Incandescence - 19. Secrets

I could safely say that if I never went on a mission by foot again, it would be too soon. Even better if I never had to spend time alone with Suman and Loren. True, Meryck was always nearby, but the boy kept to himself. He also seemed completely unfazed by the two handsy fighters. I didn’t even have anyone to commiserate with. My eyes slid closed as I adjusted my position against a tree trunk. A headache was growing and I was beginning to think it may be permanent. Loren and Suman rarely ever stopped speaking. At least their words slowed down and their volume decreased when night fell. Like right now. They sat on the other side of the fire. As much as their relationship had once worried me, I was beginning to see that it may be a good thing. I never would have expected crazy plus crazy to result in something so…balanced? The two made sense.

Suman was halfway into Loren’s lap, head resting on his shoulder as Loren’s spoke quietly. His long legs were draped over the other’s and his face was calm. The older man's hand was gently gliding up and down Suman’s spine. The Delthian prince's eyes were slowly growing more hooded, but his interest was still obviously on whatever Loren spoke about. It was odd seeing the two docile. Loren had now found a stick and was drawing in the loose dirt in front of the pair. Even from here, I could see a rudimentary depiction of a ship. Their voices were soft and I couldn't make out their words. Which was fine. It was obvious what they were doing. An impromptu lesson on ships or sailing. Watching it made me feel calm. Until Suman said something and turned slightly to leer at his partner.

Something shifted in Loren's eyes. Relaxed and peaceful quickly turned to predatory. Quick movements had fingers tangled in Suman's hair and the younger prince’s head wrenched back. He swallowed, and Loren leaned down until they were nose to nose. I was near desperate to know what he'd whispered whilst holding Suman’s head back. His gray haif fell into his eyes and his throat bobbed as he swallowed hard. I could see the rise and fall of his chest speed up. Then my view was cut off when Loren kissed him hard. Rolling my eyes, I looked to our youngest group member. He had barely spoken a word since we left home. Maybe I should take the time to get to know Meryck? He wasn't too much older than Wyn, but I was struggling to remember anything else Talon had told me about him. As I thought more, I wondered if it wasn’t that at all. It was possible Talon didn’t tell me much because he didn’t know. Perhaps Meryck was a mystery to my husband as well. It was also possible that my husband simply didn’t care. That sounded like Talon.

Meryck’s eyes were similar to Tyren’s. Unlike the metal worker, they didn't have the metallic flecks in the iris. Instead, they were solid pools of gold broken up only by his sclera and pupils. Meryck was sitting five feet away, legs bent, and arms resting atop them. I hadn't even seen his whole face, and I was curious what lay beneath his black scarves.

“Meryck, when did you graduate from the school?”

“Didn't.” He replied quietly.

“Okay, well, when did you complete your Verseckt training? You're so young!” I smiled at him.

The look in his eyes didn't change. It wasn't unkind, just flat. Uncaring and indifferent. He shifted and used his thumb to trace a seam on his knee, “I was 16.”

There were plenty of questions that sprang to mind. None of which would be polite to ask. I'd learned over the years that there were things you didn't need to question. For example, any questions revolving around a Verseckt member’s family. If they had any left. It would also be silly to ask what Meryck did for fun when he wasn't on mission. That would probably be a touchy subject as well. Talon would come home irritable and exhausted. All the members that I knew did. Then it took them a couple days to decompress afterwards. Sometimes even longer.

I knew my husband was capable of brutal, awful things. Once upon a time, those awful things had even been used to try and turn me against him. I was ashamed to say that I doubted the person Talon was. It had been far too early to judge. I hadn't been through what I had now. My experiences were limited. Never in a million years did I think I would have a partner to face obstacles with in the way that I did with Talon.

That was priceless and it cleansed the blood from his hands in my eyes. Now I didn't have any doubts about what kind of man he was. He was an amazingly supportive partner and doting father. What was Meryck like? Who was he outside the Verseckt? Did he have any time to be a young man? Was he ever not on full alert? I rested my chin against my fist as the questions came rolling in.

“What's your magic?”

“A secret.”

I almost laughed, but there was no humor in Meryck's voice. His face remained unchanged. Though he was looking at the campfire now, frowning. I tried to remember if I'd heard any inflection in his voice within the short time I'd known him.

“How did you and Talon come to be?” He asked.

It threw me off for a minute. Such a serious kid. And yet he wanted to know something so frivolous and seemingly irrelevant. Allowing myself to slide a bit more down the tree trunk, I got comfortable. He still stared into the fire as I spoke, “We lived in the same town. He helped me come into my power and has been a thorn in my side ever since.”

As I thought back almost a decade, it occurred to me that I was almost Meryck's age when I started my journey. I'd been utterly useless. Yet here Meryck was, a year younger and he had himself together. The only thing that tainted his success was that his maturity was probably a product of suffering and growing up too fast. Again, he was only 18! 16 When Wren had dug his claws into him.

