Incandescence - 30. Reflection

*Eon*

Running my fingers through my hair, I grimaced at the crusty feel of it, “Run it by my again.”

Wyn shrugged his shoulders. He sat between Talon and Kalian. The three of them looked exhausted and about as filthy as I felt. Talon yawned and I tried to ignore where his clothing was torn up, showing a large new scar that stretched across his ribs. He was lethargic and near silent. Which in normal circumstances, I would thoroughly enjoy, but I couldn’t shake off my worry. Kalian had explained that the healing happened easily, but he didn’t know how much blood Talon had lost. My brother looked just as wrung out. All three looked like they were barely staying conscious. At least my nephew and brother were colored normally. Talon was even paler and his skin had a disturbing almost grey tint to it.

“I teleported here-“Wyn started.

“From the beginning.” I sighed, staring at him as he pouted and crossed his arms over his chest.

“I drugged Uncle Wren’s food. He thinks it all tastes gross anyway so he didn’t even notice. Then I tied him up.” The boy looked away for a moment and I saw the remorse plainly on his face. Then he took a breath and continued, “Then I teleported here.”

“How?” That stubborn pout popped up again and I sighed.

“I kidnapped the teleporter.”

“A grown man! This little monster kidnapped a grown man!” A soldier near me exclaimed and I turned, fire licking along my fingertips as I stared him down. The man paled and scurried away. No one was going to call him that around me or I’d show them a monster. Nodding and daring anyone else nearby with a look, I turned back to Wyn.

Somehow Talon had fallen asleep sitting up, his chin resting on his chest. Kalian was barely holding on and Wyn petted his cheek gently when his father’s head rested on his shoulder. I looked from Wyn to the dirt shelter we’d pulled them out of. Stepping forward, I kneeled in front of my nephew, “I want to acknowledge that what you did today was astonishing and incredibly brave.”

Wyn’s eyes lit up and he grinned, but I held up a hand. He frowned as I spoke, “But! But Wyn, you got very lucky. What if something had happened before you found Talon? You could’ve been hurt-even killed-and we wouldn’t even know you were here.”

“That isn’t what happened though! It wasn’t luck Uncle E! I heard da and that lead me to dad. We were both trying to get to him.” Wyn frowned more at me.

“Wyn, you’re special. You’re smart, brave, and as strong-if not stronger-than your parents. However, you’re still a child.”

“No one would let me help!” He shouted and I sighed as Kalian stirred. Wyn ran his fingers gently over his dad’s cheek.

“Sir! Report!”

I narrowed my eyes at Wyn before I turned to the soldier who’d just rushed up. We’d been here two days and I hoped his arrival meant we were finally done. I was sure that soon Serran would become a problem again, but for a different reason this time. We’d managed to destroy another country’s ruling party and inevitably that would create issues. I didn’t have enough energy to deal with anything else right now. I’d been functioning on the barest bits of Magik for most of today. If I expended much more, I wouldn’t be very different from Talon or Kalian. Which reminded me, the journey home was going to be far more annoying. There were few of our teleporters who weren’t either dead or exhausted. For the first bit at least, we’d be on foot and horse.

Joy.

*Kalian*

I didn’t remember much after seeing Eon’s face when I was lifted into the light. His eyes had been wide and even through his mask, I could see that he was scared. They’d laid me down and my head lolled to the side. Through eyes narrowed to slits from sensitivity, I saw Talon hit someone before Eon caught his hands.

“It’s us crazy! Talon, it’s us!” A piece of my heart pinged as I watched him collapse against Eon, his arms still wrapped around a smaller body. Shortly after, Wyn was placed gently between us. I smiled softly as Talon relaxed. My eyes narrowed further and I was lost to sleep again.

The next time I woke up, it was in the middle of a camp. More specifically, a war camp and they were flying our colors. I found Talon quickly in our tent and leaned over to brush the hair off his face. My healing had fixed what it could but I still felt guilt flare up. There were new, thin, silver scars on his cheek, chin, and neck. They weren’t huge, but they’d serve as constant reminders of how lucky we’d been. I would never have encouraged my child to do the things he had, but no one could deny that he’d saved our lives.

