Poem Collection - MythOfHappiness - 22. there's a light under my skin

There’s a light under my skin.

It’s silver and green, constantly brighter.

Will I burst? Can I survive?

If it splits me open running red and green and silver

over my gray sheets in my gray room

where our love was made or we fucked raw.

My teeth sinking into the pillow from pain or pleasure

frustration boiling into rage

I tear at you with teeth and claw.

I’m silver ice, beautiful, untouchable.

You’re green, verdant, overflowing life.

Swirling together they make me sick.

Alone, I lay, in gray

awash with light inside

it spills from my eyes;

will I survive?

To upset our careful balance a violent act

safer to whisper passionate lies.

Risk is a question long pondered

over cigarettes after foolish choices already made -

safety second to the will of our dicks.

Safety now consumes my thoughts

confused with comfort or survival

is a chance for greater worth the loss?

Light swirls, my stomach rolls

your key turns in the lock

choice unmade leaves my veins in knots.

You enter the room where I wait

naked for you, glowing pearlescent in the moonlight

words hang unsaid; the air too thick.

A kiss or a curse

could break silence/open wounds

to bleed would be relief.

A turning mind/a blinding light

a question unasked and unanswered

words caught by my teeth.

I’d shatter you/I’d swallow me

two selves subsumed by love

(unless I move too quick).

Is there value in loss?

Innocent lust turned to something more or

a whispered truth becomes a slamming door -

if I asked you to stay would that scare you away

or are you just waiting for me to say something first?

So scared to tell me you want the same your

heart could burst

keeping separate in your mind what’s false or true

caught in loops round and round you think -

will I survive without you?