The Tribuo - 66. Part V, chapter 19

- XIX -

LEX

18:25

I sat in my car for several minutes, thinking about what Jess just told me. She lied, she had to. There was no way that Russell actually… Jess was just trying to figure out the best way to get out of a very unpleasant conversation, that’s all. Yeah, but how did she know about Brian? I wonder if the part about the sister was true… I pulled out my phone and dialed Russell’s number.

“You alive?” he said after a few seconds.

“Yeah,” I said. “I survived. Hey, did Brian have a sister?”

“Huh? Why?”

“Well, did he?”

“Yeah,” he said slowly. “But why…”

“Did you talk to her recently?”

“Lex, what is it?”

“Nothing, really. But did you?”

“Yes, I talked to her…”

Really… Well, what do you know.

“Lex, you okay?”

“Yeah,” I breathed. “Yeah, I’m fine… It’s just… That conversation took it out of me…”

“I bet,” he grumbled. “Want me to…”

“Umm, I am going to run to the store, okay?”

“Okay,” he said slowly.

“I’ll call you when I am on my way home.”

“You sure you’re fine?”

“Yeah, I am sure. Tired, that’s all.”

“Okay… See you tonight?”

“Yeah… I’ll call you.”

“Lex…”

“I gotta go,” I interrupted him. “My phone is about to die.”

“Okay… Bye…”

“Bye,” I said and turned my phone off.

I wasn’t lying about going to the store. I just didn’t specify what store. I tried to remember how late the liquor store was open. I think until seven. I’d better move it then.

19:15

I am just going to have a drink, that’s all. I am not going to make a scene, not going to do anything idiotic. I’ll just have a drink. I got enough alcohol to put me into coma if I wanted to.

“Oh, come on,” I thought. “You are being stupid. Jess was high as a kite. Of course, she said all that crap just to shut you up.”

Maybe. But she said one thing that got to me the most. How did she put it? “It doesn’t matter how much time had passed, if you manage to forget the ones you loved just because they are gone, you are nothing.” Or did she just quote Russell? It doesn’t matter. I guess I am nothing then. I didn’t forget Jordan, I never would, but I did manage to let myself to love someone else.

I muttered, “Screw it,” under my breath, and poured myself some whiskey.

_______________________________

RAYNE

We sat in that damn coffee shop until almost 7:30. We had to relocate inside the shop around 6:45, because it started snowing again, and it was freezing outside. I felt like I was sitting on very hot coals. What time is it? Dammit, it’s hard to tell time during this time of year when it gets dark so damn soon… What did Seth say? They will pronounce him dead at 11:45? Yeah, I think so.

“What time is it?” I asked Russell who looked like he was trying to figure out some nasty mathematical problem.

He blinked and looked at his watch.

“Seven-forty-five,” he said.

Crap.

“Take me home, will you?” I asked softly. “I am getting tired.”

“Yeah, sure…”

…We got to the apartment building at 8:10.

“I’m gonna have a cigarette before I go in,” I said, and he nodded and said that he would join me.

He kept dialing the same number on his phone, then he would sigh and put it away, since there was no answer. Then two minutes later, he would do the same thing again. I had no clue what to do.

“Damn,” he muttered after another failed attempt. “I guess his phone is really dead.”

“You can always ask Jess what happened,” I offered, and he just snorted at that.

“Right. She and I don’t talk to each other. Don’t ask me why, I have no clue. It’s okay,” he sighed. “I’ll just head over to Lex’s tonight anyway.”

“What time are you gonna go?” I asked tightly.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “Probably around eleven, eleven-thirty.”

Yeah, I thought bitterly. Except, you’ll be too late. Think, Rayne, think…

“What time is it?” I asked finally.

“Eight-twenty.”

Son of a bitch. I had no idea what Jess said to him. Seth didn’t know either. I lit another cigarette. It’s a good thing Tribuos don’t get lung cancer, I thought darkly. At the rate I was smoking with, I’d be dead before I turned twenty-five. What do you say to someone to make them do what Lex is about to do? Or did he start already? Shit…

“Ask Jess about what happened,” I said finally.

