Life in Suspension - 3. Chapter 3 - Things Break

It turned out that I wouldn’t see Corey again over the weekend which was a relief in a way. I figured over the weekend if I didn’t spend time with him, it would strengthen my resolve against this conflict I could feel growing inside me. Which really I didn’t want anything to do with.
Things would go back to normal, and I could go back to being a slightly less angry version of myself. Or so I thought as Chris dropped me off at the pickup line so he could park the car.

“Well, well well.” A low sultry voice said as I walked up the front steps just outside the main entrance.

Jessica Barlett stood, a hand on her hip, before me a swagger of a grin on her face. She was dressed in a black skirt that hung just above her knees that appeared to be leather, with a simple white top and a leather vest to match. Jess was also wearing her trademark knee high leather boots with the simple chrome zippers, this pretty much completed her ‘fuck you’ look.

“Daddy’s finally out of the big house,” she joked as she took a few steps down and appraised me. “You’ve been gone SO long, the kids have grown SO much!”

“Jess,” I said as I shook my head.

“I would have brought them with me…” She continued taking another step down.

“Jess,” I repeated, trying not to smile.

“But they’re with their new daddy today.”

“JESSICA!” I yelled, as the smile broke free.

“You didn’t expect me to wait did you?” She quipped as she gave me a quick jab in the ribs and pulled me against her.

“Oh my God you are such a–”

“Bitch?” Jessica finished for me as she led me up the steps.

I held my hands up, “I would never assume!” I said as I reached for the door and held it open for her.

“And that’s why we are friends. So how did it go? Any problems? Do I need to shank his ass?”

“Why are you so violent today!?” I asked as she fell into step towards me.

“Because it wasn’t fair you got in trouble too. And what’s with that, were you grounded from your phone or something because you went dark on messages.” Jess replied as we slowly meandered through the collecting crowd of bustling students.

“It’s been a strange few days, Jess.” I said flatly, trying not to give any details.

She gave me a look as I continued, “I had some stuff to work out in my head.”

“Work out what?” Jess said as she gripped my bicep and pulled me to a stop.

“It’s nothing..” I started to say, then paused when I looked up and saw him.

Corey was standing off to the side watching me intently, his bag slung over his shoulder wearing that stupid cap again, still looking like one of those models from a stupid teen magazine. He gave me a silent wave, which was really more of a shake of his hand that he kept at this waist.

Jessica looked at me funny, then followed my gaze and raised an eyebrow before commenting, “oh I see. And why exactly is nothing standing there looking at you like that?”

It took a moment for me to remember to breathe again, and I quickly looked away.

“It’s nothing Jess. Like I said, a strange few days.”

“Well I want the full story on these ‘strange few days’ before I do, shank his ass.” She replied, totally unconvinced.

I let out a sigh, “he apologized, then did nothing but try to talk to me. He even showed up at my house on Friday. It’s complicated.”

“Complicated is a relationship status.” She stated, then turned to look at me quickly, “you guys aren’t–”

“Ugh, no. I don’t want that. But I can’t shake him.” I said.

Jess chose this moment to glance around the hallway. “No kidding,” she said as her eyes glanced behind her. “Bogey on our six, fifty paces back.”

I gave a glance, and sure enough there he was. Slowly making his way through the morning crowd in the hallways keeping a respectful distance.

“Yeah as I said. It’s complicated.”

“What are you going to do?” She asked as we reached my locker.

I fumbled with the combination as I thought of the answer. I honestly didn’t know. I didn’t want to cause a scene with the lug-head out in the open, but he obviously wasn’t getting the previous hints. I shook my head as I grabbed what I needed for the first couple of periods, and swapped them with the stuff I had at home.

“No idea.” I said flatly.

“Well if you won’t make a scene then I will.” She said as she tried to push past me.

“No! Not yet. Just leave it for now okay?”

“Fine, but if he steps out of line I’m going to flatten him.” Jess promised as she stalked off.

I sighed and closed my locker. As I looked up I noticed Corey had disappeared among the rows of lockers, presumably to do what I just did.

“Hey,” Corey said as he appeared out of nowhere next to me.

“Jesus!” I said as I jumped, “you can’t just fucking sneak up on people like that.”

“Sorry, I don’t think your friend likes me.”

“No she doesn’t. She doesn’t like anyone that gives me grief.” I said with yet another sigh.

“I didn’t know you had any friends, I thought you said–”

I cut him off, “just like I said I don’t do sports, but never said I didn’t play sports. I said I don’t want friends, I never said I didn’t have any.”

