Under the Surface - 1. Under the Surface

Under the Surface

 

Justin sat on the couch in his parents' living room, idly playing with his phone. He could hear his parents getting ready for their date.

 

"Can you believe Karen's son got suspended for writing on a wall?" asked Justin's mother.

 

"I have never seen that kid do anything bad," answered his father. "It must be some kind of phase."

 

Justin smiled. He knew what had really happened. He had been late for class and already angry when he saw a marker on the ground by one of the lockers. Acting on an impulse, he picked it up and wrote "School Sucks" on the nearest wall.

 

Just as he finished writing, he heard footsteps approaching. He dropped the marker and ran away before whomever was coming turned the corner. Justin snuck into his classroom without being noticed and got away with being late. Meanwhile, Stephen picked up the marker and apparently did not have the good sense to drop it before the principal saw him. Now Stephen was suspended, and Justin was sitting on his living room couch looking innocent. He was almost happy Stephen was suspended. Justin's mother had a habit of comparing him to Stephen. Justin was tired of hearing about Stephen getting straight A's and winning the science fair.

 

As Justin's parents walked towards the door, he wished them a good evening and made a point of looking bored. The instant they were gone, he got up and put a frozen pizza in the oven. Then he cleared some of the mess from the living room, and finally changed his clothes and combed his hair. A few minutes later, a knock on the door announced the arrival of his guest. Justin smiled and opened the door. The boy he had invited over was one year behind him in school and happy to hang out with the popular junior. Justin admired his companion's slim, but toned, physique as he led him into the house.

 

A few hours later, the coffee table was covered with dirty plates, napkins, and soda cans. Video game controllers lay in between the plates, and the TV displayed the program guide. Neither boy was paying any attention to it. They had their arms around each other and their lips pressed together. Justin shifted slightly and pulled his date into a tighter embrace. He opened his mouth for a deeper kiss when the front door swung open. Justin did not notice the creaking of the door. He only realized something was wrong when his date suddenly pulled away.

 

Justin's parents stood by the front door, speechless. He had not told them he was gay. The silence in the room quickly became unbearable. Justin's schoolmate excused himself and went home, leaving Justin to deal with his family. No one said anything for a few minutes. Then Justin tried to blame the incident on his guest.

 

"He just came and sat in my lap. I didn't know what he was doing until he had his lips all over my face."

 

No one believed his story. Justin's parents had a good view of their son holding on to the other boy. They did not say much, and the family members parted awkwardly.

 

Over the next few days the incident did not come up in conversation. After a week, Justin assumed that his parents had forgotten all about it. He decided to do the same. He was looking forward to summer vacation. He was planning to spend it with his friends and maybe some cute boys.

 

Just as the last days of the semester got underway, Justin's parents approached him with a surprise. He was sitting on the couch listening to music when his parents walked into the room.

 

"Justin," his mother said. "Your father and I have decided to send you to a sort of camp over the summer. We know you have been having some...problems."

 

"What camp? What problems?" Justin asked.

 

"It’s out in the country. You will be with other children your age who are struggling with personal problems," his mother explained calmly.

 

"I don't have personal problems," said Justin trying to wrap his mind around what was happening.

 

"We saw you with that boy, son," his father explained. "You need help, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. This place will help you get over this, uh, fetish."

 

"Fetish? No, it was a one-time thing. We were just experimenting," explained Justin as reality began to sink in.

 

"Justin, it’s just for the summer, and it’s a very nice place. It’s peaceful. They will help you get some structure and order in your life," his mother said.

 

"I don't want peace! I want to spend my summer here, with my friends!"

 

"You can't always have what you want," answered his father. "This will do you good."

 

It was pointless to argue. When Justin's parents decided on something, it was hard to change their minds. It was even harder when they had already paid for it. Justin leaned back on the couch and stared at the ceiling.

 

The next day he told his friends at school the bad news.

 

"Dude, that sucks," said his best friend, Chris.

 

"Yeah, man. How many days do you have left?" asked his friend, Terry.

 

"Dude, he's not dying!" joked the class clown, Matt.

 

"I have ten days," answered Justin.

 

"Then we're gonna make it the best ten days of your life," said Chris.

 

His friends were true to their word. That afternoon the four friends went out for pizza and then went to watch a movie. Justin told his parents that they were studying for final exams, which started the following week. The lie was believed for lack of evidence to the contrary. Justin continued to "study" with his friends over the weekend. They went to the skate park, the mall, and even took a short trip to the beach.

 

They had a week of exams at school. Everyone was busy, but Justin could not help noticing that his friends went out of their way to cheer him up. At home the situation was different. The tension between him and his parents grew every day. The more he thought about it, the angrier Justin got. How could they turn on him like this? He could not understand their logic and resented their looks of pity. He took every opportunity to get out of the house and away from them.

 

Saturday was his last day of freedom. He was going to be taken to the camp which, based on his parents' vague description, was probably more like a military academy than a summer camp. Justin decided to make the most of the time he had left. He spent the day with his friends. That night, Chris was holding an end-of-the-school-year party. His parents were out of town, and they would soon discover that their son was not the best house=sitter.

 

Justin helped Chris set up for the party. The living room had a first-rate sound system. There was a swimming pool in the back yard, and the weather was perfect for being outside. Chris set up the massive stereo speakers to face the windows so the music could be heard in the yard. They set up a few folding tables and brought out snacks and drinks, including a keg of beer that his older brother had bought.

 

"How did you get him to buy that?" asked Justin when he saw what was hiding in the basement.

 

"I have photos of him and his girl doing some inappropriate things in the house," answered Chris, imitating his mother's voice.

 

Justin laughed, slightly in awe of Chris.

 

Once the party began, friends filled the house and the yard. Many of them brought food and drinks. Then friends of friends began to arrive. Soon the entire property was a pulsing mass of young bodies moving to the rhythm of extremely loud music. Chris even rigged up some lighting that made the outdoor space feel more like a night club. It did not take Justin long to get drunk as he let the thumping music drown out his anxiety about the following day. He met a boy he had gone out with once and happily followed him into a more private place in the house. The rest of the night was a blur.

 

The next thing Justin remembered was his friend Terry waking him up. "Dude, wake up. Party's over. The old fart next door called the cops."

 

Justin rubbed his eyes. They slowly focused on a post-apocalyptic scene. Furniture was overturned. The floor was covered with debris. As he tried to walk, Justin nearly slipped on half a hotdog that was lying next to a discarded pair of underpants. He looked up to see toilet paper hanging off of the family's expensive chandelier. Finally, he looked over at Terry. "What time is it?"

 

"Three twenty."

 

"Damn! My parents are going to be pissed."

 

 

"Your parents are going to punish you anyway," answered Terry.

 

"You're right. Where's Chris?"

 

"Outside. Picking up trash."

 

The two boys went into the yard and joined their buddy in the cleanup effort. Chris saw Justin throwing away paper plates. He was still a little unsteady on his feet, which made him look right at home in what could have been the scene of a major disaster.

 

"It's alive!" joked Chris.

 

"How are you not in jail right now?" Justin asked, his powers of reasoning slowly returning.

 

"The cop's a family friend. I'm gonna hear about it when the folks get back, but it was worth it," said Chris with a smile.

 

After some futile attempts to clean up the Chernobyl grade mess, Terry and Chris drove Justin home. They joked about making sure he was on time for his execution, but the tension in the air was undeniable. None of them knew what was going to happen to Justin in a few short hours. The car pulled up to the house and they said goodbye. Justin shivered as he stepped out of the safety of the hand-me-down sedan.

 

The lights were on in his home. It was technically morning now, but no one in his house got up that early on a weekend. That made him nervous. What was he about to walk into?

When he walked in the door, [v1] his parents informed him they would be leaving in an hour. He saw them exchange worried looks when they thought he was not watching. Justin took a shower, hoping it would make him feel better, but there was no stopping the headache that was coming on. After dressing again, he took a couple of aspirins and ate some cereal.

 

The mood was somber as the family got into the car. No one said much as the car rolled down the highway. As the sun rose in the sky, the city faded in the distance. Justin dozed in the back seat. The pain in his head kept him from being too comfortable. It was not the worst hangover he had ever had, but coupled with the uncertainty about his immediate future, it felt like a terminal disease.

 

The cool dawn had given way to a warm, sunny day. Justin would have normally enjoyed a ride in the country. His family had gone on a few camping trips, which he had enjoyed. For a moment, he tried to tell himself that they were just going camping and everything would be all right, but the contrast with reality just made him more miserable.

 

After hours of driving past pastures and through pine forests, the family car pulled up to a property bordered by a rock wall reminiscent of a medieval fortress. The wall seemed to stretch for miles. Justin hoped that it would never end, but finally they reached a heavy metal gate. Justin's father pushed the button by the entrance and, after a muffled voice exchanged a few words with him, the gate opened and the car rolled in. Justin felt a jolt of fear pass through him as the gate closed behind them.

 

They slowly drove up to a small building. Justin forced himself to look around, even though the sunlight made his head hurt worse. The entire property seemed to be enclosed by the long, stone wall. On the inside of the wall was a chain link fence. Justin wondered why anyone would put an ugly fence right next to a perfectly good wall. The property itself was wilderness except for a small patch of grass in front of the office building. Justin followed his parents into the office. Inside they were greeted by a middle-aged man who introduced himself as Brother Tom. Justin thought he looked too muscular to be a monk. When the man extended a hand, Justin shook it and looked into the man's face. It bore a smile, but there seemed to be something dark lurking just under the surface.

