jesse. He put his hands on Jesse’s cheeks. “Jesse, I love you. I love you with all my heart. I want to take care of you and I’ll give you everything that I have. But...I need to feel loved to.”

“Are you saying I don’t love you enough?”

“No sweetie. I’m just saying that I could use a little more.” Nikolai rested his head on Jesse’s chest. Jesse was unsure what to do at that moment except cradle it. The two stayed in that position for awhile. Jesse felt Nikolai’s weighted body press on him, like he carried a heavy load Jesse couldn’t or wouldn’t see. Finally, Nikolai rose his head up. “Get in the shower. I don’t want to sleep with you, but at least we can snuggle, hmm?” Nikolai kissed Jesse’s forehead and he walked slowly up the stairs. Jesse stood on the bottom step for some time as he looked around the living room, illuminated by the lamp Nikolai was under sometime ago. He walked over to it, turned it off, and followed Nikolai up the stairs.

A few days later, Jesse knocked on the door to a room at an apartment complex he hadn’t been to before. A feeling of uncertainty and thrill rushed through him. A few seconds later, the door opened and the person he was wanting to see stood before him.

“Hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long,” Jesse said. Filiberto smiled and opened the door wider, inviting Jesse in. Jesse observed the place. Maple wood flooring, black colored appliances and dark granite countertops. A ceiling fan was above them, illuminating the space. A small television was built into the wall and a music video played on the screen.

His eyes continued to wander as he said, “Nice place, my dear.”

“Thank you.” Filiberto closed the door and Jesse got a better look at him. He wore a scarlet sweater and black sweatpants. Jesse thought he dressed quite casually. He noticed the once unfilled holes in Filiberto’s ears had been filled with small, black taper earrings. Filiberto also had his hat off, revealing short cut hair. “Have a seat on the couch. Want something to drink?”

“Hmm, got any of that hard stuff?”

Filiberto laughed. “I got Malibu and I got tequila.”

“Let’s do tequila.” Filiberto walked to the kitchen while Jesse sat on the couch, it being a navy blue with a dark wood coffee table standing in front of it. Jesse relaxed as he took a good look at Filiberto’s behind.

“Tequila huh? Are you sure you can handle tequila, J?”

“Now you’re giving me nicknames.” Filiberto brought over two cups with a bottle of el Jimador. “Guess you didn’t get all the T about me, Filiberto. Had you done your homework, you’d know I can hold my liquor.”

“Haha, fair enough.” Filiberto filled the cups halfway with tequila, and Jesse’s mischievous smile returned. Filiberto sat the bottle down, took a seat next to Jesse and brought up his cup. He gave Jesse the gesture that he wanted to clink. They did, and both took their gulps.

“Mmm, so Mr. Filiberto, what made you think of me today?” Jesse asked.

“You’ve came to mind a few times these last few days.”

“Oh really? Well, if I’m being honest, I was thinking about you too.” Filiberto eyed Jesse as he sipped more of his drink. He pointed to the TV.

“What kind of music you like?”

“Reggae.” Filiberto raised one of his eyebrows. “I wasn’t joking! If you don’t have that, we can listen to R&B.” Filiberto smiled and turned the channel to an R&B station.

“What R&B artists you listen to?” He asked.

“I could go all day. Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Brandy, Monica-”

“Monica huh?”

“Yes, honey. Play ‘First Night.’” Filiberto pushed a few buttons and First Night by Monica started playing on the TV.

“First Night...Is this a message to me?”

Jesse laughed. “Well, this ain’t our first night, is it?” Jesse noticed Filiberto’s arms stretched out along the back of the couch. He leaned his body to the side, facing Filiberto, and began massaging his arm. His eyes traveled over Filiberto’s body.

“Well Filiberto, judging by our last meeting and that bulge in your pants, I’d say you’re into black men?”

Filiberto bit his lips. “I don’t discriminate. I know a hot dude when I see one.”

“Good answer.” Jesse removed his hand from Filiberto’s arm and grabbed for his tequila.

“Damn, you don’t take your time do you?” Jesse gulped his drink down and looked to Filiberto.

“And I could use a refill too. I see you got some ways to go with yours.” Filiberto smirked and leaned over to the table. He grabbed his drink and finished it off. Jesse mentally gave Filiberto a seal of approval.

“Round two?” Filiberto poured the cups halfway full again and the two clinked cups.

“I was wondering,” Jesse began, “Have you played the homewrecker before, or is this your first time around?” Filiberto, knowing Jesse to speak boldly and without tact didn’t seem rattled by the question. He held his tequila in his hand.

“No, I haven’t done anything like this before.”

“Really? Have you been in a relationship?”

“Once before. While in college. We were together for a year.” Jesse realized that was nearly how long Nikolai and himself have been together. Filiberto drank more of his tequila and looked at the music video playing. “He was the first guy I had been serious with. Cuz he was my first boyfriend, I was a little naive. He told me all this shit about getting an apartment together, getting married. He told me I was his first love, and I thought he was mine too.” Filiberto paused. Jesse cradled his drink in his hand, paying close attention. “Next thing you know, five months into it, a friend told me he was sleeping with another friend of mine. I didn’t believe her. There was no way this dude could’ve done something like that to me, not after all the things he’s said.