I pushed myself up and began to look around. Finding some clothes, I changed quickly and bent to cover Talon with a soft, albeit thin, blanket and left the tent. There were soldiers around winding down. It was nighttime and there were a few small fires scattered around camp. There were some strange looks sent my way, but I was used to it. As stories of my Magik became more widespread, and people saw it with their own eyes, I got much more attention. Like Talon, some of the looks were of awe and some were fear. I didn’t know how to deal with either, so I tried my hardest to act as though I didn’t even see them.

“Da!” I grinned as I heard the cry and opened my arms as Wyn flew across the camp and into them. I held him tight and watched as Eon stood slowly from the fire they’d been sitting at.

“Have you had a good nap?” He said as he walked over to us.

Wyn was crying and I ran my fingers through his hair as I looked up at my brother, “How’d we do?”

Eon let out a dark chuckle, “Little brother, between you and Talon, the rest of us were mostly charged with hunting down stragglers and deserters.”

“How long was I out?”

“Three whole days da!” Wyn shrieked and I let my thumbs swipe gently over his cheekbones, ridding them of tears.

“Has Talon woken up at all?” I asked, still holding Wyn close.

“No. He had a high fever the second day we were on the road. Thankfully, one of our healers worked with a couple other Magik users to settle him down. They thought it might have to do with how depleted his Magik was coupled with it being sealed off by someone.”

“That was their prince or king’s Magik.”

Eon tilted his head to the side, “Lyme will want to know that. Tyren as well. The two of them are trying to compile a list of the Magiks we’ve seen so far.”

“That’s quite the task. They’re endless.” I said, shaking my head, “How long until we’re home?”

“After tonight, we should have rested enough to teleport.” Eon said, fingers running over the scruff on his chin. My attention fell to Wyn as I tried to ignore the new scars my brother wore now. We were all exhausted, so it didn’t look like he’d even been healed fully. His arm was wrapped neatly and there was a gash along his chin that looked like It’d been treated with regular medicine but not with Magik.

“I can help as well.” Wyn looked up at me and I smiled as his whole body visibly relaxed.

“I’ve been trying to get the little soldier to sleep but he’s only laid down for naps.” Eon’s head tilted to the side as he considered the boy, “Too worried about you and Talon. Twelve years and he has accepted the weight of the world on small shoulders.”

Returning home left me with a strange mindset. I didn’t feel triumphant. I didn’t feel anything. Sure, we’d won, but Eon had papers with a long, scrawling list of those we’d lost. We hadn’t even accounted for everyone, which according to my brother, was normal for war. Some people ran. Some were just not found. My mind stayed fixed on those people. What would their families do? Their relative wouldn’t return home and they’d have nothing to bury. Every night we had stop, Eon and those under him had been signing letters for those lost that we could confirm. They’d be delivered to the soldiers’ loved ones. There were so many letters. It made me nauseous. The worst part was, it could have been so much worse. Eon had told me we’d been losing before I released the wave of power. We could’ve lost. My brain had never strung the thoughts together to consider that a possibility. Even when I’d woken up and had to heal Talon, I’m not sure the severity of his condition really registered. He’d been slipping in and out of sickness since the fight. Wyn was skittish now. Far more cautious then I’d ever seen him.

I was different too. In ways I didn’t have the words for. There was a growing emptiness inside me and it made me feel terrible. My mind didn’t think I had any right to the melancholy when countless people had someone ripped from them completely. If Talon and I were normal, if we hadn’t been blessed by whatever ancient spirits, would we have survived? I didn’t think we would have made it this far at all. Talon and Lyrah would’ve died with their father and brother. I wouldn’t have ever made it out of the shadow my family’s shame cast over me.

I sat on the railing of the balcony that was off the room Lyme had been using for research. My feet dangled below me. My Magik had been replenished, but there was a weight on my soul that I wasn’t sure I’d ever be rid of. I’d seen bodies. I’d been in fights were many died, but nothing compared to the most recent battlefield. People moaning and screaming with pain as our healers used every last ounce of power to either help them or ease their suffering.

