The Tribuo - 67. Part V, chapter 20

- XX -

21:30

Russell didn’t even try ringing the doorbell; he just kicked the door open. I kept sobbing quietly the entire way to Lex’s apartment, and right now, I was just gulping air like a fish that got washed out onto the shore. I blindly followed him inside, and when I saw Lex, my legs gave up on me, and I slid to the floor. Russell let out a long string of scrambled obscenities, and pulled out his phone.

I sat on the floor and felt completely frozen. It looked like Lex decided to peel his face off completely. He was out cold, but there was so much blood around him that I couldn’t figure out how he was still alive. Was he alive? I thought about checking his pulse, but I couldn’t move.

Russell barked the address into the phone, and when he was done, he kneeled next to Lex, frantically calling his name.

“Russell…” I muttered in a shaky voice.

“Shut up,” he said without even looking at me. “Just shut up, okay? Here…”

He threw my car keys at me, and I didn’t even try catching them. They landed on the floor next to my feet.

“Get out,” he said tightly. “You’ve done enough damage already.”

“Russell, I…”

“Get out,” he repeated dully.

“Is he… alive…?” I was choking on my tears.

“I don’t know,” he sounded like he was about to lose it any second. “I don’t know… Please, just get out…”

“I need to know…” I whispered. “Please, just tell me, please…”

“I said, I don’t know!” he barked.

I almost said something else, when I heard wailing sirens in the distance.

“Get out,” Russell whispered.

I managed to stand up, my legs shaking so badly that I almost fell down again. I didn’t. I carefully made my way outside, feeling like I was trying to learn how to walk, got into my car, and just sat there for almost half an hour or so. I watched the paramedics running inside; watched them come back out with Lex on the stretcher; watched Russell get into the back of an ambulance. I stared at the flashing lights like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. Then I watched them drive away, sirens wailing, lights flashing in the mad rhythm.

Then they were gone, and sudden silence enveloped me like a death shroud. I don’t know how long I sat there. Finally, I blinked and looked around. It was snowing even worse by now. I knew that we were way too late. Lex died, I knew it. He died. Because of me. Because of the fucking habit I got myself into. I buried my face in my hands. I gotta go. Russell was right -- I’ve done enough damage. It has to stop.

Finally, I put my hands down and started the car. I looked at the clock. 10:30. Not like it matters anyway. Time means nothing right now. I gotta go.

RAYNE

I didn’t go inside the apartment. Instead, I got off the bench and went to the side of the building. I heard Jess’ screaming and I closed my eyes. Then a bit later, I heard the door slam, and I peeked from around the corner. Russell was marching towards the car, and Jess was running after him. At first, I thought that she was going to assault him, but instead, she dove into the passenger’s seat of her car. I watched Russell get into driver’s seat, and a minute later, he took off like he was trying to escape from hell.

I went to the front door, hoping that they left it unlocked. They did, thank God. I looked around until I finally found a set of keys on the kitchen floor underneath the table. I picked them up and went outside. I got into Russell’s car, and it took me almost a full minute to find the right key. Then, after I turned on the ignition, I realized that I had no idea where they went. I mean, yeah sure, they went to Lex’s place, but where the hell does he live? Shit!

I sat in the car, my fingers beating some bizarre rhythm on the steering wheel. I tried to remember if Seth said anything about where Jess was going to go for her final flight. The only thing I could remember was that he said it would be in some abandoned building. Great. I knew about at least five abandoned buildings around here. Which one? I looked at the clock. 9:20. Crap… I thought about heading to the hospital to find out if Lex was alive or not, but then decided against it. Let’s hope that he’ll survive. I had no idea how long it takes someone to bleed to death, but he’ll be discovered way before 11:45. So, that should be a good thing, right? Ugh, no idea…

Finally, I took a deep breath and pulled out of the parking space. I guess I’m just gonna drive around those buildings, hoping to spot Jess’ car. I cursed the snow that was falling down like a heavy curtain by now. Made it so much harder to see.