 

Brother Tom patiently answered Justin's parents' questions. Then he gave them a reassuring smile and said, "We'll take it from here. Don't worry. We will give him everything he needs. Trust me, when you come back you won't recognize your son."

 

When he said the last sentence, he looked over at Justin and for a moment their eyes met. Justin felt his breath catch in his throat. Those dark eyes looked like bottomless pits inviting him to fall in. Justin could feel that there was something wrong with Brother Tom. Justin's mother seemed to feel it too. She gave him a long hug, and Justin could feel her shiver. His father looked a little concerned too, but he tried not to let it show. He gave Justin a pat on the back and a reassuring smile. "They'll make a man out of you here," were his last words to his son.

 

Justin watched his parents walk out of the room. Somewhere in the background he could hear Brother Tom shouting to someone, "Louis, get the new kid ready!"

 

Then Justin heard a door close. He turned around and, for the first time, noticed that there was another door to the office. Brother Tom threw a garment at him and pointed to a bathroom next door to the office. "Change," he said. All professional smoothness was gone from his voice.

 

"What?" Justin said, looking at the loose jumpsuit.

 

"Change your clothes"--repeated Brother Tom, giving him a shove in the general direction of the bathroom "--and leave the stuff you're wearing on this chair."

 

Justin complied. He suspected that the shove was only a small sample of what Brother Tom might do to him if he resisted. The jumpsuit looked like it was handed down from a prisoner. When Justin came out of the bathroom, another man was waiting for him. "Come," said the man in a heavy accent.

 

Justin was led out the back door of the office into the harsh sunlight. Before him was a weed-choked yard. They crossed it to one of several weather-beaten buildings. When his guide opened the door, Justin was immediately struck by the smell of dust sweat. [v2] The building looked like it had once been a barn. In the middle of it were long tables. On each table were boxes of paper. There were close to fifty inmates sitting at the tables, folding papers and putting them in envelopes. Most of them looked to be in their early teens. The only sound in the room was that of paper being folded. No one spoke and no one reacted to his presence. He was told to sit and start folding.

 

Justin started folding the papers. They appeared to be form letters. As he folded he looked around at the other inmates. Many of them seemed malnourished. They looked and smelled like they had not had a bath in days. All of them were folding paper mechanically. Their faces were eerily expressionless. Then Justin noticed one inmate sitting in a corner who was not folding paper. Instead, the stranger was occupied with pulling out a few remaining hairs from his or her head. There was one adult in the room. He was a sad, but tough-looking man. He was dressed in a camouflage shirt and black pants. The man carried something that looked like a whip, which he continually fidgeted with as he paced back and forth across the room.

 

Justin was distracted by the new environment. He gave himself a paper cut and put down the paper to rub his finger. The boy sitting beside him whispered, "Work faster. If we don't get it done they will punish us."

 

Justin looked at him, surprised to hear one of his fellow inmates speak. The boy was about his age, but he looked pale and thinner than he should have been. His hair was a little too long and tangled, and his chin bore a scattering of thin facial hair. Justin took a long look at him and then picked up the paper he was folding and began working again. The folding went on for hours. Justin wished that he could ask the boy next to him a thousand questions, but he was afraid. There was clearly some unwritten rule prohibiting conversation.

 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, all the letters had been folded. A few of the bigger inmates were chosen to stack the boxes of letters in a corner of the room. As this was going on, Brother Tom walked in. Seeing the one child sitting on the floor and picking at its scalp, he kicked it and mumbled something that sounded like, "Worthless crap. I should kill you."

 

Justin had to hold on to the bench he was sitting on to stop himself from running over to the inmate. He knew that there were probably others who would have done the same if it would not make their situation worse. Brother Tom quietly spoke to the man in the camouflage shirt. The man nodded his head several times. His face showed that he was afraid. He walked away, taking one of the girls with him. They went out the back door of the barn.

 

Then Brother Tom took his place in front of the group. "It's Sunday. That means I have to preach to your stupid asses," he said. "I don't know why. You're all going to Hell! That's right; all your candy asses are going down into the depths where the fires will consume you. Yesterday one of you stupid bitches told me that God loves you. Since she is such a Christian, I decided to let her do something religious." He turned towards the door and shouted, "Chin! Bring her in."

 

When the door opened, a sad looking girl came in dragging a life-size cross. "That's right, bring it over here," said Brother Tom, motioning for her to come closer.

 

He had her put the cross on the floor while Chin dragged in what looked like a wooden platform. They positioned the platform and then proceeded to tie the miserable girl to the cross. Then Brother Tom lifted one end of the cross so that everyone could see the victim about to be crucified.

 

"Not exactly Jesus," he said, laughing. "That's because you aren't children of God. You are the spawn of Satan."

 

Then Brother Tom and Chin lifted the cross and dropped one of the ends of the cross into a slot in the platform so that the cross stood upside down. Brother Tom then continued telling them that they were all destined for Hell. As he spoke the girl on the cross shifted uncomfortably. The blood drained to her head and her face turned red. Veins bulged grotesquely as she gasped for air. Brother Tom seemed oblivious to her misery. He talked for ten minutes and then shoved the cross so that it decoupled from the platform and crashed to the ground. Then Brother Tom walked out, slamming the door behind him.

 

Chin released the girl from the cross, and she walked back to her place by the table cradling a bruised elbow. No one else moved. Chin walked out of the building for a moment. As the door opened, Justin could see that it was dark outside. When Chin came back, Louis was with him and they were wheeling in a large bin and a few fifty-gallon drums. They contained stale bread and water. This was dinner. It was the only time that the inmates were allowed to speak quietly. Most of them opted not to, but Justin could see a few of them talking to each other. He took his cup of water and piece of bread and sat down next to the boy who had told him to fold the paper faster.

 

"Hi," said Justin, trying to sound friendly.

 

The other boy nodded in response.

 

"I'm Justin. I'm new here."

 

"I know," answered the pale boy, and then after a long pause, he introduced himself, "I'm Jeff."

 

"Nice to meet you, Jeff. Is it always like this here?"

 

"More or less," answered Jeff, looking at his bread. "The crucifixion was new."

 

"How long have you been here?"

 

"A few months."

 

"Do you know when they will let you out?"

 

"I'm in for a year."

 

"Is that normal?"

 

Jeff shrugged his shoulders.

 

"Who is that?" Justin asked, pointing out the child who had been pulling out his or her hair earlier.

 

"That's Joe."

 

"What's wrong with him?"

 

"He was born a girl. I think he's been here longer than everyone else. His parents just left him here and never came back."

 

"How can they treat him so bad? It can't be legal."

 

"It isn't, but no one would believe us if we told and Brother Tom would punish us."

 

Justin was about to ask about the punishment when Chin ordered them all to line up by the door. They were marched outside a distance from the barn to a large pit in the ground where everyone was told to relieve themselves. The stench was bad enough to make their eyes water. After this, they were herded into another building which looked like it had once been a stable. The horse stalls had been divided up into smaller spaces. This was where they would spend the night. Each stall had a wafer-thin mattress and a threadbare blanket. None of them looked clean. Each stall had a door that consisted of long, vertical bars reminiscent of jail doors.

 

After the others had found their stalls, Justin found one that was not occupied and went into it. As he walked in, he heard doors closing and realized that they were being locked into their enclosures like animals. Justin sighed and sat on the mattress. Shortly after Chin locked him in, the lights went out. A wave of exhaustion washed over Justin. He had been running on adrenaline all day, but now the drinking and dancing of the previous night was allowed to catch up to him. The last thing he heard as he fell asleep was distant sobbing.

 

His dreams took him back to his home. He replayed the party at Chris's home. The faces of his friends and family members drifted past him, making the events of the day feel like nothing more than a nightmare. Then reality intruded.

 

He was awakened to the harsh shouting of one of Brother Tom's employees. It was early morning and they were being released from their cages. Once all the locks were unlocked, everyone was sent outside to the open cesspit and then to the barn. There they were told to pick up boxes of papers from the floor. They would spend the day folding papers.

 

At first the task was merely tedious, but as the day went on, the heat in the room became uncomfortable. Justin began to feel dizzy after a while. He was not sure if it was the heat or the substandard food that was to blame. The others seemed to be as miserable. Some relief came in the afternoon in the form of water and small sandwiches. The sandwiches were clearly past their expiration date, but it was better than starving. After the short break and a trip to the cesspit, they were sent back to the hot barn to fold paper.

 

Their evening meal consisted of flavorless oatmeal. It was given to them late in the evening. They were sent to bed shortly after. This time Justin did not fall asleep right away. He lay on the dirty old mattress and thought about his situation. He was angry with his parents for leaving him in this hell. He was angry with himself for getting caught and at the boy he had been with for being so attractive. He lay there going over the events of the last few weeks. As the hours went by he became more and more angry.

 

The next morning started like the previous one. Again, they were forced to fold paper all day. It was hotter than the previous day and the smell of sweat and dirt choked the air. As Justin sat by the table folding paper and stuffing envelopes, he began to wonder if anyone had ever tried to escape. Considering how far they were from anything, it seemed unlikely.