“Then it happened. I was chilling with my friend and we heard some noises in the apartment above. We laughed about it. Being on the bottom floor, hearing your dorm mates above you having sex. It happened all the time. It was even funnier because I knew it was another buddy of mine’s room and I wanted so bad to call him out on it later. But...it stopped being funny. Unfortunately for my old buddy, the walls were too thin, and I heard both of their voices.” Jesse held in his breath. “I didn’t know what it meant. I got up, went to the elevator, and pushed the button to the next floor. My friend that I was chilling with was trying to convince me not to do anything crazy. And just as we exited the elevator, the door from the room above us opened. And out came my friend...and my boyfriend at the time.”

Filiberto laughed bitterly. “I was so pissed. I socked my friend in the face and was about to go after my ex before the friend I was studying with pulled me away. Man, I was fuming. I was lucky not to get suspended. My ex-friend was too embarrassed to explain how he got his black eye, and my ex kept his mouth shut. I still remember it like it was yesterday…” Filiberto’s thick eyebrows furrowed. He wasn’t angry, as far as Jesse could tell, just sad, like he was back in school again, watching the man he loved slip away.

Jesse put down his drink. “Do you hold it against me, Filiberto?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re fooling around with a guy that’s in a relationship now. Does that not bother you?”

Filiberto shrugged. “Naw. I don’t believe in relationships anymore. Guys our age, guys at any age, they cheat. My ex, he made promises he shouldn’t have made. And he strung me along like the naive little kid I was.” He turned to Jesse then. “You’re young, Jesse. You’re gonna do what you’re gonna do. I’m not mad atcha. Just know what you’re getting into.” Jesse looked to the floor then and Filiberto finished the rest of his tequila. “Next song?” Filiberto spoke, but Jesse had been distracted and took a moment to respond.

“‘At your best, you are love,’ by Aaliyah.” Filiberto pressed a few buttons, and Aaliyah’s smooth vocals came out of the speakers.

Jesse remained in thought for awhile, then noted the lyrics of the song. “Maybe not the best song to play right now.”

Filiberto laughed. “This is fine.” He turned to Jessie. Jesse was staring at Filiberto’s lips. Filiberto turned his body towards Jesse and moved closer to him. He massaged Jesse’s back. “After we were interrupted in the bar, I think there was something we didn’t get to do that I’ve been meaning to do since I saw you.”

“What would that be?” But Jesse already knew the answer. The two of them edged closer to each other and began to kiss. Filiberto’s hand grabbed for Jesse’s neck while Jesse’s hand grazed down Filiberto’s back. FIliberto’s lips were warm, the taste of lime and tequila lingered.

Jesse separated his lips from Filiberto. “Take off your shirt.” Filiberto smirked. He pulled off his shirt slowly and threw it to the floor. Jesse just stared at Filiberto, who had a broad chest and shoulders. His belly looked soft and smooth. He had a full view of his tattoo, an eagle, on his right arm. Filiberto lifted himself up and straddled his legs over Jesse. They continued kissing, the both of them gripping and pressing against each other tighter, biting each other’s lips and playing with each other’s tongues. Jesse pressed his lips onto Filiberto’s pecs while his hands grabbed Filiberto’s ass. His tongue licked Filiberto’s nipples and his lips sucked each pec. He bit and played with them, hearing Filiberto respond with moans. He loved hearing him moan.

“Fuck Jesse,” Filiberto said in a breathy voice.

“You like that?” Jesse pulled away from Filiberto, and Filiberto lifted Jesse’s shirt off. He had that same hungry look he had in the stall at Sam’s. He kissed Jesse from the neck down, eventually getting in between Jesse’s legs. He kissed Jesse’s belly, and began unbuckling his belt, pulling off his pants, and seeing the bulge under Jesse’s underwear. The two grinned at each other.

“You look like you’re gonna hurt me with this.” Jesse rolled his eyes playfully. Filiberto fingers played with the band on Jesse’s underwear before being pulled down. Filiberto grabbed Jesse’s member before inserting it in his mouth. Jesse caressed Filiberto’s head, bit his lips and resisted the strong urge to moan louder. Filiberto kept sucking on him and he resisted the urge to come. When Filiberto was done, he came up to kiss Jesse again. Pulling away, Filiberto was grabbing something from his pocket. He brought out lube and a condom. He opened the condom and gave it to Jesse while he took off his pants and underwear. When Jesse was ready, Filiberto straddled him again, and Jesse entered into Filiberto slowly. Jesse watched Filiberto’s face, whose eyes were closed and mouth was agape. Once Jesse was fully inside Filiberto, his hands caressed Filiberto’s waist. Filiberto opened his eyes. They looked at one another. Filiberto put his hands around Jesse’s neck and they kissed each other tenderly. Before Jesse knew it, he had passed a point he could never return to.