He frowned for a moment as he thought about it, “makes sense now.”

“What are you doing Corey? We can’t keep doing this.” I looked at him briefly as he thought about his answer.

A pair of hands reached from behind, grabbed his shoulders and shoved him into a bank of lockers. “What are you doing?” Jess said as she pinned him back with an arm across his chest.

“Uh, just talking?” Corey stated as calmly as he could.

“Jess,” I tried.

“He doesn’t want to talk to you. So move along or else.” She threatened as the fire came alive in her eyes. Corey quickly looked between me and her.

“Jess! Let him go, Corey just go.” I said looking back between them both.

Jess at least listened and released Corey, who quickly moved away, backing off. He gave me a long forlorn look as he pursed his lips and turned around heading to his first class.

“What the hell Jess?” I asked, looking at her in disbelief.

“I told you I’m willing to shank him.” She said with a shrug.

“You scare me sometimes.” I said as we headed off.

I managed to get a reprieve from dwelling on any of this too much as I made it through my first couple of classes. People had been avoiding me for the most part in the halls after the video of Corey’s take down had made the circuit around the school. I definitely got looks from people, most of them were unsure what to make of the short freak with the firecracker temper, others just looked and nodded, some even smiled.

I did end up giving Jess more details during lunch, about what had happened. I even told her about my melt down that had happened with Chris, she seemed more shocked at that then anything else. Jess had disappeared after we ate to do her standard mingle with some of the other girls she hung out with. Don’t get me wrong we didn’t float in the same circles, but she always made time for me.

I sat alone at the end of our usual table reading my book, having not made any progress on it over the weekend, not that I hadn’t read it before. I had gotten up to throw away my empty water bottle in the recycling bin while still reading when I was violently shoved to the floor.

“Watch where you’re going asshole!” A harsh voice boomed.

I looked up as the anger welled inside me back at full force. My brow furrowing ready for a fight. Those dumbass friends of Corey’s lead by Jackson Hunter the biggest ape of them all loomed over me. He reached down and grabbed the book out of my hands.

“What’s this?” He spat as he showed it to his friends.

“Give it back asshole.” I said in an even tone.

“Or what?” He said, looking down at me. His hands gripped the paper back and ripped the binding apart, tearing the book in two, then did it again to the remainder of the two halves.

“Gonna cry?” Jackson taunted as I started to see red, the anger pulsing in my head so hard my temples started to ache.

As I was about to move a flash rushed in front of me and shoved Jackson back. “The fuck Andrews?” Jackson spat as Corey appeared in front of me, he said nothing but stood in a defensive pose

“BACK THE FUCK UP!” Jess roared as she just as quickly appeared in front of Corey, in a challenge to Jackson.

“Screw off bitch what the fuck you gonna–”

Jackson never finished his sentence as Jess had struck him in the windpipe with her hand, “touch him again. I fucking dare you touch him again!” She yelled. “You touch him again I’ll fucking dig your balls out with a spoon and cram them down your fucking throat!" The guys standing behind Jackson, who was now holding his throat catching his breath, started to back off, understanding Jess’s threat was real. They backed up far enough out of striking range before disappearing before any of the lunch monitors decided to make an appearance.

Corey and Jess turned to me.

“Are you okay?” Corey asked, his dark eyes laced with concern and a little regret.

“Fine” I spat, as I started picking up what was left of my book. Adrenaline pumped through me and I was doing my best to keep my emotions in check before that anger disappeared and made me vulnerable, or at least as vulnerable as I was starting to feel when Corey was around.

Jess helped me to my feet and gave Corey a look that communicated as plain as day his assistance wasn’t required nor wanted. He bit his lip and stayed in place.

“Come on Nate.” Jess said, still eyeing him down.

The come down from the anger was starting to make my arms shake and my cheeks flushed. ‘Damnit come on not now, not here.’ I tried to tell myself. I turned my back on Corey and started to walk back to the table with Jess.

“Wait!” Corey said as he picked up his discarded backpack.

Jess and I turned around as Corey fished for something in his backpack and took a couple of steps towards us when he found what he was looking for.

“Here.” He said, pulling out a brand new copy of Magic’s Promise, the book I was reading out of his bag.

“What?” I asked absently.

“Just take it please,” his eyes pleaded at me. “I finished it yesterday, I can get another copy.”

Jess just looked at Corey completely dumbfounded, I’m sure I wore the same look. I sniffed a little and wiped my eyes and quickly moved closer and took the book from Corey.

