Folder X - 4. Chapter 4

The next three days are the same; I get up, eat breakfast, rush to the pickup stop for the school bus. Spend each morning in misery, staring across the classroom at beautiful Jonah. The following pursuit is still a hobby; I follow him into the toilets, usually cry every time he leaves, and then get something thrown at me during lunch hour.

On day one, I got pushed from my chair in English class and cracked my head off a radiator, but nobody cared. On Day two, I got held against my will in the locker room after PE and got an entire can of shaving cream sprayed all over me and my fresh clothes. Day three, Dallas made an off-topic joke about barnyard animals, and the only chance I'd ever get to dating would be to mate with my mother. It made me feel worse when Jonah grinned at the joke, but as quick as he saw amusement, the hint of a smile vanished as he appeared to feel sorry for me. I didn't like how he found it funny, and it made my already shit day shittier.

Sighing, I crawled from my bed, it was another early start for school, and I yearned for some sort of intervention to proceed. The bullying was at boiling point. God should have taken the hint. Blow up a volcano; have the school bus drive over the side of a ravine, or let the biggest traffic jam ever happen on the west coast.

I didn't have to go.

It would be better to lay in bed all day and do nothing. Not for the sake of not having to do work, but so that I didn't have to face the world. Mom made me though, and she asked me multiple times before leaving the house to see if I was okay. She must have been sensing that I wasn't because she opted to drive me to school. Maybe it was her way of trying to tell me that everything was okay, and if anything was on my mind, I could tell her. Naturally, I didn’t.

Leaning across the center console, I kissed her on the cheek, exited the car, and pretended to walk toward the main entrance. When she pulled away from the curb, I started hiking back down the pathway to the sidewalk, but then Dallas and his crew cut across the grass, verging from the other side of the road. I was going to skip school, but now I had that asshole blocking my freedom. He didn't notice me initially, but I turned and started for the main entrance when he did. Inside, images of the pain my body would endure flashed through my mind. I walked so goddam fast that I hoped I'd lose them or that he'd get bored, but he kept up. Possibly my panic was evident. How do you hide alarm when your heart is pounding in your chest like a jackhammer, while having a terrible dose of the sweats, and your mind is on fire? I have no idea where I intended to go, as I’d end up in the same homeroom, but all my brain told me was to keep walking.

"Hey, Rat Face," Dallas jeered; his friends laughed, and so did he.

The group followed me around for a while; they kept tossing a paper ball at me. Every time, they'd pick it right back up and hurl it in my direction. It was tame ridicule, and I was happy he didn't have me crushed up against a locker, asking for money, or worse... hurting me. I ignored it; eventually, Dallas just got bored and went on his own way.

I continued my day as usual until lunch. I left and followed Jonah like I had been doing for the past month and a half. I followed after him, he went into the cubicle, and I slipped into the adjacent one next to it. There was silence for a couple seconds, but then Jonah cleared his throat.

“You have to stop following me…” Jonah whispered.

I wasn’t sure if I actually heard him at all. He had never spoken to me before, so it struck me as odd. I wasn't sure if I ought to say anything back, but the butterflies in my stomach and the hope in my chest were profound in more ways than I can describe. From hearing those words, my heart skipped a beat, my legs got a little weak, and I held my breath, hoping he wouldn’t be able to hear me.

“Can you hear me…” Jonah said again.

Silence.

“Yes…” I finally mumbled.

Silence.

“Why are you stalking me,” Jonah muttered back.

“I’m not,” I said.

‘It was stupid and naïve to believe that my crush would trust this confession.

“I’m not dumb… I know you’ve been following me,” Jonah replied with a guttural groan.

Silence.

“So why are you…?” Jonah asked.

Silence.

“Because… I… I like you,” I said.

I can't explain why the words materialized for me, but I couldn't lie to Jonah.

“What do you mean,” Jonah whispered.

I could hear the busy corridor in the background, and I wished I were outside. I would rather be standing out in the cold all semester than have that conversation. There was a pause, then I finally worked out the words of what to say. I was panicked, plus, I didn't want to keep him waiting any longer; the suspense of not telling him killed me.

“I love you,” I mumbled.

That must have been more news than Jonah wanted; next thing, the latch on the cubicle door was withdrawn, and I heard Jonah leave. It made me feel ashamed. I sat there for a while, thinking of how I'd be able to face him in class now. I didn't want to leave, but finally, I did.

I didn’t expect to run into Dallas and his goons the moment I left, but it took my mind off of what happened in the bathroom.

“Hey, Rat Face,” Dallas jeered.

I peered around and saw the group making its way to me.

My beautiful Jonah wasn't around; he stops the torment usually, right? Though of late, I figured that wouldn’t happen. I never considered my teeth bad before, that was until Dallas started making fun of them. I put a spring in my step, trying to outpace Dallas, but he skipped along, turning his back to the hallway and jogging backward.

“Hey, Rat Face, I’m talking to you,” Dallas said with a smug grin.

When I didn't respond, Dallas slowed down, swiped out, and clipped my ear with his hand. It sent my thick hair flying forward and my head sailing to the left. I automatically stumbled a little from my uniform march. The bottom of my lobe ignited with a shearing pain, and my hand flew up to a sore spot. Inside my ear, it rang from the blow. Before I registered what was going on, another blow to the back of the head came, followed by chuckles. I broke into a sprint, dodging a group of girls, and started down the corridor to the left. There were no teachers around, so that was just my luck. I forgot and realized later that the hall I inadvertently sped down had a dead end that led to the science rooms. With nowhere else to go, I skidded to a stop and hugged the wall behind me. My leg muscles tightened, figuring I'd have somewhere to run. Between the rapid blinking and panting, my tormentor came running down the hallway. When Dallas saw I had nowhere to go, that goofy, conceited grin turned to a smirk.