“I’ll ask Lex,” Russell shook his head.

Damn stubborn jackass! Okay, let’s try something else then.

“She doesn’t like you much,” I muttered, and he let out an amused laughter.

“Gee, you think? I know that! That’s why I don’t wanna talk to her.”

“She told me…” I took a deep breath. “She said that you are taking advantage of her friend, and that’s why she doesn’t like you. Is it true?”

He stared at me, his cigarette forgotten.

“Taking advantage?” he repeated incredulously. “That’s what she said?”

“Yeah,” I nodded.

“Jesus,” he muttered. “She is crazier than I thought… Screw it; she can think whatever the hell she wants.”

“Talk to her,” I said desperately, and he looked at me with a slight frown.

“You really want me to talk to her, don’t you?”

I dragged on my cigarette.

“It doesn’t matter what I want,” I said finally.

“You are a very weird person,” he said thoughtfully. “Did you know that?”

“I’ve been told that, yes,” I nodded.

“Fine,” he muttered finally. “Stay close though. If you hear screaming, and if it sounds like we are murdering each other, call the cops or something.”

He stabbed his cigarette in the ashtray and went inside. I puffed on my Parliament, and suddenly realized that I could’ve just given him an idea to go to Lex’s place right now instead of talking to Jess. I mean, that would be a hell of lot easier. Plus, it would save time… I slapped my forehead and winced when I almost poked myself in the eye with my own cigarette. The only thought on my mind right now was, “Duh!”

20:05

LEX

I finished my whiskey. Holy crap, I blinked. I drank the entire bottle? Oh, well. I felt like shit. I kept thinking of what Jess said, and I suppose that whiskey was partially to blame for what I decided to do. What was it I decided, you may ask? Why, I decided to prove that I've never betrayed Jordan’s memory, of course. Very simple. To prove that I never betrayed him; to prove that I am not scum or nothing… Hmm, I wonder what’s worse -- to be scum or to be nothing? Ah, who cares. I am a man with a plan, that’s what matters right now.

I suppose, this insane logic would never fly if I were sober. But all hail mighty alcohol -- it makes even the craziest shit seem logical and sane. I swear to God, I didn’t have any suicidal thoughts when I was on my way to the liquor store. All I wanted to do was to get filthy drunk, that’s all. But now, a bottle of whiskey later, my mind was beyond hazed, and everything in my head was messed up so bad that I couldn’t think straight. So I took a sharpest knife I could find in the kitchen, and stumbled towards the mirror.

I had no idea why I decided to do it in front of the mirror, but after I finished mutilating my wrists, I had another brilliant idea. I realized that I was being selfish. I mean, think about it. There will be funeral, right? Well, duh. What if Russell decides to show up? He’ll just see Brian again, that’s for sure. Now, why would I put him through that? Seeing Brian in the coffin once again, will probably drive him over the edge. Yup, selfish, that’s what I am. So I decided to take care of that as well.

JESS

I was fiddling with the French press that Rayne brought earlier, when my beloved roommate walked in. I guess the best thing would be to just ignore him, but I was in a very talkative mood.

“How are you?” I started jabbering. “It’s cold outside, huh? And it’s snowing again. I need to get snow tires for my car. Or maybe some chains will do… I mean…”

“Have you talked to Lex?” He asked tiredly.

“Oh, yeah,” I nodded energetically. “A couple of hours ago. Why?” I looked at him slyly, trying to figure out if Lex kicked him out yet.

“What did you talk about?” He didn’t look heartbroken or anything. Weird.

“This and that,” I shrugged. “Nothing interesting…”

“Okay,” he sighed. “Why did you tell Rayne that I am taking advantage of your friend?”

She told him that? Some people should really take lessons on how to keep their mouths shut, honestly!

“Because,” I shrugged. “That’s what you are doing.”

“Jess,” he shook his head. “I don’t know why and how you got that idea, but I am not taking advantage of anybody, okay?”

“Like hell you don’t!” I was getting angry now. “I heard you talk to that girl, his sister… I heard you say how you betray his memory or whatever! Let’s face it -- you are with Lex only because he looks like your dead boyfriend!”

