The Priest's Tale - 9. Chapter 9

Peter and Rob joined Baxter and Julio at the breakfast table.

It was clear that two of them wanted all the details of the night, and the other two had no intention of revealing even the slightest hint of what they had done.

Bax conceded, “OK. We give up. You’re going to keep quiet about... whatever happened, and you’re right to do so. We can’t help being a little disappointed, but we understand.”

Rob pilloried them with his stern gaze. “And that’s the end of it. You fucking hear me?”

Julio and Bax nodded without another word.

They all chatted amiably, and after breakfast Rob and Peter left again.

“Where to today?” Julio asked.

“Peter wants to see the Golden Gate, and this promises to be one of the rare non-foggy days.”

Bax beamed. “Great! You’re gonna love it. Be sure he takes you to Golden Gate Park and Marshall’s Beach—they’re very interesting spots to visit... or play in.”

Peter turned to Rob, confused.

Rob snorted, “The park is where gay men hook up and sometimes have sex openly, and the other is a nude beach—again, lots of men hanging out looking for fun.”

He glared at Bax, “We are not going either of those places. Peter can explore them on his own if he ever wants to.”

After a little more banter, the two got into Rob’s car and departed.

“I’m so fucking jealous of Peter,” Julio lamented.

“Why?”

“Because everything is fresh and new to him.”

“And exciting, too, if what I heard coming from their bedroom last night is any indication.”

“You were eavesdropping!”

“Fuck no. I promised we wouldn’t... but I did have to get up to piss and couldn’t help overhearing groans of pleasure.”

“Fucker! And you didn’t wake me up?”

Bax just laughed, “You would have nagged me for us to go down and join in.”

“So?”

“So, Peter needed to feel safe and private as he gave himself to a man for the first time ever.”

 

Rob dropped Peter off in late afternoon, kissed him good-bye, waved to the other two, and disappeared around the corner.

“Well, Peter. Was it all you hoped?” Bax asked as casually as he could.

“Was what all I had hoped?”

“You know—your first time, Rob, etc. etc.”

“Fuck you. I’ve made it clear I’m not going to talk about it, so just drop it.”

“Can’t blame a girl for trying...”

All three laughed as they went into the house.

 

Two weeks later, the vice provost and his two newest faculty members met for lunch at a café just off campus.

The three friends ordered their meals and ate a while, and Peter realized that the other two were looking at him strangely.

“What? Do I have mustard on my chin?”

Laughing, Baxter explained, “We were just hoping for a... non-specific... update on you and Rob.”

“We have seen him do the ‘walk of shame’ out the back door a few mornings lately,” Julio added jealously.

“Oh, I see.” Peter thoughtfully composed his response. “Well, non-specifically, we are good friends—friends with benefits, to be clear. We’re having a lot of fun getting to know each other, and I can assure you, neither of us is feeling any kind of shame about it.”

“So, nothing serious yet?” Julio ventured tentatively.

“Nothing serious ever, where we’re concerned. I have learned how to have fun—and sex—with someone and not expect any more than that. Rob feels the same way.”

“No regrets?”

“If you mean, am I sorry we aren’t crazy in love with each other and fucking our brains out every night, then no. I am glad I met Rob, because he’s exactly the person to treat me right and keep me grounded in reality... and fuck my brains out regularly!”

They all had a hearty laugh.

Peter frowned at both of them, “And if you were referring to Dan, then I can assure you I’m over all that, with fond memories but no regrets and no ill-will toward him. I think I’ve got everything in perspective now, and I feel I’ve grown from it all.”

“That’s... good to hear.” Baxter was hesitant.

Julio turned to Bax impatiently. “When are you going to fucking tell him?”

Peter perked up, curious.

Baxter smiled back at him. “Oh, I was going to save it until we finished lunch, but I suppose now is a good enough time.”

“Good enough time to tell me what?”

“Only that we’re having a dinner guest tonight, and I’ve ordered from Pakwan.”

“Wow! You guys sure try to spoil me,” Peter smiled eagerly when Bax said the name of their favorite Indian restaurant.

Cocking his head sideways, he asked Bax, “Is it someone I know? The dean?”

“It’s a surprise. You’ll just have to wait and see.”

 

The three arrived home at a little past 5 PM, and Peter hurried in.

“What’s the rush?” Baxter demanded.

“I want to freshen up and change my clothes. I’m eager to find out who’s coming for dinner, and I’m dying for the curry I’ve been salivating about all afternoon.”

He disappeared into his private entrance, reappearing through the door from the main house to the porch half an hour later.

