Poem Collection - MythOfHappiness - 7. Cute

You’re cute

I guess

A little tasteless maybe

In your tan cargo shorts

And holey lime green t-shirt

But still cute

Something about your face

With just the hint of stubble on your chin

And a weird accent

Maybe Texas?

We stand outside the door

After work, for a little while

You light a cigarette

And offer it to me

“Nah man, not me.”

You roll your eyes

“They’ve really got you on a tight leash don’t they?”

I’d try to defend myself if it weren’t so true

“You know what? I think I will try one”

I reach over and pluck the hand rolled paper from his lips

I bring it to my own

And take a deep breath

And cough

And cough

And cough

My lungs are trying very hard

To escape my chest

And you’re just laughing

At me and all my choking,

Red-faced glory

Eventually I stop dying

Long enough to flip you the bird

And I stumble a little

When I try to take a step

And you reach out to steady me

Your hands on either side

of my still heaving chest

And I can feel you feel my ribs

And you don’t take them off me

When I stand to face you

You take a deep breath

And time stops

And all I can see is your eyes

And you pull me in close

And you whisper

“You owe me a smoke”

And then burst out laughing again

And push me away

My heart is beating like crazy

And my face is bright red

“I…”

Is all I can manage

You punch me in the arm

And maybe I imagine it

But you look a little shaken

We stand in awkward silence

You with your hands in your pockets

Me shifting from foot to foot

Neither of us really knowing what to do

Or where to go from here

“So… see you later.”

You say

“Yeah…”

I trail off

Nobody moves to leave though

Then you do

Turning away and walking slow

I watch you go

Slowly fading into the dark

Outside the streetlight

And I think of running after you,

Grabbing your arm

Spinning you around

And kissing you,

hard

And now you’re gone

And I’m too late,

You’ve already vanished

And I’m still standing here

All alone

Days pass

And I see you again at work

And you don’t mention it

So neither do I

No matter how much I want to

And that’s how it goes

The days turn to weeks

And nobody mentions anything

And nothing else happens

It was probably all in my head anyway

But I can’t stop thinking

What if?

Or worse,

What if not?

I suppose that’s all there’ll ever be

And that’s too bad

Because really,

If you ignore the horrid clothes

And constant cigarette smell

You’re kinda cute