The Barnstable Chronicles: The Prodigy - 4. Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

Charlie’s brain was working overtime, and as delicious as dinner was, he could barely eat a thing.

“Daddy, you shouldn’t play with your food. You should eat it. That’s what you used to tell me.”

“I know. Noah, you take such good care of your daddy. I love you.”

“I love you too. I love this supper that Mrs. Henderson made, too. But I love you more.”

Charlie looked over to his mother, who was smiling at her grandson’s words.

“See Mama? I can’t leave Noah behind again. I would go crazy if I didn’t have him with me.”

“Is that really the reason? Or is it merely an excuse?”

“The last time I went, I thought Jacob had everything under control. I had to trust in that since we weren’t allowed computer or phone access while we were on the show and competing. When I came home, I found my boy holed up in the apartment. He wouldn’t answer the door. I thought he was hurt.

“I got the key and opened the door—and found Noah sitting on the floor—just rocking back and forth. It was how I saw him the first time after his mother passed away. I sat on the floor with him for an hour, promising him I was back, and things were back to normal again.

“He made me promise I was staying. I can’t break my promise.”

“But that was a completely different situation. Jacob had completely dropped the ball and left Mrs. Henderson to take care of him while he was at work. Of course, she couldn’t give him anything like the attention you would give him since you were working from home, and he had someone with him around the clock.”

“And who would be here for him if I went away again?”

“I would, of course! I would have been here the last time, but Jacob kept assuring me that he had things under control. I should have never gone on that cruise, but then again, I had no idea what was going on at home.”

“He was frustrated. He couldn’t handle being a dad on his own. He became resentful and took it out on our son.”

“He didn’t hit—”

“No! Oh no. No. It was even worse than that if you ask me. Jacob ignored him—he just stopped caring for our boy. Thank God Mrs. Henderson was here five days a week. It scares the fu—scares me to think what would happen if Noah had been left completely alone.”

Charlie picked at his food some more and took a couple of bites.

“My dear boy—you know things are so much different now. Timmy is living in the apartment with Noah. I’ve never seen those boys happier as when they are together. I live here and help in every way that I can—and Mrs. Henderson is still here five days a week. Noah would not be alone.”

“Daddy? Are you going away?” Noah started to show a sense of panic, and Charlie knew exactly how to deal with it. He’s learned that Noah needs to be included in conversations—especially he hears his name.

“Noah. I don’t know yet what I’m going to do. Do you remember when I went to New York and was on the TV show?”

“Yes, Daddy. That was a lot of fun seeing my Daddy on the TV. Especially when they made you the winner!”

“Well, I did lose once, and they told me I would get to go home and be with my boy again.”

“But you cried when they sent you home.”

“That’s because I was so happy that I would get to wrap my arms around my boy again.”

“And you were already home when we saw that. But you were still sad, and you cried a lot.”

“Noah, they want me to go back and do that TV show again. What do you think about that?”

“Will it make you sad again? Can I go with you?”

“No, I don’t think I’ll be sad like that again. And I’m sorry big guy, but they won’t let you—or Nana—come with me. But Nana would be here with you and take you and Timmy to school. And Mrs. Henderson will be here to make all that delicious food for you.”

“Will I still see Papa on the weekends?”

“Of course. None of that will change.”

“Okay.”

“You’re okay if I go to New York and be on the TV again?”

“Okay.”

Noah was done talking, and he went back to his dinner. Charlie sighed and looked at Beverly. “But David lives there. What if I run into him? I don’t think I could handle that?”

Beverly laughed and took a sip of her wine. “My darling boy—New York City is huge. The chances of you running into David Chase are slim to none. Besides, he lives on Long Island. Trust me—Long Islanders avoid going into the city as much as possible. But if you beat all the odds and did run into the man you’ve never stopped loving, it would be a gift from the heavens.”

“What do you mean, ‘I’ve never stopped loving?’ That’s crazy!”

