Still You Want Me - 6. Chapter 6 - Blinded on Vacation

* * CHARLES * *

Colin smiles and slaps my back.

“Are you ready, Charles? Today is the day!”

As we walk through the lobby, he continues.

“I have everything in my car so I’ll drive straight to your house after work and pick you up, then we’ll head out. With traffic, it’ll take four hours to drive there. I’m thinking we’ll stop for dinner at some point, then tomorrow morning we can go grocery shopping and all that jazz!”

He’s bubbling with excitement. He’s been anxiously counting the minutes for the last 2 weeks.

“Sounds good. I’m going with your flow, you’re the boss. I’m only the lonely boat driver slash eye candy for the week.”

I wave him off.

Secretly, I’m as excited as he is, if not more. The thought of only the two of us spending the better part of a week together? Heck, yes! His eyes suddenly become full of emotion and he says.

“Charlie, don’t sell yourself short. I also expect you to cook.”

“How is this fair? I feel like the scale of equality is in your favor. What do I get out of this trip? Besides the privilege of serving your every need?”

He laughs.

“That’s pretty much it. It’s not my fault though, you could have demanded more than one fancy dinner. For someone who was raised to know the ‘art of the deal’, you’re negotiating skills, suck.”

I laugh, he’s so oblivious. Colin looks at his watch and announces the countdown.

“Seven hours and fifty-two minutes.”

* * *

Shoot! That’s the doorbell, Colin’s here already! I run to the front door and let him in.

“You’re fast. I need five minutes.”

I’ve just stepped out of the shower so I didn’t have time to run a towel over my body, in fact, I have only a hand towel covering my man bits. The rest of my body is dripping wet and on display. Colin whistles.

“Damn, Charlie!”

I can feel myself blush.

“Shut up! If you’re done perving on me then I’m gonna finish getting ready.”

I’m pretty sure he’s watching my smooth, naked butt as I walk away. I hope.

I barely finish pulling on my boxer briefs when Colin walks in.

“Knock, knock!”

I look at the door to find him smiling.

“Do you need me to take anything out to the car?”

I check my bag to make sure I have everything I need.

“Umm, yeah, I have my bag here. I think it has everything.”

I grab my jeans and pull them up, but leave them unbuttoned, letting my body linger in a semi state of undress. I know I shouldn’t since Colin’s with Jesse, blah blah blah, but whatever. Colin gets to look at Jesse all of the time, but I’m still going to show off my assets. I might not be as perfect as Jesse, but I know I look good. My stomach is one of my best features; tight and muscular. I also know it’s one of two of Colin’s favorite body parts—the other is legs. Colin glances at me, possibly longer than normal, before grabbing my bag and walking out.

You can bet your ass I’ll be getting as much skin time as possible this week.

I finish dressing and walk to the kitchen to put my shoes on, grab my jacket and sliders for the lake, and lock up the house.

“Okay, sorry about that. I’m ready now.”

I toss the last of my miscellaneous stuff in the back seat. Colin has the seat down and his wakeboard stuffed in the back.

“I thought you were getting a rack for this?”

He’s been talking about it and constantly searching Craigslist for the perfect one since the first day he got his car. In fact, I almost bought him one for his birthday, but I opted for the stereo, which I think was the right choice.

“I want to, but I haven’t found a good one, yet. It’s only me and you so there’s no pressure to use the backseat this weekend.”

My driveway is circular so he zips around and drives toward the freeway. Colin looks at me and smiles.

“I’m excited about the next five days. Honestly, you have no idea. I’m really looking forward to it. I definitely wish Jesse was coming, but this is good, too.”

I love car rides and this one doesn’t disappoint me as we talk about everything. Colin opens up about his past relationships and he talks about Jesse and some of the friction they’ve been having regarding this week’s separation. I share about my lack of all those things, how I haven’t been interested in hooking up like I used to, and how (maybe) something serious wouldn’t be so bad. It’s never too late to let him know he’s original analysis isn’t right, at least where he could be involved.

I think we’re both feeling closer to each other by the time we finish, knowing that nothing has been off limits. Plus, a lot of music and singing, which I have come to enjoy doing with Colin. We stop at Madras for dinner and I’m surprised when Colin demands to pay. Then we drive nonstop for the last hour, during which I ask.

“So, tell me about the house where we’re going to be staying?”

Knowing Colin, it’s the cheapest thing he could find on Airbnb. I’m trying to keep my imagination in check, but there’s a small part of me that’s worried we’re going to pull up to a shack, which is fine if we have to share a bed, but it mostly terrifies me.

“Honestly, I don’t know, I haven’t seen any pictures. It’s a home that’s owned by a couple of couples. They each get an equal number of weeks, but they’re all staying with my parents for the holiday, so it’s free. Literally and figuratively.”

“Are your parents part owners?”

I figure if he’s staying for free then they probably are. I think his parents are fairly well off, at least, more than he lets on. Sharing ownership is a easy way for people to own vacation homes without drowning financially.

“I don’t know. They didn’t really say. All they said was there’s a cabin on the lake available if I wanted to use it. I was on the fence until they said it comes with a boat, then it was a firm yes.”

