There is No Forever - 15. Chapter 14

Stefan thought he was going crazy. Jumping at sudden movements, mind racing, nowhere was safe. Chris had triggered Stefan greatly, coming at him in a way he had never done so before. Questions kept flooding his mind. What would’ve Chris done to him yesterday after refusing to sleep with him? Did he do something to set Chris off? Should he have called for help? What would’ve happened if he did call for help? Stefan was uncertain if he made the right decisions that day, in addition, concerned about Chris’ unpredictable behavior. His home seemed too scary to occupy, yet he feared what Chris would do if he didn’t return. “Don’t come home late again.” Chris’ voice was like a haunt in his psyche.

Stefan found himself in a daze as he wandered around James Street with no destination in mind. Stefan needed the rain to wash over him. Rain clouds hovered over the sky and showers pounded the city below. He couldn’t shake his numbness. He walked through the neighborhood with the houses, apartments, and trees on both sides. He must’ve looked so foolish, he thought, staying with a man who hurt him like this. Maybe this was punishment…

As he continued to wander, he felt a vibration in his jeans. He didn’t have the energy to respond to texts or calls but thought to at least check who it was. To his surprise, it was Jesse. Stefan stared at his phone screen contemplating why Jesse would bother reaching out to him at all. Wasn’t Jesse through with him after Stefan refused to play innocent to his cheating? Stefan had no interest in speaking to Jesse until he saw Jesse’s text, “Hey Stefan, I really need some help. Can I see you?” Even as his mind told him that he wanted nothing to do with Jesse, his conscience wouldn’t allow it.

“Fine. Where do you want to meet?”

Jesse sat in a usually upbeat cafe called Queen, right next to its large windows that faced the street and buildings around it. Inside of Queen was mellow this day, with its black chairs, rosewood tables, and linoleum floors. Jesse sat near the entrance filing his nails. Without any money, manicures and pedicures were a luxury of the past. Jesse tried looking at the menu but flung it away in frustration. He couldn’t even pay for the food, let alone a coffee. Jesse didn’t realize how much he took for granted being financially supported by Nikolai.

Stefan came in through the door and immediately saw Jesse. They both locked eyes and were unsure of what to say to each other. Jesse scratched his arm nervously. Stefan stayed standing, maintaining his space.

Jesse spoke first, “Please, have a seat, Stefan.” Stefan moved slowly towards him and sat in the seat opposite of Jesse. Jesse observed Stefan’s body language, like every move he made seemed painful. “And I thought I was having a rough time. You look beat up.”

Stefan winced. “What do you need, Jesse?” Jesse was surprised by Stefan’s curtness.

Jesse laid his arms on the table. He paused. “...Nikolai and I broke up.” Stefan thought he ought to be shocked or shaken in some way by Jesse’s revelation. He felt sad for Jesse, but he couldn’t muster the emotional energy to show it. “He found me with another man in his home.”

“Jesse…”

“I know, I know. I messed up. I really fucked up this time.”

“What happened? Are you still staying with Nikolai?”

“No, he kicked me out and I can’t blame him... But I don’t know what to do. I don’t have a place to stay and I don’t have any money.” Stefan listened, doing the best he could to hear Jesse’s words without overwhelming himself.

“Where are you staying now?”

“I’m at Filiberto’s. He’s letting me stay with him for a bit till I figure something out. And before you say anything, I’m not doing anything with him anymore. He made sure to end that real quick… But that’s not what I need to be worried about right now.” Stefan realized Jesse was wiping away a few tears. He didn’t expect Jesse to feel sad about his break-up. It seemed like he was doing everything he could to sabotage the relationship. To his surprise, Jesse seemed regretful.

“What do you need from me?”

“I need a place to stay. I’m desperate. I know with your current situation that’s not going to be easy. I’ll talk to Chris myself if it would help. But-” Jesse suddenly stopped speaking. Stefan unconsciously started rubbing his wrists the second Jesse mentioned Chris. Jesse started looking at Stefan’s wrists and realized they were bruised. Stefan noticed Jesse’s stare and took his arms off the table. “How did you get those?” Stefan said nothing. Jesse didn’t understand why Stefan was being secretive. Then it dawned on him.

Jesse asked, “Did Chris do that to you?” his voice very serious. Stefan was embarrassed. His insides were in panic mode and thought he would be sick.

“Please don’t, Jesse-”

“Stefan, if that man touched you-”

“Can we not talk about this?”

