Ralph: Breaking free - 18. Humble pie, domesticity and Dragons’ Den

Saturday was certainly not an ordinary morning. For a start Nolan was there, and he coped pretty well with the chaos of an early start with the twins. He would take them to football; it meant them arriving well before they needed to, but they professed themselves delighted to be able to help Nolan setting things up. The girls had popped their heads around the bedroom door and given the two men a bright, good-morning smile. Nolan had pulled the covers right up to his neck, understandable but also a bit funny.

Ralph took advantage of the morning to catch up on real work. But as he worked, something kept percolating through his brain. He didn’t want to do it, but it was the most sensible thing to do. He’d have to eat a bit of humble pie, but might, however, still get his ear bitten off, or more. But the advice would be worth it.

Eventually he bit the bullet and phoned his parents. His Mother’s response to his voice was distinctly cool but he quickly explained that he wanted to speak to his Father on a legal matter. His Father’s voice was the clipped, no-nonsense business one. Ralph explained what had happened to Nolan and how they needed some pointers about next steps. Then before he lost courage, he quickly added that Nolan, the man in question, was the guy he was seeing.

>This man is your boyfriend?

“Yes”, it wasn’t worth getting into semantics.

His Father said that he would phone Ralph back. Ralph half expected a cool brush off. There was no question of being invited to tea, his parents definitely would not be extending that invitation again soon.

>Your Mother does not feel that it is appropriate at the moment for you to come to tea.

“Fair enough.”

>Will that man be with you tomorrow?

“No, he’s working. He has classes.”

>On a Sunday?

“It’s when his clients are free.”

>I see.

A pause.

>You remember Fristen Park.

A statement, not a question.

>There is a refreshment pavilion near the lake. There, at two pm; your Mother can take Jane and Alisa for an ice cream, and we can talk. I am not a criminal law specialist, you are aware of that are you not, Ralph?

“Father, you’ve got more experience than anyone I know. We just need a few pointers.”

>We, Ralph?

“Whatever else he is, Nolan is a friend in need. I’m helping him every way I can.”

>Do you have an interest in this business, then? A financial interest?

“No, Father. It is strictly Nolan and Verne’s baby.”

>And Verne is?

Oh God, this was going to go for ever, Ralph suspected his Father would insist on pursuing all the information to its logical conclusion.

>Verne is Laverne McMahon; she co-founded the business with Nolan, and she gives classes. I can bring some information for you tomorrow.

“Thank you, Ralph. If I am to give sensible advice, then I shall need adequate briefing.”

By the end of the call, Ralph wanted to scream, but then dealing with his Father was always like that.

Ralph was, inevitably, late collecting the girls and still in a bad mood, thanks to his Father. But they had been helping Nolan and his volunteers tidy up and seemingly were in a happy mood. Ralph realised, with a lurch, that he’d planned to do a food shop that morning. So, after a quick lunch they went off to the big Sainsbury’s and he let the girls choose what they would have for dinner. Not necessarily the most sensible thing to do, he knew, but spicy vegetable pilaf and dal with grilled tofu at least seemed do-able.

There was an old canal nearby, no longer used it formed an oasis of nature, and they walked along it whilst the girls quizzed him about Nolan – where was he (at class), would he eat with them, (no, Nolan would eat with Ralph later), would we do something with him tomorrow…

Ralph had to explain about going to his parents, but that they would be in the park and not having tea with Grandma. They seized on the fact immediately; did that mean they wouldn’t have to wear their best dresses? Why not. They would be playing in the park for God’s sake, not having tea with the Queen. So, it was yes to their new overalls, which perked them up no end.

In fact, Nolan arrived whilst the twins were eating so he sat, chatted, and allowed them to feed him bits and pieces. He also pretended to steal pieces of tofu from them (somewhat singed, not Ralph’s best effort), when they weren’t looking.

Whilst the girls watched television, Ralph tidied up the kitchen but before he could sort out some dinner for Nolan and him, Nolan started looking through the food in the fridge. And so, an hour later, the result was an impressive looking frittata, Nolan called it. Ralph would have said tortilla or Spanish omelette, but it was full of bits and pieces from the fridge, and there would be some left over for his lunch on Monday. Their lunch, Ralph remembered, because Nolan would need something packing up too.

They joined the girls and had pleasant evening on the sofa until their bedtime.

“Sorry about the cosy domesticity, but when the girls are around then life’s like that.”

“And when they’re not around, you work too much.”

Ralph smiled, “Something like that.”

“What were they saying about your parents? I thought you weren’t seeing them at the moment?”

“I decided to eat a small amount of humble pie so that I could get Father’s advice on how you stand legally and what you ought to do.”

“He does know that I’m your boyfriend, right?”

“Yep. But I tacked that on after the embezzlement story. And Father likes a good meaty underdog to fight for.”

“So, you’re forgiven?”

“Not a whit. We meet in the park, on neutral ground”, Ralph laughed. “The girls won’t have to put up with Granny’s tea party.”

“And he’ll give you advice?”

“Not on a legal basis. But he’ll give us pointers, what steps to take, what not to do. That sort of thing. By the way, anything from the police?”

