The Priest's Tale - 4. Chapter 4

Peter woke at 8 AM, radiant with happiness and sensuality.

He sat up in bed and basked in the afterglow of his first blowjob, still fresh in his memory.

He was achingly hard.

It was “fucking awesome,” and I wish I had said so. I hope Dan wasn’t disappointed we didn’t do anything else.

Peter decided he needed a shower before meeting Dan for breakfast.

What’s with me? I feel like I’m getting ready to go on a date. I haven’t felt this way since I was 14!

As he showered, he kept remembering Dan’s face close to his. The smell of the handsome man’s body was unforgettable. Peter’s desire for Dan, to touch his body, to kiss him, to... do what Dan had done to him, led him at long last to admit to himself who he really was.

I am gay. I always have been. I accept it. Now I need to figure out how to be who I am.

He noticed a growing sensation in his groin and peeked down. He was shocked and a little embarrassed to see his penis was firmly erect.

Peter had never considered masturbation as anything more than a bodily function to help a man release tension or... desire... from time to time. He closed his eyes and lowered his hand to his erection.

He pictured Dan’s handsome face and his imagination took over, reminding him of what might have been...

In a few minutes, Peter came hard, his semen splashing against the wall.

The erotic fantasy ended abruptly, but the image of Dan was etched in Peter’s mind.

He carefully wiped the shower stall clean with his soap and washcloth and rinsed his body in icy water for as long as he could stand it.

 

Cleaned up and refreshed, he headed for the dining car at 9:00.

As Peter entered, Dan waved a hand to get his attention. He was seated in a booth with bench seats on both sides. Peter tried his best to walk steadily to the table, sat down across from Dan, and immediately reached for his glass of ice water, downing half of it.

“So how are you?”

“All right, I guess...” Peter took a deep breath. “About last night...”

“Right. About last night. Are you OK?”

Peter laughed out loud, “I’ve gotta say it... it was fucking awesome!”

Relieved, Dan smiled. “I’m glad to hear that. I tossed and turned all night, fearing I might have pushed you too far, too fast. I wasn’t even sure you would be here this morning.”

“Dan, you did everything right. I appreciate how you took things slow for me, and I’m touched that you cared enough to lose sleep over it. By the way, I slept like a baby.” He grinned.

“OK, OK, don’t rub it in. I’m honestly happy that we are where we are in this... relationship. That’s what it is, isn’t it?”

Peter swallowed hard.

Should I tell him I love him, or laugh it off as if I was too drunk to know what I was doing?

Before Peter could answer, they heard, “Dan? Peter? Oh, how great to run into you two together!”

The Duncans hurried over and took the seats opposite one another. They appeared disoriented for a moment, until Marie said, “We always sit next to each other, so Dan, do you mind?”

He rose, gave her a slight bow of the head, and said, “A gentleman would never refuse such a request, milady.”

She giggled as he and Harry exchanged seats, leaving Dan and Peter on the same side of the little table, so close together their hips touched.

Harry and Marie jabbered on and on about the ascent of the Rocky Mountains and the spectacular views from the Observer car that were on today’s itinerary.

“Peter, you should come up to the Obs car and see what you’re missing.” Marie urged.

Peter became increasingly aware of the heat of Dan’s body, pressing against his.

He tried his best to follow the Duncans’ conversation, but every time he turned to Dan, the other man was looking back at him with a knowing smile.

He knows I am gay, and he wants... what? Me? My body? My love? What the hell should I do?

The waiter brought coffee and juice all around, and Marie explained, “Harry and I had a Continental breakfast in the café car at around 7 AM, so we’ll let you two enjoy your meal.”

She turned to Peter’s companion. “We ran into Dan there, getting his first caffeine of the day.”

“I needed my morning jolt, but I wanted to wait for Peter before eating anything.”

Marie gave Peter a matronly look. “I do hope you’ll pace yourself today, Peter. From what Dan told us at the coffer bar, you may have overdone things a bit last night. You have to watch what you drink when you’re at a higher altitude.”

Peter nodded graciously. “Thank you for the sage advice, dear lady. I’m a little more used to the altitude today. Remember, this is my first train ride.”

“Your virgin train ride,” Dan corrected coyly.

“Um... yes. Well, as I was saying, I’m sure I’ll keep a better eye on what I drink tonight, and I’d be grateful for your help. I assume we’re table-mates for the whole voyage... er, trip?”

