Stoke - 7. Skin and Angst

The room was freezing. I suppose that was what happened when your window was broken and open to the elements. I refused to open my eyes, rolling instead into the warmth that had been at my back. I felt the blanket slide up and cover my shoulders and I hummed gratefully. My cheek rubbed against warm skin, and I heard a soft chuckle. Relenting, I blinked open my eyes and looked up, my chin pressed into Talon’s pale sternum. My fingers took up their normal path, tracing the triangles on his pec. His hair was messy, and his eyes were far more alert than I’m sure mine were.

“What’s this one for?” I murmured softly. My palm rested on his tattoo. I leaned into his touch when he ran fingers through my hair.

“Matches my ring. Ring was my dad’s.” He replied, voice clipped. The corners of his lips had quirked downward, but he continued playing with my hair.

“Do they hurt? When you get them done? Where do you even do something like this?” I asked, trying to smoothly move on from what had apparently hit a nerve.

“They didn’t hurt. I’ve had far worse. I got these done in Syrin’s second ring. Why you want one gorgeous?” I shook my head and let my fingers glide over the detailed branches stretching across his hip. We’d had a similar conversation the first night we’d been intimate, but it’d centered around the nose piercings that were absent now. I chewed my lip as I remembered that night. As I woke up, it dawned on me that I hadn’t dreamed. I’d slept until late morning-if the light in the room could be trusted-without nightmares. If I listened hard, I could hear the others moving about downstairs. There was also the sound of pots and dishes clinking together. I even heard Tyren’s bright laughter.

“What do you think it meant?”

“What?” He raised his favorite eyebrow, “I know that I can literally read your mind, but you’ve blocked me out, so you’re going to have to help me out here and be more specific.”

“When the Soul Eater made that comment about letting your curse eat you.” I frowned and studied his face.

He sighed and hid his face in my neck, “I don’t know for sure, but it gets…harder to control each time. When I use a lot of power, I can feel something trying to take over. I have no idea what it is, but it’s not good.”

“Is it like what happened to Wren? Why he is the way he is?” He ran a thumb over my lower lip and seemed lost in thought.

“It might be similar, but I’m not positive it’s the exact same thing.” Talon’s fingers had moved to my back and he gently held the small of it. Lips trailed up my neck, pressing soft kisses into my skin. I sighed happily and tangled my fingers in his hair. It was strange to think of where we’d come from. Me stumbling through the alley and him saving me from two thugs. I remembered fearing him at first, but then he’d patched me up. It made me wonder when my fear had shifted into curiosity and then infatuation. It had happened so fast. When I’d gone to his home and thrown a fit with Amaris there, I had thought that was the last time we’d see each other. I tugged his hair gently as the image of him yanking that man backwards from the carriage flitted through my head.

His fingers were stroking my lower back now, having slid up the back of my shirt. The touches combined with my memories made me bite my lip. I hadn’t paid much attention to how exactly he’d defended us that day, but now I realized how hard he’d fought for us. Two men who’d hurt him terribly in the past, a kid he’d had a falling out with, and strangers. I lay my head gently on my pillow and let my hand wander to his cheek, cupping it gently. Everything after that had been a whirlwind. Traveling to Syrin-the farthest I’d ever been from home-and becoming a student. Tryen’s irritated expression when I’d been pawned off on him. The first time Talon and I had kissed and the first time we’d gone much farther than that. Grey eyes were looking up at me questioningly and I smiled softly.

My smile fell when I thought about the first time I’d met Hanja. I had hurt Talon and if Tyren hadn’’t reacted fast enough, I would’ve hurt him too. As if I had opened some kind of awful door, unpleasant memories flooded through my head. When Eon had been hurt and seeing how empty his eyes could look. Little tasks had been overwhelming and I had been so scared for him. Every single argument as Talon and I stumbled around each other came after thoughts of Eon. Even my brother had tried to translate our poor social skills. He’d been nearly as frustrated with our behavior as we were. Navigating court was next on my list. All the struggles of trying to find my footing. How we had a moment of hope when Tyren thought we could sway the queen. I distinctly remembered how that hope had crashed and burned. Every day in Syrin had felt like a new battle that I was unable to gain any ground in. The added horrific layer that was Lex made me feel helpless. A flood of pain, shame, and fear always accompanied his name. I tried to avoid thinking about him entirely, but my brain had launched into the memories. Every time Mallex had hit me. When he had gripped my wrist so hard I was sure he’d break it. The things that happened after he’d captured us. What he’d done to Talon.