“A mother knows these things, Charlie. I saw how you and David loved each other. I saw how you and Jacob loved each other. Both loves were quite palpable. Both were genuine. But there was no comparison.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Do you still love Jacob?”

“No. Jacob hurt Noah and me in ways that I can never forgive. I can’t love a man who would do that to me—let alone my—our son.”

“And how did you feel when David left for Russia?”

“It hurt more than anything I’ve ever experienced in my life. He left a huge hole in my soul. Until this afternoon, I thought I had moved past all that.”

“What happened this afternoon?”

“David was on Ellen. He looked incredible. He played the piano like nobody ever could.”

“Daddy cried when that man was on TV. But I held on to him and made him feel better.”

“Yes, you did just that, Noah. You are such a strong and loving boy. You always make me feel better.”

“But why did he make you cry, Daddy?”

Charlie looked at Beverly, and with a smirk, she nodded her head. “Go on. Tell him.”

“David Chase was my boyfriend before I met your Papa.”

“So, you were crying because you miss him?”

“Yes, Noah. I miss David.”

“Then you should go to find him and make him your boyfriend again.”

Beverly took another sip of wine and chuckled under her breath, “Out of the mouths of babes—”

“Mama, you’re not very helpful here!”

“I don’t need to be helpful. Noah hit the nail on the head.”

“I didn’t hit anything! I promise!”

“You’re right Noah. Nana was just saying she thought you had a good idea.”

“I did, didn’t I?”

Charlie took a large gulp of his wine and started eating. He didn’t want to answer Noah’s question, but deep down, he knew he was going to have to.

“Daddy? Didn’t I have a good idea?”

“Yes, you did Noah. It was a brilliant idea.”

Beverly chuckled and finished off her wine. “So, you’re going to do it?”

“I don’t know, Mama. Noah? What do you think I should do about the TV show in New York?”

“I think you should go to New York and find your boyfriend. You can do the TV show when you’re there.”

“And you’ll be okay staying here with Nana and Mrs. Henderson?”

“Yes. I’ll have Timmy with me, too. I’ll have lots of people to be with.”

“I guess I’m going to New York.”

“And you’re going to find your boyfriend!”

“He’s not my boyfriend anymore. We don’t know what will happen if I find him.”

“He’ll be your boyfriend, Daddy. Everyone wants to be your boyfriend. You’re the best, Daddy!”

“Okay, I’ll sleep on it and call them in the morning. In the meantime, Noah and I are going to clean the dishes and load the dishwasher.”

“Okay.”

“And when Timmy gets back, we’ll watch a movie. I think it’s your turn to pick, too.” Charlie knew they would all be watching Toy Story for the thousandth time. But he didn’t mind since it always made Noah happy. He also knew Noah and Timmy would be sleeping in Noah’s old room after the movie. Noah wouldn’t let anything be changed since he was given the Toy Story bedroom for his first birthday in his new home.`

It turned out to be a typical Friday night at the Danner home. Charlie watched Toy Story with Noah and Timmy, marveling how they would laugh at all the same places they always found funny—as though they were watching for the first time.

Rather than go to their garage apartment after the movie, the boys insisted on sleeping in the Toy Story bedroom. Beverly was in her room with a nice glass of wine, binging on one of the Housewives shows on her computer. Charlie headed up to his room, stripped down, and although his mind was spinning in overdrive with thoughts of New York and Project Runway, he was finally able to drift off into a deep and restless sleep.

* * * * *

Charlie Danner stood in front of the stunning man who was the love of his life, David Chase. They kissed deeply with the desperation wrought by eight lost years.

Charlie knelt and removed David’s shoes, tallying the total value in his head--$500, $1000, $2500 for the socks, $5000 for his jacket, $10,000 for his tight, form-fitting tee-shirt. Charlie looked into David’s eyes, and he returned the wild gaze he was giving.

“You better hope there’s underwear,” a breathless David managed to say.

“You better hope there isn’t,” Charlie replied with urgency.