“Well... we can be,” Harry agreed.

Marie explained slyly, “But we thought perhaps you two might prefer a quieter corner. You can order dinner in your cabin, if you want something more... um...”

“...romantic!” Harry blurted.

“Harry! Stop, you’ll embarrass them. I was going to say ‘quiet.’”

“I like ‘romantic’ better,” her husband insisted.

Dan put the brakes on the banter. “Dear friends, don’t jump to any conclusions. Peter and I met only last night...”

Peter turned and laid a hand on Dan’s arm.

“No, Dan. They’re right, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.”

Turning to the older couple he smiled warmly.

“You two have a knack for spotting budding romance, and I envy you that.”

Smiling at Dan, he continued, “Yes, there has been something between Dan and me, right from the start. But I’m... well, new to this, if you couldn’t tell, and Dan is over-protective when it comes to ‘outing’ a new friend.”

Dan turned toward Peter with a mix of surprise and admiration.

“Peter and I are still at the stage of getting to know each other, so ‘romance’ might be premature, but we thank you for your encouragement of our continuing to explore where this might go.”

Marie smiled matronly. “We have five sons, and one of them is gay. We’ve seen love blossom and flower, and many times fade away. Please don’t think we’re trying to rush you two into anything. We’re celebrating the bloom of young love — something we remember as a distant but cherished memory.”

Harry took his wife’s hand, kissed it, and grinned at the two men seated across from him. “Marie’s right, as always. We wish the best for the two of you and hope things work out for you. But we’re realistic and so we want to say that we’re here for you, at least for this trip we’re on together. If you need to talk, we’re here to listen.”

“Thanks to you both,” Dan said graciously.

“I need to excuse myself for a minute,” Peter rose and headed for the toilet at the entrance to the dining car.

When Peter was out of sight, Marie leaned in and spoke quietly.

“Dan, I know this is none of my business, but I can tell Peter is in love with you. Please assure me you’re not just using him, like some kind of love-em-and-leave-em predator.”

Dan was stunned. “Marie, I realize you don’t know me very well, but I’m shocked you would think such a thing.”

He became thoughtful. “I get it, though. This is moving much faster than anything I’ve ever felt before. To tell you the truth, I’ve had to stop and check my own motives and feelings more than once.”

He reached across the table and took her hand.

“I can’t tell you if I love him — I don’t even believe in ‘love at first sight’ — but I can tell you I am strongly attracted to Peter, more so than I’ve ever been with any other man, and a hell of a lot sooner.”

He gave her hand a warm squeeze. “I can’t say if it’s love, or lust, or a desire to cuddle and protect him, but I have a real feeling for him, not some perverted need for conquest.”

“Hey, how come you never hold hands with me?” Peter’s jovial voice ended the brief conversation as he returned to the table.

“You never asked me to,” Dan joked back.

The four moved on to more mundane topics, especially the amazing vistas they would be seeing as they traversed the Colorado Rockies.

Of special interest to the Duncans was an unscheduled extra one-hour layover coming up a 4:00 that afternoon in Grand Junction, Colorado.

“The conductor told us the engine crew needs to switch out because they are only allowed to work a certain number of hours without a day off,” Harry explained.

Marie added, “We won’t be there for long, so don’t wander off, but be sure to stop in one of the many wine shops — Grand Junction is famous for its wineries.”

“And now we’d better hustle to claim our seats up in the Obs car, before there’s standing-room only.” Harry concluded, and the two of them stood.

Married kissed both young men on their cheeks, and Harry shook hands.

“Enjoy this fine day, whatever it may bring,” Marie winked.

 

When the older couple had left the dining car, Dan turned to Peter. “And so what do you think this fine day may bring?”

Peter gave Dan a sultry look. “As I said last night, I owe you a... a blowjob.”

Dan laughed heartily at Peter’s growing freedom to use profanity. “If you’re sure...”

“Couldn’t be more sure, but you’ll have to tell me what to do... and probably how to do it.”

“That would be my pleasure, and I have an idea how this can be arranged.”

“Go on...”

“I was in your cabin last night. It was nice enough, but kind of small for... vigorous... physical activity.”

“I admit that.”

“So, let me invite you to my digs in what Amtrak calls a suite.”

They eagerly left their table and headed toward the last car in the train.

Entering Dan’s quarters, Peter gasped as he saw a room that was at least twice the size of his roomette.