Peter had changed out of his “professor” uniform of khakis, open polo shirt, and sport coat.

He was now wearing faded jeans and a white T-shirt that hugged his body, showing off his muscular torso. It was the result of a month of working out in the college gym and getting a lot of one-on-one coaching from one of the personal trainers.

Peter was trying hard not to lead the man on, but it was obvious that all the extra attention he was receiving was in hope of starting a relationship, or at least having sex. Peter had given some thought to doing so, now that he knew how to be a friend with benefits.

“Well, look at you,” Bax smiled in approval as Peter joined them on the side porch. “You’re ready for anything, aren’t you?” He poured a martini from a pitcher and handed the drink to him.

After one sip, Peter put his glass down. “I want a clear head for whatever you’ve cooked up for me.”

“Good thing, because I believe the moment of truth is upon us.”

A beige convertible with the top down pulled into the driveway. From where Peter was sitting, he couldn’t make out who was driving, but he heard the door close and footsteps making their way around to the side of the porch where the three were sitting.

As the driver rounded the corner and came into view, Peter froze. His stomach constricted, his head spun, and he felt like he might vomit.

“What the...” He sprang to his feet and took two unsteady steps back.

Baxter and Julio jumped up and rushed to Peter’s side, each taking one of his arms as if to support him in case he fainted.

Looking up at their tall visitor, Baxter said, “I believe you two need no introductions.”

With a gentle smile, Dan said, “Hello, Peter.”

“Wha... what are you doing here?”

“I’ve been trying to find you for weeks, with no success. Then your friend here got in touch with me through my company.”

“Your company?”

“Remember I told you I own an investment firm? Doctor Baxter tracked me down.”

Bax leaned in and spoke into Peter’s ear. “You told us his name was Dan O’Niall, so I had the university’s Chief Financial Officer do some research, and it turned up Ol’ Dan’s name and phone number.”

“Why didn’t you say something to me?”

“I wasn’t sure what to do. While I was hunting him down, it was no more than a fun exercise in detecting. But when I finally found him, I had no idea how you would react. I’m sorry, but I wavered for almost two weeks before deciding to contact him.”

Looking sharply at Dan, Peter demanded, “And you were looking for me?”

“You told me you were going to teach at a college in San Francisco, so I had my admin phone every one of them, but no luck. You never said you’d be over here in the East Bay.”

Peter shook the men’s hands off his arms and stood defiantly glaring at Dan.

“Well, now you’ve found me. What do you have to say for yourself? Why did you disappear on me like that?”

“I left you a note...”

“Bullshit. Your fucking ‘note’ said nothing of any importance. I’ll do my best to keep in touch isn’t the same as I love you madly, and I’ll move heaven and earth to return to you.”

As soon as he said those words, Peter blushed. “I mean... oh, the hell with it.”

He turned and briskly walked to the back of the porch and disappeared around the corner. The sound of his private entrance door opening and slamming shut made clear where he was going.

“Shit! What the fuck have we done?” Baxter exclaimed.

Bax and Julio turned to check on Dan. The desperate expression on his face said it all.

“I guess surprising him wasn’t such a great idea, guys.”

Baxter tried to rescue the situation. “He’s still finding himself, and he’s been on an emotional roller coaster since you disappeared.”

“Yeah, and where the fuck did you go? Why couldn’t you at least say good-bye to him in person?” Julio’s questions were harsh.

“May I sit down?”

“Oh, of course. Would you like a drink?” Baxter asked.

“No thanks.”

“Well, I need one—or ten.” Bax refilled his martini glass.

Dan took the seat where Peter had been sitting and faced the two others.

“The moment I met Peter, I knew he was a special person. He was intelligent, friendly, kind, and compassionate. But he was also like a helpless puppy, thrust out into the world without a friend or a clue.”

He shook his head and smiled. “I fell in love with him as soon as he sat down next to me on the train. It was obvious he was inexperienced and afraid to reveal his true self to anyone, so I did my best to put him at ease and take things slowly.”

Dan sighed. “But the cross-country ride is only three days long, so I guess I pushed harder than I should have. The second night, we were hitting it off so well, and I believed he was ready to take things to a physical level, which is what I wanted, too.”

He swallowed hard at the memory. “But when we were right on the brink, I sensed he needed more time to find himself. So I left him to sleep in his own room and planned to have a heart-to-heart conversation, and hopefully a lot more, in the morning.”

Baxter interjected, "I saw you and him kiss at the door of his cabin, and I wondered why you didn't go inside."

