System of a Wolf - 28. Chapter 28

“You understand we need to find someone to replace you, right?”

Erith’s shoulders sank at the words. He had thought he’d hit his lowest point; that from this point on things would get better. Instead, he was losing his job.

What made things worse was the elf understood. He had to leave. He had to get help, and the help wouldn’t come from just a weekly therapy appointment. Erith had almost died, and he could not take the risk of that happening again. Varen was missing; neither Lynn nor Gara seemed to know where he was, but Erith was not going to take that to mean the problem was solved. When he had been learning to live with Gara, the elf had been told that alters couldn’t truly die.

Varen was still in his mind somewhere, even if he was hiding.

“I understand,” Erith said. “I’m sorry to put you in this position.”

I’m sorry my disability has inconvenienced you…

His eyes rolled at the thought, a slight shiver running through him as he wondered if that had been his thought, or someone else. Since Varen and Lynn had appeared, Erith swore he could feel more alters, hiding, waiting for him to drop his guard. It terrified him that he might have to share his body with even more people. And that was another reason he needed to go. The elf needed to get to the end of this mess, once and for all.

“Don’t worry about it. We’ll figure something out.”

Guilt filled him at James’ sigh. It was an unnecessary emotion, one he knew there was no cause for. Erith needed to be healthy, and if that meant he needed to quit his job, so be it.

The phone went dead suddenly, and with it, all hope of ever getting his job back. He couldn’t give any kind of notice. What was he supposed to do, plan out his psychotic breakdowns? This was why he couldn’t be with Blake either. The last thing he wanted was to hurt the mage by having an alter trying to kill them all. There was no telling if another episode like last night could happen, and the only thing Erith could think of was distancing himself from everyone as he tried to work on himself.

Blake had taken the news surprisingly well. Or maybe it was because Erith had made him promise to take care of the pond while he was gone. The elf wasn’t planning on being gone more than a month, two at the most. He figured the thought of being able to swim with fish whenever he wanted would at least cheer the mage up. And if it kept him away from Adam, Erith had to admit that was still a bonus in his book.

“Okay Erith. One thing at a time,” he muttered.

Pulling up a map on his phone, the elf headed out to his car. He was not going to take a bus to turn himself in to a mental hospital. The very idea felt weird to him.

All of this was his last resort. He really had no idea where to start looking for help. By his own admission, Dr. Marin was just as lost as him, offering his hope in a place well outside of the city. The elf agreed to head out there, hoping someone at the hospital would be able to find a place to help him. It was admittedly a slim hope, but it was all he had.

He would figure out the rest when he got back. Until then, Erith was going to forget about everything and just focus on getting help. He still had nearly thirteen gold saved up, and the elf prayed it would give him enough of a cushion to find a job after all of this was dealt with.

For now, he slid into his car and set his phone on the dashboard. Following the directions spoken by the phone, Erith drove out of the city, spending nearly an hour in the woods that grew north of Astara. He could see Wolfsbane receding in the distance. The very thought of the hill made his gut clench in cold terror, and Erith wondered if he’d ever be able to look at it as a normal place again.

The journey felt like it took forever. It was the first time Erith had ever left the city, and the elf found himself relaxing for the first fifteen minutes, feeling the peace of the woods soaking into him. It wasn’t long before the peace turned to agitation though. Too much time to think, to ponder what was happening with Blake and Adam. Why was the man really pursuing the mage? Was it a werewolf thing? Or was Adam just eager to keep ahold of someone younger, someone who couldn’t resist him effectively?

It was different for the elf. He was barely four years older than the mage. And he knew he could protect Blake; he’d been doing it all throughout their school years. If Varen hadn’t appeared, everything would have been just fine.

But Erith had to admit that it wasn’t fine. Even without Varen, he had his issues, his hangups. He wanted Blake, wanted to hold him, hug him, lay with him on the couch. And now he had the unsettling desire to have sex with Blake. It was something he had been trying to find within him, but now that his sexual urges seemed to have been unlocked, Erith was terrified of doing anything.

He was a huge mess. And Erith doubted anyone could help him, but he prayed that this place knew what they were doing.

Blake stood in front of the door, taking deep breaths. Adam had invited him over again, not even a week after taking him to the aquarium. He still promised he was taking things slow, but the werewolf had already mentioned he missed the mage.

It was a warning in the back of Blake’s mind. He kept hearing people telling him that Adam was dangerous, that the werewolf would try to get him to do things, and while the mage didn’t want to believe it, he couldn’t deny the thought that Adam was trying to guilt him into spending the night.

