Jamie - The Journey Begins - 21. Chapter 21 Bon Voyage and Welcome home...

We went back inside ‘58 Tour Eiffel,’ enjoying some of the best food I’ve ever eaten, plus the view - wow it was just to die for - atop of Paris, looking down on one of the most beautiful cities below. My eyes and senses were in overload - the place, the people the … feeling it gave me…that feeling that life is truly wonderful as it is… Right! No wonder there were so many people professing their undying love for each other in here, both outside on the platforms with the city stretched out in every direction around you, or inside where the old world charm and pure French chic was everywhere. Perfect place for it.

‘Okay, and sorry Mom and Grandma – you’re gonna haunt me for this - but damn, the food is just wonderful, just so damn nice! Maybe my exuberance and tastebuds have been enhanced with the half bottle of red we had - it might have helped, I guess.’

I was sipping on the remainder of my glass, looking at Ben who had this look on his face like he was the cat that swallowed the canary.

“Hey! You okay?” he smiled.

I fibbed, kinda, as my mind was spinning so fast that I thought I was going to reach critical mass and implode, “Yeah, all good. How could I not be?” I reached across the table and touched his hand.

Before I knew it, we’d finished up dinner and were headed back to our apartment. It just seemed to go like a blur. Somewhere in our conversation, I’d said that I didn’t want the dessert from the menu, making Ben blush big time. “Let’s head home. I think I’d like to get me some ‘southerner’ for dessert,” I said in my worst possible southern accent. It worked though.

As beautiful as the Eifel Tower and Paris by night are, I needed to think and process all that had happened. We slipped out to the waiting elevator and down to the promenade below, walking over to the Taxi rank holding hands. It was such a beautiful night out. I kind of regret not walking back home taking more of it in, more quiet time with Ben.

I spent most of the trip back staring out the window of the Taxi Parisien. All I could think about was what I would have said if he’d popped the question. The thought was fully absorbing my mind. Is this normal? I’ve never felt like this before or been so consumed or distracted by something that didn’t happen. Ben was sitting back, oblivious to the madness going on in my head. I could see out the corner of my eye he was smiling and looking out the other window. He held my hand, rolling his thumb over my knuckle. He seemed content with the night, where we were at. I was a mess inside my head, so conflicted. Full of self-doubt. Plus kind of disappointed, in a way, that he’d gone to all this trouble to give me a friendship ring? Was it meant to be something else and he changed his mind? Maybe I’m the one that is head over heel here and not Ben… See! I have not a fucking clue what to think or do!

Was it something that he was even thinking of, or me too even? If I’m honest with myself, if he had asked, you know - popped the question, would I have said “Yes”? Well maybe? I don’t know really.

I guess - with a long engagement to see if it would work because we haven’t known each other all that long, I think? Is Ben someone I could settle down with? I really like him a lot. I guess, if I’m honest… I might even ‘love’ him.’

Trying to understand what I would do, it’s just too hard - so many questions, so many thoughts. Maybe it’s because I so monumentally fucked things up with Sam, my ex-wife too - it can’t be all her fault I have to own some of it. Is it possible that I’m just one of those people that hits the self-destruct button on themselves whenever someone comes along and loves them or wants me to be part of their lives?

I guess the bigger question is - yeah the elephant in the room, or more in my head - have I gotten over losing Sean or Sam? Did I still have unfinished business with my ex, Tracey…?

I can hear dad now, “test-strength in a relationship is how we cope in our day to day lives. After you finish the picking flowers stage with a person, you have to live with them and they with you.” Ben and I, we’ve both got high-pressure all-consuming jobs. That’s gonna be hard for anyone to have a relationship that works, let alone ‘self-destruct-o’ me.

Mom and dad always used their favourite line on us since we were kids old enough to understand it. It seems only their daughters were able to take the advice on board - Mason and me, maybe not so much. Funny part is though, I vowed ‘never to get married again’. I think I could see myself in a long-term relationship with Ben… maybe… arrgh… I’m so confused!

Sirens wailing in the distance pulled me out of my own thoughts. I looked across at my Texan who was quietly looking out the window of the taxi as we drove along the beautiful boulevard passing the Arc de Triomphe.

It’s weird, right - I felt myself falling back into my mind again. But I could easily see us doing this - driving here, there, or going through life comfortably into old age. I must be under the love drug or something - my mind is so full of turmoil. The whole thing is making my head hurt.

Subconsciously, I raised my hands and rubbed the centre of my forehead, letting out a little moan in frustration.