“Were you born in Dimian?” I asked.

He shook his head, “Across the sea.”

“Illiath like Loren?”

“There is more than one country across the sea.” Meryck didn't say the words harshly, but I felt foolish anyway. Of course there was. I shouldn't have assumed, and now my foot was securely embedded in my mouth. Stupid. I was making a horrible impression on this kid. I was supposed to be leading this excursion-I was in charge-but I couldn't even strike up a conversation!

“Master Verloren is good man.” Meryck said.

“Well, it's not Verloren anymore.” My sigh was filled with complete exasperation.

“The new surname is awful. Both yours and Talon’s family names exude a certain something. The new one is just hard to say and no one recognizes it.”

“We aren't in the marriage for recognition.” I said. I'd been defending the name change since it happened. I'd probably go to my death defending it. Why did it even matter to this kid?

Meryck shrugged, and I felt the conversation dying. Luckily for me, that's when Suman and Loren strolled closer, “We'll be right back.”

“Where are you going?” I asked.

Suman yawned dramatically, “Late night walk to wind down.”

Loren smiled and added, “Yes, don't wait up. We need a lot of ‘winding’ down.”

That earned an eye roll from me. My natural reaction to the two men. Loren gave an answering smirk before he was being dragged away by a grinning Suman. I watched them disappear into the line of trees and let out a heavy sigh. Now what was I gonna do with the rest of the evening? At least the two of them provided entertainment. Now it was just Meryck and I. Which wasn’t great since I was pretty sure I had offended him.

“When we get there. To Krinn. What do you mean to do?” Meryck said.

It took some time to get over my initial surprise from him breaking the silence. Then I took a breath and let my eyes close, “We’re going to have to find my sister, but that is not our main priority. We must secure the port and meet Illianth’s naval force head on.”

“We know very little about their numbers, correct?”

“Yes, we can estimate and get pretty close but there is no way to know for sure.”

“Hm. Did we not send scouts?” Meryck adjusted the fabric covering the lower half of his face, “What will you do if we’re unable to locate your sister?”

“There is a job to be done. It has nothing to do with my sister. I can’t make this personal.” I rubbed my knuckles over my cheek and watched as Meryck turned his head slowly to look at me. He was right. Eon should’ve had a better idea of what we’d be up against, but I wasn’t sure if he’d sent anyone ahead.

“It’s already personal. Doesn’t really matter what you say.” He said before standing and disappearing into one of the shelters.

The back of my head rested against the rough bark. Meryck’s spirit seemed to be far older than his body. He spoke like Hanja or Tyren who were nearly three times his age. A terrifying thought popped up and bounced around my brain. Talon had been through awful things. The entirety of the Verseckt had been. Talon and Amaris still had senses of humor, though. Their trauma hadn’t snatched away their natural good nature. That kid, on the other hand, seemed blank. There didn’t seem to be a personality at all. True, it could be simply because Meryck didn’t know me. He had no reason to socialize or make friends. He was here because he had to be. He was very different from the few Verseckt members I’d met. It'd only been two years since Meryck finished his training. Talon and Amaris had been far removed. Maybe every member had a period where they struggled to find their humanity again? Maybe some never found it.

Sighing, I stood. I threw another log on the fire and poked at it with the branch we’d been using to keep it going. It was fine. I was nearly thirty years old. I didn’t have to make friends with everyone I came across. Especially teenagers who could not care less. I didn’t need more life stories. I held far too many memories from other people already. I watched the fire and leaned into the warmth emanating from the flames. I wrapped my arms around my middle as I tumbled into thought.

What if Anika wasn’t there and they’d whisked her away? Would my parents be able to hold the coast with their small number of soldiers until we got there? We had a very loose plan for when the four of us arrived. This was important. We had to succeed so that we had at least one less threat bearing down on us. Then came Serran. It didn’t stop there. The list of enemies and problems seemed to be constantly growing. It was overwhelming and I was waiting to start panicking. I was surprisingly calm, however. It was almost a little scary.

Who knew if and when my nerves would finally rear their ugly head? It wasn’t worth anymore thought. Now was time for sleep and then more walking while I tried to stay sane while Loren and Suman tried their best to annoy me to death.

“Hey, Sunny boy, wakey wakey.” The voice was little more than a whisper, but there was an urgency to it and I jolted awake.

My head nearly collided with Suman’s. He let out a small hiss and shoved me away. I wasn’t awake yet. Staring blearily at the outlines of his face in the dark I struggled to figure out what was going on, “Huh?”

“There are people in the woods. Loren went to check on it and Meryck was gone when we woke up.”

I sat up straighter and ignored Suman’s bare torso, “Meryck was keeping watch, right?”