“Jumping now would really annoy those of us who’ve made consistent effort to keep you alive.” Loren said as he appeared at my side and rested his elbows on the railing next to me.

“I doubt that our personal god would be ended so simply.” This time it was Suman who spoke as he hopped up to sit next to me on the other side.

I glanced to Loren, cringing away from his black eye and busted lower lip, “You look horrible.”

“He deserved it.” Suman huffed from beside me. It drew my attention to the bruise on his cheek and his equally messed up mouth.

“Now, my favorite manic princes, generally we don’t handle disagreements with our partner with our fists.” I said, shaking my head.

“Why not?” Suman’s grin unsettled me as his signature unhinged glee shown in his eyes and he picked at his bruised and torn up knuckles, “It worked.”

“Did you at least wait until after those threatening Lyrah were taken care of?”

“Kalian, darling sunspot, we’re nothing if not professional.” Loren drawled, smirking at me as he twirled my least favorite piece of hair around one of his fingers, “This is pretty.”

I shook my head, jerking away so the white strands left his fingers, “Leave it.”

“Did Tyren or the scholar have any idea what caused it?” Suman asked, his eyes narrowed on Loren as he looked past me. The older prince smirked at the Dlethian and I braced myself for whatever would inevitably explode between the two.

When Suman’s eyes darted to me, I allowed myself to relax a bit, “They’ve no idea. Best guess is I let so much power go, it took a toll on my body.”

“Well if that’s all that happens when our little Kalian morphs into a god, we’ll take it. What’s some white hair? Welcome to the aging gracefully club.” Loren grinned and twisted some of his grey hair around his fingers.

“It might bother me less if it was natural aging.” I sighed.

Suman snickered, “What’s natural for any of us? Dearest brother in law, those with our…lifestyles generally don’t live long enough to age.”

“I’ve got to speak to Eon. He needed something. To be honest, I was too busy wondering if him and Lyme have something going on to pay attention to boring political talk.” Loren laughed, “Suman?”

“I don’t need a chaperone, old man. Go.”

Loren shrugged and Suman kicked his feet slowly. We stared at the sunset. The myriad of colors ripping across the sky made Suman look like his skin had color. He was bathed in warm light and I decided quickly that it looked wrong on him. His hair was loose and lifted from his back every now and then with the breeze. It was lighter than Talon’s and the sun bled color into it as well. If Suman weren’t so crazy, I may tell him he was pretty. It didn’t happen. I was very aware of the extreme drop that I dangled above.

“How are you coping? A lot has changed for you.”

“I don’t really do the heart to hearts Kalian.” He said and his fingers gripped at the end of his hair, lightly tugging.

“No. Not normally.”

“When he died, did he say anything?”

Taking a deep breath, I watched his face, “Spewed more hatred. Nothing different from the norm.”

“Sometimes, when I was younger, I used to fantasize about what he’d say or look like. It was satisfying in the dream scenarios I’d built, but I don’t know…”

“If it would’ve made you feel better? To be the one to do it?”

Suman turned to look at me and something between us shifted. A vulnerability that I’d never seen broached the surface and a sadness that I could compare to nothing else was exposed. He grinned and his usual cocky smirk replaced the glimpse I’d seen, “I don’t believe that I’ll ever feel better. The man ripped a hole in me so wide that it swallows every beam of hope. It smothers any spark of joy.”

Our proximity to the edge was beginning to worry me for a different reason now. I shifted and Suman let out a cackle that sent a freezing shiver down my spine, “You have this unholy gift of making me talk to you. It’s absolutely horrible.”

The smile on his face sharpened into something sinister as he swung his legs over and hopped down. He didn’t say anything as he walked away, and I was thankful for it. The man unnerved me. When I thought we were getting close to something like bonding, cracks would appear. Then his deeply rooted defense mechanisms would seal them up almost as soon as I saw them. I didn’t know what he got from the relationship with Loren, but even that had changed now. They were on much better terms, their bond was different. I could almost see the wall that had been built between them. Suman had shown parts of himself on the beach and it seemed he had viciously cut those out. It left him and their relationship in tatters. That was one even I wouldn’t meddle in.