It isn’t dark, yet, but it’s getting there. I love this part of summer, when the days are long and there’s so much time to spend outdoors. My stomach is fluttering from thinking about spending five of the longest days of the year with Colin.

He’s following his GPS down a nowhere road. We can see the lake and I notice there’s not many houses, it looks very private.

“Okay, we’re close. I think it’s right--here? Number seven-four-six-two-three-four?”

He laughs as we’re pulling into a large driveway.

“Who the fuck picks such long-ass house numbers? It’s longer than the fucking zip code!”

The sun has dropped pretty quickly so I can’t see the outside too well, but it looks nice. It’s bigger than what I’d call a cabin, but smaller than an average house.

“Alright, let’s grab our bags, for now, and we can get everything else in the morning.”

He grabs his bag from the back seat and darts toward the house. I give him a mock salute.

“Yes, boss.”

I grab my bag and follow. The inside of the house is warm. It’s not big, but it has a nice, open layout. Everything is white or cream or beige with tasteful color accents. We walk around the house and check the bedrooms. The first room has a queen bed frame, but no mattress. The second and third rooms both have two, tiny-ass, twin mattresses, and the fourth room is the master with a king bed.

Colin throws his bag on the big bed, claiming the best spot in the house.

“Well, this is my room.”

Also tossing my bag on the giant bed, I say.

“Correction. This is our bed. There's no way I’m sleeping out there on those camp mattresses.”

I look at him, daring him to challenge me, although secretly I’m terrified he’ll tell me to get the hell out. If he does, I’ll go peacefully, albeit, unhappily.

“Sounds good. Boat driver, eye candy, cook, and bedmate!”

He smirks, holding his finger to his lips.

“Shush. Don’t tell Jess.”

“Yeah, I can only imagine Jesse being jealous of me. That’s rich!”

I unzip my bag so I can unpack and go to bed.

“Uh, yeah! He’s definitely jealous of you.”

Colin starts laughing as he’s taking stuff from his bag and arranging them in the closet.

“I highly doubt that.”

Jesse, jealous of me? I can’t imagine. I’ve had a lot of people jealous of me, but I never thought one of those people would be Jesse! The blonde Adonis of the Pacific NW, the boyfriend and lover of Colin--perfection was created from his image. He’s so pure and good that woodland animals help get him dressed every morning.

We work around each other, sharing a dresser and closet space, while making the bedroom feel like home. He takes a break from unpacking to gesture his hands at me.

“Yeah, I mean, look at you! You’re a ten!”

Wait, what? Colin thinks I’m a ten?

I counter as I try to hide my blush.

“Then Jesse’s a twelve.”

Colin laughs.

“I agree, but for some reason, he’s still insecure. He thinks we spend too much time together. Work, gym, Thursday dinner & Karaoke. Dinner last month, breakfast on my birthday, etc.”

Colin’s waving his hands in a repetitive circle as he lists everything and I add.

“This week...”

He laughs, again.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

The thought of anything happening between us is hilariously impossible.

Hilarious.

“He’s not happy about you being here with me, but he didn’t say much, either. I don’t think he’s worried. I get it, I mean, I wouldn’t be stoked if Jesse’s best friend was a ten and they were spending the week together, alone, I’d be a little jealous. I tried telling him work hours don’t count, but he didn’t buy it. He’s right, though, they do count. I definitely spend more time with you than anyone else in my life.”

He shoves his empty bag under the bed, grabs his toiletries, and walks to the en suite bathroom.

“I have to watch myself when I’m with him or else everything is ‘Charlie this and Charlie that’ which only proves you’re a force to be reckoned with in my life.”

He says all of this with a casualness you’d find from a grandmother talking about her favorite pie crust. As if this isn’t a big deal! Internally, I’m freaking out. I don’t know why, maybe the realization that, to some degree, I’m as significant to Colin as he is to me. Heck, I’m a big enough presence in his life that his perfect boyfriend is threatened!

Don’t be too happy, Charles.

“Well, that’s quite a compliment.”

“Yeah, but don’t let it go to your head.”

He’s not looking at me, but I can see the corner of his mouth curl up with a smile and I ask him.

“I’m beat. Are you staying up or going to bed?”

The fact he’s slipping his clothes off, until he’s in his boxer briefs, answers any and all questions about standard sleeping attire for the night and Colin says, with a little too much enthusiasm.

“Bed! No question.”

We don’t normally shower together at the gym because Colin lives so close, he waits until he gets home. Seeing him in such a state of undress is short circuiting my body, how am I going to survive sharing a bed with him? Honestly, if I’m being objective, compared to other guys I’ve been with, he’s nothing special. He has a nice solid figure but he’s not super toned and doesn’t have much, if any, definition (although, we’re working on that at the gym). But I’m not objective and he’s smoking hot. He has a light olive tone to his skin and I’m sure he’s going to darken up nicely in the sun. Unlike me, I’ll be lucky to walk away with only a minor burn that doesn’t peel.