“Not a thing.”

“Typical.”

---

Norman’s first response when Ralph asked for advice had been no. The disgusting phrase, uttered by some American television private detective came to mind, ‘No fucking way’. But then he’d thought about it and talked to Sheila. Would he have worked for someone like Ralph’s so-called friend? A pervert? Sheila had pointed out that there had been all sorts as clients over the years. That the man was a pervert didn’t alter the fact that he’d been swindled, did it?

The problem was, part of Norman thought that because the man was a pervert who had seduced and corrupted Ralph, then surely, he deserved what was coming to him. If this Nolan bloke hadn’t been on the scene, Ralph would have been happy, found himself a girlfriend and forgotten about all this nonsense.

But there were other people involved, people who would suffer; it was a business not one man, and surely, they weren’t all perverts.

There was another problem too. Whilst part of Norman believed in people getting their just deserts, the trained, orderly, legal part of his mind insisted that if everyone got just retribution like that, then the rationality of the law was gone, and the result would be…

What?

So, he’d said yes. After all it was only advice, wasn’t it.

---

Sunday morning was relatively gentle. The girls got up late, for them, but let the two men be, though Ralph could hear them talking quietly in their bedroom. The two men cuddled, but nothing more. Ralph wasn’t sure whether he was up for anything, and Nolan felt tense beside him.

“You OK?”

“I can hear your daughters.”

Ralph laughed, “Sorry, it’s not the most soundproof of houses. I’m used to it?”

“But what if they come in here?”

“Don’t worry, they’ll knock and wait for an answer, like yesterday.”

“I’ve been around children a lot, I like them for God’s sake, but suddenly it’s freaking me out.”

Ralph leaned over and kissed him, “Stay right there.”

Nolan rolled his eyes and forbore to give a response. Ralph got up and pulled on a dressing-gown that was hanging on the back of the door.

“I didn’t know people still worth those”, Nolan had a small smile on his face, finally.

Ralph tutted, “When you have kids, they’re a necessity.”

Ralph went to the twins’ room, the door was open, but he tapped on it before entering. He was going to have to get used to this, growing girls were going to like their privacy, too. They were sitting in bed, crammed into one bed together, with a book.

“How about if you make breakfast. Can I trust you?”

“Dad!”

“Of course.”

“Does Nolan drink coffee?”

“Yes. And you be careful, use the coffee maker.”

“Yes, Daddy.”

The two got up, grins on their faces. They didn’t stop to put on their dressing gowns but as they were in pyjamas (Jane’s were covered in owls whilst Alisa’s were covered in sheep), it hardly mattered. As the pattered downstairs, chattering excitedly, Ralph returned to the bedroom.

“We have a respite; they are making breakfast.”

“Breakfast?”

“Believe it or not, it’s a treat. They’ll fuss for ages, and you have to eat everything, or they’ll be upset.”

Nolan shook his head, “OK. So, we shower?”

“No. Breakfast in our sleep clothes, shower after. Sunday morning treat.”

“You might not have noticed but I haven’t got any night clothes on.”

Ralph grinned, “Then we’ll have to get you some, won’t we?” But he leaned down and kissed Nolan whilst slipping a hand under the covers. Nolan did relax and the sex was fast and furious.

Nolan was blushing when they finally walked down the stairs, “You sure they won’t have heard?”

Ralph shook his head, “Too much noise.”

The sound system was playing one of the girls’ favourite playlists, songs from films like Mulan and Finding Nemo that they liked. Coffee was burbling its way through the coffee maker. It had been expensive, but it meant that the girls could make Ralph breakfast without him worrying over them and the danger of hot kettles of water. Alisa was standing on a stool, checking on the coffee whilst Jane was watching something in the micro-wave.

The meal was, for the girls, quite a normal affair, Ralph had had crazier breakfasts made by them. They sat down to Greek yogurt, fruit, and cereal, then croissants and jam. The girls were most solicitous of Nolan, and he dutifully ate everything.

“You realise that I’ll probably explode on the pitch today”, Nolan smiled as he washed Ralph’s back. Having two bathrooms had seemed a luxurious extravagance when he first bought the house, but Ralph was learning. The two men didn’t actually shower together, there wasn’t room, but Nolan leaned in and washed Ralph’s back, and other bits.

Washed and dressed, yet still moaning that he was as full as an egg, Nolan dashed off for his lunchtime class. Then he would be playing football with friends later.

Ralph stood at his wardrobe, wondering what to wear. Normally he tried to match his parents’ expectations, but on a whim, he put on the striped linen shirt he’d bought for the picnic with Nolan and the girls. His one and only casual jacket would have to do, it was only the park after all.

The twins had duly dressed in the overalls and new t-shirts. But they appeared with scarves in their hands. Bought for some occasion he’d forgotten; they were insistent the scarves had to go round their necks as neckerchiefs. He had to have a few goes before fastening them to the girls’ satisfaction. The results were alarmingly rakish, like nine-year-olds trying to be Marlene Dietrich. Ralph was sure that there was a film where she dressed like that. He shook his head, stop wool-gathering.