My hands shook and I took a deep breath. Talon picked up on the shift quickly and I closed my eyes as his settled on my face, “Hey.”

His voice was so soft that it dragged tears to my eyes. He knew what had happened. He’d seen it in my head when I couldn’t force the words out. The connection made it so much easier. I couldn’t make myself say it, but I could show him. It gave him the ability to be a fly on the wall within my memories. In exchange, I’d been shown how he’d been captured. I had seen what they’d done to him. The connection was far too deep sometimes. I felt each kick, each punch, Magik had slammed through my body. I felt my bones break. I had tasted my own blood. There had been so much of it. When I had broken away and come back to myself, my hands had flown over my body. I knew it wasn’t real. I hadn’t gone through it, but even thinking about it now made my body ache with phantom pain. Underneath that pain, one thing had stood out. Talon had fought through so much of it all. I had a sick twinge of pleasure when I’d repeatedly flashed through his head. He had fought so hard to get back to me.

“No matter what happens, that seems to be something we can count on.” His forehead rested against mine and I slowly blinked open my eyes.

“What?”

His lips ghosted over mine, “Whatever we’re going through, both of us will fight for the other. Even if it’s not the smartest thing to do.” He chuckled and the sound vibrated through my chest. His arm was draped over my waist and he held me close to him.

“It’ll always be the right decision.” I kissed him, fingers holding the sides of his head now as I deepened the kiss. His arm tightened around me and then I was on my back. He rested between my legs and his tongue slid against mine as I tried desperately to banish all the negative thoughts. I still felt Lex faintly in this setting. My mouth had never traveled below Talon’s waist since we’d been reunited and my body went rigid as images pushed themselves to the forefront, in graphic detail of course.

Talon’s mouth left mine and he studied my face. He sat back on his heels, removing himself from me. This had become regular following the incident with Lex. I had been normal the first night Talon had come back to me and then after that being touched made my whole body tense. I had thought we were past it. I shook my head in frustration. This was stupid. Why was it popping up again? It didn’t make sense. We’d managed to have sex since then and Talon had never hurt me, never forced anything. You’d think that would comfort the damaged part of my brain. It didn’t matter. A sick, twisted, little part of my brain whispered that someone had taken things like this from me before and it could happen again. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to remind myself that it had only been that one night. Lex hadn’t done or taken anything else from me.

“Kal. You’re spiraling.” Talon’s voice was calm and he still wasn’t touching me. I sat up and he leaned back a little. There wasn’t enough room on the bed for him to move away completely. We were close again and that sent my heartbeat running. It wasn’t fair. I refused to let Lex take this from me. Talon was shifting, trying his best to squirm around me without any body contact.

“Stay. Stay there.” I ordered, my voice harsher than I meant for it to be. Talon obeyed, kneeling in front of me again. I forced myself forward, wrapping my arms around him and smashed my face against his chest. His hands hung by his sides as I started shaking.

“Kal…” I shook my head and took deep breaths, doing the technique Hanja had taught me. The shaking stopped and I focused on relaxing my body against his. This was stupid. My brain and body were strangers to me. Talon touched me all the time. Why did they insist on acting like I should be scared? I shook my head again and moved up, resting my forehead against his shoulder. The shaking was gone, my heartbeat was slowing. I had successfully battled the fear response away.

“I don’t know why it’s still happening. I thought we fixed it. It hasn’t happened for months.” My voice sounded pathetic and I hated it.

“You’re not something that needs to be fixed, love. We’ll help you through it again. We’ve done it before.” He hesitantly touched my cheek and I turned my face into into it, kissing his palm.