We move around the bathroom like an old married couple as we brush our teeth simultaneously and then wash our faces. In my head, this moment is heaven, everything I never knew I wanted. We finish up and return to the bedroom. I’m still fully dressed so I strip down, trying hard to be seductive without being too obvious about it. Colin’s sitting on the bed with the blankets pulled up to his waist and watching me undress.

“Seriously, Charlie. No wonder Jesse’s freaking out.”

Slowly dropping my pants to the floor, I reveal my super small European boxer briefs that cover much less than American briefs. I casually respond.

“What do you mean?”

I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m only getting ready for bed. Doesn’t everyone wear these?

“Fuck you, Mr. Perfect Body. How’s that real?

He’s looking at my body and there’s no hiding the appreciation and lust on his face.

“This?”

I look down, pat my stomach, and slowly run my hand up and down as I add.

“I don’t know.”

Da fuck I don’t know! I don’t workout five days a week for the thrill of it. I adjust the waistband of my underwear, which draws his attention down.

“Be thankful I’m dating Jesse or I’d probably jump you, friendship be damned!”

He follows up with a whistle.

Damn you Jesse, always ruining everything!

I have to stop my slow striptease because the thought of Colin wanting to jump me is sending blood rushing to all of the wrong places. I quickly cover myself under the blanket and bend my knee slightly to hide my inflating erection. We snuggle down into the sheets as we face each other and I smash the sheets down between us, making a faux barrier.

“Try to keep your hands off of me, you big pervert.”

He looks at the indent I made between us and laughs.

“Well, fuck. There’s no way for me to get to you, now. I guess you’re safe.”

He sticks his lip out, pouting.

Those lips. Those eyes. Jesus, give me strength.

“Goodnight, Colin.”

I turn off the lamp, making the room go dark.

* * *

Despite the long day before, I wake early, as usual. I’ve always been this way, even as a teenager. Eight o’clock in the morning is sleeping late. I normally wake up between five and six o’clock. Summer is always on the earlier side During my promiscuous years, which was age sixteen until about three months ago, being a morning person was a total blessing. I always, without exception, woke up before my lover and was able to extract myself from the bed easily and without incident.

This morning is new for me. I’m waking up next to a warm body, wishing we could be closer, and wishing I could touch him. The room is softly lit by the early morning sun. I carefully turn, wanting to discreetly watch him.

Colin’s on his stomach and his body is splayed in chaos. His head is facing away from me, sheets in total disarray, and his thick brown hair is in perfect shambles.

I smile, overwhelmingly full of joy. Think about it, getting to see someone first thing in the morning like this, it’s a rare and intimate occasion. You don’t see your neighbors, friends, or colleagues this way. Not usually, anyway. This is a secret preview, something the rest of the world will never see.

Preview. The realization that I’m still on the outside looking in starts to overtake the joy with disappointment. That’s the thing about a preview, it’s a sample. Only enough to get you excited, but ultimately you walk away unsatisfied.

Lying here, replaying the preview to a movie I’m never going to own, is cruel. I extract myself from the bed, pull on my sweatpants and a shirt, and walk to the kitchen. There are French doors that open to a porch facing the lake. It’s beautiful! The early morning brings a layer of fog that hangs gently over the water, softening the shoreline in the background.

After looking through the cupboards, I find the coffee. It’s not a great choice, but it’ll work for now. I can pick up more preferable stuff today. I decide to start a list for our shopping trip. #1-Coffee. I add meal foods that I’d prefer (as suggestions), beer, snacks, and so on.

I take a sip of coffee (bleh) and shake my head in disgust, as a baby does when trying food for the first time. It’s not good, definitely old and stale. I see a porch swing that overlooks the lake, it’s a perfect spot. Very picturesque. The second I step out of the door, I’m accosted by frigid temperatures.

Holy fuck, it’s cold!

This is the high desert. The nights are freezing and the days are scorching. Much different than Portland where everything is pretty even and consistent. I grab a large, thick blanket from the living room and wrap myself in it before returning to the swing. It’s still cold, but manageable.

I’ve vacationed a lot, but I’ve never sat in such pristine peace. It’s a little unnerving. What do I do, just sit here? I feel as though I should experience some sort of life revelation, like the voice of God calling out to me and saying something profound. Instead, the silence continues.

I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here, staring at the lake, but my coffee's been empty for a while and I need a refill. As I’m about to get up, I hear Colin in the kitchen. He shouts.

“Charlie?”

I raise my coffee cup.

“On the porch! Bring coffee!”

“Holy shit! It’s freezing balls out here.”

His face is tortured and his body is covered in goosebumps. Not surprising, since he’s wearing the same thing he slept in…practically nothing. He pours me a fresh cup and returns the pot to the kitchen. After he returns, he stands in front of me and bounces impatiently on his toes while holding his mug of tea.

“Fuck, it’s cold. Open up.”

“Hell, no. It’s warm and cozy in here and you’re like an iceberg! You’ll bring this titanic down. There’s blankets in the living room.”

I wave him off and grip the blanket tighter as he reaches out and manually tries to pry it open.