“What’s up Jamie? Come on, share?” Ben looked around at me smiling.

“Was just thinking.”

“Oh, I thought those loud noises were from the cobble stone road, not your head.” Ben laughed.

I leaned over, whispering in his ear, “The only banging noises will be what I’ma going to do to you when we get back.” I gently rubbed the tip of my nose against the side of his cheek just near his ear, and murmured “hmmm.”

“You enjoyed it tonight, right?” There was a look of trepidation on his face.

“Of course I did Ben. Wow! Who wouldn’t? Beautiful place, food, you and this…” I lifted my hand a little, rolling my thumb over the ring on my right hand.

“Cool! You just seem a little distracted or upset since, you know. You’re okay with it, right?” Now there was a tinge of fear sweeping across his face.

“Hey, I couldn’t be happier. It’s just been such a great night, so many wonderful things, experiences you know.” I leaded over and kissed his cheek gently. “I’m just not sure that I’m worth it all really.”

“Hey, don’t let anyone say you’re not worth it, okay? I’d give you anything, everything. I think you’re amazing, James Lucas Spence, and you’re mine.” Ben pulled me closer again. His hand slipped up my chest, his fingers coming to rest on the back of my neck. Slowly he pulled me to him, our lips met and we kissed, gently at first. He pulled back a little. “I could do this forever!” Our lips met again, our kiss deepening quickly, thankfully not enough to make the cab driver crash though. We pulled apart. “Thank you, Jamie.”

“What for?”

“For… just being you.”

..o0o..

The thoughts that had consumed me all the way back were dissipating as I looked at the beautiful guy sitting next to me. ‘Okay, just relax, Jamie. In time, you’ll know what to do.’ That moment of rare clarity was broken by the view of his fine butt climbing out of the Taxi if front of me.

Ben managed to make it inside the apartment before I started to strip his clothes off. 63m2 might be small, but trust me, I had him butt naked in the first few steps and pinned against the wall soon thereafter. I began working my mouth all over his body, starting at his very kissable lips and heading south, via his neck and nipples.

It quickly turned into me lifting him up onto me, his legs wrapped around my waist, his ankles locked above my butt, arms over my shoulders and halfway down my back, grabbing hold of me as our mouths smashed together. I could feel the ring on my hand - it was distracting me a little, but I’ll get used to it.

I wanted this, tonight, to be something special. When we made it onto the bed, I flipped us over and looked him straight in the eyes. “Ben, I haven’t done this for a while, but I want you to top me.”

The look in his eyes was that of… love I think, or maybe confusion. I don’t know, but whatever it was, it looked damn sexy.

“Only if you make me yours too.”

..o0o..

Finally, we fell asleep in each other’s arms exhausted as daylight started to break. Neither of us was going to have a comfortable trip home I think - oops. After sneaking a couple of hours sleep, my alarm starred to ring. We only had four hours till Ben’s flight left, with a fifty-minute ride to the airport. My flight wasn’t for three hours after his.

We lay in bed, Ben in the little spoon position, his warm firm body against mine. It seemed that Jamie, Jnr, wanted one last outing before we left. Quietly, slowly, I lubed up my cock and after warming some lube in my hand, -I’m not a cruel guy right - cold lube when you’re about to be woken up is harsh right!- gently I warm lubed Ben up.

Then pressing my hardness against his entrance, I stopped, with my hand slowly snaking it was along his beautiful body it came to rest on his half-awake cock. Slowly I stroked it to life. “God, you’ve got such a good dick,” I said pretty much too myself, but I think it wasn’t in my head, mouth may have been on. He started to fill in my hand quickly. I could feel his heart beat through it - I’m gonna so miss this. Looks like our boys had the same idea.

“Oh god, you’re so good at this, Jamie,” Ben moaned awake.

“Hey sexy, good morning.”

He was fully hard in my hand now. His breath was slow and deep. Gently, I pushed against his entrance.

“Hmm… yes… oh god, yes,” Ben moaned as I slipped into him. Waiting for a second, allowing his body to accept me, I could feel him come alive against me.

“Oh, this is the best way to wake me up,” Ben pushed back on me slowly driving all the way along me till I was fully sheathed in him. There wasn’t as much resistance as usual, but that’s to be expected after what we did last night. ‘I hope this isn’t too uncomfortable for him.’ The feeling of his butt cheeks against my thighs focused my mind on the pleasure at hand. I reached around, grabbing his beautiful hard cock in my hand, rubbing my thumb over his slit, milking some pre-cum out over his head. I continued to milk him till he was all slicked up.