“You should come inside. There are some things we need to go over. I need an official report from you and the brains would like to document what you did and witnessed.” Eon said behind me.

“I’ll be in soon.” I answered.

I heard his retreating footsteps and briefly considered how easy it’d be to push myself forward instead of back. I shook my head clear of the selfish, intrusive thought. I had so many who counted on and loved me. Not to mention, there was no way Wyn would let me get away with it. He’d figure out a way to bring me back.

Slowly walking back into Lyme’s room, he smiled shyly at me and lifted his fingers in a small wave. I returned the gesture and kept myself from apologizing for the thousandth time. He knew I was sorry. Wyn had apologized as well. (Though I think my old classmate knew that he wasn’t genuine) Tyren was fussing over Hanja as he had been since the man returned. As far as I could tell, the man was unscathed. Tyren had been hovering as close as possible since Hanja had come back. He stood behind the healer, his hands resting gently on either side of his neck as he leaned over him for a kiss. The normally grumpy man seemed to be soaking up all the attention. It’d surprised me at first. Until Tyren had let it slip that they hadn’t been apart that way for a long time.

“No! No, my heart, you pull the rope this way. See?” Wren was holding Wyn’s hands, directing them in the way he wanted.

“Oh!” Wyn giggled when he pulled the rope through, holding up a complicated looking knot. Wren grinned, red eyes holding a feral pride.

“How to Tie up Your Family: The Basics as Taught by Master Wren. Former head assassin and spy.” Talon said from his chair. He still looked exhausted and Eira was settled on his lap, her small hands splayed on his chest and a serious look on her face as she stared at her favorite person. The tiny blond’s infatuation with my husband never failed to warm my heart.

“I’m simply educating my child.” Wren sniffed indignantly, “I was easily able to get out of his bindings. Unacceptable in many situations.”

“Your child?” I scoffed, crossing my arms as I took the seat beside Talon. His arm dropped and his fingers reached for mine. I linked our fingers loosely.

“Did you hear that echo my boy?” Wren asked Wyn, shaking his head, “Live a few hundred years and the voices start coming from nowhere.”

Wyn’s eyes met mine and I rolled them. He came over to rest a hand on my shoulder and then scanned Talon. He’d been doing that to both of us lately. Wyn had been shaken down to his core. Sure, he’d heard plenty of times how close both of us had come to death in the past, but he’d been saved some of the gorier details. This time, he’d had a front row seat. Everything had turned out okay, but I didn’t know how my child was processing. He watched us like a hawk. Especially Talon.

“You can teach him whatever knots you want; the reality is that it was my teaching that helped him incapacitate you. Who’s the supreme father figure here?” Talon said, throwing a lazy, smug grin towards his former boss.

Wren sniffed, clearly offended, “Still me.”

I rolled my eyes and leaned into my chair more. I wasn’t ready for one of these meetings, but Eon insisted. It didn’t matter that my brother looked like he’d been dragged by a carriage for a few days whilst laying directly on his face. Lyme stood next to his chair(his favorite place) and his eyes darted over Eon’s back worriedly. He was clutching a large book and scrolls to his chest and biting down on the center of his lower lip as he thought.

“Let’s get on with this. I’ve been away from home too long and despite what you degenerates may think, yours are not the faces I wish to see. Well, not all of you.” Hanja huffed. Tyren smiled softly to himself as he played with the silky, black curtain his partner’s hair made.

“There’s much to go over. Should we start with Dleth since it may take the least amount of time?” Eon sighed, rubbing his fingers over his jaw.

“Went to Dleth, killed a bunch of people, made sure my cousin kept the thrown she deserves. Done.” Suman shrugged.

“Does it seem stable?” Eon asked.

“As stable as Dleth will ever be. The people still love you, Talon. For,” Loren leered at my husband, “Obvious reasons. That could help us in the long run.”