Touch me. Pick up where we left off.

Are you sure? I don’t know if that’s the best plan. I don’t want-

Please.

It was agonizingly slow. He lowered me down so gently I felt like glass. Hands moved over my body and he removed clothes at a snail’s pace, giving me time to stop. I bit my lip hard and kept a tight hold on myself. His hands were on my skin now and the pleasure warred with the distress in my head. I wanted this. I wanted him. Grey eyes watched my face, waiting for any sign that I wasn’t okay. This wasn’t like it had been in that tent on my knees. There was so much love here that it hurt. Talon craved physical affection, he needed touch, but he’d ignore that. He’d been so careful with it, with me. I reminded myself again that he would never do anything I didn’t want. He wouldn’t keep going when I struggled.

I forced myself back into the moment. His mouth had stalled on my chest, lips hovering above a nipple. He’d noticed the struggle as soon as it had arisen. He was pulling away. No. I didn’t want to ruin this. My hands found his shoulders and I held him to me, “Please keep going.”

His fingers touched my cheek again, and I wanted to die when I winced. I saw the hurt flash across his face before he brutally slammed it down. He laid next to me, and I felt shame and guilt wash over me. I had ruined it. Like my brain ruined everything else.

“Open that pretty head of yours.” He mumbled softly in my ear. I looked up at him in confusion, but let my walls slowly slip.

His presence flooded into my mind and he chased away the poison-riddled thoughts that ran rampant in my head. Everything shifted and I was under him again. I waited for the twinge of panic as the pads of his fingers brushed down my side. Nothing, only the feel of his touch on my skin. I looked up at him and he smirked softly down at me. This was all in my head, the control center responsible for my fear. How was there this much of a disconnect between being touched over the connection and physically?

His mouth was on my chest again and his hands held my chest as he leaned over me. Relieved, I relaxed into the connection and he went through exactly what he’d do to me. I was panting and his cheeks were tinged the lightest shade of pink. I looked up at him, surprised at how much this was affecting us both. It was like a carefully orchestrated wet dream, only we were conscious.

Fingers slid into me and I arched into him. His mouth was on mine now, tongue running over my teeth. My hands gripped his hair as he worked me open. There was a little bit of a skip and next I knew he was inside.

I was arching against the bed, knowing his eyes were on me. I looked up and his lower lip had been drawn into his mouth as he kept flooding my brain with images. It was all in my head, but I felt the touches on my skin and the drag as he took me like they were happening. We were laying next to each other, wiggling in discomfort as we both lost control in the haze of lust.

His lips pressed to my forehead, “Touch yourself.”

I was aware of how strange the situation would be to anyone else, but all that mattered to me was that we were able to be intimate on the tail end of my irrational brain’s attempt at self-sabotage. Leave it to Talon to find a sexual loophole in trauma of all things.

+Hanja+

As per usual, it was far too early and Tyren was far too chipper. After all these years, I had never figured out how he did it. He could have the worst day of his life, but the next morning he’d wake up like nothing had happened. He’d have that bright wide smile that made me stop short even now. He was bustling around the kitchen. We were the only ones downstairs. If my ears were to be trusted, Kalian and Talon wouldn’t be joining us for a fair amount of time. Soft footsteps from the room Eon inhabited. That meant Wren was probably growing restless waiting for the other man to wake up.

To my surprise Eon had come to our room in the middle of the night. Apparently, sex with a monster was rough. Who would’ve thought? I’d seen the results and stared at the other man for a long time. He’d only grinned sheepishly and I had set about my work. Now I’m sure he slept like the dead as his body recovered. I considered how boring that would be for Wren. Constantly awake and waiting for the rest of the world to emerge from slumber. I assumed it would be especially hard when you wanted your partner and they were limited by the human body’s basic needs when you weren’t.

“Hanj?” I tilted my head in Tyren’s direction in acknowledgment, “Do you want tea?”