“Oh god Ben, you feel so good,” I moaned as I slowly pulled back and in again, long dicking him with every stroke, pacing myself, keeping a slow steady rhythm that before long had us both at the point of climax.

“Yes Jamie, make me yours, please. Use me… fuck me.” I’d kept stroking his cock with the same rhythm that I was now pounding into him. I could feel his cock starting to swell in my hand, “Oh YES! Fuck! Oh god, YES!!!” Ben cried out.

I picked up the pace, knowing he was close and I wasn’t far behind. I changed my angle slightly to let off his prostate for a few strokes - I wanted to keep him at the cusp of cumming for a little longer.

“Oh god, Jamie, let me cum, make me cum please!” I looked up for a moment and noticed a mirror on the wall that I hadn’t seen the night before. I could see us in it. The look on his face was bliss - he was biting his lower lip, his body looked all shiny from the thin layer of sweat - it made him look like a Greek god - I’m sure I saw his eyes roll back in his head almost at some point.

Faster and harder, I was now slamming into him. His body and mind were under my control. My own body was focused on one thing - give him pleasure! I wanted him to remember this for a while. “Oh yes,” I started saying over and over. I moved a little and started to pound his prostate again. It only took a few seconds till I felt that tell-tale swelling of his cock in my hand. His breathing had changed, his head was now pushed backwards against my shoulder, his mouth crying out all manner of curse words as we came together. It was amazing - that moment when we fell off the cliff together, “God damn!!”

I slowed eventually and stopped, still in him, with his still hard cock in my hand. I had him pinned to me, the sweat of our bodies slicked up between us. We lay quietly together in that post sex haze. Our hearts were beating away and our breathing started to slow to normal.

Ben was starting to soften in my hand as I was in him. As I moved a little so I could pull out of him, his hand reached around me, grabbing onto my butt and holding me in place.

“Please Jamie, stay in me for a little longer. I want to remember how your cock fills me up.”

“Okay, I just don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m okay. I’ve gotten used to that meat bat you impale me with now,” Ben smiled.

Leaning down, I starting kissing and nibbling along his neck, tracing a line from his ear to shoulder and back, enjoying our last morning together, well for a few months. I could do this for hours, well days even, but something was starting to soften and we needed to get cleaned up.

“Let’s grab a shower, Ben.”

His hand slipped off my butt. We got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. I quickly ripped the sheets off the bed and threw them and the towels we’d placed in the bed at some point in the corner of the room – well, I did pay the additional cleaning cost.

I quickly ducked into the kitchen and grabbed us both a glass of juice each. I need a drink - it was either the sex or booze from last night - maybe a little of both.

“Hey,” I held up the glass walking into the bathroom.

“Oh my god, thanks! I’m so thirsty! Was it the booze or sex, Jamie?”

I laughed. “Had the same thought on the way back from the kitchen. Next, we’ll get all soppy and finish-”

“Each other’s…Sandwiches!”

“Oh god Ben-so Disney. But I’m not Hans, right?”

“Nah, you’re more ‘Kristoff,” he replied, smiling, “and that makes Lucas Sven.”

We both laughed at that. “I’ma gonna call him that when I see him next, Anna.”

“Oh my god, please don’t - he’ll hate me. And that wouldn’t be good, long term. Hey - I’m not a Disney princess!” Ben crossed his arms with a little pout going on.

“Well, the choices are limited. It’s either recycle a princess or Le Fou from Beauty and the Beast -your choice.”

“Well, if you can model yourself on Peter Pan, you know flying around all over the place, getting all the boys to fall in love with you, then…” Ben stopped for a second and a huge grin came over his face, “then I can be Flynn Rider.”

“Really… okay he is as sexy as but a bit of a bad boy.”

“Want me to be a bad boy, hmm?” Ben stepped into the shower.

With the warm water running down his beautiful body, I stepped in behind him, rubbing my hands over his body and taking in every contour, ripple of muscle and bone. My hands dipped lower, rubbing his back and flanks, while I leaned in, starting to soap him all over, kissing his shoulders, gently nipping here and there along to the base of his neck. All my ministrations were influencing him - his head dipped forward resting against the tiles. Quiet moans escaped his mouth. If I wasn’t careful, we’d be at it again.