I didn’t feel threatened in the least which surprised me. Loren was flirty as always, but it was empty. The truth behind his eyes was clear to me. Loren couldn’t hide it anymore. Suman had chipped away some of his ironclad defenses somehow. I was smiling at him until he spoke again, “They do not, however love your name change.”

“Does anyone? Your ridiculous mouthful of a name is nearly offensive.” Suman snickered.

Talon rolled his eyes, rubbing Eira’s back. He was shaking his head until it was my turn to roll my eyes, “If it will help Dleth get their panties out of a bunch, we’ll change it back. We’ll all be Verlorens if it’s that big of a deal.”

“Kalia-“

“Oh gods, that’s not even important right now.” Eon said, interrupting Talon, “Let’s move on from Dleth since they are a non-issue.”

“Serran is open to talks!” Lyme supplied helpfully.

“I suppose. Their monarchs are dead. Or well, I assume the queen is. Being sucked into the ground doesn’t bode well for someone’s longevity.” Talon said, as Eira curled up on his lap and glared grumpily at Wyn when he messed with her hair.

“There’s a lot to talk about. Let’s get into it.” Eon nodded, visibly fighting off a yawn.

The house seemed different. Or perhaps it was me that was different. Leaving Wyn’s room, I hoped that he’d finally get a good night's sleep. He’d been having horrific nightmares and I was out of solutions to help him. He did sleep a bit better curled around Eira, his body between the girl and the door to his bedroom. Yawning, I padded down the hallway to our room. Talon was propped against the headboard, a worn book resting in his lap. His hair was half up, some pieces hanging into his face as he looked down. There was a soft light on next to him but I noticed quickly that my husband was actually asleep. The book was barely staying in his relaxed hands.

Turning off the light, I moved through the room. To our closet to change into sleep pants and then back, setting the book to the side. Brushing my fingers through Talon’s hair, his brow furrowed. Then his eyes opened and met mine, confusion clear as he looked around sleepily.

“Lay down love. If you sleep like that, your neck is going to kill you in the morning.”

Talon watched as I crawled over him to lay next to him, “Felled by my own aging body. Imagine how pathetic that’d be.”

Chuckling, I snuggled into his side as he laid flat. Fingers stroked up and down my back and I leaned into the touch. Lips kissed my forehead and I was pulled closer. Half-laying on him now, I listened to his slow breathing. I closed my eyes, basking in the warmth of his skin, “Talon?”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s retire. We’ll go to the estate and just hide from the rest of the world.”

“Darling, I think that ship has sailed. Wyn’s become tangled in everything going on here. He wouldn’t leave the Council of Uncles. We’re stuck.” Sighing, I threw my leg over both of his, gripping the hip of his that was farthest from me. He shifted and kissed the top of my head.

“It isn’t fair.”

“Life isn’t fair, my love.” Talon’s fingers ran through my hair, “I’m sure we could get away with a break.”

“A long one. As long as we can. We’re owed that.” I adjusted more, straddling him and running my fingers up his chest.

“Sounds good to me. We can leave the kids here. I believe I promised you a shack on a beach at one point.”

I laughed, “Love, we have a home on the beach.”

“They can find us there. It’s common knowledge.” Fingers slid over my hips and the look in Talon’s eyes changed. Shifting, I rolled my hips down and he smirked up at me, “Bet I could convince you.”

“Location maybe. Leaving the children behind? No.” I shuddered as his hands rubbed my hips and then moved back to grip my ass. He started guiding my movements and I let out a soft moan.

“There are plenty of people that can watch them and with the war pretty much over, Wyn will go back to school.”

“Talon, no.”

He groaned and rolled us over, pinning my hands over my head at the same time in one smooth motion. He pressed them down in a silent message and then ran his fingers down my sides as he kissed me. Gently at first until it built and gained intensity as we started to abandon restraint. I don’t know how long our lips and tongues slid together before wet fingers slid between my legs. There wasn’t time to think about what he’d put on his fingers and where he’d gotten it when they breached me one at a time. Panting, my hips rocked of their own accord, and I cursed myself as I got needy.