“Yes, thank you.” I listened more carefully. No sounds from Amaris’ room. It seemed we would have some time to ourselves. It was impossible to know how much but living on top of each other reduced the contact I had with my partner. I was less shameless than Talon. Perhaps I needed to take a page out of his book?

I stood and rounded the small counter. Tyren continued gathering things for the no doubt ridiculous breakfast he’d prepare for us. He turned to me and I backed him into the counter. His pretty eyes caught the sunlight as they widened and became molten gold. His dark skin attracted the sun and he seemed to glow. Ethereal.

“Hanj?” I pressed my lips to his and he relaxed against me instantly. I gripped the surface behind him, arms bracketed against his sides. He sighed softly against my lips as the gold jewelry that ran through his tongue slid over my lower lip. His fingers dug gently into the back of my neck and he pulled me closer, his other arm draping over my shoulder. This was unusual for me, and I could tell Tyren was surprised, but pleased. Maybe there was something to this open affection. Was it acceptable to touch each other this freely?

My mind was pulled from my trail of thought as his leg hooked over my hip and he dragged me even closer. Our lips parted and I kissed over his jaw and down his neck. His breath came in soft pants and I cursed Dleth in my head. The awful cold country made him bundle up. It robbed me of his bright colors, his gorgeous skin on display. He didn’t even bother with his earrings. I pulled his tunic to the side so my mouth could travel over more warm skin.

“Hanja, we’re in the kitchen. This isn’t like you.” I didn’t answer him with words. I sucked a mark into his skin, grinding my hips against his. He moaned but cut it off abruptly, “I-I don’t know if I can be quiet. It’s been awhile. Someone might hear us.”

I stepped back, untangling from him to pull his shirt over his head. He shivered and his fingers skimmed over nipples that had hardened from the cold. He tried again, voice unsure, “Hanj?”

“If they hear it would serve them right. The others seem to have no qualms rubbing their sex lives in our faces. I’ve even had to listen to Amaris by herself.” His beautiful face scrunched up cutely and I deftly unlaced his pants.

“In here though?” I looked around finally. He had food set out on the counter. True, it would be inappropriate if not unsanitary. Another time maybe. Noticing my descent into reason, Tyren linked our fingers and led me out of the kitchen. When it became clear that the worn couch was our end goal, I prepared myself for how much my back would hurt after this. It often hit me that I was too young for poor support to cripple me so completely. I suppose my body had been through a lot over the years. Tyren’s fingers were pulled from mine and he motioned to the couch. I sat and he slid onto my lap. The thought kept popping into my head. How unusual this was. Being in a communal space made my nerves rise a little, but I was distracted by Tyren’s lips finding mine as his hips rocked.

His hands took mine and he was leading me again. His fingers guided over his bare torso and he used my palms to draw soft moans from himself. The rational part of me flared up again, but it was hard to be embarrassed when you had a god on your lap using your body to wreck himself. I took control of my hands and tangled one in his tight curls as my tongue ran over his. My other hand slipped into the back of his pants, fingers circling and rubbing his entrance.

“Hanja…” His voice was higher, needy. It was rare to hear him this way. The reality was, he’d have to wait. My fingers were dry. I let go of his hair and offered two fingers from that hand. Heat flew through me as he wrapped his lips around them and sucked with much more fervor than was necessary. It was like we were teenagers again. Impatient, desperate, sneaking love and sex in when no one was looking. I withdrew and my wet fingers moved down as my other hand held his chin lightly, moving his lips to mine again. The noise he made when they slid in made my mind turn to mush. It was not enough lubricant by any stretch of the mind, but Tyren didn’t complain. The moans and gasps that left him were doing their best to convince me that I should cut the prep short. As were the words that fell from his lips.

Normally we rarely spoke during, but Tyren was on a roll, “Hanja, now. I need more. Hanja please.” I blinked and let my head fall back as I watched him ride my fingers. This was the best we’d had in a long time and I had to give Talon credit. His being shameless and endlessly confident is what had pushed me into this. He fell fast from my thoughts as Tyren withdrew from my fingers. He dropped from my lap, repositioning himself between my legs. I lifted my hips as he yanked my pants down, wincing when the fabric scraped my skin. I pulled my tunic up and almost got stuck with it halfway over my head when I felt his tongue slide over my tip. The small metal ball sliding over sensitive skin. I threw the tunic and my hand once again found dark curls.