After a snack for lunch, he drove down to Bedston; the park was familiar territory, Sunday afternoon walks had been taken there. The pavilion was a strange 1960s structure, an odd addition to the park’s largely early 20th century buildings. There was a café inside, but his parents were sitting outside, of course, his Father in a light suit, his Mother in smart dress and jacket; practical, sensible, and entirely what might be expected. Greetings were cool, the girls were subdued.

“What on earth are the girls’ wearing?”

The two ignored that his Mother’s question had not been directed at them and answered promptly before Ralph could think of a suitable reply.

“Our new all-in-ones Grandma.”

“Daddy bought them for us.”

“He says they are practical.”

“For when we are in the park.”

Ralph gave his Mother a small smile, “What they said. Besides, I think they look very attractive.”

His Mother stared at him, “I hardly think…”

“Mother, I don’t think this is the time or the place to discuss the twins’ dress. Besides they are happy.”

The twins looked anxiously from their Father to his Mother and back, then she sniffed and with a cry of ‘Girls’, moved away, twins in tow.

“This young man, is he trustworthy?”

Trust his Father to plunge straight in with no preliminaries, Ralph nodded, “He’s the same age as me, Father. He and his business partner, Verne, have both worked enormously hard so that they can devote their time exclusively to their business.”

“And it pays them?”

“Adequately, and there are other employees. I’ve brought some information.”

Ralph presented his Father with the folder containing Nolan’s updated business plan and other information. The two sat in silence whilst his Father read through everything, slowly and in great detail. His Father had brought his own notes with him, and by the end of the meeting, Ralph had some good pointers for Nolan.

To give his Father his due, the man had been entirely helpful and businesslike, but when they finished there was a pause and Ralph knew there’d be a lecture as well.

“Your Mother and I are not happy about any of this.”

“Let me interrupt you, Father. I am 35 and I have decided that I am living life by my rules, not yours.”

“Running about with another man is not seemly.”

“My rules, Father. I’ve tied myself in knots trying to please you and Mother over the years. I have a successful business.”

“Building websites”, this was said almost in inverted commas, “that pander to the basest instincts. Your latest client, you proudly proclaim them on your website but Ralph, indecent swimming apparel for men who should know better.”

“Iverson’s are a good client and Maurice Ventura who owns it, is a good friend.”

“You never were a good judge of character, Ralph. You should listen to older and wiser heads.”

“I think that this meeting is at an end, don’t you Father?”

The twins were happily eating ice cream; his Mother seemed surprised to see him, but Ralph said their goodbyes. Later, sitting in his local park, watching the twins letting off steam on the climbing frame, he reflected on the afternoon. He had never been so direct with his parents, and never had the divide between Ralph and them been so obvious. They persisted in viewing him as his teenage self, in need of advice and guidance on the correct path, their path. He thought it would feel good to stand up for himself, but it didn’t. He still felt stupidly guilty; however, the sound of his phone dragged him out of his reverie.

Russ Kahn’s telephone voice was surprisingly low and sexy. Quite a surprise. Ralph explained that Nolan was not around, but Kahn wanted to speak to him. Kahn had a question, why should he interest himself in Nolan and Verne’s fitness business.

---

“It was like the bloody Dragons’ Den.”

Nolan laughed, “I never watch it.”

Ralph gave an expressive shrug, “I don’t reckon to, but I’ve caught the beginning or end sometimes.”

“And what did he want?”

“For me to sell the idea of your company to him, evidently.”

“Why the fuck!”

“Because he’s an evil and manipulative bastard. Or perhaps because I was the one that mentioned your problems to Morrie. Sorry. It never occurred to me.”

“That you’d be on your very own episode of Dragons’ Den.”

The two laughed, “Look. You’ve said what you think about Russ Kahn, so we can let this run its course and then walk away.”

Nolan shook his head, “If he wants to, I’ll talk to him.”

“You will?”

“Stupid not to, eh? Thinking about it, and that’s what Verne thinks too. Hear what he has to say”, Nolan pulled a face, “if anything. Did he give you any feedback?”

Ralph gave a half shrug, “He’ll be touch.”

“Great. His timescale, not ours.”

Ralph gave Nolan a hug and the two relaxed for a bit, Ralph had something else buzzing around in his brain. “Where do you want to sleep next week?”

“Next week?” Nolan scrunched up his face, “Here, I thought?”

“Sorry, I meant in my room or the twins?”

“If it’s OK, the twins. I love being here, but I think spending every night with you…”

“Might be a bit much.”

“Yes”, Nolan looked relieved.

“If you want space to work or chill then you can use downstairs, there’s a small reception/sitting area that’s pretty comfortable.”

“Thanks. I think chilling in front of the TV and then quiet time in the girls’ bedroom will work.”

Ralph chuckled, “Oh, and they’re worried about you being lonely.”

“Lonely!”

“Yes. So, they’re leaving out Mulan and another doll, whose name I’ve forgotten, to keep you company.”

“To keep an eye on me, more like.”

“And report back next weekend.”