 

In the days that followed he learned that not only was the location isolated but it was bordered by an electric fence. Jeff told him about the fence and how there was an unconfirmed account of an inmate being badly burned by the fence. No one else had dared to touch it. Jeff also told him that there were three people who worked for Brother Tom. Mr. Chin, Louis, and someone named Rhada who worked in the kitchen. They were all foreigners whose visas had expired. They were little more than slaves.

 

Knowing that they were victims helped Justin look at them with some sympathy. As time passed, he was able to understand his parents’ decision. If they had known how bad this was going to be, they never would have left him here. They were old-fashioned but not cruel.

 

After a few days, the envelope stuffing ended. This chore was replaced by another tedious and repetitive task. They were given some small plastic parts to assemble. The task was easy; the parts just had to be aligned and pressed together. Justin could not tell what the small plastic items were, but the neutral grey color made him think that they must be car parts. At first the work was not too hard but as the temperature in the barn rose and his hands began to ache, he wished to be folding junk mail again. After ten hours of nearly uninterrupted work, they were given some stale bread and water. As they ate, Brother Tom burst in through the door. He pulled Mr. Chin outside and despite the thick walls, the conversation could be heard by those sitting near the door.

 

At first it sounded like an incoherent string of curse words, but as Justin listened closer he was able to get some information out of it.

 

"You make them fill the shit hole...don't want any .... -ing inspector finding it. "

 

"Yes, sir."

 

"...paint. All this looks like....lazy asses...work ... make them work!"

 

"Yes, sir.

 

"Tomorrow! First thing tomorrow!"

 

"Yes, sir!"

 

The brief exchange was followed by more foul language as Brother Tom walked away.

That night they were kept in the barn well past their usual hour. They had to finish all their work before anyone would rest.

 

It seemed like they had only slept an hour before they were woken up. Anyone who would not get out from under their blanket immediately was kicked. They were sent to the foul-smelling pit as usual. Then, instead of being sent to the barn, they were each given a barely edible sandwich and told to eat it quickly outside. The experience might have been a pleasant one if the bread were not moldy and the mystery meat inside were not turning grey with age.

 

Once they were finished eating, the group was divided into three teams. One was taken into a building by a woman who Justin could only assume was Rhada. The second team was taken to the front of the property by Louis. Justin and Jeff, along with a group of others, were taken towards the back of the property by Mr. Chin. He led them behind some buildings and then pulled on a small wild bush. He pointed to it and said, "weed," and threw it aside. He motioned for the group to do the same.

 

Some of the weeds were well rooted and removing them required forceful pulling and digging. The inmates were not given any tools, and as the sun rose in the sky the yard work became torture. Their already dirty skin became white with the salt of their sweat, and their skin turned red from the sun. Even Mr. Chin was covered in sweat by midday.

 

After a long morning of hard labor, they were given some water and a piece of stale bread. They were allowed to rest for a few minutes. Justin found a spot to sit in the thin sliver of shade afforded by the building. He leaned back on a door and, to his surprise, it opened. Justin fell onto the floor inside. He sat up quickly and looked around. Mr. Chin had not seen him. He was busy splashing water on the face of someone who had apparently collapsed from the heat.

 

Justin took the opportunity to slip inside the building. The door had led him into a hallway. He saw a door on his left. Cautiously, he opened it. The room was an office. It was unoccupied. Justin looked around and saw a phone sitting on the desk. He picked it up. He had to tell his parents what was happening. He was not sure if they would believe him, but he had to try. As he picked up the receiver and started to dial, he heard a noise behind him.

 

He turned around just in time to see Brother Tom coming towards him. Brother Tom grabbed him by the neck and slammed him into the wall. "What do you think you’re doing, faggot?" snarled the huge man.

 

"I just wanted to talk to my parents. I miss them," answered Justin in a shaky voice.

The next thing he was aware of was a sharp pain in his shoulder. Then he was on the floor. Brother Tom kicked him and then hit him with his fist. Justin could hear his nose break and then a new wave of pain washed over him. He could feel blood running down his face. That did not stop Brother Tom. He seemed to enjoy the sight of Justin's blood. He kicked Justin in the stomach and then in the chest. He alternately punched and kicked him, smearing the floor with blood and splattering it on the walls. At some point, Justin lost consciousness.

 

When he woke up the first thing he was aware of was the throbbing pain all over his body. He looked around and saw that he was in his sleeping stall. The thin mattress he slept on was now stained with blood. He could hear the other inmates being led in and the locks begin to snap shut. He tried moving, but his body hurt so badly that he gave up and spent most of the night laying where he had been thrown.

 

In the morning, Louis opened the lock on his door. When Justin did not move immediately, Louis grabbed him by his jumpsuit and dragged him out of his stall. Pain shot through his bruised body. Even Louis seemed taken aback when he saw the bruises on Justin's face. Louis lifted Justin onto his feet a little more gently than he had dragged him out of his sleeping quarters. Then Justin was marched outside with the rest to the group.

 

There were still some bushes to be removed from around the buildings, and Justin was not exempt from the work. As he pulled on the vegetation, his wounds re-opened and bled and his eyes watered from the pain. It seemed like a blessing when the last weed was pulled and they were given a few minutes to rest. Mr. Chin made sure Justin never left his side. He gave Justin dirty looks throughout the day. Justin noticed a few bruises on Mr. Chin's body and realized that he was not the only one who had been punished.

 

After a short rest, the group was marched to the hellish-smelling cesspit. The vapors rising from it in the midday heat burned their eyes and caused everyone to gag. As they approached, they saw some tools lying next to the pit. There were shovels and a few wheelbarrows. Their job would be to fill in the pit. There was some sand in the immediate area and most of them were given shovels and told to fill in the pit. A few were sent with wheelbarrows to a sand pile a little farther away.

 

As the day progressed. the air filled with the foul smells of excrement and sweat. Justin was overwhelmed by the smell several times and found himself vomiting what little was in his stomach. Each time Mr. Chin slapped him and shouted at him, "Cover filth! No make more filth!"

 

Justin was not the only one to become sick. He noticed a younger inmate being dragged away after falling to the ground. Mr. Chin put the sick child in the shade, but offered no more assistance.

 

When the contents of the pit were finally covered with a few feet of dirt, the toxic smells were replaced with choking dust. They all coughed as the dry earth scratched their throats, but no one dared stop digging. By sunset they were sunburned and blistered and barely able to speak. The pit had been filled, but no one dared to hope that their labors were over. They were given some soup to eat and another helping of the stale bread that had sustained them all day.

 

Once fed, they were marched to a wooded area far from the buildings and told to take care of their "business”. Then they were marched back toward the barn. Louis and Brother Tom were standing there. Brother Tom was clearly unhappy with something. As they got closer, they could hear that he was complaining about a smell. When they came near enough to the building, they were told to take off their clothes. When they hesitated, Brother Tom shouted at them and called them names. They took off their jumpsuits and shoes and put them in the designated location.

 

Once they were all naked, Louis turned on a hose and proceeded to spray them with cold water. The cool moisture should have brought relief, but instead it caused severe pain as the narrow beam of water impacted blisters and bruises. The painful shower went on until Brother Tom was satisfied that they did not smell.

 

After they had been cleaned, they were sent into the barn and another group of inmates were sent out to be hosed. They were not given their clothes back. Instead, they were handed rags and buckets of water and told that if the barn was not spotless there would be hell to pay. After cleaning the barn, they were sent to their sleeping quarters, still without clothes or shoes.

 

Justin's bruises still hurt badly and his muscles were sore. Now a new agony was added as his skin touched the rough mattress. He felt defeated and wondered how much worse things could get. As he pondered his own misery, he could hear the person in the next stall moaning softly and coughing. The sound kept waking him up. He could hear Louis making his rounds. By now Justin knew that Louis would check on them a few times in the night. Then they would be left alone for what felt like five or six hours. In the morning, Mr. Chin took over, except on days when they occasionally switched shifts.

 

This night Louis spent more time than usual in the vicinity. Justin wondered if he was really concerned about the sick inmate or if he just wanted to be sure no one died on his watch. Justin thought he heard the lock on his neighbor's stall click open at some point, but he was not sure. When he got up the next morning he noticed that the inmate next to him was gone.

That day they were all given soap and large tubs and presented with a pile of their clothes. They were told to wash the jumpsuits and the cheap sneakers that had come with them. They sat around the tubs scrubbing their clothes as well as they could. Justin found himself sitting next to Jeff who took a look at him and whispered, "What happened?"

 

Justin gave him a quick version of the events. Jeff's jaw dropped when he told him about how he had tried to call his parents. Apparently, such an act was unheard of here. Jeff did not know exactly what to say in response to the account of violence. They continued washing in silence. Justin thought about how strange it was that they were all sitting naked and no one made much of it. He looked around and saw that everyone was skinny and covered in cuts, bruises, and blisters. They were not a pleasant sight, but each of them had held on to some attractive qualities. Justin looked at Jeff. He was skinny and his skin was blistered[v3] . He had some freckles that barely showed under the angry red sunburn.

 

Justin let his mind drift back to his old life. If he had met Jeff back at school, they probably would have been friends at the very least. Justin felt some panic start to creep in. It was never explicitly stated, but everyone knew that friendships would not be tolerated. Justin continued to observe the other inmates washing their clothes. Most of them had blank looks on their faces. They seemed not to notice or care about their sunburned skin and all the cuts and blisters that showed through the red color.