“You need to get out of there, Stefan! If he’s putting his hands on you, it’s only going to get worse. Sweetie, Devan and I can help you.” Stefan looked at Jesse for a long time. He was doing it again. He was protecting Chris like he always had and he didn’t understand why. Was admitting that this man was hurting him making him feel weak? Deserving of this ill treatment? Stefan couldn’t get the words out before he found himself sobbing. Jesse’s mouth was agape. He didn’t think Stefan would react this way.

Jesse said, “I-I’m sorry, Stefan.” Stefan covered his face in his hands. Jesse nodded sadly. More customers began coming in through the door, making the bell at the entrance rattle. Orders were being called out and chairs were sliding on the linoleum floor. Jesse’s eyes became watery. He was tired of seeing friends go through this.

“I need help, Jesse,” Stefan cried.

Jesse leaned over in his seat. “Can I put my hand on your arm, Stefan? Will you let me do that?” Stefan looked up at Jesse. He made a weak nod. Jesse reached over and touched Stefan’s arm, who involuntarily twitched. When Stefan settled down, Jesse rubbed his arm gently. “I’m here for you, Stefan. Don’t worry about what’s going on with me...just, just know you don’t have to do this alone, okay?” Stefan stayed silent, his rattled body trying to maintain comfort in his seat. Jesse’s touch was non-threatening, reassuring him he was somewhere safe. Jesse told himself something while the two were in that cafe; He would help Stefan soon. If Jesse could just get it all together, he would be by Stefan’s side. Stefan had to hold on...

Jesse returned back to Filiberto’s place. He was thankful for Filiberto’s assistance but knew it wouldn’t last. Filiberto was adamant that Jesse figures out his situation, though he was empathetic that this wouldn’t be a smooth process.

“How did it go with Stefan?” Filiberto asked. Jesse nodded. His meet up with Stefan weighed heavily on him.

“I can’t stay with Stefan right now. He’s got too much going on.” Filiberto shrugged. Jesse made a call to Devan to come over to Filiberto’s. Devan, remembering who Filiberto was, felt weary about going to his place. Jesse said it would all make sense when he arrived. He also hoped that Filiberto might vouch for him.

“You know, hostels aren’t too bad in this part of town.”

Jesse folded his arms. “You need to quit kidding around. I ain’t staying in a hostel.”

Filiberto snickered. “I know, I’m just saying...”

A knock came to the door. Filiberto walked over to it and there was Devan at the entrance. Devan locked eyes with the man he’d seen at TJ’s serving their booth. He couldn’t believe it was the same one who Jesse has been cheating on Nikolai with. He had mixed emotions seeing him face to face again and wondered why the hell Jesse would even think to bring Devan over to his place of residence as if Devan wouldn’t mind.

“Hey,” Devan said.

“Hey,” Filiberto replied. “Come in.” Devan walked himself in and began eyeing around Filiberto’s pad. He thought to comment on it but found his attention directed at the reason he came there in the first place: Jesse. Devan needed to get to the bottom of this.

“Alright Jesse,” Devan said, “What have you gotten into now?” Jesse almost laughed, then stopped himself. This was no time for laughs.

He was reminded of the times Devan had got him out of sticky situations. Whenever Jesse had a night out after having too much to drink, he knew he could always call Devan and he’d be there to take him home safely, no matter what time of the night it was. When Jesse needed some space from Nikolai, Devan offered his home to him. Jesse even appreciated that Devan never took advantage of him. Despite his access to Nikolai’s wealth, and his risky sexual behavior as a teen that even had him coming onto Devan once upon a time, Devan never wanted more from Jesse than his friendship. Jesse liked to be on the wild side, it came with the territory, but he knew that asking for Devan’s help this time around would expose just how cruel Jesse’s actions were. He legitimately feared if Devan would stick around.

Jesse began with a hard swallow. “I-thanks for coming Devan. Listen, I got something to tell you...” Jesse told Devan about being caught cheating by Nikolai and their subsequent breakup. Devan’s usual look of sympathy that he gave Jesse was replaced by disappointment.

“Jesus Jesse,” Devan said. Jesse watched Devan pace the floor. Filiberto sat on the couch with his arms folded. “Man, in his home?!”

Jesse sighed. “Yeah…”

Devan shook his head. “Damn...What were you thinking, Jesse? I wish you would’ve been up front with him from the start, then none of this would've happened.”

“Devan,” Jesse stopped him. “This isn’t the time. I really don’t want a lecture about this.”