Suman nodded, moonlight on half his face as he leaned a bit out of the shelter’s entrance. His hair hung down his back and over his chest. I noticed some of his black spikes between his fingers. I stood quickly and quietly. Suman left the shelter and I hurried after him. I wouldn’t have known where the man was if I couldn’t see him. His footfalls were silent and even his breathing was carefully controlled. It’d been a long time since I had to be fast and quiet. Compared to the prince, I felt like a bumbling idiot. Suman came to an abrupt halt and I stopped a few feet away.

“Seems Wren’s been keeping some more secrets.” I jumped when Loren waltzed into view, followed by Meryck and then two people I’d never seen before.

“What?” My eyes darted from Loren to Suman and then to the other three people. I had no idea what was going on. Maybe I was still dreaming?

As I looked closer, I started to feel disbelief and then anger. They were both female. One was thin, tall, and willowy. She had short, spikey black hair and her eyes looked dark. It was hard to tell at night the exact color. She wore a bulky long-sleeved jacket and long pants. The female standing next to her was shorter than Wyn. Maybe only five feet. She had a wealth of blond curls atop her head and very light eyes. Her top was high neck and long-sleeved but was cut short, showing off her abdomen. She had low-riding, tight leather pants on as well. They dressed an awful lot like a certain super-secret group of people near and dear to my heart. I couldn’t see any of the tell-tale markings or Verseckt symbols, but with the leathers and the way the women carried themselves, it was clear.

“Wren has his secrets, yes, but hasn’t Talon been controlling the Verseckt? Eon had been before Talon. Are we keeping things from each other? I thought we were supposed to be allies. Seems like some of us are out of the loop.” Suman cooed softly, his eyebrow raising. Meryck’s eyes were downcast and the two women standing next to him remained quiet. Loren had a thoughtful expression on his face and a not so friendly smile.

“Where did you two come from then?” He asked, smiling tightening as his head tilted to the side, “I have several questions.”

“As do I.” I said, crossing my arms and trying to relax the tension that had tightened my body to an almost painful extent. Talon wouldn’t keep this from me. I didn’t want to believe Eon would either. What in the gods’ names was going on?

*Talon*

“Hands up, runt.” I watched Wyn’s small chest rise and fall as he panted. He was clearly tired and his hands dropped even lower, “That’s the exact opposite of what I told you to do.”

Wyn tried to steady his breathing as his gaze dropped. He shook his hands and then brought them up again, finally guarding his face. I sighed as I looked down at him. He was making progress. He learned very quickly. The issue was time. Which is what it always was. I stepped closer, touching fingers to his elbow lightly. He jerked it into the correct position and I watched his jaw clench. I grinned and poked gently at his spine, holding back a chuckle at his irritated sound when he fixed his posture.

“What? You want to quit?”

“We’ve been at this for way too long!” He whined.

“You sound seconds away from stomping your foot like a toddler throwing a tantrum, Meep.” I mumbled as I circled back around to stand in front of him again. His stance was now near perfect and I didn’t shy away from the absolutely disgusting burst of pride in my chest. Fast. Learner.

Wyn glared up at me, but maintained how he held himself, “I’m not a toddler.”

“No, you’re not.” I agreed, smiling, “Fine, that’s enough for today. Gods know perfecting your stance is a victory in and of itself. We’ve been working on it for a couple days.”

I stepped away, walking across the small yard to retrieve a towel. Tossing it to my boy, I glanced to the quickly setting sun. We had been at this for a while. He had improved. Perhaps, he deserved some kind of reward for exceeding expectations. Without waiting to make sure he followed, I walked into the house, wincing as soon as I stepped inside. Wailing reached my ears and I sighed as I began to climb the stairs. I could hear Wyn following and I rubbed the back of my neck. I didn’t hurry, which meant the wailing turned into shrieking. I rolled my eyes. This small human seemed to think the world should cater to her and I was here to inform her that she was wrong. So, I took my sweet time and tried to keep the grimace off my face. How did a being so small have such strong lungs? Not only was she loud, but shrill. Maybe the Verseckt should use her for torture?

I walked into the room and crossed my arms as I looked down at the tiny blond pouting amidst the pillow nest Kalian had made her before he’d left. She somehow pouted harder and her big blue eyes were rimmed with tears. Eira made a strange whiney noise and held her hands out to me. How was so much attitude squeezed into such a small body? I still wasn’t convinced that the universe hadn’t somehow created the little monster in Kalian’s image somehow to bully me when he was busy.

“What’s the issue?” I asked, holding my hands out.

She looked up at me and jerked her arms pointedly, letting out a small cry. Resting my hand on my hip, I raised an eyebrow, “Is that how you ask?”

“Dad, she wants you to pick her up.” Wyn said, sighing as if he’d been suffering through my shenanigans for a long time. He stepped around me and tickled her sides. She wiggled and then smiled up at him and my stupid, little, black heart clenched a little.

