Window Stories - 17. Chapter 17

I woke up the next morning with one of those feelings where you just know it’s going to be a good day. I had a wonderful time last night. I feel that so much has been accomplished. My future looks brighter. The past year has been difficult. There were many times I felt like giving up. The stroke had taken away my will to live. For months I had trouble talking, and I could hardly move. I lay in my bed, and many times I wished that it would end.

But something happened last night. It was as if the storm had ended, and a beautiful rainbow appeared in the sky. I can now see a better tomorrow because I feel confident that I can return to my home. That was something I didn’t think was possible a month ago. I can picture Gary, Susan and Stanley living with me. Gary, I think, will approve. It may take some convincing to get Susan to accept the idea. She’s a very independent woman, so I have to somehow convince her to become my personal nurse. I don’t feel I need one, but it would be nice to have someone around who can help me with my meds. I take so many in one day, that I am afraid that I may get them confused. Before my stroke, I only took one for HIV. Now, I’m on about six different medications. I’m not even sure what some of them are for. Susan or another nurse hands them to me, and I pop them in my mouth.

I’m also excited about meeting my grandson, Allen. Colin thinks that he wants to see me, too. For the first time since I left Eloise, I feel that I may have a family again. This time I want to do everything right. I’m an old man now without too many years left. I want to spend my final years surrounded by family. I’m sure Dwight would approve of any decisions I make. He tried unsuccessfully for years to try to get me and Roger to reunite. He told me once that he tried to talk to Roger, but Roger was rude on the phone and hung up. I don’t think he ever called him again.

Susan came into the room around seven. She seemed to be in a better mood. She flitted around the room humming a song as she cleaned. When I asked her the reason, she smiled and said, “No reason. I just feel good today.” I wanted to talk to her about my plans, but I decided to wait until I talked to Colin. I didn’t want to disappoint her if my plans fell apart because of Roger’s actions.

Jason was also in a good mood when he came in to take me to the PT room. I walked unassisted with my walker. He praised me and told me how much of an improvement he had seen recently.

“I’ve got a reason,” I told him as I cheerfully did my therapy routine. Since several other people were in the room, I wasn’t able to kid him about Colin. I’m sure he was the reason for Jason’s good mood. As I walked back to my room, I asked him how things were going.

“Better than I ever thought possible,” he replied. “God, I can’t believe how much we love each other.”

“Love or lust,” I joked.

“No, Phil,” he said seriously as he sat down in a chair. “I really love him. It’s like I woke up from a dream one morning, and everything I ever wanted came true.” Tears fill his eyes.

“You’re lucky, Jason,” I said. “That’s something most people never experience.” I reached out and patted his hand. “I’m happy for you and Colin.”

“Thanks, Phil,” he responded as he leaned forward and hugged me. He rose and left hurriedly so I wouldn’t see him cry.

I was surprised when Mr. Maxwell entered my room and closed the door. He sat in the chair and looked at me. At first, I was worried that something had happened. He cleared his throat and said, “Phil, I understand that you are confused what happened when you entered St. Joseph.” I nodded my head, but I didn’t say anything.

“I’ve talked to Colin, and I want to assure you that I was aware of your mental status after your stroke. I was very careful to protect your rights. When I met with your son, Roger, it involved a legal matter. To accept you, we needed someone to be responsible for your registration since you were incapacitated then. I did some research and found that you had no power of attorney. Therefore, I had to have a relative to sign the consent forms. It appears that Roger was your closest living relative. It took some time to get him to agree. Your attorney was instrumental in getting him to come in.” I again nodded my head but said nothing.

“The only forms your son signed in my presence was your registration forms to get you the help you needed here. There were no other documents signed. I’m also not privy to anything that occurred between Roger and your attorney. You’ll have to ask him about that.”

“Thank you, Mr. Maxwell,” I responded appreciatively. At least I know that Roger didn’t try to gain access to my accounts through Mr. Sullivan. I’m quite sure that Michael didn’t let him do anything that I wouldn’t have approved of.