“Thanks,” I said as I looked at the pristine cover. “And thanks for, you know.” I added trailing off.

He nodded, “I better go. I’m sorry Nate.” He gave me one last look then nodded at Jess and left without saying anything else.

“The hell is that about?” Jess asked, still dumbfounded.

“I don’t know. Like I said, it's complicated.”

“Sounds like it.” She finished.

After lunch Jess did end up getting called to the office since the monitors had reported the incident. I was pulled out of class and so was Corey, and we each explained our side of it. Since no one on our side actually laid a hand on anyone else, it looked like Jackson Hunter would be the one suspended this time and it wasn’t ISS, but a full week away at home for what he said to me and shoving me to the ground.

The assistant principal commented to me and Corey that she was happy we showed restraint after what happened between us the previous week and that Corey had jumped to my aid.

Like I said it’s complicated and I still didn’t know Corey’s angle, or his sudden interest in me. I didn’t talk to him the rest of the school day but I did catch him in the shadows of my movements, even when I was with Jess, just watching as he had done this morning. And at the end of the day I was lost in those thoughts as I swapped out the books I’d need for homework that night and headed out to meet Chris.

My brother wasn’t there, when I stepped outside, sometimes it happened if he had something going on, or was talking to his friends. I sat on one of the benches that lined a row of shrubs and just sat back closing my eyes for a moment in an attempt to relieve some of this stress from my soul.

“Nate?”

“What do you need Corey?” I asked, keeping my eyes closed.

“Just making sure you’re okay.”

I huffed to myself, unbelievable. I honestly felt I didn’t need this right now.

“I’m fine.”

I kept my eyes closed as I soaked in the sun, movement next to me caught my senses. He was fidgeting again, which meant he had something to say but wasn’t sure he should say it.

“You’re fidgeting Corey, just say whatever you’ve got.”

“I just want to be your friend.”

There it was, again. I almost laughed, in a sordid cynical way. My mood started to darken and not with anger. “You can’t.” I said.

“Why?” He asked.

He wants the truth, fine. Here’s the truth.

“Because I don’t like how I feel when I’m around you, and I can’t trust you. That’s why I can’t be friends with you. I don’t know what you want and that scares the fuck out of me. Is it a game or something? Do you wanna get close then sucker punch me when I’m at my lowest, because I wish you would just do it and get it over with.” I finally said with resolve, my emotional mask slipping.

Corey didn’t say anything and looked down at the ground as I wiped my eyes free of the tears that were trying to fall.

“I’m so sick of being hurt, I don’t know how much more I can take. So if you’re planning something please just fucking do it and put me out of my misery.” I said softly.

“No.” He said finally, “I want…”

I looked at him and his face formed a frown and he tapped a fist against his leg, then looked at me.

“I need to be your friend Nathan. I just need it. I need you. I don’t know why, I can’t help it, I can’t explain it. It just won’t go away. In my head it’s there, you're there and I can’t make it stop.” He spilled out quickly trying to explain.

“What? How?” I asked in a little bit of shock. “When did this start?”

“Since I moved here.”

“Since you moved here? But you moved here in the 8th grade didn’t you?” I asked as I frowned.

He nodded, “I was going to tell you ages ago, but your mom got sick and…” Corey trailed off.

“So you’ve wanted to be my friend this whole fucking time?” I asked, my voice getting a little louder as I reached the end of the question.

Corey nodded again and fidgeted with his hat and shifted in his seat. So he fucking did know about my mom. Whatever I was feeling before quickly evaporated as the anger returned, “you knew about my mom and you still said what you said? You fucking asshole!”

“Nathan…”

“NO! You hurt me with that shit you fucking prick!” I spat as I shifted in my seat feeling the urge to hit him.

“I know, please I regret it.”

“Oh fucking please!” I said getting up. His eyes went wide and he jumped up as well as I pointed a finger at his chest. “You need to stay the fuck away from me.”

For the first time I started to see real emotion on Corey’s face, this isn’t how he wanted this to go and it was evident just looking at him. I didn’t care, I didn’t want to hear about it anymore. I advanced on him as my left hand curled into a fist.

“Whoa what’s going on here?” Chris said from behind me as I felt him reach an arm around me to hold me in place.

“He knew about mom and still said that shit he said!” I yelled.

“Nathan, calm down dude.”

“Calm down? Fuck that!” I replied with real anger.

“Nathan,” Corey said quickly then looked at my brother. “please I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry!”