I was about to drive into the road, when some idiot took a sudden right turn into the parking lot of the apartment complex, and almost hit my (well, Russell’s) car head-on.

I slammed my fist on the horn, and a shrill, angry sound broke the snowy silence. My heart was racing. If I manage to get into a wreck right now, I’ll be beyond pissed. I honked at that moron once again and saw the driver rolling his window down. Screw him, I thought angrily. I don’t have time for this shit right now. Plus, he’ll probably start yelling at me, even though it was his fault. I rolled the window down just a notch, flipped that moron off, and drove away.

MATT

I finally made it there at almost 9:30. I was glad that I didn’t have to drive any farther. The snow was becoming a real bitch. I almost passed the apartment complex where Jess lived. I slammed on my brake without even bothering with the turn signal, and swerved the steering wheel to the right. Just when I did that, I saw another car driving towards me. I slammed on the brake again, and jerked the wheel to the right one more time. Crap, if I hit that person… I didn’t, and to my greatest surprise, my car didn’t slide into the mailboxes as I expected. It simply came to a dead stop.

The car that I almost managed to hit, let out a very long, pissed off honk. I could understand that. If I were that driver, I’d be upset too. I rolled my window down, ready to start apologizing, when whoever was in that car honked again. This time quicker. Then I saw their window roll down slightly as well. I opened my mouth, ready to yell, “I am sorry!” when a slender hand popped out of the half-opened window and flipped me off. Then the car took off, sending a wave of wet snow all over my windshield.

I sighed and rolled up my window. I deserved that. I slowly drove into an empty parking space and turned off the ignition. I climbed out, almost falling into surprisingly deep snow, slammed my door shut, and walked towards Jess’ apartment. I looked at her door for a minute or so, and finally, I rang the doorbell. No answer. Is she asleep...? Rang it again. Same thing. Hmm, I wonder if she is at a party or something like that. Well, damn… Now I am stuck here in the snow… I tried the doorknob and blinked when it smoothly turned to the right. I walked inside.

“Jess!” I called loudly and kicked off my wet sneakers. “Jess, you here?”

Was she living alone or did she have a roommate?

“Jess!!” I yelled again.

Finally, I gave up. You are alone in here, just deal with it, I thought. I made my way into the kitchen and saw a French press sitting proudly in the middle of the kitchen counter. I could use some coffee, I nodded solemnly and opened the cabinet above the counter. Sweet, French roast! Okay, I can deal with this…

Several minutes later, I found chocolate cake in the fridge, and life became even better.

23:15

RAYNE

I was driving around for almost two hours. I was swearing like someone who does it for a living by now. There was no sign of Jess. I knew that in the beginning, her jump wouldn’t happen until 1:30, but as Seth said to me a while ago -- once you change the chain of events, all bets are off. She could’ve jumped already, for all I knew. I glanced at how much gas I had left. Huh, almost half of the tank, nice!

I got to the damn building number three for the second time tonight. Everything looked the same. I swore again with some twisted imagination this time, and turned the car off. I am having a smoke. Five minutes won’t change anything. I would smoke in the car, but I couldn’t open my window without being covered in damn snow, and I hated smoking inside with windows closed.

I climbed out of the car and walked towards the crooked awning that looked like it was about to collapse any minute now. Well, hopefully, it’ll hold for the next five minutes, I thought absent-mindedly, fishing the lighter out of my pocket. The awning looked very unstable, but it did protect me from the snow, and that was all I cared about. I leaned against the wall and slowly dragged on my cigarette, enjoying an illusion of warmth the glowing tip was giving me. After I am done here, I am going to drive around again. For how long? I had no freaking idea.

JESS

I didn’t even know where I was going. I think I drove in giant circles for longer than half an hour. Finally, I realized that and took the first right turn that I saw. I was driving slowly, snow falling in huge silent flakes all over the world, it seemed. I drove aimlessly, tears running down my face. I am just a fucked-up junkie, Russell was right. I couldn’t even think straight right now.

