Doctor Carlo and Brandon - 3. Lost A Day, What Else Aren't They Telling Me?

Dr. Ellis came back at exactly eleven o'clock. He pulled a chair close to the bed and started asking questions.

"So, you went to bed last night and you woke up here. What do you remember from before going to bed, on back? If you could try to go backwards in order, that would be helpful."

"Okay. We got the kids to bed and then had some alone time. Just before that, we all watched a movie. We cleaned up from dinner, which I made baked ziti for. Does it matter what the movie was?"

"No, keep going backwards."

"We took a shopping trip and were doing miscellaneous things around the house in the afternoon. I spent the morning seeing patients. The last one was a woman that was having some difficulties with her partner. Before that were two medication management cases. I had Eggos for breakfast after I showered and shaved."

"So, it was just those three patients?"

"Yes."

Dr. Ellis closed his eyes and raised his head toward the ceiling. He apparently wanted to be careful about what he said next.

"Do you remember Duncan Hanratty?"

I gave it a moment's thought, "Duncan? No, but I think, I'd remember that name."

"Okay. The answer to this next question will probably shock you. Do you know what day it is?"

"Seriously? It's Sunday."

"Here's the shocking part. It's actually Monday."

"No. That… that can't be right."

"Do you remember a Victor Templeton?"

"Yes. But how do you know who my patients are, um, were? And can we go back to it being Monday?"

"No. I'm a psychiatrist, like you. I got some information from your partners once I told them what happened. Some limited privilege extends to me now."

"Wait, so then this Duncan fellow is one of my patients too?"

He hesitated. I had to believe he was considering not answering me. That was half right. He denied the Monday query as well.

"What do you think Duncan is?"

I should have expected that.

"I think, based on this conversation, he is my patient. So, why don't I recognize the name?"

Again, he hesitates. This time, I beat him to the punch.

"Wait, he died, too, like Victor?"

"Is that a question?"

I was starting to get annoyed. Of course, this would be the same tactic I would use with a patient. No wonder they seemed frustrated sometimes. "Did it sound like a question?"

"It did."

"There you go. Did he? He had to have, otherwise you wouldn't have brought up Victor. He died, and I'm blocking that memory?"

"Another question?"

Annoyance level two reached. "YES, for fuck's sake! And don't ask me what I think about it."

He sighed, "Yes. You are apparently blocking all memories of Duncan Hanratty."

"Why?"

"I can't tell you that. At least not now. Do you remember anything about your group session from Wednesday?"

"Huh? Wednesday? What's next? What did I have for breakfast three weeks ago, Tuesday?"

"If you think that will help."

Piiiiiing! The annoyance meter just exploded. I may have been a little too loud, "Oh, for crying out loud! Fine. Wednesday. I know, I must have had one, but, no, I don't remember it. More Duncan? Never mind. Don't answer that. Of course, more Duncan."

"Okay. I've done all I think is useful for now. We need to let you calm down. Keep trying to remember Duncan Hanratty. Have a nurse text me if you remember anything possibly about him. And I do mean anything. Okay?"

"Calm down. Ya think?" I took a breath, "I'll try to remember things. It's not like I have a lot else to do."

"Good. I'll be back after evening rounds if I don't hear from you beforehand."

"Fine, see you later." Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

"So long, Dr. Marini."

"You may as well call me Carlo, since you're going to be inside my head for the foreseeable future."

He chuckled, "Okay, see you later, Carlo. I'm Hugh." I nodded.

Him inside my head? I’m trapped in there myself. I blacked out a whole fucking day? And everything about this patient? Even if he killed himself, it can't be worse than the way Victor did it. Can it? I decided I needed a nap more than I needed to think about my unknown patient.

I woke up to the smell of food. Someone ordered lunch for me, apparently. I know I didn't. Wait, am I sure I didn't? This blocked memory shit is for the birds!

"Hello, Mr. Marini. I hope you don't mind eating a fried chicken leg, vegetable soup, Jello, and tea. We weren't able to get a lunch order from you this morning."

"Yes, that's all fine."

"I'll leave a dinner menu and will pick it up when I retrieve your tray."

"Thank you."