“Wow, this is amazing!”

“You might even say fucking amazing...”

“OK, this is fucking amazing!”

The room had two extra-wide bunks, one above the other, plus fold-down chairs and a table attached to the walls.

Peeking into the bathroom, Peter exclaimed, “You’ve got your own shower, too.”

“All the comforts of... well, certainly not home, but for me, this is the way to travel.”

“Because you don’t like to fly...”

“Because I’m scared shitless to fly.”

“Because you’re scared shitless to fly!”

“You’re coming along nicely with the cussing, Brother Peter,” Dan chuckled.

Peter froze. He raised the back of his hand to his mouth in horror.

“What... what are you talking about?”

Dan stared at him intently, unsure of what he had said to make Peter react in this way.

“Well... it was simply a figure of speech, but I seem to have hit a nerve. You wanna tell me what the hell’s going on with you?”

Glancing out the window to buy himself some time, Peter took a deep breath and turned to face his new-found friend.

“I’ve made a fool of myself, and I’ve led you on unfairly. I’m so sorry, Dan.”

“I can’t imagine how that could be true, but go on.”

“I love it that you... like me... but once I tell you my secret, I bet you’re going to want to have nothing else to do with me.”

“I’ll reserve judgment until you’ve said what you have to say.” Dan guided the two of them to sit on the bed.

Peter took another deep breath and leaned forward, bowing his head as if confessing his sins.

“You damn near hit the nail on the head with that ‘Brother’ bit. I’m not a monk, but up until about a week ago, I was a Catholic priest in a little Midwestern backwater.”

He tried to gauge Dan’s reaction.

Dan nodded his head but said nothing.

“I found myself torn between my duty to the Church and my own feelings, especially counseling and hearing the confessions of gay men, although there aren’t many gay Catholic men left still coming to confession, or Mass, for that matter.”

He sighed and added, “We’ve done a bang-up job of driving them away.”

“Sure have.”

Peter hoped to detect some kind of absolution in Dan’s eyes, but saw only earnest concern for him.

“Yeah, and I did my share of trying to toe the party line, telling them God loves them but hates how they have sex.”

Dan locked eyes with Peter but remained silent.

“But one day, I couldn’t live the lie any more. I said the same old... bullshit... to a fine, decent young man who was struggling to come to grips with the way God made him.”

He swallowed hard. “And I, a hollow shell of a man, who never loved another person or so much as kissed anyone other than his mother, I... I screwed up his life so badly I’m sure he’ll never darken the door of a church again as long as he lives.”

Peter choked back a sob.

Dan reached over and placed a hand on Peter’s shoulder.

“So... let me make sure I’ve got this right, though I’m being blunt. Instead of facing your demons, or admitting to yourself who you truly are, or, God forbid, fighting for the cause, you packed up and jumped on the first goddamn train heading away?”

Peter recoiled with the shock.

I never dared to think my actions through, because I was scared I would come to the same conclusion as Dan.

A tear came to his eye, and his body shook again as he suppressed a sob.

“You’re right...” he was choking on the words. “You’ve said what I’ve been afraid to tell myself, even though it was driving me mad trying to keep it secret.”

Tears were flowing down his face.

Dan drew Peter into a hug and let him release his pent-up emotions.

“This explains a lot of things that had me confused, so thank you for your honesty. For the record, what you did is no different from what countless other men, and women, do.”

He hugged Peter harder. “Sometimes, you have to up and get away from what’s holding you back.”

Peter nodded in agreement.

“And I have to congratulate you on your use of everyday profanity. I’m damn glad you’re breaking out of your shell — and now I understand your hesitation.”

“But?”

“Oh, not exactly a ‘but’... more a ‘need to treat this man with kid gloves’ kind of feeling. You’re taking a monumental risk, changing your whole life like this. I’m not surprised you’ve been cautious with me. I was wondering what the hell was wrong, but now I know.”

“You don’t have to treat me with kid gloves... treat me like you would any other man you’re in... a relationship with.”

“Are your sure that’s what you want?”

“I... yes, I think so.”

“You ‘think so?’”

“I know so, goddammit!”

“Then kiss me you beautiful man!”

Dan tasted the salt of Peter’s tears and added a few of his own to the mix.

They kissed and hugged for a time, until Peter turned his head and laid it on Dan’s shoulder.

“I am so screwed up.”