“You took the good one, the rest are no better than Kleenex. Let me in you asshole!”

It’s not that I don’t want to share the blanket with Colin, I do, but I don’t want to seem too eager. I’m also afraid of my body reacting to this, mostly naked, man if he snuggles next to me under my blanket. How can I be sure I won’t become aroused while sitting with him on the porch swing?

“Fine.”

I unwrap myself from the blanket and readjust it. He sits next to me, pulls his legs up to his chest (similar to me), and I wrap the blanket around us. We’re fully enclosed except our hands that are holding the hot beverage we’re sipping. I can feel the cold radiating off of his skin.

“Oh-my-god! You’re freezing cold!”

Snuggling into my heat, he smiles.

“No, you’re very, very warm!”

This causes my heat to rise at an alarming rate. I have to will my heart to slow down because Colin is close enough to feel it beat out of my chest. Luckily, between the blanket and having my knees pulled up to my chest, I’m not in danger of Colin noticing my situation.

Besides my uninvited arousal, this is literally my dream. Such a disappointment to know it’s not my movie.

I almost wish Colin didn’t feel so comfortable with me because it blurs all of the lines in my mind, making it easy to conjure false realities. Colin lets out a heavy sigh.

“We have a problem.”

No kidding. He can’t feel my hardness.

“Well, I have a problem. This morning, I realized I forgot to take my contacts out last night. Normally it’s not a big deal, but it reminded me that I didn’t pack any of my contact stuff.”

“No biggie. We can grab solution at the store today.”

“Sure, if that was the real problem, but it’s not. The pair I’m wearing is toast, they’re already uncomfortable. If I had solution with me, I might be able to wear them the rest of the day, but I don’t. Even if I buy solution today, it won't help enough.”

He’s looking out over the lake and stress is written all over his face. I smile, internally.

“You’ll be fine. You have your glasses.”

Colin in glasses. If I wasn’t already overly tempted...

“No. No, I don’t. I was in such a fucking hurry, I forgot them, too.”

He shakes his head, frustrated and disappointed with himself.

“We can find something that’ll work when we go to town. They sell all kinds of glasses. What do you need? Positive two point two-five?”

“I wish, Charlie, but I’m like, really blind without my prescription eyewear. The strongest reading glasses won’t make any difference.”

He’s fidgeting with the blanket as he tries to hide his nervousness.

“Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out. I have your back. Boat driver, eye candy, cook, bedmate, and guide to the blind. Actually, I’m no longer eye candy if you can’t see me.”

I look at him and I’m happy to see he’s smiling, even if it’s small. I look at him (hard) for the first time this morning. I can’t see much of him because of the blanket, but he’s biting his lip and his hair is absolutely insane. He looks incredible, absolutely stunning. The only thing that would make this moment better is if he wasn’t full of sadness.

“Okay.”

He hesitates, looking at me with concern, then continues.

“I’m so nervous!”

He lays his head against my shoulder and we remain in the swing for a while longer. At one point, it becomes noticeably warmer and I ask.

“Are you ready to go to town? We can get everything we need and spend the rest of the day relaxing, boating, or whatever.”

I emphasized whatever on purpose.

We change and I grab my makeshift grocery list before we leave.

* * *

Two and a half hours later, we finally arrive home, unload the food, and put everything away. I bought better coffee so all of the important things are taken care of. While putting the last of the grocery bags away, I ask.

“What do you want to do first? Hit the lake?”

“Yes!”

We change into our board shorts and walk to the boat shed. Everything’s in perfect order so Colin gets his board ready while I warm up the boat.

I drive around the lake while towing Colin. I don’t know what I expected from him, but he sucks. He can’t do anything! No spins, jumps, flips, or tail grabs, but he seems happy enough simply being pulled around. I can’t help but laugh, he’s like a little kid, happy as can be.

He takes a surprising large spray of lake water to the face and lets go of the rope, so I circle around. He’s floating, resting with his head back, and staring at the sky hopelessly. He doesn’t seem interested in reaching for the rope. Concerned, I ask.

“Are you okay?”

He looks at me, the dread on his face instantly puts me on high alert.

“Yes. No, I was hoping to make it the rest of the day, but the lake water is killing my contacts. I have to take them out.”

There’s a slight panic in his voice, barely registerable, but I hear it.

“Okay, get in.”

I help him climb in and drive back to shore. Colin walks straight to the house as I follow. I watch him take out his contacts and toss them into the trash. The first is tossed with precision, but the second misses the target completely.

As Colin looks at me, there’s no sparkle in his eyes, only anxiety and fear. He’s looking at me but...not. He’s unfocused and his face is pleading with me.

“Please, don’t ask me how many fingers you’re holding up. Nothing like that.”

Trying to keep things as normal as possible, I ask.

“Okay. Do you want to lay out on the dock?”

“Uh, yeah. That’d be great. I’m going to change into different shorts, though. These will give me terrible tan lines.”

Not knowing how much he might need me, I ask.

“Do you need my help?”

He rolls his eyes and a little spark is returning.

“I can get dressed, you asshole.”

I add some playful teasing.

