Ash's Marriage Trigger - 4. Chapter 4- Role Model

Cove: Good morning.

Ash paced about in his apartment complex. He saw the notification but was too afraid to open it, let alone respond. If it was a workday, he could have justified ignoring it altogether and stretched it to five days of neglect. Far too busy to respond, right?

Cove: Ashley made a drawing of you and asked me to share it.
Cove: [image attached]
Cove: When you get a chance, let me know your thoughts.
Cove: As an artist, she’s eager to know your opinion.

Damn him for using the child card! Ash might be a coward, but he wasn’t about to ignore a kid like that. With a sigh, he clicked on the image to enlarge it and was unprepared for how accurate Ashley had rendered him. Brown hair, olive skin, and copper eyes, and she even drew him with his boots. She’d labeled the image “bigger-me.” Ash was impressed with how she could write as well as she seemed to read. If he remembered correctly, he hadn’t started reading or writing until he was closer to 6 years old.

But then he zoomed out and realized that Ashley hadn't only drawn him. She had also drawn herself and her father in, each man holding one of her hands. For a moment, the copper-eyed man panicked. If the little girl adopted him as a second father, that would make him a part of their family. Then, his responsibilities would increase tenfold. He would have the added weight of having to raise a child into a decent adult, including taking time off to care for her when she fell sick. He'd then weep over her if she needed any surgeries. He'd rip his hair out in the waiting room whenever she was old enough to give birth!

Fuck! He needed to pull himself together.

Ash took a deep breath to calm himself down. One simple drawing was not some prophetic vision of a future he had zero control over. That part didn't change no matter how desperately a little girl might want it to happen…even an adorably dimpled girl with silver eyes that had somehow already placed him on some mentor-like pedestal. He wasn’t like his other siblings. He wasn’t like any of the other Barren family members, either. They possessed the courage and will to forge a life with a partner and create a new family together. Ash was selfish and greedy for solitude and doing whatever he wanted during his little time off from work.

Commitments meant compromise and giving up private time. With a sigh, Ash finally responded to the texts. As much as he actively avoided Cove, his mini-me shouldn’t have to suffer for it.

Ash: Tell her she’s very talented. Too busy to text or call.

The response was almost immediate. Cove sent another image, one of Ashley holding her picture proudly in front of her with a cheeky smile. Ash’s heart thudded; it was so cute.

Cove: She couldn’t be happier that you liked it. She said she couldn’t wait to see her ‘bigger-me’ again.

Ash grabbed a pillow sham from his couch and shoved his face into it. “Aaaaaargh!” He groaned in frustration. He was a grown-ass man. How did a 4-year-old wrap him around her little finger so quickly? The more attached Ashley became to him, the more difficult it would be for Ash when he had to push her away. Refusing to respond to another text from the Mitchells, Ash sent an SOS to his one and only friend.

Ash: Hey, are you guys busy?
Mike: It’s a Sunday. I’ll be busy Netflixing and Chilling later, but I can spare a couple of hours.
Ash: You are a real pal, you know that? The best.
Mike: Wow, that sounds serious AF. I’ll be at our spot in a few.
Ash: Thanks, buddy.

Ash pulled on his boots and made his way down two flights of stairs, not bothering with the elevator. Michael and his husband lived in an apartment on the other side of the park between both complexes. The two of them began as work buddies seven years ago. They were company newbies in two different departments and often complained to one another about everything from minor grievances to politics. Eventually, they formed a tight friendship despite the gap of five years between them.

When Ash made it to the park bench the two of them made their designated meeting spot, Mike was already there. He stood up when the older man approached and held his arms wide open. Ash hugged him more tightly than usual, but Michael just hugged him back with equal force. Ash didn’t realize a tightness in his chest released just a bit.

“Jeez, and I thought my life was a bad soap opera,” Michael mused aloud after Ash practically word-vomited all over him. “So, let me get this straight…you had a meaningful relationship with this Coven guy-”

“Cove,” Ash corrected. “His name is Cove.”

“Cove, then. But you didn’t realize how seriously the guy had taken everything. So, when he proposed….”

“I told him we wanted different things and broke it off.”

“I don’t think yelling “Fuck no!” to him, running away, and hiding out at your grandparents for a month was the most tactful way of telling him you wanted different things,” Michael pointed out.

“Yes, well, I was a stupid 25-year-old. Nothing like you were at 25.”

“Not stupid. You were just scared. We’ve all been there. Granted, not quite at the same level….”

Ash dragged his hands down his face and hunched down on the bench until his elbows rested on his knees. “The problem is that I’m still scared,” he confessed. “I mean, it’s not like before when we were just a couple of brats. This time he has to raise a brat. And that scares me even more because I would have to play a part in that raising, and, let’s face it; I’m just not the best role model out there!”

“Kids need food, shelter, clothes, and a safe and welcoming environment to grow up in,” Michael replied. “Besides, they look up to many role models, not just their parents. You’re not thinking of careening off a cliff while high on drugs and riding a motorcycle or something, are you?”

“Not necessarily in that combination.”

Michael rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Ash, you don’t have to win the father of the year award to be a good dad. You just have to be there. And, from the sound of things, a part of you already wants to be.”

“Nope,” Ash refuted. “I was not built to be a dad. So it's not happening.”

“You can keep telling yourself that,” Michael replied as he patted the top of Ash’s hand. “But, while some may be born to be dads and some become dads, others have 'dadhood' thrust upon them.”