He was running his tongue over every inch of me, humming softly as he took me into his mouth. He held my hips, and I arched my back as he began to bob his head. Anyone could come downstairs and see this incredibly intimate act. The thought made me push Tyren farther down, earning a muffled moan. He worked me with practiced ease, employing tried and true methods that always left me speechless.

“N-Now.” I grit out and he sank all the way down, my world spun as I hit the back of his throat. He pulled off with a gasp and clambered back onto my lap. Then he was sinking down with something very different and my hands were frantic. I gripped his hair roughly, toyed with his nipples, and finally gripped his hips as I bucked to meet his bounces. Everyone had definitely heard by this point. Tyren’s head hung back, hands on my shoulders as he did his best to claim the title of most beautiful creature to walk the earth.

“We’re going to have to clean up.” He whined softly at the ceiling and his breath caught in his lungs as I planted my feet better on the ground.

“We’ll focus on that later.” I gasped as he clenched around me.

“I-I’m not going to last Hanja.” I sat up and ground my hips up into his as I held him still. I lifted him almost all the way off before dropping him down. He cried out and we adopted a faster pace. It was normally…calmer than this. All soft touches and sweet kisses. We had regressed completely to our younger days and I wanted him as loud as he used to be. I pushed him back a little so he was leaning away from me. The response was immediate. His short fingernails dug into my shoulders as he gasped my name.

“Right there?” I knew the answer. I’d become an expert on where exactly Tyren needed to be touched, every place. He nodded frantically, eyes squeezed closed and mouth hanging open as his hips stuttered against mine. I continued to hit that perfect spot inside. He tried to meet my thrusts, but soon gasped my name as he finished between us. I followed soon after and he sat up straight as he stared down at me, panting.

“What?” I said between deep breaths.

“What got into you? That was…we’ve never done something like that.” He draped his arms over my shoulders as he leaned against me, still coming down.

“Observation. I have been…conducting research.” He rolled his eyes and smiled at me, biting his lip when I added, “I don’t think I have done enough to come to a solid conclusion through. I require more experimenting.”

“I could be convinced to help you with that.” He grinned.

~Eon~

“Do you think they'll worry for you?” I was barely awake. The cuts and bruises that covered my body had been mostly taken care of by Hanja and my lip was no longer pulsing with pain. It took me a bit to focus and find Wren in the room. He lounged awkwardly on the tiny dresser, his legs hanging off and feet grazing the floor as his torso lay on the wood.

“What do you mean?” I sat up and rubbed my face as I continued to join the world of the conscious.

“They'll see the aftermath. I am not gentle. It would be normal for them to worry. Hanja and Tyren especially. They've already seen. I saw the way Hanja looked at the injuries.” He turned his face to me, tongue poking at the tip of his fang.

“Who cares?” I yawned and he grinned at me, a strange glint in his eyes, changing the subject abruptly.

“I thought I knocked you out for a bit there.” He rolled onto his side and the position he held himself in made my body hurt in sympathy.

“You did. I blacked out for a few seconds after my head hit the ground that last time.”

“Get stronger neck muscles or leave your head on the ground then.” Wren cooed and scooted himself off the dresser. He stood and crossed the tiny room to lay on the bed, shoving me over in the process, “Why are you so damn big?”

“This is the first complaining I’ve heard from you about my size. How about instead of beating my head into the ground, I’m on top next time?” He rolled his eyes at me and a razor-sharp claw, tapped against my lip as he rolled into my side.

“I invite you to try and stay on top of me. If you can, I am more than happy to be under you.” He flicked his claw and I winced as I felt it slice through my lip.

“Little freak,” I growled as he shoved himself up to suck on his handiwork. It shouldn’t have sent a jolt down my spine. It shouldn’t have made me hot. Or well, hotter than I was on a normal basis.