“I meant, do you need help finding whatever it is you want to wear. Don’t worry, I don’t want to see you naked.”

He finally smiles.

“Fuck you, but you’re right, I might need your help.”

He walks to the dresser, opens the drawer, pulls out a few pairs of shorts, feels them with his hands, and moves them close and then far away from his face.

“I think these will probably work.”

Offering him privacy, I say.

“Cool, I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

“Make sure the floor is clear of debris. I don’t want to trip and die.”

I do a walk through to make sure things are picked up, and organize our pile of shoes. Other than that, everything is in order. I grab a couple of blankets for us to lay on while on the dock.

The path to the dock is clear, but uneven and definitely unfamiliar to Colin. I have him holding my arm, which is good because some of the uneven ground catches his balance off guard.

I pull out two lounge chairs and we lie down. I’m wearing a pair of shorts that show off my legs. Not the typical men’s shorts that hit your knees, but the ones that stop mid-thigh. The original intention of trying to get Colin’s attention is no longer relevant, but at least it’ll help my tan.

“Do you think you can see well enough to put sunblock on my back? My white ass is going to fry without it.”

“Yeah, I can do that.”

I sit next to him and he starts applying the lotion.

“I’ll try to make sure I don’t miss any spots. The lotion doesn’t contrast enough against your skin for me to see where it’s been applied.”

I can’t see his face, but I know he’s worried. His hands feel amazing as they rub all over my back and I don’t mind the extra time he takes to make sure it’s evenly applied. I’m also glad he can’t see me because I don’t need to hide my arousal, which is very apparent.

He finishes and I return the favor, making sure to give the same attention he gave me. As I run my hands over his shoulders and down to his waist, I make sure there’s not a single spot left untouched by my hands. He practically moans under my touch.

“Fuck, this feels amazing!”

Ugh, boner intensified.

We spend the day outside, talking, laughing, in silence, listening to music, and taking naps. Eventually, we make dinner. Colin prepares all of the condiments while I man the BBQ. We enjoy our burgers, then sit on the swing and drink a few beers.

“I’m going to shower and go to bed. I wake up early so I need to go to bed early.”

It’s a statement and an apology because I don’t want to leave him hanging but I’m totally wiped.

“That’s fine. Ten thirty is a perfect bedtime. I’m not much of a night owl, either.”

We walk to the bedroom and I take a quick shower as I desperately need to wash off the multiple layers of sunscreen and sweat.

I walk back into the bedroom wearing only a towel. I could’ve walked in naked because I doubt Colin can see any juicy details.

“Okay, it’s all yours! I put a towel on the counter for you.”

I put on a pair of underwear and finish drying my hair. I hear Colin calling out to me so I walk into the bathroom.

“Would you do me a favor? Can you tell me which one of these is Shampoo?”

I hand him the correct one and he puts it in one corner of the shower.

“Conditioner?” He smiles, “I know, I’m a girl and I like my hair soft and shiny.”

He puts it in a separate corner.

“I’m guessing this is body wash?”

I confirm it is and he puts it in a third corner. Before I leave the room, so he can start showering, I tease him.

“Do you need help in there? I’m sure Jesse won’t mind if I scrub you down.”

I can hear the laughter in his voice as he replies.

“Yes, I’m sure Jesse would love to hear that we’re sleeping together and showering together.”

After we brush our teeth and go to bed, he barely speaks above a whisper as he apologizes.

“I’m so sorry about today. I know it sounds stupid, but I’m embarrassed.”

“You shouldn’t be. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“I’m embarrassed because I’ve been terrified all day. Charlie, it’s terrifying losing one of your senses, to suddenly not see. We take all of our normal, everyday tasks for granted until we can’t do it anymore. I can’t even pour my tea because I can’t tell how full my mug is and I’m not about to stick my finger into boiling water! Fuck, my heart’s been racing all day.”

I had noticed his edginess throughout the day, but I didn’t realize how bad it was. I feel terrible for him, he’s petrified. I want to wrap him in my arms and hold him.

“I kept looking at you today, hoping it was, in fact, you. I mean, I knew it was you, but a stranger with blonde hair could’ve walked up to me and I would’ve assumed he’s you. I’d follow him to the dock, thinking he’s you, and he could’ve murdered me. Drown me if he wanted and I’d be helpless to stop it. I’d be an easy victim. Maybe I’d wonder why he wasn’t talking, but I’d still go. Straight to my death.”

He’s talking louder than before, using humor to mask his fear.

“Seriously, no joke, I have to pee sitting down!”

He laughs bitterly, covering his face with his hand. Surprised by the extent of everything, I ask.

“How blind are you?”

“I can see contrasting colors, but if they’re remotely similar, such as a white mug on a light countertop, it’d be hard for me to see the mug. I can barely see you. No real features. I can’t tell you anything about your eyes, lips, or nose. I’d be able to tell if you have light or dark hair. If I invaded your personal space, I’d be able to tell what color your eyes are, but reading? Forget it, not a chance in hell.”