I couldn’t help myself - reaching around him running my hands down his firm stomach, across his Adonis plate, sliding down further, enjoying the feeling of his body under my fingertips.

Finding his cock almost fully hard, slowly I stroked it. He responded, his cock going hard within moments - that beautiful seven plus inches throbbing away in what seemed to be only a few short strokes.

I could feel the passion taking over me: I wanted him once more. With my other hand, I fumbled around till I found the small bottle of lube on the little shelf, still there from our late-night shower. Damn, that stuff even smelt good! These French know how to … just make things a little better.

Popping it open with one hand, I poured the contents into my palm. I started to lube myself up, my hole a little tender still, reminding me of what happened last night as I coated myself as best as I could. Although I wouldn’t describe myself as a vers-top - I’m more just a top - I wanted him to fuck me once more. “Ben,” I moaned in his ear.

Unable to speak clearly, he mumbled back, “Hmmm?”

“Fuck me, Ben! Please!”

He craned his head around, lifting off the tiles. They’d left little lines on his forehead - it looked so cute - all I needed was a marker pen and I could play naughts and crosses on him. “Wha?” he was clearly confused.

“Please Ben, fuck me.” I let go of his cock and turned him around to face me, kissing him when his face came close to mine. “Please.” With the remainder of the lube that was on my hand I slicked up his cock, dropping the empty container of lube to the floor.

It caught Ben eyes. “Are you sure?”

Nodding, I turned around, reaching down grabbing his cock in my hand to guide him in.

“Okay. Y’all let me know if this hurts, okay?”

I nodded, while sticking my butt out for him. God, I’m cock crazy today. “Oh yeah,” I felt his warmth against my hole. It wasn’t a totally unpleasant feeling, but clearly all the action from last night came back as my butt ached a little – well, a lot really – as he pressed into me. Thankfully, he waited for my body to relax. I so wanted this - I wanted him.

“You okay, Jamie?” Ben’s voice was heavy with lust and concern.

I was unable to speak, just nodding my head. I was trying my best to regulate my breathing so I could relax as his monster pushed into me. Oh god, it felt so good. Ben is a gentle lover to say the least, allowing me time to get used to his size as he pressed deeper into me. I was totally pushed against the shower screen. I spread my feet a little more, opening myself up to him. It worked - he was now hitting my hot button with every stroke, on and on.

“Oh Christ, Ben!! Yeah… right there… naaah, like that.” I was rambling on, losing control of my body, overwhelmed with the waves of pleasure coursing through me with every stroke, and bam – once he found it, he kept on it with every stroke. I couldn’t help myself babbling away as Ben joined me in what was becoming a loud, almost porno-like session.

Ben was picking up the pace. His strokes now became faster and a little more erratic. His grip on my hips firmed, with one hand. The other was sliding up to my chest where he pulled me back towards him. I was arched like I’d done to guys before. God, it feels as good from the business end too!

I wasn’t sure it wasn’t going to leave marks - the death grip on my hip. His hand pushed me back against him, my head occasionally hitting the shower. I remember after one night in Austin, I was kissing him awake when I saw the reddening marks on his hips from my grip earlier, plus a few love bites on his chest and neck. He was totally okay with it - I was the one who was shocked. I get it now though - you know it’s gonna hurt or leave a mark, but it’s almost like a subtle private reminder of what you’re doing days later.

He wasn’t far from cumming, I felt his cock twitching inside me as he cried, “Oh fuck, Jamie, I’ma, I’ma cumming-fuck!!” With that, I felt him firing away deep inside me. I’m sure my vision went for a few seconds or my hearing. It was like I had ringing in my ears - I think he’d just fucked me senseless.

My body felt all weak, almost floppy. I was breathing like I’d just ran a marathon. We stood there, locked together for a few moments, coming down off our high, our breathing slowing. My head hung forward whilst I tried to get my breath back. Ben slowly pulled out of me as I looked down at my own cock and noticed that there was some cum dribbling out. I’d cum too and didn’t even know it – wow!

“Ben, look at what you did to me!” I smirked as I slowly pulled away and turned to face him. He had a look of concern that he’d hurt me, obviously he or I misread my comment. “No, my cock!” His eyes looked down. “That was so good I didn’t even know I’d cum!”

A look of relief washed over him. “Oh, I thought I’d hurt you or something.” He smiled an embarrassed smile. I leaned in and kissed him. “Well, I won’t be sitting comfortably anytime soon,” I said, winking at him. I subconsciously wiggled my right ear when he spotted me.