He sat back and smiled. “Do you have any questions for me? How is your treatment going?” I told him how much I enjoyed Susan and Jason. He smiled and told me that they were both wonderful employees.

I was reluctant to ask, but I wanted to know if there would be any problem with hiring Susan as my personal nurse. He listened carefully as I explained my plans.

“First,” he replied. “I looked at Jason’s reports before coming in here. You’ve made excellent progress. I was going to recommend an independent living facility, but the ultimate decision must be made by you. As caregivers, we can only recommend. You’re not confined to a prison. In fact, if you want to get up and leave right now, there is nothing I can do to stop you.”

“Secondly,” he continued, “About hiring Susan as your nurse. That is her decision. However, if she does, she’s going to lose valuable benefits that come from working here, like health insurance and a retirement plan. That is why there are licensed home care nurses that work for agencies.”

“I understand that,” I replied. “Are you familiar with her personal life?”

“You mean her divorce? Yes, I’m aware, but I can’t discuss her personal life with a resident.”

“I understand,” I said. “She’s confided in me. What I want to do is have her and her son live with me. I will compensate her for her nursing services, and I’ll also provide her with a safe place to stay. Would there be a problem with that?”

He studied me a moment and asked, “Have you discussed this with Susan?”

“No,” I assured him. “I want to make sure that I can reopen my home again. I haven’t lived there for a year. I plan to ask her in the next day or two. I don’t want to do it if it will create some conflict of interest.”

“Phil,” he said. “I’m going to be honest. I don’t know. I’ve never come across this issue before. I do have nurses who volunteer their services to various organizations, but I don’t know how it works with them working for a patient while employed here. Personally, I don’t have any objections. To me it seems to be a reasonable solution. Perhaps, to avoid any legal conflicts, you could allow her to rent your home. What she does when she is there would be between you and her. If you hire her as your personal nurse, it could create a conflict. Do you understand what I am saying?”

I smiled and said, “Yes, Mr. Maxwell. I understand.” He winked, rose and shook my hand.

“I’m glad you’re making a markable improvement, Phil. I’m going to hate to see you leave.” He turned and left the room.

Twenty minutes after Mr. Maxwell left, Colin entered. He sat down and let out a big sigh. “What’s wrong?” I asked worriedly.

“Nothing,” he replied. “It’s been a busy morning.”

“I’m sorry I’ve created so many problems for you,” I apologized. “I know you’re just a counselor, and I’ve asked you to do so many things for me.”

He assured me, “It’s no problem, Phil. I’m gaining a lot of experience. I’ve learned more the past few days than anything I was taught in a college class.”

“I still don’t want to burden you with all my problems,” I insisted.

Tears welled up in my eyes when he said, “Phil, you’re like a grandfather to me. I don’t even consider you a patient anymore. What I’m doing for you is what I would do for any family member who needed my help.”

He opened his briefcase and pulled out a folder. After thumbing through it, he looked at me and smiled. “I was on the phone with Mike before I came here. He says everything looks in order. I also contacted a home inspector, and he’s coming to your house this afternoon to take a look at things. Mike will meet him there. If all goes well, I’ll hire a maid service and a pool company to make sure the house is moved-in ready. Have you talked to Susan yet?”

“Not yet,” I replied. “I was waiting to hear from you. I’ll try to talk to her tonight before she goes home. What about Stanley? Can he move in with her?”

“I met with Stanley last night for a counseling session. He’s doing very well. When he returned to his room, I talked to his resident supervisor, and I told him about the possibility that Susan may be finding a place to stay. He says as long as I can continue to counsel him, he sees no reason why he can’t be released.”

“That is great news!” I remarked excitedly. “Susan will be elated.”

“When I leave here, I’m going to talk to her,” he said. “Stanley’s supervisor gave me permission to discuss the conditions of his release with her. If she moves into your home, she is going to have to enroll him in a school.”

I told him that there was a private school just a few blocks away. It might be better for Stanley to attend than a public school. It would also be within walking distance. The public high school was several miles away, and he would have to take public transportation to get there.