He became paler, to my great satisfaction.

“Lex is my friend,” I kept talking nonstop, I couldn’t help it. “And I am not going to let some asshole to use him like you do, okay? So yeah, I told him all about that…”

“You what…?” He stared at me without blinking.

“Yeah,” I nodded and left the French press alone. “He needed to know the truth. I told him all about you. Hurts, doesn’t it? Did you even talk to him yet? Hmm, I guess not, 'cause you didn’t know… Oh well, he’ll tell you! The whole thing, Russell! I told him the whole thing… About how you feel like betraying the memory; about the fact that you never forget the ones you loved; the fact that you think that it makes you scum of the earth or whatever if you manage to forget someone just because they died…”

I managed to get completely lost in my own words. I actually believed now that I told Lex the complete truth. For some strange reason, everything I made up a couple of hours earlier, somehow became complete and total truth in my head. I believed I heard him say all those things; I believed that he, in fact, talked on the phone to that girl every time he spent the night here; I believed every single thing that I made up. Don’t ask me why.

He stared at me with horror. I felt like the angel of justice with the flaming sword and whatnot.

“You are insane…” he said finally. “Oh, Jesus Christ, you are fucking nuts! You are…”

Suddenly, he stopped talking and narrowed his eyes.

“You are higher than a kite right now, aren’t you?” he asked quietly. “That means that you…”

He didn’t finish what he was saying, turned around, and all but ran towards my room. What the hell does he think he is doing?! I ran after him. He pushed the door open and turned on the lights.

“Where do you keep that shit?” he muttered. “Where is it?”

“Don’t touch my stuff!!” I screamed when he was about to open my special drawer.

“Getting hotter, huh,” he smirked.

I lunged at him, but he just shoved me aside, and I lost my balance and fell onto my bed. He opened the drawer and pulled out my plastic bag.

“I thought so,” he muttered, and I jumped up and lunged at him again.

It was a good thing that I didn’t have anything in my hands at that moment, because I probably would’ve killed him.

“Don’t touch it!” I shrieked. “Put it back!!”

He pushed me away, and this time, I smacked into the wall. I tried grabbing onto his arm, but he just shook me off and headed into the bathroom. I ran after him, yelling and screaming like someone who was completely crazy. I guess I was completely crazy right then. He emptied the bag into the toilet and flushed the tank.

“No!!” I screamed in horror. “You, son of a bitch!! What have you done?!”

I almost dove into the toilet, but he pulled me up by my collar and shoved me into the wall.

“Now you listen to me, you fucked-up goddamn junkie!” He growled. “I don’t care if you decided to fuck up your life! I don’t give a shit about that! But I swear to God, if he does something drastic, I’ll kill you myself!”

Now I was scared. He looked completely insane.

“Let go…” I said weakly. “Let me go…”

“Has he ever told you about Jordan?” he demanded, and I just blinked at that.

“Who the hell is Jordan…?” I muttered, and he looked like he was about to smack me hard.

He didn’t. Instead, he let go of me and left the bathroom. I ran after him.

“Who is Jordan?” I repeated shrilly, while he was frantically looking around the kitchen.

“Where are your car keys?” he asked finally. “I don’t remember what the fuck I did with mine!”

I handed him my car keys, my hands shaking as if I were having a mild seizure.

“Who is Jordan?” I asked again, when he was by the front door.

He stopped and turned around.

“Jordan was the guy he fell in love with several years ago,” he said through his clenched teeth. “His stepfather found out he was gay, and he shot him point blank in the face. Happy now, that you told him all those insightful things about scum, you goddamn bitch?”

I stared at him with horror, unable to speak. He turned around and walked out of the front door. I immediately stumbled after him.

“I am coming with you!” I started to cry.

“I don’t give a shit,” he spat. “Just don’t talk to me!”

I collapsed into the passenger’s seat of my car and pressed both hands against my mouth. Jesus, what the hell is wrong with me? What have I done? I didn’t even feel high anymore. Instead, I was scared shitless.