Finally, my tears became so bad that I decided to pull over somewhere before I ran someone over. That would be just a perfect ending to this whole mess. Killing another person. Because that’s what I did to Lex -- I killed him. I turned off the car and climbed outside. Wonder what would happen if I just collapsed into the snow and fell asleep? Would I freeze to death? I looked around. Nah, I thought bitterly. It’s not that cold. I’d end up getting pneumonia or some shit like that.

I looked around again. Where the hell was I? Looked like I was next to one of those buildings that were about to be demolished. I looked up. The building was tall enough. I looked around again. There was nobody here. A plan started to bloom in my head. Several minutes later, it became a fully-grown, bright picture. I almost laughed out loud. So simple, yet so perfect…

I threw my cigarette aside and started to walk towards a gaping black hole that used to be a door.

_________________________________

23:25

I walked upstairs really slowly. I had all time in the world, there was no rush. I felt like I was supposed to do something before I went through with my plan. I didn’t even know what. Ask for forgiveness somehow? Maybe. How does one do so?

…I look straight ahead. There is nothing, but yet another flight of stairs. This building is really old, I realize with slight amusement. The steps are wooden, for crying out loud! No wonder they finally decided to get rid of it. In the summer, it’s probably nothing but a fire hazard. I think about forgiveness, and suddenly, it hits me.

“Hail Mary, full of Grace…”

The steps creak under my weight.

“The Lord is with Thee…”

This window has been broken for ages, it seems.

“Blessed art Thou among women…”

Gotta be careful with all the broken glass and wooden chips. I hate splinters.

“And blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus…”

On the other hand…

“Holy Mary, Mother of God…”

Worrying about a splinter or a cut right now is downright ridiculous. I look down. So delightfully far…

“Pray for us sinners now…”

The air is cold and crisp. Feels refreshing. Deep breath… Feels like I am bathing in cold water from the inside.

“And at the hour of our death…”

I grab the fragile frame of the window, my fingers immediately twitching from an expected intrusion of a splinter. “I am coming home,” I whisper.

“Amen.”

I close my eyes, and right before I am ready to take the final step, I hear a dry click of a cigarette lighter behind my back. That takes me out of my trance immediately.

…I turned around, grasping the old frame of the window.

“You…” I breathed. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Smoking,” she said solemnly. “Want one? It’s a Parliament though.”

I slowly shook my head.

“Look,” I said quietly. “I don’t know who the hell you are… I don’t know if I am hallucinating even now, because you do look like…” I bit my lip. It doesn’t matter who she looks like. “I don’t know what your real name is… But please, get the hell out of here, okay? Let me go in relative peace.”

“Okay,” she agreed lightly, and I blinked at that.

I expected her to… Well, to do something! Not just say, “Okay.”

“Go ahead,” she nodded and leaned on the wall. “If you think that’s gonna fix anything,” she added.

“I am not doing this to fix anything,” I said, and immediately stopped talking.

I see what she is doing. Getting me caught up in some pointless debate. Nice try.

“Leave me alone,” I muttered and turned away.

“Lex is alive,” she said matter-of-factly, and I froze.

She is lying. I don’t know how she found out about the whole thing… Oh, never mind. Russell probably told her. But she is lying. She has to. I saw him lying there… I saw all that blood… She is lying!

“Call the hospital,” she shrugged indifferently. “Ask them. You have your phone, right?”

23:40

RAYNE

“Call the hospital,” I shrugged as if I didn’t even care, my heart pounding like an insane sledgehammer. “Ask them. You have your phone, right?”

I couldn’t believe my eyes ten minutes ago. There she was, stumbling towards the damn building. I stood very still, making sure that she didn't see me. If she notices me right now, she’ll probably take off, and then I’ll lose her for sure. I followed her all the way up the flights of stairs -- there had to be like a hundred of them. It felt like it, anyway. I didn’t want to call her name or anything; I was afraid that it would startle her, and she’d end up falling off that damn window. So I did the best thing I could think of -- used my lighter. It worked.