“You okay, Jamie?”

“Yeah, my ear just feels a little weird,” I had a puzzled look on my face.

“Wanna know something? A few times after we’ve had sex, I can’t hear too well. It’s actually tinnitus.”

“Damn Ben, you fucked me senseless, really.”

“You do that to me all the time. I just pulled some of the moves you use on me. I’ve never enjoyed it more than with you,” Ben muttered as he leaned in and we started kissing again.

After a few minutes I broke free. “Shit - the time! Come on, let’s get cleaned up. We gotta get you to the airport.”

“Well, you started all of this, Jamie.”

“I know, right,” I smiled while wiggling my eyebrows at him.

..o0o..

The bell of the apartment rang as we were checking the place one last time, making sure we hadn’t left stuff behind like we did in Cannes. At least we were only forty-five minutes down the road, so it wasn’t too bad, funny though.

By the time we loaded up our transfer and escaped Paris’ traffic and arrived at Charles de Gaul airport, the time was just ripping past. We climbed out of our minivan that Sharon had arranged - I think to ensure that I made it to the airport in-time, no faith these people, really.

But Jesus, my ass was killing me as I stepped out of the van and gave the driver a tip. “Merci, monsieur,” I said as I shook the driver Alain’s hand.

“Je vous en prie. Monsieur Jamie, monsieur Ben. Bon Voyage!” With that, Alain hopped back into his van and sped off.

We hustled over to the check-in counter. Okay, maybe bottoming before a twenty plus hours’ flight wasn’t the smartest move. Check-in was well underway for Ben’s flight to Austin via Atlanta, so we got him sorted first. He made a bee line for check-in where he handed his passport and Frequent Flyer Card over.

“Bonjour mademoiselle, Je suis Ben Rush.”

He stopped for a moment I could see him trying to remember how to go on with it. I looked at my boyfriend with pride - he’d been practicing the few words I’d taught him - my god, he sounded so good. “O la la! Frenchie boy now.” Shit, I hope he doesn’t slip and say some of the other ones I’ve taught him. I laughed a little - that would be funny as.

“Pardon… I can’t remember the rest in French. I’m on the flight to Austin.”

“And you, sir?” the staff member was looking at me. “Are you checking in also?”

“Oh no, not this flight. I’m over there,” nodding in the direction of the Qantas check-in.” Sorry we just used my membership level to get my boyfriend in the fast lane. Sorry, ma’am.”

The check-in staff = ‘Virginie’ - just smiled. “That’s totally fine. Most people aren’t so honest. Good afternoon, Mr Rush. Welcome to American Airlines. Let me get you all checked in. Just the one bag, sir?”

“Yes Ma’am,”

He looked a little saddened. The reality of the day was hitting us both now. We’d used my frequent flyer membership to jump into the business class/silver membership line. Ben was worried that we’d get into trouble. I wasn’t as concerned. Turns out I was right for once. After a few short moments, his suitcase was whizzing its way off to the aircraft.

“There, Mr Rush. All checked in via a stop in Atlanta. Bon voyage, Monsieur Rush.”

“Thank you, ma’am.” Ben’s face had the look of resignation on it.

In silence we headed over to the Qantas counter where I checked in, same as Ben. Really didn’t want to be doing this. I honestly thought it wouldn’t be this hard. “Come on, Ben, let’s go to the Qantas lounge for a while till your flight is boarding. Ben nodded without comment. A sombre mood was wrapping around us both.

The last hour we spent in the lounge was quiet. I’d found us a two-seater lounge to sit on, so we leaned against each other, quietly watching Netflix and sipping on a seven-and-seven, enjoying what little quiet time we had together, chatting on and off. Ben’s hand was interlaced in mine. His fingers would idly play with the ring he’d given me - it looked nice against my tan from the driving along with the car roof down for a week.

All too soon his flight was being called. This was going to be so hard. Both of us had been putting it off all morning, but it was time. We looked at each other. “I’d better go. But I don’t want to Jamie.”

“I know.”

He kissed me gently. “Come on, let me walk you down to the gate.” I stood and held out my hand for Ben to grab.

As we were leaving, we collected our boarding passes from the front counter. The polite staff wished us both a pleasant trip. “Thanks” we replied in a solemn voice. After a few shed tears, walking to the gate, plus a few stops along the way, countless hugs and sad looks were exchanged, each one more desperate, final, than the last.

We stopped at the gate before his. “Ben this is only… see you soon, right. Christmas will be here real soon, then we can work out our travel plans for next year, okay>” I looked into his sad eyes.