I pulled the cover off my lunch. I thought to myself, ‘Great, my chicken leg is broken, just like… Duncan's? must be. I had another patient on Saturday, one with a broken leg.’ I rang the nurse.

"Yes, Mr. Marini?"

"Dr. Ellis said, I should have someone text him if I remembered anything else."

"Of course. What do you remember?"

"I remember having another patient on Saturday, one with a broken leg. But I can't be sure who it was."

"I'll pass that on. Anything else?"

"Not right now, no."

"Here's a pen and a pad. Write down things as you remember them, I'll come back a couple times this afternoon instead of stopping every time you remember something."

"Okay."

She nodded and left. So, a broken leg. I know I don’t have any other patients with a broken leg. Or do I? This not knowing shit for sure certainly sucks. Whatever happened to this Dun fellow must have been bad. Wait. Dun? Where the fuck did that come from? Write it down, idiot.

I finished lunch and looked at the dinner menu. Shepherd's pie. 'That's an odd thing on a hospital me… Chase Shepherd. He's got something to do with Hanratty. What is it? Having a feeling this menu was printed just for me, and they'd be out of Shepherd's pie if I ordered it, I ordered the pork chop. It was a safe bet that the chicken leg was broken on purpose. So, Ellis is dropping hints for me to trigger my memory. Shrewd.'

The kicker came when the orderly dropped off dinner.

"Here's your tray, Dr. M."

"Thanks."

Dr. M. Oh. Fuck. It all came rushing back. I felt like I was run over by a train. Once again, my brain took a ride out of town on that train. Fortunately, the orderly noticed something was wrong with me and called for help.

Sometime later, I hear, "…arlo. Carlo Marini? Can you hear me?"

I slowly opened my eyes. I was still in the hospital. Okay, so that part wasn't a dream. That probably means none of it is.

"There you are. How are you feeling? You gave us a bit of a scare there."

"I guess, I'm okay, Dr. Ellis, um, Hugh."

"The day nurse told me you remembered a couple things. And the orderly reported, you seemed to have blacked out when he brought your dinner."

"Yeah. I guess so. Those were cute tricks: The broken chicken leg, and Shepherd's pie on the menu. The ‘Dr. M.’ is what really did it."

"I felt, a couple prompts would help you remember things a bit at a time."

"That was true for the first two. Then, after the orderly called me ‘Dr. M.’, it all came rushing back. It overwhelmed me."

"Yeah, we know. That was almost two hours ago. Here is another memory test. Do you know these folks?"

He moved out of the way, and Brandon and the kids were there. I considered making a joke and saying ‘no’ but thought that would be too cruel. I'm sure they were worried about me. Besides, my smile would have given the joke away.

"Of course."

They all stepped forward to give me hugs, asking how I was.

Then Brandon said, "I stopped by just before lunch. You were asleep, I didn't want to wake you."

"That's okay. I'm glad you're here now."

The doctor interrupted the reunion, "So, do you remember everything?"

I hesitated, looking at the kids, "I'm not sure it's everything, but a lot, for sure. The newspaper article was my undoing."

"That's the most important piece. Recognizing the trigger will go a long way toward your recovery. I think you're mostly out of the woods, but I'd like to talk to you some more tomorrow, alone. I'll let you continue your visit, and I'll see you in the morning."

"Thanks, Hugh. I think I'll be alright now."

"I think so, too, but I'm not ready to release you just yet."

"I get it. See you tomorrow."

The doctor and nurse left, and I was alone with my family.

"That was really scary yesterday, Pop. You were just sitting there, like you were in a trance and couldn't hear anything we said."

"I'm sorry I scared you Billy, and you too Carla, and Brandon. It obviously wasn't on purpose."

"We know that. I'm glad you're back."

"Thanks, Carla. I am too."

The discussion turned to safer topics: What they did in school that day, plans for the next couple days. Really, we talked about anything except the eight-hundred-pound gorilla I invited into our lives. After they left, I couldn't control myself. I broke down in tears and shortly thereafter fell asleep, never even realizing. I didn't eat my dinner.