Charlie removed David’s belt and wrapped it around the back of David’s neck, pulling him in for another of those soul-draining kisses he remembered from before. When they broke the kiss, David held Charlie’s face in his hands and stared deep into his eyes. “I love you, Charlie Danner. I’ve never stopped, you know.”

“I’m never letting you go again, David Chase. I don’t have a life at all without you in it.”

Charlie knelt again and found that David’s pants were gone—with no sign of underwear anywhere—just his magnificent erection, dripping with precum. Charlie wrapped his slender fingers around the base of David’s cock and felt the heat move into his hands.

Charlie then swirled his tongue around the head, wet with David’s essence, and savored the sweet taste he’d missed for so long. He looked up into David’s eyes as he slowly took inch by inch into his mouth, and then down his talented throat. Charlie was pleased that he still remembered what made David whimper and shake as they made love.

“Oooooh, fuuuuuuuck!” Charlie’s throat hummed and massaged David’s cock, causing his knees to nearly buckle.

Charlie felt David’s cock get larger in his throat and knew it was time to stop. He stood and kissed his lover deeply. He pulled away from the kiss and caressed David’s face. “You wanna?”

“Wanna what?”

“Fuck me?”

“Oh, Charlie—my dear sweet boy—I’ve never been able to fuck you. I can only make love to you. And yes, let me make love to you. Let me make you mine again.”

They moved over to the bed, and Charlie pushed David down, so he was lying on his back. Grabbing the bottle of lube, Charlie prepared David’s cock and his own ass for the one thing he’d been hoping for—for the last eight years.

As he lowered himself down David’s hardness, Charlie’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as he let out a guttural moan that came from the deepest part of his body and soul. Finally! David Chase was where he needed to be—deep inside his lover.

The room was filled with a constant chorus of ‘I love you’ mixed in with panting and groans, and Charlie worked the muscles of his ass around David, remembering everything that drove his lover wild as though it had only been days since the last time they were together.

“Are you ready baby? Pound me until you cum?”

“Oh, fuck yes! I love you, Charlie Danner!”

Charlie moved up to where he was hovering over David, with only a couple of inches inside him. “Now, David! Do it now! Pound my ass!”

David went into overdrive, rapidly plowing his cock into the man he loved more than life itself. David looked down and marveled at his lover’s body as he flexed his muscles with every push into his body. Charlie’s cock was dripping with a nearly constant flow of precum into the ridges of David’s six-pack as the huge cock inside him brutally massaged his prostate.

Charlie knew what was going to happen. All he needed to do was lean back on his arms, and the angle of David’s cock against his magic spot would cause a fountain cum that would cover David and the bed they were on. Charlie did just that, and David knew what Charlie wanted. He kept up the rapid rhythm of his thrusts, and within seconds Charlie yelled out, “Now, David! Keep Going! Fuck the cum outta me! Now! Oooooooooh!”

Charlie’s ass flexed with every pulse of cum, milking a massive load out of the man inside him. Their simultaneous orgasms shook their worlds to their foundation. The audience stood and roared their approval. Charlie was spent and closed his eyes as he fell forward into the arms of the man he loved.

Where were David’s arms? Fuck! Where was David? The audience?

A dream?? A wet dream?? Charlie’s body sagged into the realization that the amazing love-making session he had just experienced was just a dream. A damned fine dream, at that. Was he embarrassed that he hadn’t had a wet dream in years? No. He did realize that the dream was his mind telling him what the answer was—go to New York, do the show, then find David Chase.

* * * * *

“Good morning, Noah!”

“Hi, Papa.”

Noah walked into the house and went straight into his room.

“Hey, Jacob—you got a few? There’s something I need to talk with you about.”

“Sure? Want some coffee? I just brewed a fresh pot.”

“Yeah, that would be great.”

Charlie sat at the kitchen table while Jacob put together coffees for the two of them, including the French Vanilla creamer for Charlie. He brought them over and sat across the table from his ex-husband. “You look good, Charlie. You look relaxed and even a little happy again. Looks good on you.”