This was something I never knew I’d needed before Talon. Sex was one-very important-thing, but intimacy was different. A hand cupped my face as he kissed me deeply. His other hand held my hip and shifted the angle ever so slightly in a way that made my back arch as a gasp left my lips. Moving together, we chased toward the same goal, but that wasn’t what I was focused on. My attention was more drawn to the gentle kisses, the soft words whispered into the small space between us. Not for the first time, I thought about how well suited we were for each other. Our powers were complimentary and so were our bodies and souls. Talon was everything I couldn’t have even imagined as a younger man.

I tangled my fingers in dark locks and hummed when Talon’s hair was released from its tie. I tightened my legs around his waist. Lips and teeth ran over my jaw and then down my neck and gasps and moans pressed from my lungs as both of us started to lose control. My fingers had traveled from his hair to his back and the uptick in pace forced my nails into his skin.

Serran, Dleth, Illiath, and even Dimian faded from my mind as I lost myself in the person the universe had pieced together specifically for me. Life had shaped us a certain way, but more of my adult life was with Talon than without. We molded each other even farther into adults. We were even functioning mostly successfully. We had children. I’d never expected any of this. I was positive Talon hadn’t either. Neither of us had ever thought we’d be this happy.

To be fair, we’d also never seen the trials and tribulations that were headed our way. Some that nearly severed our connection to each other and even life. There were so many times I had thought I lost him. If not for our gifts, it might’ve been reality. If one of us had died, what would it have done to our personal trajectories? Would I have made it even half as far as I had? Would we both still be alive? Would our chosen family have found each other?

My thoughts were silenced as I chose to instead focus on the touches and sensations that Talon was giving me. He had always been a grounding presence. Amazing sex or not, he was my everything. Dragging my nails down his back, I felt his spine press into the touch as his lips met mine again. He was near frantic and his hips had lost the rhythm they’d established. Hot breath puffed against my cheek and I gripped his shoulders as I hurried to meet his hips.

For a few seconds towards the end, my breathing and heart always seemed to check out. My vision followed sometimes. My mind and eyes were dominated by white and my mouth hung open as my head fell back. I floated and time ceased to exist until I came back. Then, sensation, breathing, vision all crashed into me. My own loud gasps reached my ears and I felt everything intensely all over. Every touch to my skin felt like cinders brushing over my skin. Talon’s skin was too hot, his breath far too warm on my neck. It was too much and not enough at the same time. Hypersensitivity made me want to push him away at the same time my arms wrapped around his neck and my legs tightened around his waist.

Everything was perfect for those few moments, then I came back to reality. Talon was panting and my eyes quickly started cataloging the new scars he’d come home with. I remembered how tired he’d been since he’d woken up at last. My white streak of hair was stuck with sweat to my cheek and I could see it in his eyes. Talon’s forehead rested against mine and when his eyes closed, mine did as well.

“I love you.” Talon murmured as his body rolled off mine and I felt him come to rest next to me.

“And I love you.” I rasped as emotion twisted everything up inside me. The reprieve Talon or my family gave me was so fleeting. No matter how hard I tried, or fought, it always slipped through my fingers. If this is what power meant, I didn’t know that I could weather this life for the rest of my days. I’d robbed our family of a normal life and there was no taking back decisions.

When I was younger, this knowledge and the guilt that came with it, would cripple me. I didn’t feel that now. There was no reason. I hadn’t necessarily wanted this, but it was the life we had. Those close to us were honest, good people, and my gift and choices are what brought us together. Sure, I could dwell on the rough moments that I wasn’t proud of, but why?

It’d only make everything harder. The dips in our fortune would go from difficult to devastating. I’d have to adapt as things came my way. If I focused on what went wrong, I’d be buried under my own indecisiveness.

There was no way I was going to let my prior guilt and shortcomings threaten my family anymore. I had power that seemed limitless and I would use it to keep those I loved safe. If what the voice had whispered was true, there was a chance that I had far more to learn. With learning would come growth, and that growth may lead to more power. The stronger I got, the more I would shield my family.

Until nothing could break through and any threats became nonexistent.