Poem Collection - MythOfHappiness - 20. For the best

When it hurts you’ll know it’s the right thing

We’re laying next to each other

The curtains are drawn

My stomach aches

You say those words

“I don’t think you love me”

For once, it's hard to lie

In the shadow of the midday sun

The truth comes out

And I agree

Maybe I don’t.

You are shocked.

You don’t believe me.

How could I say something so mean?

How could I hurt you like this?

How could I?

My insides burn

And I cry

For you, for me

For whatever the hell this was

And so do you

You try and stay with me

You try and make me stay

But I push you, and I push you.

I don’t love you

Or so I say

Eventually you go home.

And I ache.

I ache and I tell myself it’s for the best

And I go to work

And I don’t think about you

And then I’m home again

And I’m alone

I want to call you

But it’s for the best

So I don’t

I miss you

But that’s not the same as loving you

I crave you

But that’s not enough

Not enough to make up for what I’ve done to you

I don’t see you for a week

Or maybe a month

I can’t tell anymore

You text me

You want to see me

“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea”

“Please?”

“No”

You’re crying again

“Please…”

When I see you you’re smiling

And holding a dozen roses

Like it’s a fucking movie

And you love me so much

And I’m mad at you

We go someplace

You buy me breakfast

I eat, but I don’t taste it

You tell me how much you miss me

You tell me how sorry you are.

You think it’s your fault.

I tell you it’s not,

You don’t listen

You don’t understand

It was always me

You give in

“Ok. I won’t give up, but ok.”

You say

You take me home

You walk me to my door

“Can I come in?”

I don’t think that’s a good idea

You don’t care

You walk in anyway

I tell you to leave

You walk up to me

You wrap your arms around me

I try and push you off

You kiss my neck

“No”

You press your mouth to mine

And I melt

I try and push you off

But I can’t, something doesn’t want to

And I press you into the wall

You’re kissing me

And I’m kissing back now

My hand slips into the waistband of your jeans

And I squeeze your warm skin

And press my body into yours

It feels good

It feels right

But it’s not

I’m hurting you, even now

If I let this continue

You grab my belt and unbuckle it

Your hand reaches for me

And I push you away

“No. This isn’t right”

And I've made you cry again

Fuck. I hurt you.

Just like I knew I would.

I straighten myself and I make you leave

When you are gone I miss you

I regret everything

But it’s for the best.

It’s for the best.

I tell myself

Over and over

It’s for the best.