“Well, I guess that’s why I wanted to talk with you. I got a call from Project Runway last night. They’re doing an all-star show with ten of their top contestants who never made it into the Fashion Week finals. They asked me to do it and need an answer by this afternoon.”

Jacob looked down at his coffee and sighed. “I can’t do it again, Charlie. Please don’t ask me to keep Noah while you’re gone. I can’t do that to him again.”

“No, that’s not what I’m asking. You’d still have Noah for the weekends—that’s all. Mom, Mrs. Henderson, and Timmy’s mother will be around during the week to make sure Noah is not left alone. And, of course, he has Timmy with him now.”

“Then why are you sitting here in my kitchen? There doesn’t seem to be a problem.”

“No, there’s no problem. But I do need the one thing we never gave each other. I think it would be good for you, too.”

“What’s that?”.

“Closure.”

“You know I still love you, Charlie. You are a remarkable man—I don’t see how anyone can love you and then stop.”

“They why, Jacob? Why did you hurt your son–and me so deeply?”

“When all that came down, I thought I understood everything that was happening. But now, when I look back on it—I was a complete idiot—for the most part, anyway.”

“Well, that’s the first thing we’ll agree on,” Charlie smiled at Jacob as he answered. “So please—tell me what was in your head then and what is in your head now.”

“After you had been gone a week, I realized the one thing I never wanted to know—that you and Noah had a remarkable connection—unique, even. No one in the world could ever match that bond. And I’m pretty damned sure he and his mother never had a connection like the one you two have.”

“Okay, I have to agree with you there as well.”

“After I accepted that Noah and I would never have that kind of bond, I decided to try my damnedest to do whatever I could to get closer to our boy. I tried to be you, but the harder I tried, the more distant he became. It didn’t take long for the connection we did have to be destroyed.”

“That’s just crazy, Jacob. You and Noah had a good thing—even a great thing. Is your competitive nature so crazy that you had to compete with me for Noah’s affection?”

“No, that’s not it. But I was in the middle of this situation where I was losing my son. He even stopped wanting to see Timmy and would sit in the garage apartment by himself. After a few weeks, he wouldn’t even come down for meals. Mrs. Henderson or I would take them up to him. Sometimes he’d eat, sometimes he wouldn’t. He would just sit in the apartment, wrap his arms around himself, and rock. He wouldn’t listen to anyone.”

Charlie sat and listened as tears welled up in his eyes. It was difficult for him to hear about his boy hurting. “Dear God, Jacob. Why didn’t you tell my mother what was going on? She would have stopped her cruise and been on the next plane home to help you out. You know that!”

“I do know that—now. But at the time, letting Mom know what was happening would make me the big loser dad in her eyes. I loved your family too much to let that happen. I know, I know—it was a completely selfish way to handle things—but that was how I thought I needed to deal with it at the time. And the longer you were gone, meant more time being in that situation. And the more I was in that situation, the more I began to resent the relationship you had with Noah—and eventually, things got to the point where I resented you most of all. When you got home and went to Noah, you got him into your arms and out of his apartment. That was it. I couldn’t stay and be the man I thought I needed to be.”

“Wow. Just wow. Why the fuck didn’t you tell me this when you were packing your bags? You just let me stand there, bawling my eyes out as I watched my life go down the toilet. Are you so insecure that you couldn’t tell me then why you were leaving me? Us?”

Jacob lowered his head as tears fell onto the table. “I always wanted to be the strong one. I always wanted to be the one who took care of you and Noah. When I realized that you were the one who was stronger than an army of men—when I realized that the people who loved you needed you to be their inspiration and motivation—well, it sapped me of every ounce of self-esteem I had. I felt like I had nothing to give as long as you were there.”

“What the HELL are you talking about?”

“You wanted to know how I was feeling then. I just told you. I’ve never told anyone this—not my Dad, not Janet, no one.”

“And how are you feeling now?”