“I’m aware Wyn. Thank you.” He looked up at me and I rolled my eyes.

“So, why are you not picking her up then?” He asked, glaring and trying to elbow me in the ribs.

“Because you little leeches need to learn your place.” I said, sticking my tongue out.

“Below Da, but above you?” He grinned up at me and I stared for a second. I wanted to slap the taste out of his mouth, but at the same time…good one.

“Ha ha. Go study. Make yourself scarce.”

“Wait, I wanted to talk about something.” Wyn’s whole demeanor shifted. His voice went a few levels quieter.

That was worrying. I faced him more and rubbed my nose, “What is it? Why does it sound like you’re going to make me parent?”

“When you and Uncle Eon go to Serran…I want to come with.”

“Oh good. You gave me an easy one.” I shook my head and grinned. I turned back to the tiny tyrant and found she’d started crawling down the bed toward me. She had a determined look on her face and a strange thought occurred to me. She was going to be an absolute terror when she was older. Like when she was able to speak and had body autonomy.

Whoever would have to deal with that was truly fucked.

I missed the days when all I had to worry about was the possibility of being caught, tortured, and inevitably executed. Things were so much easier then. I was good at my job. Generally, the worst that happened was a small hole where one didn’t belong or some broken bones. Simple, straightforward, easy. This, however, was not. This tier of suffering had been completely unknown to me for the better part of my life. I let my head hang, dragging my hair back away from my forehead as I took a breath and held it until my lungs protested. Apparently, taking a small moment for myself was unacceptable.

“But dad, you can’t be serious! Everyone but me is going to have a chance to fight!” The lovely, petulant, sulking preteen voice continued whining at my back before I turned to look at him. Which was a poor choice. I shouldn’t have lowered my defenses. An incredibly unpleasant jolt traveled up my leg. It wasn’t the worst thing I’d felt, but I wouldn’t recommend it. First pain and then numbness. I grimaced down at the tiny, sadist responsible. Wyn was still whining and pleading his case as I looked down. Those big, blue eyes glared up at me as Eira pulled herself into a sitting position.

I lunged forward, grabbing a chunky little leg and hauling the child into the air. Then, while holding her aloft, I gripped Wyn’s cheeks before my gaze met his, “First you. You’re not going. That’s the end of it. I won’t have it and even if I was fine with it, your father would fucking kill me.”

Wyn glared and tried to work around my grip on his cheeks to speak. I’m sure he’d spit something venomous if he could. I squeezed harder, “What did I say, child? This is not a discussion. That wasn’t a suggestion. That was a statement. I was telling you. There is nothing for you to say. Now, go get ready for dinner. Understand?”

I waited for his chin to dip in a weak nod before I released his cheeks. He left me with a vicious glare that became sharper when I ignored him. Truth be told, he was a fierce little thing and I couldn’t wait until my boy was older and had use for that fire. Not against me of course, I’d knock his ass back flat on the ground. He’d give someone else a run for their money, though, and I would be a safe distance away cheering him on.

A horrible shrieking reached my ears and I realized I was still holding up Eira. I dropped her as carefully as I could and crossed my arms, “Now you, we don’t electrocute people when we want attention. Pain is not an appropriate way to communicate.”

Unless you were Wren. Or me. There was Loren, I suppose. Occasionally, several other members of our “family” too. The point was it was inappropriate for children, okay? No one taught me how to deal with small children. Children of any size really. I blamed Kalian for all of this. Why did he make me a parent? It was inconsiderate. I was good at so many things, but he found the one thing I failed at multiple times a day, every day. Brat. I could see where Wyn got it and it was early, but my husband already seemed to be influencing this tyke as well. Rats. All children were needy, selfish little rats. There was a soft cooing and I felt small fingers tangle in my pants. Then Eira used the fabric to pull herself up and rested her cheek against my leg.

That wasn’t fair.

I was on a child-related mental tirade. She wasn’t allowed to come in and make me feel all soft and gross. It got worse when I noticed tears gathered along her lash line and wet, pink tinted cheeks. I sighed, raising my hands. I met her eyes and she fell onto her bottom and lifted her hands above her head.

“Uh.” She said, her small fingers wiggling.

“Uh what?” I mumbled as I picked her up. She cuddled against me and I rubbed her back, “I miss Kalian too. He’s way better at this comforting thing, eh? Probably wouldn’t have picked you up by your leg and squeezed Wyn’s face either. Whoever you end up with will probably be better at this. They’ll be like, nurturing and whatever.”

I heard tiny snores and shifted her so her head was on my shoulder. Maybe I should have gone to Krinn. I would’ve been more comfortable. I missed violence and I was made for it. Sleeping toddlers and teenagers with attitude were not my favorite.