Living in Surreality - 14. Chapter 14

chapter 14:
: edited by viv :

Just as Matt and Valerie had mentioned, the rumors concerning them had died down. The only real questions Jacob had received as he sat down at the lunch table were about how it felt to beat down Jay Henderson. He was in the middle of describing just that, when Brendon Murphy walked up to the table and sat down, Jacob could have claimed that sauntered was more the word for it, if he was being derogatory.

Nathan, John, and Deacon quickly excused themselves with Brendon's arrival, begging off for a variety of reasons. John was going to hang out with his girlfriend, who was held after class yet again, Nathan claimed he had to look something up in the library, and Deacon offered to go with, but not before looking at Jacob curiously. Jacob chuckled knowing that the real reason they all abandoned their territory had more to do with constant pushing on Brendon's part to attend a meeting, than any of the reasons they had given.

"Hi," Brendon greeted, sounding ever so cheerful as he pulled a brown bag from his back pack.

"Hello," Jacob offered, sounding friendly enough.

"Where's Matt?" Brendon asked.

"Dentist appointment, he was here this morning," Jacob answered, not liking how Brendon was so quick to ask about Matt. "Why?"

Brendon only smiled as an answer, a smile which had Jacob inching down the bench.

"You remind me of a lion," Jacob stated after opening a respectable distance between the Brendon and himself.

Brendon laughed at the accusation as he pulled a sandwich from his brown paper sack, quickly followed with an apple, and small bottle of water. "Does that mean I exude power and a feline grace?"

"I was thinking more along the lines of stalking prey..." Jacob responded, narrowing his eyes, perturbed with Brendon Murphy.

Brendon cast Jacob an easy glance. "Did you have a good time Friday night?" he asked before taking a bite of his sandwich.

Frost blue... maybe that was a better shade to describe the eyes that peered back at Jacob with curiosity, waiting for an answer. They seemed darker today, tinged with grey just around the pupils. Their appeal had been lost somewhere in the last forty-eight hours, and while Jacob could say that it was right after the kiss, he knew it was probably the next day that pushed any of Brendon's hopes away.

"I had a good time..." Jacob answered Brendon's question. "The movie was alright."

"See I told you you'd have fun," Brendon smiled, suppressing the urge to place his hand on Jacob's anything.

"You did," Jacob admitted, his eyes washing over Brendon until they fell on a small patch on Brendon's back pack. Square and black with white embroidered writing proclaiming in box type face 'I like boys'. The patch wasn't unsettling, Valerie, and his own actions already had proven as much. More unsettling, was the feeling Jacob had sitting next to Brendon.

"There's a meeting Wednesday during lunch," Brendon offered, trying to pick up the conversation which had grown stale with Jacob's last comment.

Jacob's eyes narrowed on Brendon, figuring he should have headed off to the library as well, if only to look up quiet. "I told you, I'm not all rainbows and pink triangles or patches that state the obvious. I'm sorry that's just not me," Jacob nearly shouted, trying to drill it into Brendon's skull.

Brendon recoiled at Jacob's tone, "I'm just trying..." Brendon offered only to be silenced by Jacob.

"To weasel your way into my life..." Jacob finished for Brendon, missing the point Brendon was going to make.

He eyed Jacob for a moment, lost for words with the comment made, and the unspoken implications it implied. "To be your friend," Brendon corrected, shaking his head looking hurt. "I know I come off a little strong, I don't mean to. Honestly, you told me that there was no hope of ever hooking up with you. I can handle that, now I'm just looking to be a friend Jacob, that's all, nothing more."

"Oh," Jacob offered casting his eyes down at the lunch table ahead of him. "I'm sorry, I thought..."

"That I was flirting with you," Brendon smiled. "I was, I can't help it. I do it with everybody. Why do you think the guys that were here had to go see their girlfriends, or whatever?" Brendon smiled rolling his eyes. "I guess I make them uncomfortable," he shrugged finishing his sandwich.

"That's an understatement," Jacob observed.

Brendon shrugged. "For being uncomfortable, the young one... likes cookies, showed up last week."

"Deacon?" Jacob questioned finding the premise somewhat shocking.

"Yup," Brendon smiled in accomplishment.

"Deacon's gay?" Jacob sounded, astonished.

Brendon sighed, "No the good ones are either straight or taken," he smirked.

Jacob chuckled; the comment reminded him of a similar saying Josie would use from time to time, lamenting about being single.