And so he hesitated before the large oak door of Adam’s home. Blake could feel Dr. Marin’s eyes on him, waiting patiently for him to make his decision. He would not be ridiculed for backing out even now, and it offered a hint of peace in his mind. What he did right now was his decision. Not Adam’s, not Erith’s, Blake needed to decide for himself.

His hand lowered, the mage chewing his lower lip nervously. He took another breath, and reached up, nearly slamming his hand into the doorbell.

A minute passed before the door was pulled open. Adam smiled at Blake, the werewolf’s eyes sweeping over him with a barely contained hunger that made the mage shiver.

“I am happy you came,” Adam said quietly. “May I hug you?”

Blake nodded, and the werewolf wrapped his arms around the mage. Warmth flooded Blake, and he let out a quiet whimper at the hug, leaning forward into Adam’s embrace.

“Why don’t we head inside? I’m sure Dr. Marin would like to get going,” Adam smiled, gently guiding Blake into the house.

The door closed behind them, and Adam pulled away from Blake. The mage followed him for a split second, eager to continue the hug.

“Did you have a good day?” Adam asked, taking Blake’s hand instead.

The mage shrugged, accepting the touch.

“It rained. I couldn’t go swimming with Erith’s cichlids,” he said sadly.

“That’s a shame. But I made some pasta for dinner. I hope that will make you feel better.”

“Yeah,” Blake smiled.

“Do you want to get changed first?”

The mage shook his head firmly.

“I… I want to touch you…” he denied. “I can’t do that in my diaper.”

“We can still cuddle in your diaper,” Adam frowned.

“No, I mean-”

The man stopped Blake, a finger pressed against the mage’s lips. He looked at Blake quietly for a moment.

“Blake, do you remember what I told you last week? If we do this, I can’t be apart from you. It would hurt too much. For both of us even. Have you discussed this with Dr. Marin?”

Blake nodded, remembering the conversation the previous week. He wanted this. And it was okay to want this. But Adam was making things hard for some reason, and it confused him.

“But you want it,” he said.

“Yes. I want to show you what I couldn’t show you all those years ago. I want you to feel wanted, loved, cherished. But not if we can’t remain together.”

“What if I stay a few days at a time?” Blake questioned. “I want both you and Erith. I don’t want to choose.”

“Both of us? Blake, if you can’t commit to me, then I don’t know if we should be together. That man who was stalking me, who threatened me-”

“Varen. Erith would never do that. I know he wouldn’t,” Blake said firmly. “He’s my friend. And you’re my friend. Why can’t I be with you both? I like to cuddle with you both, but Erith isn’t going to have sex with me.”

“It’s not about sex Blake. It’s about caring for you.”

“And you both care for me. Why is that bad? All I want is to be able to spend time with you both.”

“You want me to share you. To share my mate with someone else. It’s not something I ever thought I would do,” Adam said sharply.

“You already have,” Blake pointed out. “How many other people fucked me? The scars on my back are not random letters Adam. If you can be with me after all of that, why can’t you be with me when my other friend is with me?”

Adam let out a long breath, pulling his hand away from Blake’s.

“And what does Erith have to say about this? Is he okay with letting you be with me?”

Blake tensed up at the question, his head tilting down as he stared at his feet.

“I haven’t asked him. He’s not in the city right now, and I can’t call him,” the mage explained.

“Ask him what he thinks. If he thinks it’s a good idea, we can sit down and discuss it. But until then, we aren’t doing anything. Understood?” Adam said firmly.

Blake nodded, head still staring at his feet. Adam’s finger tilted his chin up and their eyes met for a brief moment.

“I want you to understand how much I want you. How much I need you. If I have to share you to keep you happy, I will do it,” the werewolf said quietly. “But you can’t expect me to be okay with it right away. Now, why don’t we put this behind us, and have a nice dinner together? You should go ahead and get changed.”

“Can we still cuddle?” Blake whispered.

“Of course. I would never let you go without cuddles,” Adam smiled.

“Can… can you help me? It’s easier to do this with someone else,” Blake added.

Adam pulled the mage’s backpack off of him as his smile grew.

“Go ahead and get your things out. We’ll do this in the bedroom.”

Blake didn’t need telling twice. The man bolted through the house, hurrying to Adam’s bedroom. He tossed his bag on the ground, pulling out his diaper and a bit of powder. His pants were off a moment later, leaving him in his underwear as he waited for Adam to join him.

A low chuckle escaped the older man as he followed Blake. He picked up the diaper as Blake pulled down his underpants, and Adam stepped up to the mage, focusing as he worked the diaper onto Blake’s body. Taping up the sides, he helped Blake sit up, wrapping his arms around the mage in a tight hug.

“Now, are you ready for dinner?”