He nodded. “Yeah, you’re right Jamie, it’s just, it’s so…”

“Hard?”

“Yeah.” A tear slipped down his cheek.

“Hey,” I wiped it up gently with my thumb. “Come on,” we kissed again. This time it was goodbye. We knew it. What started out as a gentle kiss developed into something deeper and more personal, then tapered off. We stopped with our foreheads pushed together, “Bye Benjamin Rush.” I tried to put on my best smile.

“Bye, James Spence. Love you.”

Ben turned and silently mouthed ‘goodbye’ as he walked towards the line for people spilling over from his gate to this. Wow - a full flight by the sounds of it. Loads to check in and board. I knew the answer to this, but I had to ask. “Ben,” I called out with a raised voice, as I ran towards him at the back of the line.

He turned, his face was a little red, and eyes looking very watery. “Please tell me you’ll still come out for Christmas or Thanksgiving, whichever, please.” I could hear the desperation in my own voice.

His face lit up for a second. “I will, I promise. But you take care of yourself, okay? Please don’t push it when you’re at work, okay? You still have to heal,” he said, grabbing my face gently and looking into my eyes. “Both physically and mentally, James…” he turned to walk away.

I nodded. I knew if I tried to speak I was going to cry. I was just able to keep it together, just. My mind was awash with emotion - just couldn’t let him go without one last kiss. I’d been telling myself that for the past three hours. We probably looked awful, red swollen lips and all. “Ben, wait!” I closed the gap quickly. The line was moving, but slowly. I grabbed him by the hand, spinning him around, kissing him before he could say anything, a look of surprise on his face. I kissed him with every bit of emotion and feeling I had for him. The only way I can describe it, it’s like one of those moments when time slows. It feels like there is no one within a hundred miles of you. Ben was my world at this point - nothing else mattered.

That’s how we stayed till one of the cabin staff finally walked up and politely got our attention. “Mr Rush, I’m sorry sir, but we need to finish boarding the flight to depart.”

I pulled back and looked him in the eyes, searching his face. “I love you, Benjamin Rush.” There it was - I hadn’t really said it before, not in a non-joking around way. It just came out without thought or pushing it.

“I love you too, James.” And with that, he walked off with the cabin manager and boarded his flight. I stood there like a love-sick kid, watching his flight slowly pushed back from the terminal, lights all flashing. A feeling of emptiness, of being alone, washed over me. Silently, I watched as Ben’s aircraft taxi away.

My cell beeped, snapping me out of my trance. It was him. “Love you,” with a screen shot of a countdown timer running for December twenty-third and a photo of his face all red and blotchy.

My reply was simple” “can’t wait. Counting down 2. See you soon ❤️ .” As I watched his flight take off, I started to walk back to the Qantas Lounge, settling in for my three hours’ wait.

..o0o..

The same girl was at the counter. “Hello, Mr Spence. Did you forget something?”

Her voice snapped me back out of my head. “Ah no, sorry. My friend. My boyfriend’s flight just left.” As I handed her my boarding pass, an understanding smile came over her face. “Airports can be such emotional places, Mr Spence. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know.”

“Thank you, Ally,” I smiled a half-smile, wandering back in and sitting down.

After grabbing a seven-and-seven, I decided to call Lucas back.

“Hey, Jamie. How are you?”

“All good, mate.” I was lying but he would know that anyway. “Ben’s flight just left, so I’m just chilling here in the lounge.”

“You okay?”

“Will be. At the moment, not so much.”

“So, what’s dinner about?”

Taking a deep breath, I replied, “He told me that …” I heard Lucas’ breath catch for a moment, “that I was the best thing that happened to him, and he was going to miss me.”

“Okay...”

“Yeah, then he gave me a ring, a black tungsten ring with a red line around it – you know, those ‘thin red line,’ rings for firefighters, to remember him with.”

“That’s a lay-away ring, my friend.”

“Woah, I’m not store goods! You can’t lay me away!” I started to laugh at my idiot cousin.

Lucas laughed for a second. “Be careful, Jamie. I think you both are in real danger of falling for each other and making your lives happy ever after.”

“Listen to you, Lucas Spence, all romantic and stuff. That new woman of yours has finally gotten through,” I laughed at the irony of it. “Love it.”

“Hey, I’m not the one that needs to be settled down, buddy.”

“Really? Hold on a sec. I need another drink for this conversation.” I stood up and Ally from the front counter came over.