"Said something about a gay cousin, he's a nice enough guy,, hung out with the girls for the whole meeting though, someone needs to enlighten him there."

Jacob openly laughed at Brendon's insinuation. He was still laughing a good three minutes later as Valerie stalked up and slammed her books on the table, making a big show of placing herself between Jacob and Brendon before taking her seat.

"Heya Sweets!" Jacob greeted, glad to see her familiar face.

"Don't you 'Sweets' me," Valerie leveled him with a glare before turning her attention on Brendon. "Shouldn't you be somewhere else?" she questioned, dismissing Brendon entirely.

Brendon tried peering around Valerie to say he'd see Jacob around, only to have his efforts squashed by an ever vigilant Valerie who used her body to block his view. Giving up with a sigh, he finally just said aloud what he was going to say, "I'll see you later Jacob."

Valerie watched with keen interest as Brendon packed his things up and stalked off, muttering through narrowed eyes as he did, "Not if I have anything to do with it."

Jacob stared at the back of Valerie's head as she was openly glaring at the sight of Brendon's retreating back into the mass of the student body. Wondering if she'd had a bad day or if there was something else behind her open hostility, He was pretty sure it wasn't Saturday. The three of them had eaten lunch at the pizza parlor yesterday, it was quiet, and Valerie droned on about the waitress being an evil hag. Jacob had to agree with the way she had tossed the pie down on the table with a sneer, and the way she kept giving him and Matt dirty looks as they shared one side of the booth.

"Tell me something Jake," Valerie snarled, sparing Jacob the menacing look which flared her nostrils.

Jacob furrowed his brow in confusion. He had never cared for the name 'Jake'; he cared even less for the malevolent way in which the name spilled off her tongue.

"Moving on so soon?" Valerie asked, her voice still acidic as her upper body twisted to face Jacob, satisfied that Brendon had disappeared.

Jacob hurt, almost as much as when he heard Matt by the lockers. Hurt more by the tone of Valerie's voice, distrusting and disgusted as it were, than her actual words. Jacob was unable to hide the pain he was feeling as he stared back at Valerie, trying to say something.

"I..." he stammered, feeling queasy and thoroughly belittled. "I..." he croaked out a second time watching as Valerie glared at him, knowing she was expecting a less than worthy answer.

The bell rang, echoing across the campus and through distant halls.

"Whatever," Valerie huffed, grabbing her books she stood and was gone before Jacob could comprehend that she was no longer expecting an answer.

Jacob ambled through the last two periods of the day feeling lost and unable to concentrate. His mind was too busy going over every minute detail of the last several hours, trying to come up with what he had done wrong, anything to explain the way Valerie had treated him. No matter how many times he chewed over the happenings as he sat in the back of two separate classrooms, he couldn't come up with even one reason. Only a series of events, coupled with bad judgment, which kept building like the steam pressure in a boiler. Could Valerie have found out about the kiss Brendon gave him Friday night? Jacob didn't think so, somehow he doubted neither he nor Brendon would have walked away from the lunch table had that been the case.

A bell announcing the end of the school day and the flurry of the students around him pulled Jacob from his thoughts. After a solid two hours of thinking he had only resolved to call Josie. He didn't know why she was the answer; he just knew he wanted the comfort her familiar voice always offered.

Figuring a ride home with Valerie was no longer an option, Jacob gathered his pack and slung it over his shoulders. He was looking forward to the long distance hug from his Aunt as he headed out of the classroom. Ignoring the throngs of students that attacked his flanks, Jacob pushed through the halls heading for the bus stop in front of the school.

Alone in the crowd a hand snaked its way through Jacob's arm. "Need a ride?" Valerie purred, her voice sweet as sugar, laced with strychnine.

"I didn't think you wanted to give me one," Jacob noted, trying to pull his arm from her grasp.

Valerie let out a bemused chuckle at Jacob's comment as she tightened the grip her arm had on his. "Don't be silly!" she said, swatting his arm for effect. "Besides, we have to continue our talk," she said leveling him with a smile which appeared to have been stolen from the Wicked Stepmothers face.

Valerie navigated the halls with the practiced ease of a trout swimming upstream, dragging Jacob with her, ignoring the people who had wanted to ask her one thing or another. Jacob couldn't give a description to the way he was feeling, though he had felt it before, once as a child when his mother dragged him from her car back into a grocery store to return a pack of Bubblicious he had 'borrowed', the second was when Coach Brenner had treated him much the same way as a sophomore.

