Connor and the Wolves - 38. Running From the Past

He was ruined. And Soren couldn’t be happier.
Sure, his mind was a nervous jumble of what-ifs. But he was back with Connor. Back with the man who had made him feel like the most prized mate in the world.
Four o’clock came. His alarm beeped. And Soren smiled up at the ceiling. Kurt was right. Why shouldn’t he enjoy this for as long as he could? Connor wanted him. Maybe when the boot dropped, it wouldn’t be as bad as he thought.
A frantic pounding dragged him to his feet. That was two days in a row Kurt had been at his house before dawn. He’d have to talk to her about that — some people needed a slower start to the morning.
He pulled on a pair of jeans. If she wanted him mucking stalls again, she could wait for him to get dressed. Heavier pounding on the front door made him question that logic. If he took too long, she’d get angry.
Yanking a shirt on, Soren hurried to the front door. He pulled it open.
“Is this going-”
A fist caught Soren in the gut. Gasping, he doubled over in front of Kurt.
“What was that for?!”
“Couldn’t reach your face,” Kurt said. “Are you a werewolf?”
“What?” Ice drenched Soren, dousing any brightness the morning promised. “I-”
“Don’t you dare lie to me. You don’t have a claim to Connor,” Kurt snarled. “Altanchono said he felt nothing when he met Connor.”
Shit! He hadn’t even considered that!
“I… uh…”
“Answer the fucking question!”
“No,” Soren whispered.
“No what? Fucking say it.”
“No, I’m not a werewolf.”
Soren flinched as Kurt moved. To his mild relief, she just took a step back, shaking her hand as if to ease a sting.
“Gods blast it Soren! Why the fuck would you pretend to be a werewolf?!”
“I-”
“You had so many chances to drop that little bomb. ‘Oh hey, I’m not actually a werewolf’. How fucking hard was that to say?!”
Soren bit his tongue, waiting for Kurt’s tirade to end. How was he supposed to explain this? He couldn’t explain it. Was this what talking to Connor would be like? He didn’t know if he could do this twice.
“Well?” the neko snarled.
“I don’t know…” Soren admitted. “You were the first person to talk to me as a friend in years, and I just… followed you. And it kept growing until if I told you, it would ruin everything. I just wanted to have a friend.”
“Oh, don’t you dare try pulling the pity card on me,” Kurt growled. “Did it ever occur to you that I’d be happier with a mage friend than a liar? And what in the gods’ blessed realms possessed you to go after Connor? To forge a mate claim, knowing fully well you are not a werewolf?!”
“He kept looking at you, like he wanted you,” Soren breathed. “I was just trying to protect-”
“Do I fucking look like I need anyone protecting me?” Kurt snapped.
“It just happened so fast… I just thought if he was with me, he’d leave you alone.”
“I could just kill you Soren. I fucking stood up for you. I did everything I could to help you and Connor stay together. You dragged me into this horseshit, and now my friendship with Connor is on the line because how the fuck do I explain I knew nothing about this?!”
“I’m sorry-”
“You’re sorry? You’re SORRY? Do you even know how fucked up this is?!” Kurt was nearly shaking with rage. “Can you even begin to comprehend what kind of shit you’re in here?!”
How bad would it be if he retreated back inside? Locked the door, sealed the windows, refused to come out for a year or two? No, Kurt would probably start a fire to smoke him out.
“It was over,” he tried. “I was going to stay away from him, let him forget me. Besides, I told his father I was a mage in front of him. Connor didn’t believe it.”
“So now it’s my fault,” Kurt snarled.
“No! I mean… kind of? I told you though. This was going to happen. I was trying to keep it from happening.”
“And when were you going to tell me?”
Soren winced. He rubbed the back of his neck. Gooseflesh lined his arms, and he suddenly felt the chill of the morning air.