“Lying here on the bed, in the dark, is the most comfortable I’ve been all day, but then I worry about an emergency. I’ll literally die if I have to get up in the middle of the night because I don’t think I can find the bathroom with low light, I’d probably run into the wall. I’d definitely fall down the stairs and probably break my neck.”

“No one's asking you to do anything by yourself. Don’t let your mind freak.”

He pulls the covers up and settles into bed.

“I know. I’m trying. I’m going to try to turn my brain off. Goodnight, Charlie.”

“Goodnight, Colin.”

I’m lying here, staring at him. It’s dark so I can’t see much, but I have enough of him etched into my memory to see him perfectly. I’m so happy to be here with him, yet, so sad he’s unhappy. I could easily charter a flight from Redmond to Portland, grab his contacts, and fly back…

He’d never go for that.

* * COLIN * *

I’ve been awake for a while and I have to pee…bad! I don’t know what time it is, but it’s dark. I sit up with my feet off of the bed, close my eyes, and visualize the bathroom door. Of course, the side I’m sleeping on is on the opposite side of the room. I drag my hand along the bed and turn the corner at the foot of the bed. Finally, when I think I’m lined-up with the bathroom door, I take a few unsteady steps forward. Slowly tapping my foot out, feeling my surroundings before making the step permanent.

Stop and repeat.

I put my hands out in front of me to feel for the door or wall or something hard. I start panicking because I think I should’ve hit land by now. I could be anywhere. The master bedroom is open so, for all I know, the stairs are directly in front of me.

I feel panic creeping in, again.

I decide it’s better to go down on my hands and knees and crawl forward. I hit the dresser, which caused something to crash loudly. At least, it sounds loud in the dead silence of the night.

“Colin?”

Charlie must’ve flicked on the lamp because there’s a low light. It’s not bright enough for me to see well, but I can definitely make out his moving figure.

“What the heck?”

What a sight he must see. A twenty-six year old blind man on his hands and knees in the middle of the night.

This is the worst.

“I really have to pee and I have a headache from the added stress on my eyes.”

He grabs my arm and helps me into a standing position as he asks.

“Why didn’t you wake me up? I would’ve helped you.”

“I know, I didn’t want to bother you. It’s stupid. I feel so stupid!”

My heart’s racing, again, a possible anxiety attack encroaching? Fuck. Blind and crazy.

“Come on.”

He leads me forward, turns on the bathroom light, and asks.

“Is this enough light?”

I can see his figure moving and hear him rustling through stuff. The bathroom is bright enough so I can easily move around.

“Yeah, perfect.”

Charlie leaves the bathroom and I do my thing.

I open the door and turn off the bathroom light. Thankfully, there’s enough light in the bedroom so I can walk to the bed without incident.

“Here’s something for your headache.”

He waits for me to hold out my hand.

“And here’s a glass of water.”

“Thanks.”

I take the medication, then carefully set the water glass on the nightstand. We crawl back under the blanket and Charlie turns out the light.

“What time is it?”

I need to know, to help keep me grounded. Something firm to keep me from spiraling, mentally. His voice is soft.

“Four o’clock. Make sure you wake me up next time. You made this much more complicated than it needed to be.”

He’s not scolding me, only encouraging me to accept his help.

Shut up. I know.

I fall back asleep without issue. When I open my eyes again, it’s light enough outside for me to navigate without any problems. Charlie’s gone, same as the morning before.

I need to feel, and be, normal so, although I probably should walk, but I’m able to gracefully bounce down the stairs, thanks to the wooden safety bar, and make my way to the kitchen.

I can hear the water kettle simmering. The counters are white and Charlie is thoughtful enough to set out a black mug and I see the white string of a tea bag over the side. He walks in from the porch, interrupting my thoughts.

“There’s only enough water in the kettle for one cup, so you can’t over pour it.”

That’s how the next four days go with him perfectly anticipating my needs.

* * *

Bing.

I hand my phone to Charlie and, doing his best impression of Jesse, he reads the text to me.

[Jesse] Hey, sweetie. I decided to bust out. I’m in Bend! Send me the address and I’ll be there in twenty minutes.

“Perfect.”

I smile, unconvincingly and Charlie chuckles.

“Very convincing! Aren’t you happy he came for you?”

I give a weak smile.

“Yes and no. I’m happy he’s here, but you and I have a system going with my blindness. The less people around to witness this, the better. I know it’s a terrible attitude to have toward my boyfriend so now I feel insecure and shitty.”

“He loves you so it’s going to be good. It’s only two days.”

“You’re right. I’ll get over it as soon as I see his blurred figure.”

I imagine Charlie is smiling and his one dimple is standing out. Suddenly, a realization hits me. Fuck!

“What?”

His voice is concerned.

“What? I didn’t say anything.”

“Your face did!”

“That’s not fair. You can’t read my face if I can’t read yours.”

I laugh. I hate how well he knows me.

“Sucks to suck. Now spill!”

I laugh, it’s so stupid!

“I realized I have to be careful, it’ll be easy to confuse you two.”

They have the same coloring and body build (Jesse’s bigger). Wouldn’t Jesse just love it if I accidentally groped Charlie, thinking it was him! Oh God, he’d be so pissed.