Jacob's preference had been a secret until that day, no one knew, not even his mother. As he was dragged down that hallway that day, Jacob had the keenest inkling of his life changing forever. Towed like some sort of petulant toddler behind a man who would never again spare Jacob another glance other then the disgusted grimace with which he deposited Jacob in the discipline office.

"Get in," Valerie said as she deposited him at the hood of her Mustang.

Run. The word filtered across Jacob's mind as he watched Valerie round the fender and climb into the driver's seat. Run, the word echoed again, as Valerie fired up the pony with unmatched grace. Jacob wanted to, would have too, if he didn't think about his father running also, running and never looking back.

Jacob's shoulders slumped as he made his way to the passenger door, opened it, and got in with all the eagerness of the condemned climbing the gallows.

"What was Saturday?" she asked, maneuvering her stallion out of the student parking lot. "Flip a coin and the loser wins?"

Jacob looked at her, confusion marring his face. He didn't understand what she was saying, didn't understand how a loser could win. "Valerie," he spoke her name even though abandoning his nickname for her sounded like an abomination to his ears, "I'm sorry I..." he stammered as she waited to hear his reasoning. "He's familiar and you were... I just had to know for sure..."

"God damnit," Valerie shouted, beating the steering wheel in frustration. "This isn't about you choosing him over me. Girls don't do it for you, I can handle that," she continued calming herself somewhat. "It's about you, choosing someone else over him."

Jacob peered at her, feeling sick as she took a corner wildly, the tires squealing their disapproval, sick for the thought that he would ever choose someone else over Matt. He wondered how Valerie had ever come to this conclusion, what he had done to make her think that he would ever... Jacob refused to complete the thought.

"I'd never..." he stammered, "What makes you think I ever could?"

Valerie glared at him in bursts between trying to watch for traffic. "First of all, you have experience," she started, "You can actually look at another guy and find them attractive. You lied to him about Saturday, you told him you were leaving and then planned what you did. Then there is Brendon Murphy," she finished daring him with a look to answer.

Jacob shook his head trying to clear the confusion present not only there, but in Valerie's head as well.

He was about to set things straight when Valerie cut him off with as much ease as she had the car that was now behind them honking its horn repeatedly. "He's not as strong as you think he is, you idiot. He puts his best face forward for you. Tries to act like everything is okay when seeing you be all chummy with Brendon Murphy on Friday is tearing him up inside."

A cynical thought ran across Jacob's head as she lambasted him, was Valerie sorry that Matt choose him instead of her?

"I didn't lie," Jacob defended himself. "I was supposed to go to Sacramento; I just couldn't go the weekend without..." Jacob stopped for fear of sounding even weaker than Valerie was making him out to be.

"Without what?" Valerie demanded, her voice threatening to pound the steering wheel again. Jacob actually flinched with her tone, which was a new sensation for him to endure; he never thought anyone other then his mother could cause that reaction.

"Matt, I couldn't go the weekend without seeing Matt," Jacob blurted, finding encouragement in the words as they stumbled from his mouth. "Not after he came over for his wallet, I couldn't do it. So I told my mom I was staying."

Valerie pulled the car to a stop at an intersection, waiting on a green light to proceed, looking for a retort to Jacob's claim. When she found none, the light yet to turn green, Jacob continued.

"I never expected Saturday to go as far as it did, I had a wild fantasy that maybe it would, but I never thought it..." he paused as the car accelerated through the intersection, looking down in his lap, "never thought it would. It was a mistake," he looked up into Valerie's incredulous gape, "Not you, just what happened. And Brendon Murphy, Matt really doesn't need to worry about that."

"Why not?" Valerie asked, wanting Jacob to elaborate on Brendon Murphy.

Jacob smiled, Valerie's thoughts aside. "Because, next to Matt, he's nothing," Jacob answered. "He had mystery Friday night, but I know him now. Matt, I can look in his eyes, know what he's thinking, and still wonder. Wonder how his day has been. Wonder what he had for dinner. Hell, wonder what shoe he put on first that morning, or If I was the first thought as he woke, like he is mine."

Valerie smiled at the sentiment but was unwilling to give in just yet. "So it's just a matter of someone else coming along that intrigues you?"

"No," Jacob stated second guessing the words he had used to describe his feelings, worried they somehow conveyed the wrong thing to Valerie.