I looked at the door when a man entered. Colin quickly rose from his seat and approached him. He put his hand on his back and led him over to the bed. My heart began pounding when I noticed a young boy standing timidly behind him. He was the boy in the window. My grandson, Allen, had come to visit me! The boy behind him was Derek, my great grandson!

Colin and Allen approached the bed. “Phil,” said Colin nervously. “This is Allen.” Allen reached out to shake my hand. However, a handshake wasn’t enough. I pulled myself up and sat on the side of the bed. I dropped my feet to the floor and stood. I then opened my arms, fell into Allen’s body and began crying uncontrollably. Allen wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly. He motioned for the small boy to come closer. When he did, I pulled him into me and held him tightly.

I had finally been reunited with my family!

After I gained my composure, I asked Colin for my walker. “I want to go outside and talk.” The stark room didn’t seem appropriate for a reunion. I wanted to inhale the fresh air as I talked to Allen.

Allen held my waist as I walked outside. Derek gripped the handle on my walker and stared at me as I slowly made my way down the sidewalk. We walked to a secluded area with several patio chairs. Allen helped me sit, and then sat down beside me. Derek sat beside him, and Colin sat to my right.

I looked at Allen and smiled. “This is the most wonderful day of my life,” I said. For years, I’ve wondered about you.”

Allen frowned and replied, “Dad told me you were dead.” He looked over at Colin. “I didn’t know you were alive until Colin called me a few nights ago. I was so happy when he told me about you.”

We talked for over an hour. Allen told me that he is thirty-four years old. He is married to Lucy. They have three children, two girls and a boy, Derek. Derek is eleven years old. I have a picture in a scrapbook that my mother gave me. There is a picture of me at that age. Derek and I look remarkably alike. Allen doesn’t look like me, but there is no doubt that Derek is my great grandson.

He's small with curly blonde hair. Freckles dot his face like I had at eleven. He has beautiful brown eyes, and his hair is long and hangs over his ears. He’s cute, but I guess all grandparents say that. He’s also extremely timid. He sat with his body pressed into Allen. He avoided making eye contact with me and Colin. When I would ask him a question, he would look at Allen and respond. I couldn’t decide if he was just timid around strangers, or if he was mildly autistic.

Allen told me he was a carpenter, and he had his own business with ten employees. He sounds like he is rather successful. His wife, Lucy, is a fourth-grade schoolteacher. I told Allen how I had been a teacher, principal and counselor. I was surprised to learn that Lucy attended the same school where I was a principal. She must have been a good student, or I would have known who she was.

The conversation soon turned to my son, Roger. Allen seemed very cautious when he talked about him. I think he was afraid to say anything in front of Derek about his father’s reaction to me being gay. He said that Roger had been a banker until he recently retired and moved to Colorado. I got the feeling that Allen knew about my past life and marriage to Dwight. I’m sure that Roger had probably ranted about it in front of him. I decided that I would wait until a later date to discuss it with him.

I tried to talk to Derek, but he was timid and answered my questions with brief responses. Allen even laughed and said that he is that way with everyone. I did find out he was in the fifth grade, and he and his sisters attended the private school I wanted Stanley to attend.

When Allen stood and announced that he had to leave, my heart felt heavy. I didn’t want the afternoon to end. It had been so enjoyable to spend time with my lost family. After Dwight died, I felt all alone in the world. Now, I have reunited with my family. Family. What a wonderful word.

After returning to my room, Allen assured me that he would visit quite often. He seemed pleased to have found his grandfather. Derek smiled slightly when I told Allen to bring his son with him. I told him that I also hoped to be able to meet his wife Lucy and two daughters. I had to hold back tears when he said, “Bye, Pops.” That was what Roger called me when he was a little boy. Roger must have used that name when referring to me.

After they left, Colin said he had to leave also. “I have to find Susan and talk to her,” he reminded me. After he left, I closed my eyes to rest. I was exhausted. It had been a very emotional day.

I was awakened from my sleep about an hour later when Susan came rushing into the room. “Phil,” she asked excitedly. “What is all this about? Colin said you want me to move into your house. I can’t do that.”