I hear him chuckle.

“I doubt it, you have nothing to worry about, but that does remind me. I should go move out of the master bedroom before he gets here.”

I didn’t think about that. It’d piss Jesse off, for sure.

“Can you text him the address, first?”

Charlie comes back, sends the message, and hustles upstairs. It’s not long before I hear Jesse arrive so I go out to greet him.

“Hey! I’m glad you decided to come!”

I watch Jesse move toward me as he carries a small bag and he gently kisses me.

“It really sucked being so far away. I should’ve come sooner.”

I reprimand him.

“Yes, you should’ve, but you also should’ve called, first.”

“I thought the surprise would be nice and a sweet thing to do.”

He wraps his arms around me and gives me a slightly longer kiss.

“It definitely is and it’s the only reason you’re not in trouble. I forgot to pack my extra contacts, contact solution, and glasses. I’ve been blind since day one. I would’ve had you stop by my apartment on your way here, if you’d called.”

He pulls me closer, squeezing his arms around my waist.

“Oh, crap. I wish I would’ve known. Why didn’t you say something during any of our conversations?”

“Because it’s stupid, I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. Plus, I didn’t think you’d actually come so there was no reason for me to say anything. Now I wish I had, though.”

I lead him into the house where Charlie gives Jesse a bro handshake and chest bump.

“Hey, Jesse, glad you could make it! Maybe I can get some time on the water, now.”

“You guys haven’t been boating? Wasn’t that the whole point of this trip?”

I try to hold it back because I know I sound bitter.

“I can’t drive or ride my wakeboard. So yeah, no boating.”

“That sucks. We’ll definitely get out there. I have to leave tomorrow because I have to work Thursday morning—unlike you guys. So let's not waste the day. Where shall I put my bag?”

I show him to my bedroom and we all get ready. I ride in the boat as they take turns pulling each other. Charlie explains how Jesse’s doing. From his explanations, I know he’s pretty good, confident, and willing to try anything. He’s trying lots different things, mostly failing, but after a while he manages a flip, which is exciting and I cheer from the boat. After that, he mostly sticks with simple jumps and spins. Charlie keeps a pretty constant narrative going, keeping me in the loop, he even explains that he’s driving in such a way to help Jesse maximize the wakes.

Jesse says Charlie’s good, that’s only because I had to ask, and he doesn’t expand with any specifics. I have a feeling that Charlie is better than Jesse, which probably pisses him off. Charlie is naturally good at everything, I don’t see why wakeboarding would be any different.

We finish and lay outside, for a while, drinking beers until it’s time for dinner. Jesse takes my plate.

“Here, I’ll get your plate ready for you.”

“I can do it. Charlie explained everything so I know what is where.”

He pushes.

“I want to help.”

“So do I. I can’t do everything, but I can manage eating.”

With irritation lacing his voice, Jesse spat.

“Fine!”

We eat in silence, save the occasional small talk. During a particularly lengthy bout of silence, Jesse asks.

“What have you guys been doing, so far?”

This only irritates me more since we haven’t done anything because of my blindness, so I let Charlie answer. We sit outside for a few more hours and, after the sun starts fading, the temperature drops quickly, I ask.

“I’m going to grab a sweatshirt. Anyone want a beer while I’m up?”

Charlie says he’ll take one.

Jesse stands and, though I have my own, offers me his chair.

“I got it, I’ll do it for you.”

“Jesse, stop. I can do it.”

“Yes, I know, but let me. It’ll make me feel better about not being here for you and not calling sooner.”

I purse my lips in frustration.

“Okay.”

Once Jesse’s out of range, Charlie says.

“Colin, you need to chill. He isn’t being rude, he’s only trying to help you. I can tell he feels terrible.”

I sigh.

“I know.”

I feel terrible for snapping at him. Jesse’s been nothing but sweet and accommodating. He comes back a few minutes later with a sweater and beers. We hang out for a few minutes longer until Charlie, finally, calls it a night. Jesse and I aren’t far behind. We’re so tired from the sun that we shower and go straight to bed.

* * *

This morning, I wake to an empty bed. I’m always alone, it seems. I, once again, sit on the toilet to pee and then walk to the kitchen.

Charlie’s set out my tea the same as every morning. I pour the water, the same as every morning, except the next thing I know, scalding hot water is landing on my feet.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

I drop the kettle, which splashes more hot water everywhere, some of which hits me. Everything is burning. I’m trying to get the hot water off of my skin. Both Charlie and Jesse rush into the kitchen from outside.

“What’s going on?”

I’m squatting on the floor, holding my feet, and I hear Charlie yell.

“Shit!”

Suddenly, I’m scooped off of the floor and set onto a chair.

“Colin, the hot water from the kettle is moving toward your feet so keep your feet up and don’t move. Jesse, grab some towels from that closet!”

Charlie’s moving around the kitchen.

“Here, put your feet in the cool water.”

He arranges the bowl to make sure my burns are submerged. I apologize.