 

The clothes were eventually hung up to dry on long clotheslines and the shoes were left in the sun. Then the naked inmates were sent to work on other tasks. The day ended with another hosing down, after which they were finally given jumpsuits to wear. They were sent to their sleeping stalls early that night. As Justin waited for sleep to take him, he angrily kicked the back of his sleeping stall. It emitted a crunching sound that even he knew was evidence of a termite infestation. Sighing heavily, he willed himself to sleep.

 

Before he could fall asleep, he heard a familiar voice whisper, "Are you all right?"

 

Justin answered, "Yes."

 

He realized that Jeff had been moved to the stall next to his. He almost smiled. Jeff was the closest thing he had to a friend.

 

The next morning Louis woke everyone up just before sunrise. They were told to take their mattresses and blankets out and put them all into a small storage room at the end of the stable. They were sent on what was now a familiar march to the wooded area away from the building that served as a temporary bathroom. Then they were taken back to the barn for a quick breakfast of plain oatmeal. As they were eating, Brother Tom walked in. Everyone cringed at the sight of him.

 

For a while he and Louis walked in-between the tables, pointing at certain inmates and talking quietly in cryptic words. There was a sound outside. Something was being delivered to the camp. It seemed to take longer than the usual boxes of paper or car parts. Justin wondered what they would be assembling this time.

 

After a while, the sounds outside subsided and Mr. Chin walked in. He and Louis stood by Brother Tom, who was now standing at the front of the room. He walked up to the nearest table and pounded his fist on it loud enough to make the bowls rattle. Everyone looked up at his angry face. His eyes were dark as coals, and his expression was that of a predator.

 

"I've heard that some of you are unhappy here," he began. "This place is not your idea of home, but this is the only home you have. Your families don't want you. You don't have any friends. I put a roof over your heads. I feed you! I take care of your dirty, Hell-bound asses, but if you want to see how bad life can be, you just screw up today and you will know what pain really is. There's an inspector coming today. If he doesn't see what he wants to see he will take you away. He will take you to jail and you will be beaten and raped every day! So, you listen to me...."

 

Brother Tom then explained that some of them would be kept in the area and might have to talk to the inspector. He chose a group of less sunburned and bruised inmates for that purpose. He promised them further instructions. Then he addressed the larger group again, telling them that they were going on a nature hike with Mr. Chin. If anyone asked them, they would have to repeat that claim.

 

They were then marched outside. In front of the barn they saw a row of portable outhouses and were told to stay away from them. Except for the small group Brother Tom had selected, they were marched out towards the trees. This time they did not stop at the edge. Instead, they followed Mr. Chin, and Louis followed behind them. They walked for a few hours and then stopped. They were told to sit. For the first time in a long time, they were not told to do anything. At first everyone sat in awkward silence. Then some quiet conversations started. Mr. Chin and Louis sat on a pair of boulders and began to talk as well.

 

As the day went on, everyone relaxed a little. It was warm, but not hot, in the forest. Being around plants and animals brought out the human side in everyone. It did not happen often, but for a few fleeting moments someone would smile at the sight of a butterfly or a bird. Even the usually stern Mr. Chin looked happy.

 

Justin sat under a tree with Jeff. He took the opportunity to ask Jeff a number of questions about the camp. He learned that it was periodically inspected. The inspections were supposed to be a surprise, but Brother Tom had a connection in the government who was willing to warn him in advance for a price. That way the camp was always looking good enough when the inspector was around. There were a number of buildings that Justin had never been in. Jeff had only heard about them. There was one set up to look like a dormitory and one that housed classrooms.

 

When the inspector arrived, Brother Tom would have his healthier looking and more obedient inmates occupy these spaces. He would have Radha pretend to be a teacher and Louis would play the role of a counselor on some occasions. Brother Tom put on a good show for the inspector but once the inspector left, everything would go back to normal.

 

Jeff was right. Late that afternoon they were marched back to the camp. The inspector was gone and so were the portable toilets. A new site was designated as the latrine and they were given tools and told to start digging. It was the dusty beginning of a three-day process.

 

After the pit was completed, they were back to spending their days in the barn. They were given different tasks every few days. Sometimes they were assembling car parts or toys. Other times they were repacking various products. Often, they were fixing mistakes committed by automated packing systems.

 

The summer heat intensified as the weeks passed. By the end of June even Mr. Chin seemed to be weakened by it. He developed a cough, and his skin became an unhealthy gray color. He lost weight and looked frailer every day until one day he was gone. Louis took over most of his tasks, but the long hours took a toll on him as well. He began to take his frustrations out on his charges.

 

One day the heat became unbearable for some of the inmates. The first casualty was a girl who fell out of her seat and onto the floor. Louis grabbed her by the hair and dragged her outside. She was too weak to protest. The rest of the group could hear the hose turn on and then off. Then Louis returned, leaving the girl outside in a puddle of mud to regain her strength.

An hour later another inmate stumbled away from the table and vomited. Louis punched him in the stomach and threw him on the floor. He threatened to beat the boy if he did not lick the mess off of the floor. The boy did not dare disobey orders. After that everyone, no matter how sick or weak, continued working.

 

The only relief came at night. After the sun went down the air began to cool and eventually Radha would come in with a cartload of whatever food Brother Tom would grudgingly buy them. Afterwards, they would be allowed to sleep. They were no longer monitored at night. With Mr. Chin gone and Louis working the day shift there was no one to look in on them.

 

On nights when they were not completely exhausted, Justin would make quiet conversation with Jeff. At first, they would only wish each other a good night, but as the days passed the conversations became longer, in part because the weather was now becoming more humid which made it hard to sleep. The heat would linger in the air as Justin and Jeff would talk about the events of the day and try to cheer each other up. They rarely talked about their lives outside of the camp. It was easier not to remember how much better their lives used to be. Even so, it was hard to accept the way they were forced to live.

 

One night, after Jeff had fallen asleep, Justin thought about how unfair it was that they all had to work in the blistering heat. He kicked the termite-eaten two-by-four at the foot of his mattress. The board separated from the board above it. The wood was so damaged that the nails were not holding it in place. Justin pushed it a little, more gently this time. The board separated completely. It was light and spongy. Justin moved the board above it and realized that it, too, was loose. Above the second board was a sheet of plywood that did not look much better.

 

Justin looked at the hole he had made in his wall and realized that it was big enough for him to crawl out. Nervously, he poked his head out. He hoped whatever damage he had done would go unnoticed. For a moment, he thought he saw someone standing outside. The adrenaline rushed through him like fire and his heart began to pound. Then he took a closer look at his would-be attacker and realized it was one of a very few bushes that had been spared during the mass weeding earlier that summer. He almost laughed, but stopped himself in case he would wake anyone.

 

He crawled out the rest of the way and looked at the hole he had made. He arranged the boards and realized that as long as he did not leave the sand around the opening looking like someone had crawled through it, the area looked undisturbed. He slowly walked along the side of the building and realized why it had been so easy for him to escape. The bottom of it was made of small sections of two-by-fours. It had probably been an attempt at a rustic look, but after years of neglect it made the building look more run down. The stable was the only building that had not been given a fresh coat of paint prior to the inspection. Justin could imagine Brother Tom giving the inspector a big story about plans to have therapy horses as soon as he can afford it. The thought made Justin sick.

 

He had walked to the edge of the building and carefully peered around the corner. He could see the barn. It was dark and quiet. He walked towards it with no plan. Just being able to walk around the buildings without anyone shouting at him or hitting him was exhilarating. At the same time his heart was pounding with fear. If he got caught the punishment would be severe. He walked around the barn barely breathing and looked past it. He could see the patch of dirt that served as a parking lot. It was empty. He stood in place for a while as if expecting Louis' run-down pickup or Radha's old sedan to appear. Brother Tom's car was missing as well. Justin stood motionless for a few minutes, but when nothing happened he continued his walk around the camp.

 

Eventually his nerves got the best of him and he returned to the stable. He quietly wiggled back into his stall and smoothed out the sand he had crawled through. Putting the rotten boards back in their place from inside took some work, but he was able to do it. It took him a while to get to sleep but eventually exhaustion won out over mixed excitement and anxiety. The next morning came too early and Justin worried that someone would notice the loose boards or his dusty clothes. Sadly, no one cared enough to pay attention to him or his condition.

 

After a few more days, Justin decided to try leaving the stable again. This time he walked into the wooded area and along the fence. He fantasized about finding a break in the electric fence and running away. He knew that in the unlikely event that he found an escape route he would have nowhere to run. The camp was far from anything, and he was not even sure anyone at home would want him back.

 

He was about to turn around and go back to his hot stall but decided to relieve himself first. There was no need to hide behind trees, but he looked for a private spot anyway. It was one of a very few old habits he was able to hold on to. As he walked out of the moonlight and into the shade of the trees, his foot slipped and he felt himself falling into a hole. He did not fall far, and when he stopped he was lying on a sloping surface. After feeling around with his hands, he realized that he was in the mouth of an underground cave. Cool air filtered up from the cave. Justin could hear the sound of water dripping further inside.

 

Justin wanted to know why the cave was there and what the source of the dripping water was, but it was too dark to see anything. He climbed out of the hole and soon went back to the stable. As he pulled the boards back into place, he heard Jeff shifting in his space. Justin found the sound comforting. He settled down on his own mattress and fell asleep.