"Jeez, Fatty, you're slower than my grandma," Dallas huffed, slightly out of breath.

The three boys encircled me, leaving me nowhere to run. Even if I did manage to escape, I don’t think I would have gotten far. Maybe Jonah hadn't told them about my secret, and somehow it made the beating I was going to get a little more comforting. And, so it happened, a few punches to the gut, out of sight where people couldn't see, and they were gone. I waited for the pain in my stomach to subside and went about my day as best as possible. My torso looked like a banana after it had started to rot, with all those patchy black defects.

So, going to class like a good boy, I attempted to move on, at least trying to forget what happened in the bathroom between Jonah and me. I clasped onto my side all through the afternoon as it was still incredibly sore. When home time came, things changed. It started with skeptical and tormenting stares, and somehow, I felt without having to ask for an answer that I'd be railroaded by Dallas before I got home.

Inside, it hurt.

It was like this piece of me was missing. Like somebody pierced a hole in the center of my chest, and I was left to bleed out.

Exiting the classroom into the corridor, I headed for the bus. Before I got half-way down the hall, I sensed the trouble cloaking over me like a dark grey cloud on a summer day.

“Piggy… Oh, I mean Rat Face,” Dallas sang out.

A group of boys laughed somewhere behind me, but I didn't turn around. I kept walking. Some girls standing by a locker peered over their shoulders to see the commotion, then stood back as we advanced. I wasn't expecting any less, the pretty girls all just stand aside, and the boys enforce their ego to show off in front of them. If they let the boys do it, I half figured they’d make good couples. They are all egotistical, superfluous cunts… all of them.

I wish somebody would just come in a go, Bang… Bang… you’re dead.

The group caught up with me; Dallas trotted along on my right while a boy called Jace closed the spot on my left. I was trapped, and this crew would now be my escort home.

“Where you going Faggot…?” Jace asked.

Dallas coughed in my face and blurted out, "bathroom… Cock…"

The two boys sniggered. I felt cornered with them effectively making a circle around me. The comment made me feel ashamed. My heart sank in my chest, the wash of humiliation flooded over me, and I fought back the urge to cry. Had Jonah told them about my secret?

“Oh… It looks like Fatty wants to cry,” Dallas rebuked.

Dallas looked ahead, crossed in front of me as a group of students stood at lockers on the left. When we passed the crowd, I felt them judge without knowing all the information involved. I sped up unintendedly, feeling the sphere around me tighten, and I got this crazy feeling that I couldn't breathe, like the oxygen from my lungs was being extracted in real-time.

The teenagers behind me saw my vain effort to escape, so they teasingly pushed me forward. Doing so, I smacked into Dallas by mistake, and he flipped, acting as if I had doused him in acid.

Dallas shoved me back toward his friends; his mates rammed me hard in the back, sending me sailing toward Dallas again. Though this time, the biggest bully of them all stepped out of my path, latched onto my sleeve, and sent me flying toward the front door. I tossed my arms out in panic; I knew I wasn’t going to stop; the best I could do was prepare for the hurt. A bright light flashed before my eyes, and I thought this was it. My life ended by going through a pane of glass. The next thing I know, I'm outside the school, lying on the pavilion with grazed palms, covered with grit and blood.

Lifting my hands, I watched the oozing from the scrapes spread around the dirt; my palms were on fire. The pain was too much to handle on top of everything else, and so I let loose my tears. It's not something I'm proud of, showing those assholes how weak I am, but I guess it's my own fault. A single tear crept from my duct and rolled down the side of my nose, then dropped to the pavement. I peered at the spot, wondering if there would be more, but thankfully I didn't go wailing.

Crawling forward, my sneakers' toes scraped along with the concrete, and I stumbled up toward the railing by the stairs. With my hands palm up, I was afraid to brush them against anything. Yet, I still found the power to hobble down the steps after taking that nasty spill through the door.

I heard the circus following me once I got to the sidewalk, and when they caught up, Dallas spun me around, smacking me into a blossom tree. My backpack compressed under the circumstances, wedged between me and the tree. My sore hands automatically went to his sleeves, attempting to hold him back. The sting from the tight grasp hurt, sending seismic waves of agony through my body. I forgot my hands were a bit bloody from my clumsy fall. When Dallas noticed what I did, he kneed me in the groan. I doubled over with the shooting pain, groaning, but he rammed me against the tree. Dallas brought his arm back, his fist clenched at head height. My body clammed up; I stared back with one eye and turned my head, awaiting the blow. Maybe he'd do me a favor and knock out all those rat teeth he always joked about, and just before he was about to send the delivering punch, Jonah came up behind Dallas and grabbed hold of his arm.

The two boys scuffled for a moment until Jonah told Dallas enough is enough. Dallas made a point about his dirty jacket and that I'd be giving him my lunch money every day to replace his designer coat, or beatings would get worse. Everything seemed to be looking up; my prince came to rescue me. Yet, something didn't go down well with Jonah and Dallas's deal, so the two of them fought, and Jonah had to grab onto Dallas. I never saw that guy act so violently; it's like he wanted to rip into me. In the heat of the moment, Jonah yelled at me. The words didn't make it through to my side of the world at first; it was muddled noise.

But then Jonah screamed at me, "Get the hell out of here, you Faggot."

It was enough, I pushed away from the tree and broke through the blockade to the left, and I ran. I ran until my feet began to ache, but eventually, somehow, I made it home.