“Don’t bring Chris into this and you’re gonna be fucking sorry when I get done with you!”

“Nate. That. Is. Enough!” Chris said as he struggled to keep me in place. “Corey, go please so I can get him home before he gets himself suspended again.”

Corey quickly nodded and left quickly headed to the student parking lot.

“In the car dude, now.” Chris said as he let me go.

“This is not how we deal with problems Nathan.” Chris said on the way home while I fumed in the passenger seat. “You need to breathe and calm down.”

“How can I be fucking calm!” I shouted.

“NATHAN ENOUGH!” Chris yelled at the top of his lungs. He slammed on the brakes, pulled the car over, put it in park, and turned to face me. “You can’t keep doing this Nathan you have to fucking STOP!”

I looked at my brother as he stared at me with a look I’ve never seen before.

“What’s going on with you is tearing me up dude, I’m at my limit and I just can’t fucking take it anymore!” He said as he started breathing faster, his face turning red. “You’re killing me dude, dad, mom, I just.. I can’t take it anymore” He said as I watched the tears start to stream down his face. He started hitting the steering wheel trying to get his breathing under control.

“Chris?” I asked as he started to hyperventilate.

“CHRIS?” I unbuckled my seat belt.

“I can’t… breathe” He coughed out.

WHOOP WHOOP!

I looked behind me as a police SUV pulled up behind us, with the lights flashing. I immediately opened the passenger door, “you gotta help my brother, something’s wrong!” I yelled as the officer got out of the cruiser.

He rushed to the driver's side and opened the door, took one look inside and triggered his mic, “16 7 Adam I need medical my location for a driver in distress.” He then focused on Chris, “slow it down man just breath, can you hear me bud?” He looked at me, “what happened?”
“We were arguing he pulled over, he got worked up then started having trouble breathing!”

Another police cruiser pulled up behind the one that was parked behind us, “hey can you take him back there while I try to get this guy to calm down a little till the medic gets here? They’re brothers.” The first officer said as he jerked his thumb in the direction behind us.

A female cop nodded and headed in my direction, “come on back here with me son, while my partner helps your brother.”

I could only follow as she led me away from Chris who still was hyperventilating, and red in the face. I swore to myself as I watched him throw up on the side of the road. I ended up having to explain our family situation so they could understand what led us to this point. They contacted my dad when the ambulance showed up and he arrived on the scene about 15 minutes later.

My dad didn’t take any chances with Chris, and had the ambulance take him into the ER, and I saw him get loaded into the ambulance with an oxygen mask on his face with his eyes closed. Dad assured me Chris would be okay and arranged for Chris’s car to be towed to the house. I ended up being dropped off at the house myself, and my dad went to the hospital, because we just didn’t want Chris to get worked up again.

It was already late afternoon and the sun was well into sunset, into early evening, and I was feeling as low as I had ever felt before and completely drained.

I walked into my empty house, threw my bag on the floor and just screamed as loud as I could.

I didn't even bother closing the front door, I just left it swung open as I went into the kitchen. Solemnly, I washed my face in the kitchen sink in an attempt to clear some of the shame off my face. I was trying desperately not to cry anymore, but I felt so utterly alone. I contemplated calling Jess but I just couldn’t bring myself to pull my phone out of my bag.

I couldn’t begin to describe the stuff going on in my mind at that moment, it was simply too much to process. After what happened at school at lunch, Chris on the way home, the conversation with Corey, not to mention the pain of the last year it was all just getting to be too much like my brother said.

Movement caught my eye as I glanced at the front door.

‘Don’t fucking tell me, I swear to God.’

My anger flared as I walked to the door and looked out, my face a mask of unspeakable levels.

And there he was.

On the sidewalk, in front of the house.

“What do you want?” I growled with all the rage releasing at once.

“I was worried, I saw you on the road, with the cops.” Corey said, holding that stupid hat meekly in his hands.

I flew out the door and got in his face, “my brother is in the hospital, he finally lost his shit because you made me lose mine!” I yelled. “This is all your fucking fault! Why do you keep causing me pain! Why do you keep fucking hurting me! WHY WON'T YOU JUST FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE!” I screamed as loud as I could.

“I’m sor–”

I flung myself at him and took him down on the lawn, just like I had before in school last week. “DON’T SAY YOUR FUCKING SORRY!” I screamed at him again, as I pinned him from above.

And I lost it.