 

The next morning he was a little tired from his nocturnal adventures but not tired enough to stop him from keeping up with the day's work. This time they were putting self-adhering labels on packages of soap. The original labels had a misprint. The soap made the smell in the barn almost pleasant for a change. The heat, however, was unrelenting. As had happened many times before, a few of the inmates could not take the heat. Louis dragged them outside and after splashing them with water, he left them to regain consciousness.

 

Over the following nights, Justin grew bolder in his nocturnal explorations. He began to peek into the windows of the part of the camp he was not allowed to enter. One night he found that someone had left a door unlocked. He went inside. He recognized the place. It was the building where he had once tried to make a phone call. He stopped in front of the door to the room where he had found the telephone. He thought about going in and picking up the phone. Then he realized how crazy it would look if he called his parents in the middle of the night. Besides, they had never called or come to check on him. If he called them they might even tell Brother Tom. Justin shivered at the thought and continued walking. He looked into rooms. A few were set up as offices, and there were two which looked like storage areas. One was neat and organized with filing cabinets and shelves full of various supplies. The other room seemed to be a dumping ground for anything that was not needed elsewhere.

 

Justin walked down the narrow path which parted the mess. There were multiple pieces of furniture piled on top of each other. Next to them were a few old printers, a typewriter, and a fax machine. Justin was only casually interested in the mess until he found a dusty box of candles and a lantern. The lantern still had fuel in it, and the box had matches at the bottom. Justin picked up the box and took it outside. He lit one of the matches to see if they worked. It produced a warm yellow flame.

 

It took him a few minutes to work out how to turn on the lantern, but once he had it lit, he retraced his steps of a few nights before. When he reached the mouth of the cave, he lowered the lantern and looked inside. The cave was the size of a small room. It had been carved out by a small underground stream which still gently flowed down the center of the cave. It was only a few inches deep in the center and about two feet wide. The stream’s source was at the top of one of the cave’s walls. Justin entered the cave. He crawled along its floor for a few feet until he reached a place where he could stand up almost straight. The floor of the cave had been polished to near perfection, and Justin had to walk carefully not to slip. There were a few short stalagmites that reached up from the floor, but most of it was smooth. Justin followed the stream with his eyes and saw that it flowed out of the cave through a narrow crack in the stone.

 

Justin walked down to the water and put his hand in it. The cool water felt good on his dirty skin. He spent the next half hour washing himself. He would have liked nothing more than to lie down on the floor and sleep, but he knew that his absence would be noticed if he overslept. He left the box of candles in the cave but took the matches with him. He took the lantern as well. He needed its light now that the moon was not up. As he approached the buildings, he found a hiding spot for the lantern just inside the wooded area. He kept the matches with him to keep them dry.

 

Justin returned to his sleeping stall and pulled the boards back in place He buried the matches in a corner of his stall under the old straw that had probably been there when the building housed animals. As he settled down to sleep, he heard a whisper from behind the wall. "Are you OK?" asked Jeff.

 

"Yeah."

 

"What are you doing?"

 

"There's some loose boards in my stall."

 

"The building is pretty old, but I don't think it's about to fall apart."

 

"I'm not worried about that. I can get out."

 

"What?"

 

"I can get outside. I've been out a few times."

 

"Are you crazy! Do you know what they'll do to you?"

 

"Nothing. There's no one here at night. They just lock us in and leave us here."

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Yeah. Hey, maybe your boards are loose too. See if you can push them out."

 

"No, I don't want to get in trouble."

 

"You won't. You'll get some fresh air."

 

Jeff felt around the outer wall of his stall. The boards there were just as termite-eaten as the ones in Justin's stall. Jeff was able to get the lowest board off, but he did not dare to disassemble the structure any further.

 

It would take a few nights to convince Jeff to join Justin on an evening walk around the building. Jeff was extremely nervous just as Justin had been his first night out. The night after that Jeff felt a little more comfortable, but he was happy to go back inside and very anxious about getting the boards back in their places and the sand around them perfectly smooth.

There were a few nights when they only moved the boards to let some air in. The work they were assigned during the day was not difficult, but the heat made up for it. Brother Tom and Louis seemed to be affected by it too. They were crueler than ever. Brother Tom would come in randomly to do what he called preaching, which was nothing more than verbal and occasionally physical abuse.

 

One day he singled out an inmate for working too slowly. He marched her in front of the room and hit her.

 

"Do you see this lazy bitch? This is how you are now, but wait. You will all go to Hell! All of you will be under the ground, burning and rotting in Hell." He hit her again.

 

When she fell on the ground, another inmate went over to help her up. Brother Tom hit him too, and to make absolutely clear that this had been an inappropriate thing to do, he ordered everyone to get up and go outside. He had them run in circles around the barn. The sun felt like a hot iron on their skin and the humidity sealed in their sweat. Soon inmates were doubling over with cramps and vomiting, but Brother Tom just shouted at everyone to run faster.

 

After what felt like an eternity, one of the inmates collapsed. Brother Tom had gone inside, leaving Louis to supervise the activity. He dragged the fallen child out of the way so no one would step on her or trip over her. Normally, when someone would pass out from exhaustion they would wake up within a few minutes, but this time the heat had been too much. The girl began to convulse. Louis poured water on her and the seizure stopped, but she did not wake up and was soon convulsing again.

 

Louis called Brother Tom, who went into a fit of cursing at the sight. He ordered everyone back into the barn and told them to get back to work. The young girl never returned. Justin wondered what they had done with her. He was angry at Brother Tom and, to a lesser degree, at himself for not being able to do anything about it.

 

In the days following the incident Brother Tom was more angry and cruel than ever. He would walk into the barn and shout at them for no reason. On one such occasion, he came in at the end of the day and hit anyone who was not finished with their work. He hit one boy so hard that his head hit the table with a resounding thud and his nose began to bleed. He then grabbed a girl by the hair and pulled hard enough to rip out a fistful of it. Then he turned to face the room and began one of his rants.

 

"You are a waste of food and air! You belong underground, with the dead, where things crawl and rot, where the fire can burn your evil souls!"

 

Then he looked directly at Jeff and asked, "What did you say?"

 

"Nothing, sir," answered Jeff.

 

"Don't lie, boy! What do you have to say?" bellowed Brother Tom.

 

"He didn't say anything," said Justin quietly.

 

"Liar!" shouted Brother Tom.

 

He picked Justin up from where he was sitting and threw him on the ground. Then he grabbed Jeff and turned him around so that he was facing Brother Tom. Then Brother Tom punched him in the face. He was wearing a ring and it cut Jeff's face. Blood splattered on the floor next to Justin. Brother Tom continued to punch Jeff, bruising his shoulders and stomach. Justin picked himself off of the floor, and as he got up, Brother Tom kicked him in the back. Then he hit Jeff a few more times. Finally, he stopped and looking directly at Jeff he said, "People will see these scars and they will know that you are a child of Hell. You are the spawn of Satan!"

 

After Brother Tom stalked out of the room angrily, Justin picked himself up and went to Jeff's side. Jeff was holding his stomach and taking shallow breaths. Justin sat beside him, unable to help and worrying that he had somehow contributed to his friend's pain. Jeff's pain seemed to ease after a while, but he still did not look well. He only ate a little of the tasteless oatmeal they had for dinner. They were locked in their sleeping stalls shortly after. Justin could hear Jeff breathing in the next stall. They were both lying close to the wall that separated them.

 

After about an hour, Justin whispered, "Jeff?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Are you OK?"

 

"Everything hurts. I can't sleep."

 

"Let's go outside. We can just sit and talk if you like."

 

Jeff agreed, but the sound of resignation in his voice made Justin regret asking him. Once outside, they began to walk in no particular direction just trying to get away from the stable. After a few minutes, Justin broke the silence. "I'm sorry. I think I might have made it worse for you."

 

"I don't think so. He was just mad and looking to hurt someone."

 

"How bad is the pain?"

 

"It’s not too bad. What hurts the most is that someone would do that and that my parents left me here and they probably don't want me back," answered Jeff, his voice starting to shake.

 

"I'm sure that's not true," said Justin, partly trying to reassure Jeff and partly trying to convince himself that this was the case.

 

Jeff gave him a doubtful look.

 

"Let's go this way," Justin said, turning towards the direction where he had left the lantern. He had brought the matches in case they decided to walk a while. Jeff followed him without questioning. The night was quite dark, and they walked slowly, trying not to trip over anything. The only light came from a sliver of moon near the horizon and the glow of billions of stars above. Justin looked up and wondered what Heaven was like. He had been told many times that it was far out of his reach, and his place was deep below the Earth.

 

As they reached the wooded area, Jeff was ready to turn back, but when Justin produced the lantern they continued into the trees. In the dim light, Justin could see a tear running down Jeff's face.

 

"What's wrong? Is the pain getting worse?" asked Justin.

 

"No, it’s just that it’s so beautiful and peaceful here. When I was a little kid I was afraid to go camping because of the scary things in the forest. Now the things in the forest are nothing. The real monsters are back there."

 

Justin was not sure how to respond, so he walked quietly for a while. Then he said, "If you're not too tired, there's something I want to show you."

 

Jeff nodded and they continued their walk.