“Mr Spence, please let me get that for you. What are you drinking, sir?”

I was surprised - awesome service. “I was drinking, oh something” my mind was awash from Ben’s departure. I would have drunk Kentucky Moonshine if they’d offered it. “Maybe Jack Daniels neat, please - just something nice to sip on, please.”

“Sure. Let me take care of that for you. Also, this is for you.” She placed a small silver card on the table beside me. “It’s a free appointment for our day spa. You can get a 15-minute massage or treatment before your flight. They will come and get you about thirty minutes before boarding.”

I was totally blown away. “My god, thank you, Ally. You didn’t have to do that, but I appreciate it.”

“My pleasure, sir, and seeing you smile is worth it.”

Blushing, I put my earbuds back in so I could chat to Lucas. “Hey, did you get any of that?”

“Yeah, you’re a lucky bastard! Enjoy it, Jamie.”

“Thanks mate, I will.”

“Okay, so maybe both of us need to settle down a little, agreed, Jamie?”

“Yeah, you’re probably right, Lucas,” I replied.

“Wow, really - that you’re an axe murderer, or that you’re really a democrat?”

“Wait, what! What the hell are you going on about? You’re mad.” I laughed for a second at Lucas. “I have no clue what you’re talking about, idiot. And who I’d vote for in the US? Mate, my lot in Australia is crazed enough I don’t even know who to vote for in Oz. Anyway, why are… where are you going with this?”

“Just checking that you were listening to me and not zoning out like normal when I try to be serious for a moment.”

“You, serious? Oh come off it,” I scoffed.

“Sometimes, Jamie - but don’t tell anyone - I have cred to maintain.”

“Yeah, okay. Well seeing we’re sharing secrets, I told him I loved him.”

The cell went quite for a second. “Wow, there it is. That’s awesome, Jamie, really-it is.”

I continued, retelling Lucas all my crazed thoughts on the drive back from the Eifel Tower.

“Jamie, you know what all of that means, right?”

“Yeah, I’m going loopy…”

“Well that, and you’re falling for him. Maybe you’ll let Sean’s memory go now and let yourself live?”

The utter truth of that comment didn’t need any affirmation. I went to speak a few times, but no words came out.

“Hey hold up a second, Jamie!” BI could reply my screen went all dark for a few seconds.

Next minute, my cell lit up with three other faces. Lucas had dialled up Gav, Dave and Ty. Our Skype session lasted until I had to go to the spa. I didn’t call the guys back till I was heading down to board the flight. They made me promise - maybe checking I wasn’t missing my flight or… doing anything stupid.

So, as promised, I called back once I was heading to the gate. I pulled out my cell and started to fire up Skype and got them all back up on the screen as I walked down the airbridge. The guys wanted to see where I was seated. Thankfully, Lucas didn’t say anything about what I’d told him, what our love discussions were - the new unwritten rule. Yeah, he still felt awful about his lack of judgement in LA.

“Hey guys, that head and neck massage was amazing. You should try it sometime,” I laughed. Waving my cell around like a weirdo, I introduced the guys to the cabin staff at check-in and then inside too. The Qantas staff thought it was hilarious. Plus, a few ‘wow, she/he’s hot’ comments coming from my cell made them laugh. Gav asked me to turn the cell towards a staff member.

“Excuse me, ma’am. I have my mates from home on the screen. They want to ask you something, please?” I tried on my best cheesy smile - it worked.

“Sure,” Harper grabbed my cell. “Hi guys. How can I help?”

I could hear a few comments, saying nice view on the plane and stuff, that had to be Dave, always one for a comment. Harper blushed for a second and stared at the screen.

“Oh hi,” it was Gav. “Can you please tell me what flight this is? Our friend here has a habit on getting on the wrong flight lately?”

Harper smiled sweetly. “Oh, they care about you,” she replied with a hint of friendly sarcasm.

“He owes us money.” That was Ty. My face went instantly bright red.

Before I could defend myself, she spoke up. “It’s QF1, boys. See you in Sydney tomorrow,” and handed my cell back.

“Thanks, appreciate that. And sorry about the… you know comments…” I smiled an uncomfortable smile at her.

“No problem, Mr Spence. You’re just down to the left there, and welcome aboard.”

I thanked her and headed off, looking down at my screen and shaking my head, ending the call with the four of them arguing as to who had to collect me from the airport and confirming that I was on the right flight. It was all in good humour, though.