“No. You’re. not.” Dan said emphatically.

“How can you say that?”

“I can say it because nearly every gay man I have ever known has gone through the same thing you’re going through — self-hate, fear of accepting your reality, repressed desire, and inability to make sense of it.”

“Will I ever figure it out?”

“I don’t doubt that for a moment... but it will take some time. This has to be the hardest thing you’ve ever done.”

Dan released Peter from their embrace.

He lifted Peter’s chin and softly kissed him.

Peter’s arms dropped to his sides as he regained his voice.

“I’m glad I finally told you... and glad you didn’t kick me out of your room... or your life.”

“You have nothing to fear in that department. And thank you for trusting me with another secret.”

Exhausted from his weeping, Peter looked around the suite and changed the subject.

“I can’t get over how big the bed is in this room of yours. Mine is so narrow, I’m almost afraid to roll over, for fear of ending up on the floor.”

“Would you like to stretch out on it... with me?” Dan suggested seductively.

“I’d like that a lot.” Peter winked. “You found me out.”

They lay down side by side, and Dan drew Peter into another deep kiss.

Soon, they were in each other’s arms, struggling out of their clothes.

With a jolt, the train started to move again. The conductor had announced they were stopped at Winter Park for several minutes to discharge and pick up passengers. Grand Junction was now five and a half hours away.

“Here we go,” Dan said.

“About time!” Peter replied, pulling Dan’s pants off him.

When they were naked, Dan raised himself up on one elbow, faced Peter, took a deep breath, and smiled.

“What?” Peter smiled back.

“You’re a handsome man, Peter Ruxton.”

“Yeah, all the old ladies at church used to tell me that.”

“Wouldn’t they be surprised to see you now.”

Peter laughed. “Oh, they would faint away at the mere idea.”

Dan pulled Peter into another kiss.

As they kissed, each reached for the other’s cock and began fondling it.

“I still owe you a blowjob...”

“Oh, we can do better than that.”

“What? How?”

Dan manipulated himself into a new position, with his head facing Peter’s groin and Peter facing his.

“Since you’re not as experienced at this as I am, let’s try something. You game?”

“I’m game for anything you are.”

“Fine. Here’s what we’ll do: you copy everything I do to you. OK?”

“Better than OK.”

Dan wrapped a hand around Peter’s hardness and aimed it into his mouth.

“Mmm,” Peter moaned.

“No talking, unless I talk. Just do exactly what I do.”

“Yes, boss.” Peter eagerly took Dan’s cock into his mouth.

 

Twenty minutes later, they were pleasantly resting side by side again. Dan had tried most of the tricks he knew, and Peter had been an able learner.

“That was fucking amazing!” Peter said between kisses.

“I’m glad it wasn’t too much, too soon.”

“It left me hungry for the next lesson.”

Dan smiled at him. “We have another day and a half on this train, so let’s keep taking things one at a time. You’ve made your first move. Your secret is out in the open but also safe with me... and Harry and Marie.”

“So what do you want to do now?”

“For now, let’s relax until we get to Grand Junction this afternoon for the one-hour layover. I assume you’re interested in seeing what kind of wines they make there?”

“Sounds good.”

“And we’ll come back, and later we’ll join Harry and Marie for dinner.”

“And then?” Peter hinted strongly that he was ready for more sex.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I believe we need a little time to ourselves, so we should have a drink or two — keeping the altitude in mind — and then say good-night and get some sleep... in our own beds.”

Peter pouted, but Dan gave him an encouraging smile. “You need to wake up tomorrow and look in the mirror and see who you are, for real, for the first goddamn time.”

“What am I going to see?”

Dan smiled. “A kind, gentle, passionate man who has so much love to give the world that he denied his sexuality, took a fucking vow of celibacy, and funneled all his energies into making himself available to everybody who came along — in every way except the one he needed the most — physically.”

“All the while living... and hiding... a terrible secret.”

“Only ‘terrible’ because you couldn’t accept it, and because you couldn’t face what you feared would happen if you let it out.”

Peter straightened, wiped his eyes, and smiled. “What about us, you and me? Is there a future for us?”

“After last night and today, I’d say we’re off to a good start.”

“Are you sure?”

“I guess we’ll have to see.” He winked. “Of course, if you’re keeping any more secrets, like you ran away to the circus as a kid and learned to do back flips on the flying trapeze, we might need to reconsider.”

They both laughed.