 

Justin had to search around for the entrance to the cave, but he found it and showed it to Jeff. Jeff looked at the hole in the ground and then at Justin. Justin handed him the lantern and slipped inside the cave. Then he invited Jeff to follow. "Just be careful. It’s a little slippery in places. I can hold the lantern," he instructed.

 

As Jeff looked around the cave, his eyes widened with curiosity and amazement. "How did you know this was here?" he asked.

 

"I was out walking one night and fell in."

 

Seeing a box on the floor of the cave, Jeff asked what was inside.

 

"Oh, some candles I found in a messy old storage closet."

 

"Amazing, you have no fear," answered Jeff with the faintest hint of a smile flashing across his face. "I wish I were like you."

 

Justin lit a few candles and placed them in natural holes in the rock where he was sure they would not fall over. The flickering lights gave the cave a warm glow, making it feel magical and mysterious.

 

Justin walked down to the little stream and splashed water over his face. Jeff followed him and sat at the edge of the water. Justin turned to look at Jeff and saw a large bruise spreading across the left side of his face. Taking his sleeve in his hand he dipped the edge in the water and put the cool cloth to the darkest part of the bruise under Jeff's eye. He gently washed the area.

 

"Thanks," whispered Jeff.

 

"You’re welcome," answered Justin in an equally quiet voice, as if trying to keep the conversation private.

 

He dipped his sleeve in water again and this time washed a nasty looking scratch on Jeff's neck. The dried blood washed off, revealing an area of black and blue skin extending down to Jeff's shoulder. Justin did his best to cool the hot, inflamed skin.

 

Eventually, they decided to soak their feet in the cool water. Neither one of them said anything for a long time. They listened to the sound of the water gently caressing the stone and the chirping of crickets outside. The walls of the cave sparkled in the flickering light as if they were encrusted with diamonds.

 

It was hard to abandon their sanctuary, but eventually they returned to the stable to get some sleep before morning. It was not easy getting up the next morning, but the memory of their time away made the heat and work more tolerable. As Brother Tom preached about how they were going to sink below the sand and burn in the fires of Hell, they remembered their cave below the ground and it gave them hope.

 

The next night they returned to the cave and washed themselves in the cool water. They took off their dusty clothes and poured water over each other until the dust and sweat of the day was gone. Then they sat side by side on the smooth bank of the stream. For the first time since he had arrived at the camp, Justin was keenly aware that he was naked. He had been forced to strip in front of his fellow inmates on a number of occasions, but this was different. Their vulnerable, exposed skin was not a sign of helpless desperation but one of trust.

 

From then on, bathing in the stream became their nightly ritual. They would often lie on the bank of the stream, resting in the cool chamber before returning to the hot, stuffy stable. Their battered and malnourished bodies looked like the plaster casts from Pompeii as they rested nearly motionless.

 

They could have continued this every night until the weather turned cold, but Justin's stay at the camp was only for the summer. He learned his term was almost up when Brother Tom roughly pulled him aside one day and gave him a warning.

 

"You listen to me, boy. Your parents are coming for you in a week. They’re not coming to pick up the pervert they left here. If you want to stay with your parents, you better act like a man. If you get sent back here, I am going to make you pay for making me look bad. You got that?"

 

"Yes, sir," answered Justin.

 

That night he waited until they were in their underground sanctuary before he told Jeff about his impending departure. Justin could hear the guilt he felt in his voice as it echoed off the cave walls. Jeff embraced him and for a moment they stood motionless, like the cave's stalagmites.

 

Finally, Jeff said, "I'm happy for you, but I'm going to miss you."

 

"I'll miss you too," said Justin.

 

They went on with their nightly washing ritual as usual. They poured water over each other and splashed each other playfully, but none of their actions could dispel the sadness completely. Neither of them knew what to say about the impending departure so they avoided the subject.

 

The following night as they were sitting on the bank of the stream. Jeff asked, "They didn't fix you, did they?"

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"You're as gay as you were when you first got here."

 

Justin nodded his head.

 

"What are you going to do when you get out?"

 

"Keep my head down, I guess."

 

"Do you think we'll really end up under the ground like Brother Tom says?"

 

"We're under the ground right now."

 

"I know, but do you think we'll be punished after we die?"

 

"I don't know. I used to think there was nothing wrong with people like us, but now I'm not sure. Sometimes it feels like the world hates us. Maybe we deserve to be hidden, buried where no one can see us. Maybe we just need to pretend while people are watching."

 

"I just wish I knew if I'm really evil. Do I really have a soul or is there something missing?"

 

"You're not evil and there's nothing wrong with you. You're the nicest person I met in this place."

 

Justin could not tell if Jeff believed him. They sat for a few minutes, thinking. Two versions of reality battled over their minds and hearts. They took their usual walk back to the stable. The first rays of moonlight made the night look like a beautiful distant cousin of the day.

 

As the last few days of his incarceration passed, Justin tried to remember his parents and their home. He had seen them only months before, but now they seemed like a half-forgotten dream. He was now under near constant surveillance of the camp's three-person staff. Brother Tom did not dare to hurt him physically, but he made a point of calling him names and hitting the inmates who were unfortunate enough to get close to him. Justin tried to keep his distance from everyone and to stay out of Louis' and Brother Tom's way, but it did not always work. By the end of the day the burden of guilt and shame seemed almost unbearable. Only the night brought relief.

 

On his last night in the camp, Justin slipped out of the stable followed closely by Jeff. They proceeded more cautiously across the camp, worrying that a staff member might have stayed late, but it was as empty as always. The walk through the woods was peaceful and the cave waited for them unchanged. They lit what were now only stubs of candles and got in the water. There was a slightly deeper spot in the stream where they liked to sit until they cooled off. The smooth rock walls made a natural back rest, and they both leaned against it sitting side by side.

 

"You'll be free tomorrow," Jeff said, trying to sound happy.

 

"I guess," Justin answered, wondering for the first time what freedom really meant.

 

"I would never wish this place on anyone, but I don't know what I would have done without you."

 

"You would have survived and you will survive," answered Justin.

 

Jeff shook his head. "When I first got here there was no one to talk to. They were all like zombies. Like they were already dead but just waiting for their hearts to stop. I used to wake up every morning hating the sun. I used to wish I had died in my sleep. Then you came and it was like there was a sign of life. I knew I wasn't alone.”

 

"You did the same for me. I tried talking to the others, but they don't really say much. Most of them must have been here a long time."

 

"Yeah. I think some of them are just dumped here by their families. Some of them have been here more than five years. I don't want to become like them," said Jeff. His voice was shaky and fearful now.

 

"You won't. It’s just a few more months. You'll make it," said Justin, squeezing Jeff's shoulder gently.

 

They slowly started washing the dust off their skin and out of their hair. Knowing it was the last time they would do this together, they took their time and when they were clean they stood in the water looking at each other for a moment.

 

"I don't know if I'll get a chance to say good-bye tomorrow, so I want to tell you tonight. I'm really going to miss you," said Jeff.

 

Justin hugged him and whispered, "I'll miss you, too," as the first of the candles burned out.

 

A second candle flickered as if trying to decide if it had the energy to keep shining, but it did not go out. Justin looked at Jeff's sad face in the dim uncertain light and kissed his forehead. As another candle went out, Justin tried to kiss Jeff again, but Jeff turned away and said "This is wrong."

 

"How do you know?"

 

"I don't. I don't know anything anymore," answered Jeff as the last candle burned out, leaving only the light of the solitary lantern.

 

They knew that there was not much fuel left in the lantern and their time was running out. "I guess it’s time to go," said Justin, the tone of resignation resonating through the cave.

They put on their clothes, picked up the lantern, and walked slowly to the stable. They did not talk to each other after they were inside but neither could sleep. They both pressed their bodies against the shared wall of their stalls and waited for sleep.

 

That morning, Justin was separated from the group. He was hosed down thoroughly and even given some soap to make sure he smelled good. Rhada cut his hair which had become quite long. She used a picture of him from when he was admitted to the camp as a guide. He was given his old clothes back and told to dress. Then he was taken to Brother Tom's office and told to sit. As he waited quietly, he looked down at his clothes. They felt strange and looked foreign. It was as if he had been cast in a play about some other person who just happened to look a little like him.

 

As they waited for Justin's parents to arrive, Brother Tom lectured Justin on minding his manners and staying away from certain types of kids. Justin felt panic settling over him. It was the same feeling he used to get at school when he knew he was not prepared for a test. He took a deep breath and hoped he was ready to deal with the next chapter of his life.

 

When Justin's parents arrived, Brother Tom greeted them with a huge smile and asked them how they were doing. Justin got up and hugged them, doing his best to act happy but inside he felt numb. Brother Tom praised him for how many improvements Justin had supposedly made and talked about all the hiking and playing of games that had supposedly gone on at the camp.

 

After a few formalities, Justin was released to his parents. He followed them to the car. On the way home, they wanted to know all about the great things he had done in the last few months. He tried to make up realistic stories without too much detail. For a moment, he thought about telling the truth, but the specter of being returned to the camp was too vivid. He smiled and told them about sports he played and contests they had.

 

As they reached the halfway point in their journey, Justin's mother asked him if he had met any girls at the camp.

 

"Um, yeah. There were a few cute ones, but we really weren't supposed to flirt and stuff."