“Like I’m the biggest fuck-up alive. I destroyed our marriage, I’ve almost destroyed everything I ever had with Noah, and I obliterated your trust. That’s what hurts the most—because I know that once trust has been lost, it’s impossible to get it back completely. And no matter how badly I want to go back to you and Noah so I can make things right, I know it would never work without your complete trust in me.”

Charlie and Jacob just looked down at their coffees in silence. Noah came into the kitchen and asked, “Papa? Can I call Timmy?”

“Of course, Noah. Just press Timmy’s name on the phone in your room.”

“I know.” Noah walked back into his room.

“Thanks for letting me know how you were feeling. It’s funny—I didn’t know why I felt so bad when people would ask me about you or if I thought we could get back together. But you nailed it on the head. It’s all about the trust thing. And yes, I think you have that right.”

“I’m so sorry about everything, Charlie. More than you will ever know.”

“I get it. And I’m sorry as well. I said some pretty harsh things to you—and about you to our friends. I was hurt. I lashed out. I’m sorry about that.”

“Apology totally accepted. Look. I understand that you and I will never be together like we had been. But I also understand that you and I will forever be connected. We both adopted that amazing boy. I just hope that someday I’ll figure out a way to connect to him even a little bit of the way you have.”

“You just don’t get it, Jacob—and it’s right there in front of you.”

“Get what, Charlie?”

“In about an hour, you’re going to take Noah to the library, and you’re going to be the remarkable, lovable man I’ve always known. Those kids love and adore you. I’m betting that for that hour, even Noah has different feelings. So tell me—why do you think all those kids love you?”

“Because I talk to them like they were real people, not just little kids. I let them take me into their worlds where I can laugh with them and hold them when they are sad or scared.” Jacob’s breath caught when he realized what Charlie had known all along. “I’m not afraid of the kids at the library. I let them into my world as much as they let me into theirs. Which is exactly what I hadn’t done with Noah.”

Jacob lowered his head and sobbed. Charlie went to the other side of the table and placed his hands on Jacob’s shoulders. He leaned down and quietly said into Jacob’s ear, “Stop being afraid of your son, Jacob. Let him in, and I promise he will let you in. That’s the kind of Papa Noah has been looking for. Stop trying to be me, or my mother, or Timmy—be yourself—your authentic, true, remarkable self. You know something? That’s the man I fell in love with and lost. Please get that man back for more than an hour on Saturdays.”

Jacob continued to sob as he listened to his ex-husband. “Get that man back—not for me—but your son. And even more importantly, for yourself.”

Charlie wrapped his arms around Jacob and hugged him. Jacob raised his head and held Charlie’s arms in place. “So, you’re going to go back to the show and do it again?”

“I didn’t want to all that much. But it was Noah who insisted. And before you hear it from him, I’ll tell you now—Noah only agreed to let me go if I promised to find David Chase while I was there. He thinks we should be boyfriends again.”

“You know he’s right. That boy is always right. He tells you exactly what he thinks—whether you want to hear it or not.”

“Or need to hear it, as Mama would say.”

“So you’re going to find him? I know you still love him, that there’s so much that’s never been sorted. Noah’s right. You need to find David, so at the very least, you can get your feelings sorted out.”

“No more secrets. We share a son. We need honesty and openness.”

Charlie kissed Jacob on top of his head and headed for the front of the house. “I’ll leave you with Noah now. I can’t wait to see the old Jacob back. It will make Noah happy, too—I promise.”

Charlie got into his car and made his way back home. As soon as he walked in, he found Beverly sitting at the table, reading the news on her iPad and drinking a cup of coffee. “There you are! Everything okay?”

“Yeah, Jacob and I finally talked things out. It was good. I understand him a lot better, and he understands himself even more. I think it’s going to be good for Noah, too”

“And your big decision?”

“I’m calling the producers and accepting. And just as Noah insisted, and just as I told Jacob—I’m going to find David Chase.”

“And if you do find him??”

“I’m never letting him go again.”