My arms and fists flung at him, he blocked the shots to the face but just let me hit him everywhere else. With each strike I yelled in agony, as sobs took over. Each strike after that lost its veracity and I just collapsed on his form crying uncontrollably. Once I stopped hitting him he lowered his arms and I felt them carefully wrap around me.

With every shake his embrace got tighter as he kept me in position as the tears fell soaking into his shirt.

“I’m so alone. This shit is so fucked up.” I wailed, “I can’t take it. I don’t want to even fucking live anymore.”

“Shh,” Corey cooed as he rubbed my back, as the sky fell into darkness. “I’m here Nathan, you aren’t alone.”

I didn’t say anything else, I just let him hold me.

“Come on, let’s get you inside.” He whispered gently. He rolled me onto my back on the grass and stood up, retrieved his hat from the ground and with what seemed like little effort he picked me up and carried me back into the house. He kicked the door shut and laid me down on the leather sectional in our living room.

I just laid there as he disappeared into the kitchen for a moment, and returned with a glass of orange juice and knelt down next to me.

“Here drink this, it will help.” He said gently as I sat up and drank from the glass. He took it away and set it on the coffee table and sat on the floor next to me.

Corey sat there thinking for a moment, staring at the floor. “I can’t take back what I said Nathan, I was dead wrong for saying it. I’m ashamed I said it. I can’t even give you a reason as to why I said it and if I tried it would only be an excuse. I was being a total fuck up.”

He paused, then turned those deep dark brown eyes back in my direction, “I’m not saying sorry to in an attempt to placate you. I say it because I mean it, because I can’t even look at myself in the mirror until you believe what I say. That’s what I’ve been trying to say for days now.”

Neither of us said anything for a while, and probably wouldn’t have except my phone started to chime from my bag. Corey held up a hand to keep me in place.

“Stay, I’ll get it.” He said as he went to my abandoned backpack on the floor and searched it until he found the device. Without thinking about it he answered it.

“Hello?” Corey said as he moved back to his position on the floor by the couch. “Corey Andrews sir. He had a minor breakdown. Yeah he’s better and he’s right here hang on. Yeah I’ll stay here.” He looked at me, "it's your dad.”

I took the phone, “yeah dad?” I said my throat, sore and raspy.

“Are you okay?” Dad asked.

“I had an incident, dad, kind of like Chris just not as bad.” I replied honestly.

“Speaking of Chris he is fine. As soon as some lab work is done he’ll be home.”

“Okay good.” I breathed a sigh of relief.

“Listen it’s obvious you Chris and myself have issues, so we’re going to talk about that professional help for the both of you, you understand me right?” He asked carefully, and full of concern.

“Yes dad.”

“I also don’t want you alone right now, I’ve asked Corey to stay Chris told me he was at the house on Friday, is that an issue for you?”

“No, he can stay.” I said meekly.

“Okay good, it’ll be late before we get back. If Corey’s parents need permission, just have them call me and I’ll explain okay?”

“Yes dad.”

“I love you Nathan. I’ll see you soon.”

“I love you too dad, bye.” I replied then hung up the phone and handed it to Corey who put it on the coffee table.

“So you’re okay if I stay?” Corey asked hopefully.

I closed my eyes and let out a long sigh, “yes Corey you can stay.”

“Are you okay now?”

I gave him a silent nod.

“Will you please stop pushing me away? I know you don’t trust me but…” He trailed off and I held out my hand. He looked at it and placed his hand in it and I gripped it.

“Why are you reading my book?” I asked as I settled my head back into a nook in the ouch and closed my eyes.

“Because you were reading it. Lame I know, I figured if I read it maybe we could have something else to talk about.” He said shyly.

“Did you like it?”

“I did. I’m not into this fantasy stuff much but I could understand it and did like it, and I realized the main character is a lot like you.”

“In what way?”

“You’re both misunderstood. Like people look at you at face value and judge everything about you based on that when really there is so much more inside. And like you there is this hidden pain, he doesn’t trust to share with anyone except a select few. You both also seem to have the same attitude when faced with an adversary.” He explained.

“Yeah except I can’t level a building with my mind.” I said with a light chuckle.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. Sometimes you have your moments when I feel like I’m about to get struck by lightning.”

“I’m sorry about that.” I said with another sigh.

“Don’t be, I get it. You’ve got stuff going on, and I didn’t help it any.”

“You don’t have to–”

“But you’re right Nathan. If i hadn’t been such a fucking idiot in front of those morons, maybe none of this would have happened.” Corey said gently, interrupting me. “Maybe if I hadn’t been so scared to approach you in the first place it wouldn’t have happened.”