Valerie noticed the look of panic on Jacob's face as he tried to figure out why she would jump to that conclusion. The pathetic way his brow furrowed and his eyes narrowed with worry softened her to him somewhat.

"I know I'm coming off as a big bitch," she sighed resigned to the fact. "It's just I've been there, a guy acting all sweet and fawning over you. Ignoring the signs that he's a self serving ass, and like it or not Jacob, your character isn't glowing at the moment."

"I know," Jacob answered, Valerie ignored.

"To put it bluntly you're acting like a whore," she stated her opinion as fact.

Jacob's eyes widened with her statement, "I..."

"Okay," Valerie said resigned to the fact that she may be over reacting. "Maybe not a whore exactly, but to anyone who was just looking on, it's not good, Brendon Murphy, Saturday, all of it. It's starting to appear like you sleep around."

Jacob was going to respond as his mouth opened then closed with an audible thwamp, Valerie's words did have a modicum of truth. He knew she wasn't simply attacking his character out malice or jealousy, just being a good friend, defending when needed, pointing out stupidity as well. For a moment, as Valerie turned the corner onto their street, Jacob was envious of Matt for her vicious protection of him.

"Have you talked to Matt about Saturday?" Valerie asked, arching an eyebrow in Jacob's direction.

"No, not really..." Jacob answered. "He was worried when you left, I told him that you knew I loved him."

Valerie nodded as she pulled to a stop in front of Jacob's house overshooting her own driveway. "You need to talk to him about it Jacob," she said sounding sincere. "Ask him if he thinks about you the way you think about him. Tell him what he means to you."

Jacob nodded, agreeing with everything Valerie was telling him, "I will,.."

"Tell him he's the only one for you Jacob, but don't say that if it isn't what you mean," Valerie challenged him with a look as he got out of her car and leaned on the passenger door. "So help me Jacob, if you hurt him, I'll have your balls swinging from my rearview mirror."

Jacob chuckled at her threat while clenching his knees together. "I wouldn't lie to him Sweets, you maybe," he smirked, "but I couldn't lie to Matt."

Valerie laughed at Jacob's remark and hoped he was telling her the truth.

"Why didn't you just pull into your drive?" Jacob asked. "I could have walked across the street."

"I have to be at work in about three minutes, but Daddy can wait," Valerie answered revving the Mustang.

Jacob backed away from the door, "I'll see you later Sweets," he said giving her a small wave, which she returned before taking off down the street. Jacob watch curiously as she flew back down going the direction they had come up the street, trying to figure the girl out before chalking it up to a good friend. Perhaps, Jacob realized, he needn't be envious of Matt in that respect after all.

Jacob ambled up to his front door, unlocking and opening it, he ventured forth intothe quiet interior of his home. Bypassing the television, and even the refrigerator, Jacob headed straight to the telephone, dialing the number to his grandparents house, hoping to find Josie there before trying the number to her apartment.

"Hullo?" a gruff, whiskey seasoned voice answered.

It was a voice that, to many, stirred visions of late nights spent in smoky bars, coupled with wisdom that only many years working in blue-collar jobs could bring. To Jacob, the voice only said one thing, Grandpa, a barrel-chested bear of a man whose bark, while menacing, had always been ten times worse than his bite.

"Grandpa," Jacob smiled into the receiver.

"Boy?" his grandfather questioned using one of the two nicknames the man ever used. Jacob had always been Boy, and his mother, grandmother, and Josie had all been Sweets.

"Your mom left this morning," the man mumbled into the phone.

"I know Grandpa. I was actually hoping to talk to Josie," Jacob responded picturing his grandfather pulling himself from the recliner in the exaggerated pause that followed.

"Hold on," Jacob's grandfather mumbled as he shuffled stiffly though the house.

Jacob remembered the one time the man had actually hollered 'Sweets' out loud. Jacob had been riding his bike one fourth of July, and taken a pretty nasty dive as he ran the front wheel right into the curb, paying more attention to the large black Rottwieler and not where he was going. His grandfather was there in an instant collecting a crying seven-year old into his arms and shouting, as loud as Jacob had ever him before, or since, 'Sweets'.

The three women in Jacob's life all piled out of the door in unison, whether it was them all responding to the nick-name, or the fact that the man was shouting, Jacob's seven-year old brain couldn't figure. He still couldn't. How Jacob had passed on the nickname to Valerie was an easier question for Jacob to answer. The day he answered the door to find Valerie standing there with Matt, she reminded him of a picture he had seen of his grandmother when she was younger and the name just fit, even more so since Jacob had actually gotten to know Valerie.