 

Justin wanted to change the direction of the conversation so he asked what was new at home. The move worked. His parents began to fill him in on some improvements they had done on the family home. Chief among them was painting the hallway which had had several decades of scuff marks on the walls. Then they went on to tell him which neighbors had hosted barbecues and pool parties.

 

They stopped for an early lunch at a sandwich shop. Justin could not imagine he would have ever been so impressed with bread just because it was not stale or moldy. His father noticed that he seemed to be enjoying the food more than usual and asked what they had been feeding him.

 

"It was more like...health food," answered Justin.

 

His parents' laughter seemed almost jarring. He had to remind himself that they had no idea what had actually gone on inside the camp.

 

When they arrived home, Justin's cell phone was returned to him. It felt strange in his hand, like a magic wand he had forgotten about. He held it in his hand for a moment and then thanked his parents and put it in his pocket. It was Saturday and he was told he could do whatever he wanted as long as he was back for dinner by six.

 

Justin began trying to re-acclimate to his old home by walking around the house and eventually going to his room. Walking into it was like looking at a museum exhibit. It was full of artifacts which felt foreign now. The posters on his wall showed musicians whose songs he had not heard in months. His desk contained a pile of school books and a laptop computer covered with stickers. There was a skateboard propped up against a wall. He wondered if he would still be able to keep his balance on it.

 

He decided to look at his social network accounts. They were full of messages and updates from another world. He felt overwhelmed by the amount. Feeling like he should let people know he still existed he posted a simple message. I’m back.

Justin's friend Chris was the first to see the message and immediately invited himself over for a visit. After making sure his parents wouldn't mind, Justin told him to come over. His mother made the boys a snack and soon they settled down in Justin's room.

 

"So, how was Camp Straight as an Arrow, where you’re not allowed to rub two sticks together?” joked Chris.

 

Justin shrugged his shoulders. "I'm happy to be home."

 

He was not sure how much he wanted to tell Chris about the experience. Part of what kept him from wanting to talk about it was that he did not want to relive the experience, and part of it was that he was still afraid that somehow saying the wrong thing would get him sent back.

 

"What did I miss while I was gone?" asked Justin.

 

Chris was happy to tell him about all the social events of the summer. There had been a number of parties, an epic trip to a local amusement park, and many sunny days at the beach. After finishing his extensive list of noteworthy events, Chris ended with, "You were gone a while. We need to make up for lost time."

 

"How?" asked Justin.

 

"Go all out. Get everyone together and crash a few parties, score some beer, steal a car. You know, the usual."

 

Justin laughed.

 

"Seriously, let’s go out and do something fun," insisted Chris.

 

"Maybe not tonight. I promised I would have dinner with my parents. Besides, I'm kind of tired."

 

Chris looked a little disappointed, but he seemed to understand. They spent another half hour talking and then Chris went home.

 

Over dinner, Justin was on his best behavior. He sat up straight and made sure to use all the utensils correctly. His parents were pleased and surprised. After dinner, his mother busied herself with cleaning and putting away dishes while his father took the trash out. Justin asked if there was something he could do to help. His mother gave him a strange look and then asked him to dry the dishes.

 

That night Justin went to bed early, but it took him a while to fall asleep. The softness of the bed and the light smell of dryer sheets in the room were unfamiliar. Being all alone in the room was unsettling. He had gotten used to having Jeff behind the wall and now there was no one there.

 

When he finally fell asleep, his dreams took him back to the stable. He dreamed about his nightly walk to the cave with Jeff. It felt so real that when he woke up he was startled to find himself alone in his bedroom. He lay awake thinking about Jeff and the others. He wished he could set them free and felt guilty for having left them behind.

 

As the last few days of summer vacation passed, Jeff tried to act like a respectable member of the community during the day. He met with his old friends, but did not feel like he belonged. When he had been at the camp he used to wish he could go home, even as his memory of home began to fade into the realm of dreams and fantasies. Now that he was home, he began to realize that the person he had become was not from this place. He felt like an actor struggling to play a difficult role. As the week progressed he felt more stressed than ever.

 

At night, he was tormented by dreams that took him back to the camp. For the first few nights he dreamed about the hot barn. The acrid smell of sweat and despair filled his mind until he could not take it anymore and woke up feeling hot and sweaty. Sometimes Brother Tom would appear. He would look at them with his hollow, dark eyes and tell them that they would all go to Hell.

 

In the daytime, he felt tired and drained. He tried to act like his old self, but his friends could see that he was changed.

 

On Monday, Justin and Chris were sitting in Chris's yard. It was too hot to do anything so they sat in the shade for a while and then went inside to get some ice cream. As they sat down to eat it, Chris asked, "So what went on in that camp?"

 

"What do you mean?” asked Justin, hoping that Chris would lose interest in the subject.

 

"They were supposed to turn you straight. How did they try to do that? Did you sit and talk with a shrink all day, go on nature hikes, do yoga, meditation, magic mushrooms, or what?"

 

"No, it wasn't like that. They had us work," answered Justin.

 

"What kind of work?"

 

"Just random stuff like pulling weeds," answered Justin as he felt his throat getting tight.

 

"That sucks. Did you live in a dormitory with roommates?"

 

"Kind of," answered Justin.

 

"Tell me about them," said Chris.

 

Justin opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He tried to take a deep breath, but it felt like something was squeezing his throat. He gasped and coughed.

 

"You all right?" asked Chris, looking mildly concerned.

 

Justin still could not answer.

 

"Do you need some water?” asked Chris.

 

Justin nodded, hoping that somehow that would clear whatever was blocking his airway. Chris went to the kitchen and came back with a glass of water. Justin took a sip and was barely able to swallow it, but he did feel a little better. He spent the next few minutes slowly drinking the water and taking slow, careful breaths. Finally, he was able to tell Chris that he was all right.

 

"What happened?" asked Chris.

 

"I don't know. I just felt like something was squeezing my throat," Justin answered.

 

"But you're OK now, right?"

 

"Yeah, I think so."

 

They spent the rest of the afternoon watching videos on Chris's computer. Watching people fall off of bicycles and into fountains helped Justin forget about the strange choking episode. By the time he left Chris's home he was feeling fine. When he got home, his mother was in the kitchen making a salad. When Justin entered, she smiled and asked him how he was doing.

 

"Great. How about you?" he asked.

 

“Pretty good. It looks like the company will get a new contract. Everyone's excited."

 

"That's great, Mom."

 

"So, what did you do all day?"

 

"Mostly hung out with Chris. I haven't seen him in a while so I wanted to catch up."

 

Then they heard the garage door open. Justin's father was home. He came into the kitchen to say hi and then went upstairs to change.

 

"Is there anything I can do to help?" asked Justin.

 

His mother smiled and gave him some peppers to cut up for the salad. A few minutes later Justin's father came downstairs and joined them in the kitchen. On the surface it looked like a happy family enjoying each other's company, but Justin felt anxiety mounting under the surface. He felt like he was one wrong move away from being returned to the camp.

 

By the time dinner was ready, Justin did not have much of an appetite. He sat by the table and tried to look happy and make pleasant conversation. He was able to keep up the act until his parents brought up the camp.

 

"Tell us about these nature hikes," said Justin's father.

 

"Mr. Chin would take us into the forest area. He would tell us all about the plants and bugs," Justin smiled, but he could feel his hands start to sweat.

 

"There were all these different types of flowers and ferns when you got deep enough into the woods. There are some really colorful butterflies there too. The girls kept trying to catch them. It was funny." He forced himself to smile, but Justin could feel his throat constricting like it had earlier that day.

 

Knowing he would not be able to speak, he coughed and went to the kitchen for a glass of water. He drank it slowly, hoping that it work as well as it did earlier that day. It took him a few minutes to regain his ability to speak. His father came to check on him.

 

"You all right, Son?"

 

"I'm fine. Something just went down the wrong way." He smiled and returned to the table.

 

That night he lay awake, glad that it was a weeknight. It would give him some time away from his parents so he could figure out what was happening to him. He tried not to let his mind take him back to the camp, but he could not help thinking about Jeff. The thought of what was still going on inside the camp made him sick.

 

When he finally fell asleep, he dreamed about the camp. He was standing outside in front of the barn. Jeff was standing next to him. Brother Tom was in front of them, looking at them with his dark, hollow eyes. He did not say anything, but Justin could feel his anger. It was like a terrible, dangerous energy that radiated from him. Justin looked in his eyes. It was like looking into deep pits smoldering like dark red coals.

 

Suddenly, Brother Tom turned to Jeff and hit him with super-human force. Justin could feel blood splash his face. He woke up covered in sweat and gasping for air. It took a few seconds for the disorientation and confusion to pass. Then he realized that it was just a nightmare. He tried to dismiss the frightening images, but he could not stop thinking about Jeff. Justin was not sure how long Jeff would survive in the camp. Justin was not sure how much longer he could have lasted.

 

The next morning Chris came over to check on him. Justin assured him that he was fine. For a while he did seem fine. They spent the rest of the morning playing video games and then went out to the pool for a swim. Then Chris brought up the camp again.

 

"How exactly do they teach you not to be gay? I thought that was like hard-wired."

 

"Just counseling and praying and stuff," answered Justin, feeling the blood start to drain out of his face.

 

"Did it really work?" asked Chris.

 

Suddenly Justin did not feel well. He climbed out of the pool and sat down on one of the plastic chairs by the pool. Chris followed him out.