“Do you know what it’s like being a werewolf?” Kurt asked quietly. It should have been impossible, but Kurt quiet was even scarier than when she was yelling. “Do you know what it’s like to be herded into a small room every morning, told how sick you are for being born, made to feel like you are less than a person? And you have the audacity to lay claim to that. To pretend that you are one of us. I don’t give a flying fuck why you did it. You did it.” Kurt spat, hitting the ground between Soren’s feet. “You disgust me, Soren Eilan.”
“I’m not a werewolf,” Soren croaked out. “But I’ve lived as one for eight years. Do you ever wonder why I live alone here?”
“I don’t want to hear some sob story about how you deserve my sympathy.”
“I don’t care!” Soren snapped. “Do you know what it’s like to be stuck for weeks as a wolf? It took days to figure out how to shift back! One day, Mom came home with a hole in her side from a boar. I watched from the window as my dad tried to save her. He died trying to heal her. For an entire week, I was alone in the house, an eleven year old wolf too scared to leave, too scared to even try to shift back in case I dropped dead. I couldn’t eat, I could barely get the toilet seat up for water.”
Tears pricked his eyes, but Soren wasn’t going to stop. This had never come out — he’d never mentioned this to anyone. The release was so freeing, to just let it all go.
“It wasn’t until I was near death, starving and dehydrated, that I risked going outside. I couldn’t hunt, I could barely find the river. I did the only thing I could do. I ate my parents. When they were gone, I tried to find my way to the city. A Wolf Patrol officer picked me up for truancy, and dropped me off at the school. He introduced me as a werewolf, and I couldn’t correct him. I spent the entire day in the WolfRoom as Samuel tried to coax me into shifting. He gave me food, water, clothes. What would he do if he found out I wasn’t a werewolf? I couldn’t risk that.”
Kurt’s face held a strange look, but Soren didn’t care. It felt so good to get this out in the open.
“That first year, I lived on campus, hiding in closets when everyone went home. I fed them a story about an orphanage — there’s no way I could ever tell them the truth. Samuel still thinks I’m just like any other orphaned werewolf. I was able to eat, and wash myself. I survived until summer. When the school closed for summer, I made the trek back home. What little fresh food I had didn’t last long, and I was back in the same position. I forced myself to shift, and I stayed in wolf form all summer. That became my usual form, because every time I shifted, I ran the risk of dying just like my parents. I taught myself how to survive, and I did it all as a werewolf.” He glared at Kurt, painful memories burning through him. “No, I don’t know what it’s like to be a werewolf. I never let anyone get close enough to find out. And this is why.”
“You should have told me,” Kurt scowled.
“Why? So you could tell everyone else? So you could destroy the support that keeps me alive because you think telling someone will help? Forget the WolfRoom, the whole school would kick me out if they knew I wasn’t a werewolf. For fuck’s sake, I’m not even enrolled in any classes!”
Kurt was silent. When she spoke again, her voice was steel.
“You still lied to me. To the entire family who’s only ever tried to help you. Instead of explaining any of this, you let us believe you were a werewolf. A sad backstory doesn’t take that away. We won’t shun you; my parents would never do something like that. But you better believe you have some sucking up to do.”
“What?” Soren gawked at Kurt. They were still… well, not friends exactly, but she still wanted to be around him, even after all that?
“You’re coming with me to muck the stalls. Then we’re going to temple. When we get to school, you are going to tell Miles you can’t run any more. At all,” Kurt said. “If I see you as a wolf ever again, you’re going to get it.”
“I can’t-”
“Do you think I don’t know what happens to mages?” Kurt growled, pushing Soren toward her house. “You need food, you ask for it. You need transportation, ask for it. You’re not burning yourself out any more. I want you to have a nice long life to think about what you did.”
“I’m not-”
Kurt whirled around. She reached up, grabbing Soren’s earlobe and tugging. Soren winced as he was pulled down.
“You are going to do exactly as I say. You owe us that at the very least.”
Soren gulped, reaching up to rub his sore ear.
“Yes ma’am,” he muttered.