“You came out when I told you to stay in the cellar.” His voice had lost some of the teasing tone, replaced with annoyance.

“Yep.” I shrugged and he glared at me.

“I told you to do something.” I lay back, stretching my arms over my head as I studied the smaller man. He was still glaring, lip upturned in the beginnings of a snarl.

“You did. I ignored it.”

“If I tell you to do something-“

“I’ll consider it.” I interrupted him, sitting up and leaning forward with a smirk. He blinked and I shuddered as a low growl left his throat. His small fingers gripped my throat and claws dug in.

“Are you trying to start something?” His eyes were narrowed, and I wanted to run my tongue over the little fang tips that dug into his lower lip.

“Maybe. I doubt it’s what you think though.” I lunged forward and he tried to avoid me, but I grabbed his shoulders and smashed my mouth to his. He stopped trying to get away and his claws sliced over my shoulders. Well, it seemed I’d need another visit to Hanja. Everything with Wren was frenzied. Too fast touches, claws and teeth catching skin, groans, and gasps filling the room. Wren was pinned underneath me. I wasn’t sure when we’d lost our clothing, but his cool skin was pressed to mine. I was hot, burning up and his touch left streaks of relief through the heat. One hand pressed Wren down and the other pressed fingers inside as he squirmed under my control.

“You have about five seconds.” He snapped, teeth bared as he lost patience with my slow pace.

“Oh?” I smirked and he bucked his hips so hard I almost lost balance. Almost. I slammed him down against the mattress and his rose-colored eyes flashed. He forced his left leg between us and hooked it around my right hip, trying to throw me off. I dropped my hips and yanked his hands above his head. I had trapped his leg awkwardly between us and he was struggling to free himself. My fingers found his entrance again and I skipped up to three. His breath hitched and for a half second, his head fell back, mouth dropping open in the smallest ‘o’. I smirked, thrusting my fingers at what I knew was the right angle. His back arched sharply and there was a faint dusting of pink on his cheeks.

“Get on with it.” He snarled, cheeks flushed more as I worked my fingers.

“Stop fighting then. Being a brat because you’re inhumanly strong isn’t going to do you any favors.” My voice dropping lower into a growl seemed to do something for him. His eyes widened for a minute and then he relaxed under me. I hid my surprise. He’d given up way easier than normal. Who was I to complain?

-Amaris-

The cottage was a painful reminder. A huge poignant one. It was frigid outside, but it was better than having to be confined in a space where everyone was coupled up and going at it. It’d been slightly different when Mallex had gone down. Wren and Eon weren’t together then. Wren had spent time with me when Kalian and Talon disappeared or Hanja and Tyren. Mind you, spending time with Wren since we’d left Syrin had been different than it had ever been before. He’d hold me, he’d show me affection, he acted like he cared. It was almost like having a parent. Or what I thought that was like, goddess knew I had exactly zero experience in that category.

I refocused. The night was cold. I was cold. My coat and layers did nothing against the low temperature and steady wind. I shouldn’t be out alone. That was obvious and I was being stupid, but I needed an escape. I winced as I realized my escape for a long time had been Talon or some faceless nobody if he wasn’t close. I had horrific coping mechanisms. Or really, only the one. Sex, physical touch. Without it, melancholy and resentment slid in and it was hard for me to breathe. Worse than that, was memories of my legs and power giving out. Watching the sky above me swallowed up as soldiers surrounded me. Pain. I don’t remember when the pain finally drove me from consciousness. Maybe it wasn’t the pain alone. I knew I’d been kicked in the head more than once. I’d been stomped on. Much to his annoyance and discomfort, I’d made Hanja list all the injuries he’d brought me back from. I had a morbid need to know. I had tasted death that day. My mouth, body, and mind had been overflowing with my own mortality like it was a liquid. Pain and injuries had pressed it to my lips and I had drank so deeply I couldn’t remember the taste of anything else.