I was totally bluffing about Lex being alive. I had no idea. She looked at me for a very long minute, her eyes so painfully familiar that they made me want to howl at the moon. Finally, she grabbed onto the frame tighter with one hand and shoved the other one into her pocket. She pulled out her phone and very carefully punched in the number.

“Yeah,” she muttered a few seconds later. “I need a number for St. Catherine’s hospital please… Yes, connect me… Thank you…”

I dragged on my cigarette, trying to keep my hands from shaking. She wasn’t looking at me though. She was staring into the wall.

“Hi,” she said finally into the phone. “I just need to know if there is any update on Lex Mitchell, please? Yeah, I’ll hold…”

I grabbed the damn cigarette so tightly that I almost broke it.

“Yeah, I am here,” she breathed a minute later. “What…?”

Suddenly, all color was gone from her face, and she started to blink very rapidly. I closed my eyes. Fuck me ‘till I cry… He died.

“Yes,” she almost whispered into the phone. “Thank you…”

I didn’t open my eyes. I just took quick, desperate drags on my cigarette instead. I expected to hear a loud thud or something like that. I mean, I knew that now she would jump for sure. Instead, I heard her sobbing. I opened my eyes and looked at her. She was holding onto the frame, her phone clutched in her fingers, and she was convulsing with sobs.

“Oh… My… God…” she stuttered. “Oh, God… Lex… I am so sorry… Oh, God…”

Now it was my turn to blink rapidly. Is he alive? Or not?

“Oh, God…” she was shaking so bad that I was afraid the frame was not going to hold, thus sending her flying out of here anyway.

“Jess,” I said very softly. “Get off the window, okay?”

She looked at me, her face a teary mess, hair clinging to her cheeks and forehead.

“He is alive…” she muttered and started crying again.

“I know,” I nodded, my legs shaking really badly by now. “Get off the window.”

“I…” she sobbed. “I almost… killed… him… I…”

“You fucked up big time,” I agreed with her. “But do you seriously believe that if you jump right now, it’ll make anything better?”

She kept wailing. I wanted to scream at her at the top of my lungs to get off the goddamn window, but I didn’t. I pulled out my pack of Parliaments instead. That seemed to be a magical move, because the second she heard my lighter again, she looked at me and carefully climbed down onto the floor.

“I hate Parliaments,” she muttered. “But can I have one?”

“Sure,” I said as indifferently as before and handed her the cigarette.

I felt like I was about to break down any minute now, and start crying even worse than her. I didn’t. We went downstairs, and I briefly thought how ironic it would be if the staircase broke under our weight right now. I mean, that would be some serious twisted irony right there. We made it down just fine, and I thought that it was almost boring. Then I silently told myself to shut the hell up already.

We got to Jess’ car and I looked at her very critically. She looked like she was about to pass out. No way am I letting her drive right now.

“I am driving,” I said and pushed her towards Russell’s car.

She didn’t argue; she just followed me obediently. I drove slower than I wanted, but I really didn’t feel like wrecking Russell’s car right now. We got home a little after midnight, and I slapped my forehead when I remembered that I never locked the door. God, I really hope the place wasn’t robbed. That would be just a cherry on top of this messed up pie.

Jess walked towards the apartment, and I stayed behind, making sure that I didn’t leave anything in Russell’s car. I am going to stay with her for a few hours, and then I’m gonna take off. God, I am so tired right now… The whole thing was finally hitting me with full force. Thank God, this is the last one. I slammed the car door shut and locked it.

I walked into the apartment and was beyond relieved when it didn’t look like it was robbed. Thank-you-thank-you-thank-you… I took off my wet shoes and frowned, when I saw someone’s sneakers in the middle of the floor. Did Russell come back home? Weird… I expected him to stay at the hospital at least until morning… Did they tell him to go home? God, how bad of a condition Lex is in?!

Then I heard Jess crying in the kitchen and I went there. And then I dropped the keys and the lighter that I was holding in my hands.