Settling back into the first leg of my twenty-one hour flight home, a quick three hour stop in Dubai, would give me enough time for a shower and some food, then on to the run home. I’d decided that I wanted to sleep most of that leg if possible, so that I wasn’t totally jetlagged when I got back to Oz.

..o0o..

As I was walking back to reboard the aircraft for the Sydney leg, freshly showered and filled up on food, my cell beeped. It was Steph.

Steph: Hey, you okay? Don’t stress over Ben. It will all be okay.

Me: Thx big sis, and how did you know? Am I bugged or something

Steph: Maybe, but maybe I know my little bro too J

Well yeah, she does I guess. I really missed her whilst I was away. I guess because I got to see mom and dad it was easier. Katie and the kids couldn’t travel, so it was a little easier with them … but I missed Steph.

After chowing down on some food and a glass of white wine, I pulled up the blanket over me and closed my eyes. Pretty soon I was seeling myself drift off. The only thing I felt was my butt – yeah okay, it was a little sore after last night. Not enough to be uncomfortable, but enough to let me know that we had a great time. Reminded me that I hadn’t bottomed for a long time - and twice in the one day, jeez!

..o0o..

In what seemed like only an hour or so, I was awakened with movement around me. We were four hours out of Sydney. I set my chair back from the semi-recline, got up to stretch and hopefully not have a DVT floating around.

When I finally cleared boarder security, I wandered out front of the arrival’s hall. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I kinda thought I’d probably end up getting a cab home because the guys would have forgotten or something.

When the doors slid open and I walked out, well to say I was overwhelmed with the crowd that had gathered to meet me would be an understatement.

Apart from mom and dad, Steph and Todd, Katie, Jake, Jet and Daisy, Julie and Adam, and all the guys - Dave, Ty, Sam, Gav, Adam - and Julie were all there smiling away. Even a few of the guys from work came along too. Apparently there was a BBQ and beers at mom and dad’s place when we got home, so the crowd of twenty plus people made me smile. It was awesome. The mass of voices and smiles, I couldn’t help but shed a tear at the happy faces. It was nice to be back with my family, but there was one face I wished was there.

We all headed back to the parents’ place and kicked on for hours. I tried a few times to get a quiet moment with Ty and Sam - I wanted to make sure that they knew I was okay with them. I’m not going to lie – I did feel weird seeing them so close, but they were happy and it will make it easier. I just-must get used to it.

Ben had sent me a text too, letting me know he was home safely and that Lucas and Hayley had arrived at the airport to make sure someone was there to collect him. Ben’s family had done pretty much the same thing as mine - they all headed back to Daniel’s house for a while afterwards. Lucas and Hayley drove Ben home afterwards, at Ben’s request.

I sent Lucas a message thanking him for that, he’s a great guy and hmmm… Hayley, not surprised. They looked pretty loved up in NYC last I saw of them together, and good luck to them both. Lucas replied, ‘all good, he misses the hell out of you Jamie, or should I say Peter Pan?’

Smiling, he must have told them about our Disney convo - well he started it. I replied:

Me: Lucas, did he tell you about Olaf?

Lucas: Not a raindeer, pmsl piss myself laughing

Me: nah you hate carrots, but thanks buddy. Love you.

Lucas: all g, and me too. later

Lucas: hey my twin.

Me: yeah sup.

Lucas: you ok… now he’s in TX and you in AU?

Me: T b h its hard I’m struggling but …

Lucas: he’s worth it hang in buddy ok

Me: thanks better go Adam and Julie driving me home to the new place

Lucas: msg me tomorrow after the dr ok see ya.

“Hey Jamie,” mom came wandering in - I was hiding out in my old bedroom. “Come on, honey. Everyone wants to see you before they let you go home to sleep.”

“Thanks mom…for everything.” I stood there hugging my mom. “It’s weird, mom - I’m home with all my friends and family. A few months ago that would have been enough, it would have been over the moon, and with work and all going well, but I feel alone.” I could feel that hot emotional feeling rising in my throat - I think I’ma gonna cry or puke. I took a slow breath. “I miss him, mom. It’s pretty pathetic, right.”

“No James, it’s not.” Mom pulled back and looked me in the eyes - her face was full of compassion. “You both clearly have strong feelings for each other. Make sure he knows that, honey, okay? Love you to death, but sometimes you struggle to let those close to you know how you feel about them. Tell Ben how you feel, what you’re thinking. Chances are. he’s feeling the same.”