I had been ready. I tried to hide that from myself at the start. I convinced myself through repeated reassurances that I had been scared and hurt. That’s all it was. I hadn’t gone into that battle with the hope that I wouldn’t come out on the other side. I had almost gotten away with it. Kalian had saved me. I didn’t remember any of it, of course. Just the crushing despair as my eyes opened and I saw the world I had been so prepared to leave. I took a deep breath. It was different now. I didn’t want that. I had friends. For the first time in my life, people legitimately cared about me. I loved Kalian dearly. He was part of me more than anyone had ever been. He filled part of the void that resided in the deepest place inside me. In a remarkable slice of irony, I was also closer to Talon than I had ever been when we’d been having sex.

I made my way down an overgrown path as my head chose that moment to kick me when I was down. I loved our friends. I loved Kalian…but goddess did it still hurt. It hurt that Talon openly touched him. He offered affection freely. He was almost needy with the other man. My brain conjured images of eyes looking down at me, unfocused and grey irises almost invisible as his pupils were blown wide. He’d always been drunk. Always off his face. There were even a few times where we’d had to lean against each other as we swayed and stumbled. He wasn’t that way with Kalian. Why was he so different? Why was he better?

I paused in my trek, stopping my thoughts almost violently. Self-loathing was not my thing. I’d leave that for Talon and Kalian. No, the point was that they were my friends and they made each other happy. They belonged together and I should be happy for them. I should be happy for all of them. Tyren and Hanja were the established couple and I hoped that one day I would share the level of comfort they had together with someone of my own. Wren and Eon were a weird combination, but Eon seemed unfazed by how crazy Wren was. In fact, he seemed to like it. I rolled my eyes and continued down my path. Good. This was a much better mindset.

My toes were almost numb and I had no idea how long I’d been walking. The woods were dark and mostly quiet, many of its inhabitants sleeping soundly. Voices caught my interest. They were low, hushed. I crouched down and crept closer, following the sounds. I made my way through thick brush and took a deep breath before I peeked through them. Nothing. There was no one there. I was positive I’d heard people. Two at least. I frowned and craned my neck, trying to see if I had simply missed them. No, no one. Reason returned suddenly. Voices, multiple voices. We had no proof that the Soul Eater was gone for good. It wasn’t dead because of a moment of bad judgment and it could be anywhere. It could be right behind me for all I knew. I whipped around as I spooked myself and tried to settle my nerves.

I needed to head back right now. It was not my best moment. Running off on my own after we’d just been attacked. If the others found out I’m sure I’d never hear the end of it. I ran over the path I had taken, convinced that every noise was the Soul Eater coming to get me. The safehouse came into view and I felt relief creep through me. I was up the steps in a heartbeat, wrenching the door open and slamming it behind me. Hanja was sitting on the couch, braiding his wealth of hair and Tyren was working at the stove.

“M-morning!” I near shrieked and Tyren turned concerned eyes to me. Speaking of parental figures, man or not Tyren mothered the entire group. It was…nice.

“We didn’t know you weren’t inside. Are you okay? Did something happen?” He looked like he was about to abandon breakfast in favor of comforting me, but I threw my hands up as I power-walked to the stairs.

“I’m fine! Just, uh…horny! Just horny!” Hanja looked away and shook his head and Tyren’s smile was lopsided, uncomfortable but still somehow communicating support. I jogged up the steps and tried to keep myself from laughing at their combined discomfort. I closed my bedroom door and threw myself on the bed. Trying to avoid being reminded of my loneliness had put me in a possibly dangerous position. Imagine that? I get killed by a monster because I was jealous that the most important people to me were happy. I would’ve deserved it.

A knock sounded at my door, “Ama, Tyren said breakfast would be ready soon if you’re not busy. He said you were busy. I don’t want to know with what.” Talon’s familiar voice drawled before he yawned and I heard him walk down the hall to deliver the message to Wren and Eon.

“Hurry up Ris! Or Talon will eat all the eggs!” Kalian giggled and I heard a scandalized protest from Talon.

I grinned and rolled onto my back. The universe had a beautiful way of working things out. I was sure it had something planned for me and I needed to be patient. I wouldn’t be upset if it wanted to move a little faster, however.