“Scared?” I asked, sitting up a little bit.

“Yeah fucking terrified actually.”

“Why?”

“Because you don’t take shit from anyone dude. I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea and hate me, which totally happened anyway.” He said regretfully.

That made me pause and feel a little guilty at the same time. Okay so maybe I didn’t hate him. Maybe I could understand where he was coming from. Maybe I should give a little? The lug-head looked absolutely miserable, and this was an emotion I had not yet seen him display so openly.

“Why did you let me take you down on the lawn earlier?” I asked, fishing a little.

“I came over here not long after I got home, because I saw you with the cops. I walked so you wouldn’t see my car. I was a few houses down headed back home when you got dropped off. I heard you…”

“Scream.” I finished for him.

“Dude I literally ran back over here as fast as I could, I probably out did you on the track the other day. When I got here the door was open and you looked so…”

“Lost.” I finished again.

“Yeah. I expected you to be mad when you saw me, I didn’t expect it to be like that though. I figured the best thing I could do was just let you get it out of your system because you bottled up so much already.” Corey finished, biting his lower lip. “You aren’t serious about… You know… Not wanting to live, are you?”

The look he gave me would have broken anyone, and I was no exception.

“Uh…” I wiped my eyes as they started to water. “At that moment I was literally at my breaking point Corey. I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t mean it at the time. I feel so alone sometimes, man, and despite how strong I may seem it feels like I’m not strong enough.”

I saw a single tear fall from those big brown eyes I could so easily get lost in.

“I don’t want you to hurt yourself Nathan. I want to be your friend, I want you around. I want to get to know you. You don’t have to be alone, not anymore.” Corey gripped my hand tightly, and pleaded, “let me be your friend. Please.”

“Okay.” I nodded in agreement.

Corey quickly rose to his knees, reached over the couch and pulled me into a tight hug.

“I’m here for you dude, I’ll do whatever it takes to gain your trust, and help you.” He whispered into my ear and released me. It was at that point, he gave me the most sincere look anyone could muster and I knew I could trust it to be the truth.

“Are you hungry?” He asked, rising to his feet.

“Actually yeah I’m starving.” I replied.

“Maybe we could make some sandwiches or something?”

We ended up doing just that. For a lug-head he was pretty handy in the kitchen, I simply showed him where everything was and he made everything up. He even sliced some carrot sticks and celery to dip in ranch dressing and a pickle since he wasn’t a huge fan of potato chips.

“Are you and Chris going to get help with what’s going on?” He asked gently as we settled back in the living room with our plates and bottles of water.

“Yeah, my dad’s been doing it for a while now and we talked about me doing it last week. We literally had no idea about Chris, that came totally from left field.” I answered as I tore into the sandwich

“You’re brother seems like a good guy. I’ve seen him play basketball many times.”

“Dude he is, he’s literally the best older brother a guy could have.”

Corey nodded, “make sure you tell him that, after today he’s going to need it.”

“I plan to.”

We found a movie to watch on TV while we ate. I curled up at the end of the couch that reclined, after we cleaned up. Corey sat beside me and put his feet up with me staying pretty close. He did end up getting permission to stay later after his mom talked to my dad and she understood the situation. In a way she seemed heavily relieved we were getting along.

“You don’t mind me being this close do you?” Corey asked carefully.

“No, uh actually can you come closer?”

And he did. He wrapped an arm around me and I sank into his warm side. The earlier conflicts I had felt days earlier seemed to at least temporarily evaporate away and allow us to simply enjoy each other's company.

I must have fallen asleep, because I don’t remember Chris and my dad getting home. I do remember Corey at some point carrying me upstairs to my room and putting me into bed, and he was gone when Chris woke me up in the early morning hours to strip out of my clothes.

“Move over Nate, I’m staying with you tonight if that’s cool.” Chris whispered into my ear after he had gotten ready for bed.

“Are you okay?” I mumbled sleepily as I made room for him.

“I will be.” He said, “Corey is going to give you a ride to school tomorrow, dad’s taking me to a therapist tomorrow so I won’t be going to school.” I felt Chris wrap me into a warm embrace and spoon against me. “You’re going to see one too, if not the same one after I get settled okay?”

I nodded and gripped his hand and clutched it to my chest. “Chris, I love you and I’m sorry.” I whispered. “You’re the best brother I wouldn’t have made it without you.” I felt him nuzzle the back of my head and he held me tightly against him.

“I love you too, you're my whole world buddy, always have been. Get some sleep.”