“Yes, you can,” I insisted. “You need immediate housing, and I can provide that for you.” I pointed to a chair and asked her to sit down. I spent the next fifteen minutes telling her about my plans. I told her how she and Stanley could stay with me until she was able to sell her house. I didn’t tell her that I hoped that it would become permanent. I just hoped that once she moved in, she wouldn’t want to leave.

“Besides,” I said. “I talked to Mr. Maxwell this morning. I may be released soon. I’ll need someone to continue to give me my daily medications. I’ve depended on you for a year now.”

She asked skeptically, “You’re not planning on hiring me to be your nurse, are you?”

“No,” I insisted. We discussed how she could take care of me when I first arrived home. I assured her of my progress, and it wouldn’t be too long before I could live independently. She smiled when I told her about Gary, and that he might move in with me.

I knew my plan was successful when she said, “I insist on paying you rent.”

“Then I insist on paying you for taking care of me,” I said.

We sat for a few minutes just staring at each other. It seemed like we had come to a stalemate. I was beginning to feel that my plan might fail. I didn’t want Susan’s money, and she didn’t want me to pay her for being my nurse.

Finally, I sighed and suggested, “Let’s do this. You need me, and I need you. I will rent you and Stanley a room in my house for $1 a month. In return, I’ll pay you $1 a month to distribute my medication to me.”

“Phil,” she said excitedly, “I can’t live in your…”

“Yes, you can,” I interrupted. “I won’t take no for an answer.”

Susan rose and walked over to the bed. She then leaned down and kissed me on my forehead. “You’re such a special man.” She began to cry. I put my arm around her and patted her on the back.

“Deal?” I asked her softly.

“Deal,” she responded tearfully.

I replied, “Wonderful. I’ll have Colin take us to my home after you get off work tomorrow. If all goes as planned, you and Stanley can arrange to move in this weekend.” She nodded, smiled and left the room. I was more hopeful than ever that I might be returning home soon.

When Jason arrived at my room the next morning, he was accompanied by Mr. Maxwell and another man who I didn’t recognize. Mr. Maxwell walked over as Jason was helping me from bed. I grabbed the handles to my walker and looked at him.

“Phil,” he said as he pointed to the other man. “This is Dr. Hockman. He’s an expert on neurological disorders. I’ve asked him to visit today to evaluate your progress. Do you have an objection?” I quickly looked at Jason, but he said nothing. I know it is my ultimate decision to leave, but I will feel more secure knowing that I am healthy enough to do so. The last thing I need is to return home and then suffer another stroke.

“Sure,” I agreed. Jason instructed me to walk to the physical therapy room unassisted. I was determined to try my best. I walked with a quicker step than other times. Jason kept encouraging me as I walked. I was able to do it in six minutes rather than my normal ten minutes. I was short of breath, but I refused to sit and rest. Jason had me do some upper body exercises while Mr. Maxwell and Dr. Hockman stood off to the side and watched.

I exercised for about twenty minutes before Jason said that I should return to my room. Dr. Hockman stopped me and had me enter a small private room. He told Jason and Mr. Maxwell to remain outside.

“How do you feel, Phil?” he asked as he felt my pulse. He reached into his bag and pulled out a stethoscope and listened to my heart. He then took out a blood pressure kit and took my blood pressure. It was a little elevated, but not much. As he put his equipment back into the bag, he said, “You seem to be doing well. How are you feeling? Any dizziness or light-headedness? Any weakness in your legs?”

“I feel fine,” I said. He pushed the wheelchair toward me.

“I’m going to order a few tests. I want to make sure that everything is fine.”

I asked, “Do I have to go to the hospital?”

“No,” he replied. “They will be cognitive tests. I believe you’ve taken them before.” I nodded my head. I remember when I had my stroke last year doctors asked me a series of questions. I didn’t do well then, but I’m confident I will perform better now.

When we left the room, he and Mr. Maxwell headed down the hallway to Mr. Sullivan’s office. Jason asked, “How are you feeling?”

“I’m going great,” I assured him. “Do you think they will release me?”

“I don’t see why not,” he replied. “You’ve made a remarkable improvement lately.” On the way back to the room, I told him about my talk with Colin and Susan. Jason seemed excited that Susan may move into my house. He assured me that he and Colin would visit me often.