Devan turned angrily towards Jesse. “No, I think you need one. Stefan and I tried to tell you over and over again just to be honest with Nikolai. Instead, you fucked around and you lost someone who would’ve given you the world. I’m sorry that you and Nikolai aren’t together anymore. I’m sure this hasn’t been easy for you. But you probably really hurt him, Jesse.” Jesse, though he didn’t want to be on the other end of Devan’s scolding, stood firmly in place. He wished Filiberto wasn’t around, but it wasn’t as though Filiberto wasn’t already aware of Jesse’s sins.

“Do you know why I’m hard on you? Because sometimes I don’t think you get how your actions impact people. Filiberto,” - he pointed to him as he said his name - “Stefan, Nikolai. They’re not props in your drama. They’re people.” Filiberto looked down, staying on the sidelines of their conversation. Jesse looked at Devan. He opened his mouth, looking as though he was ready to tell Devan off. Didn’t he think he felt bad enough?

But instead of yelling, Jesse sucked in his lips. He had to understand this was coming from a good place and that Devan didn’t want Jesse to keep making the same mistakes.

“I get it, Devan,” he struggled to say. “I truly get it and I will try to make things better when I get the chance. I promise you. But right now, I have a more pressing concern.” Devan settled down and waited silently to hear what Jesse’s reason was for bringing him here. “Thanks to his generosity, I’ve been staying here with Filiberto now for the last few days after Nikolai had removed me from his home. But obviously, I can’t keep staying here, which is why I called you here… I need a place to stay.”

Devan’s eyes widened in realization. “Wait a minute, Jesse. You’re trying to stay with me!? How did you figure that was going to work?”

“Because I have nowhere to go, Devan!” Devan tried thinking off the top of his head. Jesse couldn’t be serious. He was in the middle of trying to deal with family drama and Jesse thought living with him would be the plan?

“What about your parents?”

“You and I both know I can’t do that. They would be livid if I came back needing their money again.” Devan knew of Jesse’s relationship with his parents. While they did care for him, Jesse drained them of their finances and made no effort to make a living on his own. When Jesse began getting taken care of by Nikolai, his parents’ cut him off, hoping he’d understand the real world with time. This, unfortunately, didn’t happen.

“And Stefan?” Jesse rubbed his shoulder. He thought about Stefan and felt great sadness for him. He thought to tell Devan what he saw, express to him that Stefan was not okay and needed help. But Jesse bit his tongue. He understood that Devan needed to hear from Stefan himself. It was not his decision to reveal what went on behind closed doors, even if he felt it was for Stefan’s sake.

“He can’t, Devan,” he said. “Don’t ask me why just trust me on this one.” Devan had a quizzical look on his face. What was going on with Stefan? Though he was concerned, this was about Jesse.

“Either way, even if I was fully able, I could only let you stay temporarily until you were able to take care of things on your own. But you know I don’t have the means to support the two of us, Jesse. I can’t be buying you food to eat or paying for the water and electric bills of two people when I have to work damn hard just to support myself. You really picked a hell of a time to be put in a situation like this...” Devan put his hands on hips as if to support himself walking. Jesse looked on, feeling guilty that he had to rope Devan into his issues.

Devan breathed. “I’ll try to figure something out… Filiberto, can Jesse stay for at least one more week?”

Filiberto looked unsure, but then shrugged. “Sure, one more week.”

“Ok. And when that week pasts...he can come stay with me. Jesse, we need to get you your own place.”

Jesse’s mouth was agape. “Devan, are you crazy? Do you really think I can take care of my own place? With what money?”

“I’ll have to agree with Jesse on this one,” Filiberto said. “He can’t even clean up after himself. It’ll be a dump.” Jesse’s eyes narrowed at Filiberto.

Devan was undeterred. “We don’t really have a choice unless you’re looking for another housemate.” Filiberto conceded. “Jesse, you’re twenty-three years old. It’s time you’ve started doing what other twenty-three-year-olds like you have to do, take care of themselves. That means you need to get a job, you need to find others who are willing to loan you furniture, and probably a hell of a lot more other things that I can’t think up right now. We’ll start looking for apartments tomorrow. I realize that none of this is going to be easy, but consider this a lesson learned.” Jesse nodded solemnly.

“Looks like we better start pooling money together,” Filiberto said. “There ain’t no way he’s gonna be able to pay for move-in costs.” Devan had already made the calculations in his head on what the cost of all this was going to look like. He grew weary of his ability to help Jesse find a place to live. Jesse looked on, seeing these two men figure out his situation when he should be able to do this himself. Jesse was tired of being Devan’s anchor, causing these unneeded disruptions to his life. He didn’t want to keep causing Devan this needless grief. Though he was afraid of what was to come, in his mind, he needed to change, and he wouldn’t dare allow himself to fail.