"Well, now you know." Shaking his head forlornly he went on, “Then the Porter knocked on my door with an urgent message in the middle of the night. My company was under an arbitrage attack, and they needed me in New York asap. I asked where the next station stop was, and I packed everything and got off there.”

Dan shrugged his shoulders helplessly.

“I tried to write a note that wouldn’t break his heart or leave him feeling guilty for not saying he loves me—it was obvious to me that he wanted to—but my mind was racing. Over a hundred people depend on me for their livelihood, and a hostile takeover always means unemployment for loyal members of the team.”

He spoke plaintively, “I was also scared as hell, because the only way to get to New York in a hurry was to fly, and I fucking hate flying. The slightest thought of it makes me sick to the stomach. I had no choice, so I took the first flight back and dove into the battle to save my company.”

He paused. “I guess I’ll have that drink now.”

Baxter poured him a martini and settled back. His look told Dan he wanted more details.

Sipping his drink, Dan continued. “We were able to fend off the attack, although it took some complicated maneuvers to stop the takeover. The final surrender papers were signed five days ago. And you called me the next morning.”

“But you didn’t rush back here,” Julio accused.

“Two things. I still hate flying, so I made reservations on Amtrak. I had to go to Chicago first and catch the Zephyr the next day.”

He hung his head in shame and regret.

“Also, I wasn’t sure I should do it. When we spoke, you told me Peter was heartbroken about the way I had left things. I was afraid he wouldn’t want to see me again... and it appears I was right.”

Baxter leaned forward and put a hand on Dan’s arm. “He’s confused.”

“And pissed,” Julio added. “You fucked up your hasty retreat, big time, dude.”

“You’re right. I have missed him so much, but I was too goddamn scared to reach out to him.”

Baxter thought a moment. “Well, now’s definitely not the time to try, but if you hang around until tomorrow, we might be able to work something out. At least you two could have a calm conversation and figure out if it leads to some kind of closure.”

“Thanks, guys. I’ll find a hotel room and call you with the phone number. I won’t sleep a wink tonight, but please let me know if Peter’s willing to talk to me.”

 

After Dan left, the two men polished off the rest of the pitcher of martinis. They took the glasses into the kitchen and wearily climbed the stairs. Neither had any appetite, so the curry from Pakwan went into the fridge for another day.

Julio had his own bedroom, but he slept most nights in Baxter’s bed. The two undressed and snuggled naked under the coverlet.

“Well, I guess I fucked up big time by inviting Dan out here,” Bax began.

“I wouldn’t be too sure. Peter is in shock, but I saw a glimmer of love in his eye, even when he was furious about Dan showing up.”

“I hope...” Baxter’s reply was interrupted by a soft knock on the bedroom door.

From the other side of the door, Peter’s voice inquired hesitantly, “Guys, are you decent? Can I come in for a minute?”

“You know us, we’re never decent,” Bax said with a laugh, “but we’re covered up, so come in anyhow.”

Peter entered the room cautiously, not sure what he might find. To his relief, both men were sitting up in bed, shirtless, but with the duvet pulled up to their waists.

He crossed the room and headed for a chair, but Baxter patted the bed and said, “Come on, sit here. We won’t bite... unless you want us to.”

Julio chuckled. Peter thought the joke was getting old.

Peter sat at the foot of the bed, careful not to contact anyone’s feet.

He cleared his throat, “I, uh... I owe you guys an apology...”

Julio interrupted sternly, “We’re not the ones you should apologize to.”

“You’re right, of course. It all took me by surprise. I wish you had told me he was coming.”

“Would you have stuck around to meet him?” Baxter sounded dubious.

“Honestly, I can’t say, but at least it would have been my decision whether to see him or not.”

Bax hung his head. “You’re right. I fucked up. Totally. I’m sorry, Peter.”

“No, no. It’s all right. A lot of mistakes were made tonight, on many sides.”

Baxter raised his chin and smiled weakly.

“Listen, guys,” Peter went on, “I do believe you thought you were doing the right thing, and I have you to thank, Bax, for taking the initiative to contact Dan. I realize you were thinking of me... and I don’t know why I wasn’t trying to find him myself. Thanks.”

Bax shrugged his shoulders. “Well, I have to admit I was curious to meet the guy who made you fall in love and broke your heart.”

Peter smiled sadly, “Were you disappointed?”

“Hell, no. He’s gorgeous, caring, outgoing... and fucking rich!”

“Yeah. I guess he’s all those things. But I can’t move past that goddamn note he left me.”