“I’m so sorry! I thought you put enough water for only one cup, like the other mornings. It didn’t register that it was heavier.”

I can feel sore spots on my arms and hands from the boiling water. Jesse apologizes.

“Shit, I’m sorry! I used that water and filled it back up. I didn’t know! Are you okay? I feel terrible!”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Fuck, it hurts.”

I hear the kettle whistling and moments later, Charlie hands me a mug.

“Here’s Tea”

He then walks back to the porch swing as Jesse kisses my temple apologetically.

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I can’t feel any worse than I do. I feel as if I’ve let you down in every possible way.”

Trying to calm him and also trying to not be frustrated, I say.

“It’s fine. I should’ve been more careful. I became too comfortable.”

I know Jesse means well, but everything is simple with Charlie because he understands me and he’s made things so easy for me during the last few days.

“I’m sorry, I’m just overwhelmed. This was supposed to be a fun, relaxing trip, but it’s been neither. I’ve been so anxious and stressed the whole time.”

“Why don’t you come back with me today? There’s no need to spend another twenty-four hours feeling miserable.”

He definitely has a point. There’s no reason to stay another night.

“I’ll think about it. What time do you need to leave?”

“I don’t know, I was thinking after lunch. Traffic is going to be terrible no matter what time I leave, but I don’t want to get home super late, so I want to leave early.”

I nod. Jesse’s standing in front of me as I wrap my arms around his waist and lay my head against his chest. I have an overwhelming need to cry. Days of bottled up emotions are ready to be released, but I choke them back. Instead, I enjoy the rise and fall of his chest, the smell of his scent, and his fingers moving up and down my spine.

* * *

It’s only Charlie and I outside, relaxing on the lounge chairs.

“Jesse is going back today after lunch. I think I might go with him. I want to stay another day, and I know it’s lame, but I need to see, again.”

He doesn’t respond immediately.

“Of course, I totally get it. I’m going to stay until tomorrow, though. I’ll get stuff cleaned up.”

He doesn’t seem bothered by my early departure, but I can’t see his face to know for sure. He leans back and takes a drink of beer, that I’m certain of.

“I’m sorry this trip turned out to be such a bust.”

“What? No way! You’d have to try a lot harder. I have a nice base burn that should get me through the rest of the summer and I got some boarding in yesterday. Plus, you’re not bad company to keep, even blind.”

I can tell he’s looking at the lake, I bet it’s beautiful. He jokes.

“The small beds are crap, though. One night is one too many. I’m guessing none of the families come at the same time.”

“I imagine you’re right.”

I reflect on the weekend for a moment. I didn’t realize how hard Charlie had tried to make sure I felt independent while he completely coddled me. He danced the line perfectly. I can’t imagine a better outcome for a terribly inconvenient situation.

“Thanks for everything, can you imagine if I would’ve come alone? It would’ve been more terrifying than it was. You salvaged this trip. I mean it, thank you.”

 

* * CHARLES * *

“Summer is officially over, today is the first day of fall.”

I offer this tidbit over lunch. Bethany’s face sours.

“Yuck!”

Everyone’s faces look disapproving, seemingly agreeing with her assessment.

Natalie asks Colin.

“Doesn’t Jesse leave soon?”

She has become a regular fixture of our group lunches and Karaoke nights. After all, she is Colin’s best female friend.

“Yes, two weeks from now, actually.”

“How are you feeling about it?”

“Fine. A little bummed, I suppose, but he’ll only be gone for two weeks.”

“Yeah, it’ll pass in no time.”

We eat lunch with our normal group banter. The summer passed by quickly after we got back from Bend. I thought it was a great trip. Colin doesn’t share my sentiments, but that’s okay. I understand his perspective. The rest of the summer has been as eventful as possible when you work full time. The last few months have helped me come to terms with Colin’s relationship with Jesse. I used to get excited every time there was a little argument between them, but there’s no point anymore, they’re really great together. As long as Colin’s happy, I’ll survive.

There’s definitely awkward moments between Jesse and I. When he’s around, I try to respect him, by keeping as much distance as Colin will allow. It’s clear to me that I do, in fact, make Jesse nervous. The hardest part is worrying about my friendship with Colin. I know if Jesse were to ask him to stop spending time with me, he wouldn’t hesitate to comply.

As we’re walking back to work, the girls are ten feet in front of us, chatting about whatever, Colin asks me.

“So, tell me if I’m crazy.”

I respond quickly.

“You’re crazy.”

He smiles and punches me.

“I’m serious. When Jesse gets back from Brazil, we’ll be celebrating our sixth month anniversary. I know it’s lame, but I was thinking about asking him to move in with me.”

I physically restrain myself from making any sudden movements or strange facial expressions. I’ve convinced myself that I’ve come to terms with their relationship, but this blow is proving to be too much. My stomach hurts and I feel like I might get sick, but I manage to reply.

“It’s not lame.”

“Too soon?”

I look at him, “Do you think it is?”

“Probably, but I want to do it.”

“Then ask him.”

“Yeah?”

I smile, encouraging him.

“Yeah.”

Inwardly I’m dying.

Fuck no!