Breakfast the next morning looked like something I'd get from an all-you-can-eat buffet. There was a filled-out menu. Everything that was ordered was marked with a heart and a 'B.' Apparently, Brandon knew I'd be extra hungry and went all out. I couldn't finish it all, but figured I would keep the banana for a mid-morning snack.

Again, it was eleven o'clock when Dr. Ellis came by to talk to me. He had brought the copy of Duncan's file he'd gotten and quizzed me on what was there.

"I'd say, you've remembered pretty much everything. You seem to be in good spirits. I'm not concerned with your crying fit last night. That was to be expected, and, I think, probably went a long way to you getting past the emotional trauma you experienced. I'll set up your release. Call your husband and arrange to be picked up tomorrow afternoon. No patients for the rest of the week. I have already passed that on to your office, and you have an appointment with me, here at the hospital on Friday afternoon. Any questions?"

"No. Thank you for your help."

"Part of the job, as I'm sure you're aware. I'll see you later. I do want to watch you one more day."

"I get it. So long."

Brandon and the kids came by again after dinner. This time, my mind hadn't gone on a sabbatical. Wednesday, he texted me at lunchtime and said he'd leave work a half-hour early to pick up the kids, then come and get me. I was ready to go when they got here. Okay, I was ready an hour before that. Nobody had time to cook, so it was dinner out again. Chinese, this time.

The next two days went by terribly slowly. Sitting at home doing little to nothing didn't help the time pass. I have to admit, though, the house was cleaner and less cluttered than it had been in a long time. And Brandon's the neater of the two of us. On Friday, Dr. Ellis cleared me to begin seeing patients again. He did caution me to pay closer attention to signs that a patient was going downhill fast. Believe me, I told him, I'd never ignore the fact that a patient told me to go fuck myself again.

We spent Saturday at some of the numerous entertainment centers in the area. The highlights were Throwbacks, a video arcade, and Zero Latency, which hosted virtual reality games. The Jaguars were home Sunday afternoon, so we took in a game. We'd gotten Carla to be a fan, so even she had a pretty good time. Obviously, having them win would have been better, but the Texans look like the team to beat in the division this year.

Monday

Back at work, Vin chased me down before our patients started arriving.

"So, really, how are you doing?"

"I'm okay. Last weekend was scary, to be sure, but Dr. Hugh Ellis knows his stuff. If we're ever looking to expand and he wants out of the hospital environment, we could do a lot worse."

"Make sure you mention that to Lohman. I've heard rumors about Tsung Hsieh considering going back to Taiwan."

"Sure, I'll mention it to him later. I'm surprised about Tsung, though."

"I think it has more to do with family than anything else. His parents are still there, getting older, you know how it is."

"Yeah, although he's a bit older, so his parents would be older than mine. Mine are still a couple years shy of sixty."

"Yeah. Lunch today?"

"Sure, it'll have to be quick, though. Reschedules are a pain."

"No worries. I'll see you later."

"Ciao."

Fortunately, the morning's appointments all went well. Vin and I grabbed a couple slices of pizza at Mega's. Since it was pretty much around the corner, it was quick. I survived the afternoon without anybody jumping out a window on me. Although, being on the first floor, that really wouldn't have been a problem.

Tuesday

Brandon came home from work frazzled. I guess, it was his turn. One of their customers was in the middle of a major upgrade and things weren't going well.

"I'm not sure yet, but I might be going to Atlanta at the drop of a hat before the week is out. Things aren't going well with our latest upgrade with Delta, and they're starting to scream to get some developers there."

"Sucks being one of the smart ones, huh?"

He chuckled, "Yeah. So much for little to no travel. This'll be trip number five this year, and it's probably going to be another open-ended one. I hope I'm not gone for three weeks like April's trip."

"Hey, at least it's a short flight, not like that one. Kind of hard to come home for the weekend from San Diego. Atlanta's a little over an hour in the air, and only thirty minutes to the airport."

"Yeah, and a shuttle bus on the other side, with Delta being at the airport. If it does drag on, I can definitely break away."

"Maybe we can fly there and check out some things. The zoo, aquarium, maybe Coca-Cola."

"Yeah, that'd be pretty cool. Good idea. Watch, we think about making plans and I'll be back in two days."