Julio tried to soothe Peter, “But he was in shock. Everything he had built was under attack, and his loyal employees were liable to lose their jobs. He was thinking of a lot of people.”

“Including you,” Bax joined in. “Try walking in his shoes for a moment. If you had received an emergency communication in the middle of the night, how would you have reacted, and what would you have said to Dan?”

“I was emotionally exhausted that night, but I get your point. I can’t say for sure what I would have done. I hope I would have been more forthcoming and given him a reason, or at least a few details—or at the very least gone to his cabin to say good-bye.”

“Uh-oh, I hear the priest in you talking!” Julio teased. They all laughed.

“You got me there,” Peter agreed.

“So, the fuck-up score between you and Dan stands at... one and one,” Julio stated. “What’re you gonna do about it?”

“What do you think I should do? That’s the reason I came in here to talk to you.”

Baxter sat up and the coverlet slipped down, exposing some pubic hair. He chuckled and tugged it back into place. “It kind of depends on what you want, doesn’t it?”

“Of course, but I’m damned if I can say what, if anything, that is.”

“Well, think back to the evening when you thought things might have gone somewhere. What did you want then?”

Peter lowered his head and pondered a moment.

Looking up at Baxter with fierce determination, he said, “I wanted Dan to love me, and to make love to me.”

“You kinda blew it, huh?” This from Julio.

“I fucked up, as you would say, mijo.”

Julio grinned. “Fucked up? How about made a total shit-pile out of the whole thing? Well, Padre, that will cost you ten Hail Marys.”

Peter chuckled again. “You’re letting me off lightly.”

The three fell silent.

Baxter asked, “If it was what you wanted on the train, what’s different now? Is it still what you want?”

He took a deep breath. “I... think... maybe.”

His eyes went from Baxter to Julio and back. “I’m so new to this. In a way, I can’t get over being pissed off about the fact he didn’t wake me up and explain what was happening...”

“It sounds like his terror of flying back to New York did a number on him,” Julio reminded him.

“That’s true, so I can’t be too mad about that part.” He went on, “But I’m furious that, once he was back there and trying to fix his problem, he didn’t try very fucking hard to find me.”

Baxter spoke. “Well, you’ll have to ask him about that, but I imagine there could be many reasons: he might have regretted wanting to move you too quickly, he was embarrassed about how he left things, he was scared of losing his company, he was deep in the weeds of struggling to head off the takeover.”

He looked Peter in the eye. “Or... he wasn’t sure what to do, or how he felt about you. And before you start fixating on one or more of those hypotheticals, wouldn’t you agree the sane thing to do is to go ask him?”

Peter nodded silently as his hurt and confusion began to subside.

Shit! I’m sitting in bed with two naked men who were probably about to have sex.

Getting up carefully, so as not to disturb the bed-covers, he took a step back.

“Guys, I’m sorry for busting in on your privacy like this. I was only thinking about myself, and you’re my best friends, so I didn’t stop to consider I might be interrupting something... uh... personal.”

“Oh, come on, Padre. Catholics are experts at coitus interruptus, aren’t we?” Julio teased him.

Peter laughed out loud. “Yes, but I have never actually been a participant!”

Looking fondly at each of his friends, he smiled. “Seriously, thanks, guys, for your time and your wisdom. I believe I can see things more clearly now.”

“So what are you going to do?” Baxter asked.

“Not sure, but I have a better perspective than I did this evening when Dan showed up.”

“The phone number of his hotel is on the notepad downstairs...”

“Thanks.” He grinned at them, “OK guys, as you were!”

The two laughed as he ducked out of the room before they had a chance to kick off the duvet.

Peter went down the stairs and stopped at the little telephone table. Picking up the pad with Dan’s hotel number, he hesitated a moment, then peeled off the top sheet. Going through the door into his private hallway, he entered his room and closed the door.

Seated on the couch in his sitting room, Peter held the slip of paper with the digits neatly printed by Bax, staring straight ahead.

He spoke quietly to himself, hoping the sound of his own voice might help him figure out what to do.

“Well, here I am—the moment of truth. I had gotten over hating Dan for leaving me. Now that he’s back, everything is so much more complicated. He might get frustrated and leave again, so I don’t have a lot of time to make a decision.”

He stared down at the digits on the paper, but they gave him no clue what to do.

“In a situation like this, I should try to be objective. Where the hell do I begin?”

He gazed outside, and that reminded him of the large window in his compartment on the Zephyr.

“We met on a train speeding across America and were together for a whole day and a half... and I fell in love with him.”

He shook his head.