 

"Are you ok?" asked Chris.

 

"I don't know. My throat feels funny again."

 

They sat for a few minutes until the tight sensation passed.

 

"What's going on with you?" Chris asked. "You haven't been yourself since you got back."

 

Justin just stared at the cement under his feet.

 

"Justin, I've been your friend since we were five. You can tell me what's going on."

 

"I don't want to go back there," Justin managed to say through a throat that felt smaller than a soda straw.

 

"Did something happen there? What are you hiding? Why can't you talk about it?"

 

"They didn't fix us. They can't. They break people's minds," he managed to say before going into a fit of coughing.

 

Chris sat looking at him, not sure what to say or do.

 

"I have a friend in there," Justin gasped. "I'm out here, but he's still there."

 

That was all he could say before it became impossible to speak. Chris sat next to him, watching him closely until Justin began to relax.

 

Finally, Chris spoke up, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you need to talk to somebody about this.”

 

“They beat us. They didn’t feed us. There’s people still in there,” Justin was able to say between gasping breaths.

 

“Dude, you have to tell the cops,” Chris said, now looking more concerned than ever.

 

“No, I can’t.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“I just can’t. Not now.”

 

“But—”

 

“Just give me some time to wrap my head around this.”

 

Justin was starting to turn blue in the face so Chris didn’t argue. Instead he suggested that they Join Terry and Matt at the skate park. “You don’t have to skate. Just hang out.”

 

“I don’t know,” answered Justin, looking a little less sick.

 

“We’ll just watch TV until you catch your breath and then we’ll go hang out with friends like we used to.”

 

The thought of doing anything like he used to was too appealing to ignore. An hour later they took the short walk to the park and met Matt and Terry. They were already trying to outperform each other on a small half pipe. Justin was happy to just watch. Chris joined them for a while, but the midday heat soon left them all shirtless and tired. They sat in the shade for a while and then went to the local ice cream shop.

 

By the end of the day, Justin was feeling almost like himself again. He had dinner with his parents, who were happy to talk about current events and never brought up the camp. Then everyone settled down in front of the television. Justin was playing a game on his phone while his parents watched the news. When the news ended, Justin’s mother left the room and Justin’s father started flipping through the channels. He had not found anything to watch when his phone rang. He took the phone to his study and left the TV on. At first Justin was too focused on his game to notice what was on the TV. When he looked up after losing his game he saw that it was a religious station.

 

At first the program made no impression on Justin, but then a preacher came on. He started talking about the end of the world and how the wicked will be punished. The words made Justin cringe. He looked up from the phone again. At first the preacher looked like an average middle-aged man, but the longer Justin watched, the more the man looked like Brother Tom. His eyes became dark as coals and his face turned pure evil. Justin wanted to look away, but he could not make himself do it. It was like a nightmare that somehow was happening while he was awake.

 

Without knowing it, Justin held his breath. He began to feel dizzy and then light-headed. The next thing he was aware of was his face hitting the carpet. He opened his eyes and realized that he had fallen out of his chair. His father had now returned to the living room. Seeing his son picking himself up off the floor, he asked, “Are you all right?”

 

“Yeah, I just fell asleep sitting in the chair.”

 

He gave his father an apologetic smile and added, “I think I spent too much time in the skate park.”

 

His father nodded and told him to be more careful next time. He took his place on the recliner, but even as he picked up the remote control he creased his brow in worry.

 

Justin went to bed early that night. The strange episode, combined with the one from that morning, left him tired and confused. It took him a long time to fall asleep and when he did, he dreamed about the camp. This time he was outside. A crowd of inmates had gathered outside the barn, and he was among them. He recognized some of them. The girl who had been hung up on a cross was on one side of him. On the other side was Joe. The girl was staring at something. Joe was tearing out the last few hairs on his scalp. Small beads of blood emerged as each hair was sacrificed.

 

Justin looked ahead of him and saw what his fellow inmates were looking at. Brother Tom was standing with his back to them. He was still not saying anything. He just stared at something on the ground. Then a deep, wicked laugh erupted from him. He turned around. His face and clothes were streaked with blood. He looked like a satisfied cannibal. He slowly walked away, leaving behind him a body on the ground. Blood pooled around it, coloring the dust a bright red. The body was so abused that it took Justin a moment to realize that it was Jeff.

 

He felt himself wanting to scream, but no matter how hard he tried, all he could do was exhale. He tried to chase Brother Tom, but the monster had already disappeared. Finally, the struggle woke Justin. He found himself tangled in his sheets with his heart pounding. As he sat trying to catch his breath, his mind distilled an irresistible anger from the fear that had gripped him a moment ago. He had to do something. He got out of bed and put on his clothes.

 

Then he quietly slipped downstairs. He walked to the spot in the kitchen where his father had a habit of leaving his car key. Justin picked up the key. An eerie calm settled over him as he walked out the door and to the waiting vehicle. He unlocked the door and slipped behind the wheel. It had been a few months since he had driven a car, but his memory was now crystal clear. He turned the key in the ignition and watched the console light up with a cool, blue glow. He put the car into reverse and rolled out of the driveway. Then he pulled out onto the street. The radio’s clock informed him that it was two in the morning. The streets were deserted. Justin tuned the radio to a rock station as he picked up speed. He started to sing along to the song, sure that what followed this night would hardly resemble life.

 

He was actually smiling when he heard his phone ping. He waited until he reached a stop sign to look at the message. It was from Chris. It read: Are you awake?

 

Justin called him. Chris picked up on the first ring. “Hello?”

 

“Hey. I am awake.”

 

“I hear music. What’s going on?” Chris asked.

 

“I stole a car and I’m enjoying the stereo.”

 

“Awesome! Seriously, what are you doing?”

 

“I did steal a car. I’m going to the camp. I’m going to get my friend out.”

 

“Wait. What?”

 

“I’m going to the camp -“

 

“Whose car did you take?”

 

“My da d’s.” Justin smiled at the hint of alarm in Chris’s voice.

 

“Come over to my place.”

 

“Are you seriously going to try to talk me out of it? I have to do—”

 

“Talk you out of it? No, I want to go with you!”

 

Justin hesitated for a moment. He was not sure if he believed Chris at first, but after thinking back on some of their adventures Justin decided to trust him.

 

“All right. I’m a few minutes away. Meet me outside.”

 

Justin made the detour and found Chris standing in his driveway. Seeing Justin, he smiled and waved.

 

“Wow! Nice choice of car! I love the leather seats.” He ran his hands over the smooth surface.

 

“So what is so important in hell that you would go back?”

 

“It wasn’t that bad,” Justin said, not wanting to bring back bad memories.

 

“Yes, it was,” Chris stated. “No one literally chokes on a memory of something that wasn’t that bad.”

 

“I made a friend there. Everyone else was like a zombie, but this one guy, he was still almost OK. We talked whenever we could. We would sneak around at night because no one was there to watch us. We kept each other from becoming like everyone else.”

 

Chris sat quietly, trying to understand what he had heard as they turned onto the main highway in the direction of the camp.

 

“Can you tell me anything about the place?” Chris asked, not wanting to trigger another choking incident.

 

Justin thought for a moment. He slowly began to describe what he had experienced over the past three months. Chris sat quietly listening and cautiously asking the occasional question. The miles passed as Chris began to understand what his friend had been through. As they approached the camp, Chris asked the obvious question.

 

“I’m all for do-it-yourself projects, but are you sure this isn’t something you want to leave to the cops?”

 

“The cops can’t help. They’d just schedule another inspection and someone will tip off Brother Tom.”

 

They were now passing the long wall of the camp’s territory. Another car was slowly gaining on them in the distance, but otherwise everything was calm. Justin was just turning the corner to enter the camp’s driveway when he heard a police siren. He parked the car and rolled down the window. A few seconds after checking Justin’s driver’s license, the police officer informed Justin and Chris that the car they were in was reported stolen. Chris was quick to offer an explanation.

 

“It’s Justin’s dad’s car. We didn’t want to wake him up just to let him know we wanted to use the car,” he said, somehow managing to look younger and much more innocent than he really was.

 

The officer thought for a moment and then asked, “What are you kids doing out here in the middle of the night?”

 

“My friend’s in there,” said Justin, sounding less in control of his emotions than he wanted. “I’m worried about him. He wasn’t doing so well last time I saw him.”

 

When asked to explain what “not so well,” meant, Justin started to explain what went on inside the camp. He was soon overwhelmed with fear and started coughing. Chris filled in the details as well as he could while Justin caught his breath. As the officer listened to their story, his partner walked over to the gate and pressed the intercom button. He waited for an answer. When no one answered, he shook his head to his partner. “No one’s home.”

 

Justin tried to explain that the employees left at night, but the officers were clearly having a hard time believing him. The one standing by the gate pressed the intercom again and then decided to rattle the gate. As soon as his skin made contact with the gate he fell to the ground in agony. The gate was electrified. He slowly got up and both officers now took a new interest in the property. They swept their flashlight beams over the quiet buildings. They spoke to each other, deciding that it must be unoccupied. Then one of the flashlights caught a moving form. They shouted at it to stop. The figure only ran faster, disappearing between the buildings.

 

Justin let out a sigh of relief. He had only seen a glimpse of the figure, but that was all he needed to know that Jeff was alive. A moment later he heard one of the officer radio for backup and Justin knew that it would soon be over.