"And exactly what would the odds be on that?"

"Heh. Yeah, like one in ten thousand on this one."

Brandon ended up going home at lunchtime the next day to pack. His boss told him to pack enough for five workdays but expect to send out to the laundry at least once, probably twice. He texted me and said, the following weekend in Atlanta would work.

So, I got to be a temporarily single dad again for more than a couple days. Brandon said fifth trip this year, but aside from three weeks in San Diego, La Jolla really, none of the others were more than two nights.

The next week and a half were hectic. Fortunately, there were no crises at work. Chase Shepherd never came back. With Duncan's suicide, he figured the threat to his son's manhood was gone, apparently. I knew better and expected to see Simon again. I was proved right when he showed up for the group session a week later.

"Hi, Dr. Marini. I know, I'm not a patient—Dad was—but is it okay, me being here tonight?"

"Of course. Depending how things go tonight, I may suggest that you come in for an appointment."

"Yeah. I was thinking about doing that. Between Dad's pigheadedness and Dun killing himself, I'm a little out of sorts. I figured, coming tonight would be a good first step."

"Any action when your head isn't fully engaged is a good first step. Time to get started."

"Welcome again everybody. We had a couple weeks off and many of you weren't here last week. My fault, I suppose. I didn't get the word out soon enough. My husband left on a business trip that day. Anyway, who has something they want to share?"

I purposely didn't look toward Simon, I didn't want to even give him the impression, I was pushing him. Fortunately, someone else spoke up. Names typically weren't used among the group. Often people wanted to remain somewhat anonymous. There were exceptions.

"Hi everybody, I'm Gail. I've been a patient for a while now, but always denied Dr. Marini's invites."

"What changed tonight? And you don't have to use your name going forward if you don't want to. You'll find that it's rare when someone introduces themselves."

"Okay. I didn't realize that. Tonight is different because I finally told my parents about Pa… my girlfriend."

She hesitated, so I prompted her, "How did that go?"

"Better than I expected. I think they were disappointed, but they didn't get angry, which obviously, is exactly what I was afraid of. We had a long talk, they told me they loved me, something that wasn't often said in our house. I wanted to share because I know the fear of parental reprisal is common. I was afraid they'd be mad, take away privileges, hell, even kick me out, plus any number of other things. All those fears were unfounded. I guess, I just want to say that your parents may surprise you if you're afraid of coming out."

There was quiet applause. I had stressed not being overly excited when someone shared. Polite applause went over better than loud applause and cheering. I looked around the circle.

"I'll say something."

"Go ahead."

"I'm sure some of you may remember me from the meeting debacle three weeks ago. It was my father that jumped my… my boyfriend. He'd caught Duncan and I having oral sex. I was afraid—rightfully so—that dad would go off the deep end. I'd told him that Duncan forced me. I never expected him to attack having a crowd around. When he broke Duncan's leg, it was just the three of us. It's been tough for me the past couple weeks. Duncan killed himself the Saturday after that meeting. I was very mean to him. Blamed him for getting my father arrested. I was angry and told him to go fuck himself, among other hurtful things. If I was civil to him, he'd still be alive.

"I guess, what I really wanted to say was: Think before you say something hurtful to someone. I mean, we're all here because we're unstable in some way. You can never know how someone else will react to those harsh words you speak. I didn't think. It cost me my best friend, no, my boyfriend, and to some extent, my father. Yeah, he's out on bail, but he's almost assuredly looking at some jail time. I feel so guilty, I know, I must tell him the truth. Duncan never forced me to do anything. I'll tell him, I'm gay and then likely lose him forever too."

"Thank you for sharing that. It had to be difficult. I don't believe it warrants even quiet applause, so if you all don't mind, let's skip that this time."

The next day, Simon called to make an appointment. Maxine pointed him at our portal to fill out the questionnaire and scheduled him for Monday morning, since he worked second shift.

I had another appointment with Dr. Ellis. It helped, so when Friday came and it was time to hop on a plane to Atlanta, I was ready to get away. I really missed Brandon this time around. His trip came too close on the heels of my breakdown.

Next up - "Another Getaway and Patient Crisis"