“Besides,” he smiled, “I want to swim in that big pool.”

I laughed and replied, “Only if you go skinny dipping and I can watch.”

“Bet,” he laughed. “I’m not ashamed of my body. I don’t have anything to be ashamed of.”

“That’s what I heard,” I chuckled as I extended my fingers eight inches.

“Nope,” laughed Jason as he held his hands nine inches apart.

“Damn!” I replied with wide eyes. “Colin can’t measure.”

Jason appeared to blush as he laughed and said, “It just depends on what you are using to measure.” He laughed uproariously as he turned and left the room.

“Damn!” I muttered again. I was excited about the possibility of watching him skinny dipping in the pool.

I spent the afternoon alone in my room watching television. Colin called me earlier to tell me that he might not visit until late afternoon. Susan seemed to be avoiding me because she didn’t come into my room. She usually brings me my meds around 1pm, but another nurse gave them to me.

Just before five, Colin arrived. With him was a tall boy who appeared to be about sixteen. I at once assumed he may be Stanley. I was right. Colin pulled him to the side of my bed and introduced him. He then brought my walker over and suggested that we go outside to talk. When we sat on the bench we normally sit, Colin praised me for how well I was walking. I told him about the meeting with Dr. Hockman.

“It looks like you may be going home soon,” he said happily.

“I hope so,” I responded. I looked over at Stanley and asked him how he was doing. He said he was fine, and Colin explained that this was the first time that he had been allowed to leave. Stanley’s face reddened when he informed me of that.

Our conversation began awkwardly. I realized that Colin had to be careful what he said, and Stanley wasn’t making it easy for him. So, finally, I took a chance and said, “So, I understand you are gay?” Stanley’s eyes widened as he stared at me. “Don’t be embarrassed,” I said. “So am I.”

“You’re gay?” he asked surprisingly. “I didn’t think old men could be gay.”

“Old man?” I laughed as I clutched my chest. “Boy, I’ve been sucking dick since I was twelve.”

That seemed to open the door. Stanley laughed and apologized. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I just can’t picture someone your age in bed with another man.”

Colin started laughing uproariously. “Oh, what do you know?” I pretended to be insulted. “You’ve just started sucking dick.” Colin’s eyes widened as he looked at Stanley. Stanley was staring back at him.

“Oops,” I apologized. “You didn’t tell him?”

“You’re gay?” asked Stanley. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Colin’s face reddened as he said, “We are dealing with your problems, not mine.”

“Being gay isn’t a problem,” I interrupted. “In fact,” I smiled, “I consider it a blessing.” I looked at Stanley, and he was smiling. I sat back and asked, “So, what do three gay guys talk about?” When they didn’t say anything, I suggested, “Men?”

That seemed to break the ice. I briefly told Stanley how I had come out at twelve. I told him that I had married to avoid being drafted, and that I later got a divorce. I then told him about meeting Dwight, and the relationship we shared. He listened attentively. I wanted to make sure that he realized that he could find happiness.

Colin took the cue, and he told Stanley about his relationship with Jason. Since they had just been together for a short time, there wasn’t much to relate. I got a big laugh from Stanley when I held my fingers apart nine inches when Colin was telling him what Jason looked like.

Stanley seemed to be enjoying himself. Susan came out once, but I waved her off. I didn’t want Stanley to feel uncomfortable. I wanted him to discuss how he felt being gay.

I asked, “When did you begin identifying as gay?”

He shrugged his shoulders and said, “I dunno. I just always knew.”

“That’s the thing about being gay,” I said. “People ask when we knew we were gay. You don’t just wake up one morning and say, ‘Hey, I’m gay.’ Do straight people wake up and say, ‘Hey, I’m straight.’”

“That’s what I mean,” replied Stanley. “No one understands me.”

I reached out and patted his arm. I looked at Colin and said, “We do.”

Okay. Here goes. Next chapter: Final chapter. 🙃 I know you hate reading that. Seriously, I'm glad everyone is enjoying the story so much.