“We were nudged on by Marie and Harry Duncan, who realized Dan was gay and assumed I was, too... but I loved him.”

He sighed.

“We were attracted to each other, and the relationship was promising, but everything was moving too fast, especially for someone like me who had zero experience with love... but I knew I loved him anyway.”

He took on a stern tone of voice, remonstrating with himself.

“We were on a full-speed-ahead path to having sex, something I would always caution others to avoid rushing into... but, dammit, I loved him.”

A tear formed in one eye and his voice cracked.

“I wanted to have sex with him but I wasn't thinking it through, and Dan saw it. He tried to give me room and time to think. I didn’t understand the reason at the time—I was too angry... and yet, I loved him, with or without having sex.”

Peter paused and stared out the window. The night was cool, but he still heard the raucous mélodie d’amour of the frogs.

“They’re singing for sex. Sex is all they want. Sex is all the whole world wants, except for us crazy humans. We want... what? Relationship, commitment, true love—whatever the hell ‘true love’ is. Life would sure be a lot easier if it was just about sex. Now where was I?”

He leaned back, placing both hands behind his head.

“Dan disappeared without so much as taking a mere couple of minutes to tell me what was going on... but I still loved him in spite of him leaving me there.”

He sighed deeply. “All he left me was that damned ambiguous letter, a whole five sentences, saying nothing about whether he loved me or not... and yet, I love him.”

More tears came.

“He was gone. A light went out in my life, and I felt empty. The Duncans did their best to cheer me up, but there was no denying what I was feeling: I had given my heart to someone, believed he loved me, and he left without a word or a care... so why the fuck do I still love him?

He wiped his eyes.

“The same day, I met Baxter. I don’t remember when I realized he was gay, but he obviously has no trouble with love, sex, and relationships. I am so jealous of him and Julio, although I would never want the kind of arrangement they have... but I would accept any arrangement Dan offered, because I love him.”

He took a deep breath and shook his head.

“So I settled into a comfortable routine here in Hayward, teaching, counseling students, and living with two gay men. Until today... when the man I love showed up without warning.”

Peter’s head was spinning, his pulse was racing, and he was breathing hard. He tried to stand, but the room swam around him, and he collapsed on the sofa. Surrendering to the emotions racing through him, he buried his face in a pillow and sobbed.

 

He was still on his couch in the morning, although stretched out under an afghan someone had placed over him. The note with the phone number of Dan’s hotel was on the coffee table in front of him.

On the back, one of his housemates had written, “OK, Caesar. You’re gonna either cross the goddamn Rubicon or head for the hills with your fucking tail between your legs. Time for action!”

He stood and straightened his clothes. Taking the slip of paper with him, he went into the foyer and picked up the telephone.

Peter dialed the hotel and asked for Dan O’Niall’s room.

“O’Niall, did you say, sir? One moment, please. I’m not seeing...”

Peter’s heart froze.

Has he left me again without a word? Given the way I behaved last night, isn’t that what I deserve?

“Oh, sorry sir. Found him. There was a little problem with the computer. Let me put you through.”

What if he’s in the shower and doesn’t hear the phone ring? What if he’s somewhere having breakfast? What if...

Dan’s voice interrupted his panicked thinking.

“Hello? Dan O’Niall speaking.”

Peter’s voice left him. He gasped for air.

“Hello? Hello? Is anybody there?”

He still couldn’t do more than croak.

“Peter? Is that you? Are you all right?”

He let out a loud sob.

“Oh, Peter! I’m so glad you called. I’m so fucking sorry about last night. Can we get together somewhere... and talk?”

With great effort, he found his voice. “Uh... I guess so, Dan... where do you want to meet?”

“How about the restaurant here in my hotel? We could have breakfast... or a cup of coffee... whatever you’re up for.”

He heard himself agreeing to join Dan in the dining room in an hour. As Peter was hanging up the phone, he became aware of a presence behind him.

“Way to go!” Julio crowed and grinned.

“Wise decision,” Bax agreed and patted Peter’s shoulder affectionately. “Now go shower and put on some fresh clothes. You look like shit warmed over, and that is no way to show up to meet your lover.”

He gave Peter a friendly slap on the butt and guided him through the door toward his room. “The car keys will be here on the table when you’re ready to go, and don’t fucking keep him waiting. Playing hard to get is so juvenile.”

Laughing, Peter hurried to his room. In 20 minutes, he was heading out the front door with Baxter’s keys.

At eight in the morning, Peter was faced with the usual commuter traffic. Dan’s hotel was only five miles away, but it took half an hour to negotiate the short distance at this time of day.