"It's for you," he heard his grandfather mumble.

"Hello?" Josie questioned, curious as to who would be calling her at her parent's house.

"Hey Josie," Jacob sighed, his shoulder melting with relief.

"Hey kiddo," Josie's face brightened as she heard Jacob's voice. "What's up?"

"Nothing, just wanted to hear your voice," Jacob confided.

Josie noted the relief in his voice and could tell he was holding back. "Boyfriend issues?" she asked, "I don't know if I'm the right person kiddo, 'cause I have some horror stories of my own."

"Oh, Mom told you about that huh?" he asked, not as shocked as he could have been, just feeling a little annoyed with his mother.

Josie rolled her eyes at Jacob's rather dumb question, "Of course she did, you know the rules, you dump on her, she dumps on me, and Mom and Dad pay for therapy."

Jacob laughed, "Shouldn't you dump on her?"

"Trust me kid, you are enough of a problem without adding me to the mix," Josie chided.

Jacob knew she was joking no matter how much it felt like she was being blunt. He stopped laughing.

"Jacob," Josie queried, not liking how the laughter from Southern California ceased.

"Josie," Jacob croaked."I think I screwed up," he said leaving the backpack to fall from his shoulders.

"What happened?" she questioned, sitting up in the kitchen chair she reclined in.

"I'm guessing Mom filled you in on Matt?" Jacob questioned, grabbing a seat at the kitchen table.

"I can't wait to meet him," Josie said trying to sound cheerful, even though she had a feeling this wasn't going that direction.

"I can't wait for you to meet him either," Jacob beamed at the prospect becoming sidetracked in the process. "We went to the movies Friday night with a group of guys from school, and one of the guys kissed me," Jacob rushed out.

"What?" Jacob had to pull the receiver away from his ear, his aunt yelled so loud.

"I told him it wasn't cool," Jacob defended prematurely.

"Definitely not!" Josie agreed, struggling to contain her sense of righteous indignation. "I would have socked him in the nose!"

Jacob rested his head on the tabletop, thinking that might have been the best option, berating himself for not thinking of it at the time. He then proceeded to tell her about Saturday, receiving another lecture in the process about him being stupid. After agreeing that he was selfish, Jacob told her how he had hardly seen Matt or Valerie on Sunday other then the awkward lunch they had. Both Matt and Valerie were working in the afternoon and he had a truckload of schoolwork to catch up on. He then went on to tell Josie about the run in at lunch with Brendon and Valerie, and the ride home, culminating with Valerie's threat of hanging his balls on her rear view mirror.

Josie sat in quiet contemplation for several moments before answering. "If I was there right now Jacob, I'd slap you upside your head," she said. "First off your mother raised you better then that. How could you use Valerie like that? Did you even stop to consider her feelings?" she repeated from her earlier tirade about Saturday.

"I know," Jacob groaned at having to go over that again. "I just had to know."

"Can that excuse," Josie snapped. "If you had to know you should have went and found a two dollar hooker, because that's about the way you've treated her. She is one helluva friend if she's looking past all that right now. If I was her, your nuts would already be dangling from my mirror, and I'd sock em' every time I saw em'!"

Jacob grimaced at Josie's threat.

"And Matt," Josie continued. "I can't imagine how he feels; you could have destroyed something he has always had, because you were being selfish, and stupid."

"I know alright!" Jacob snapped, hating that he did the moment it was done.

"Okay," Josie calmed, "You use that tone with me again and don't think I won't fly down there and make you remember how to speak to a woman. Got it?"

"Yes," Jacob nodded, feeling like a reprimanded kindergartener.

"I'm just saying kid, you didn't think about what could have happened before you acted, and that's not like you. I want to know why."

"I had to know," Jacob started.

"Let's not go down that road again alright," Josie interrupted.

"Josie, please... let me finish," Jacob pleaded, opting for that approach other then the anger he was feeling at his aunt for not letting him finish. "I love him, okay? I know I can resist any other guy compared to Matt, I know that. I was curious about women though, and I didn't want to do something that would hurt him."

"And that was your answer? Gather him and his life long best friend up in a..." Josie looked seeing her mother she halted the next word out of her mouth, "In that? Did you even stop to wonder what that could have done to their relationship? You... you... friggin hippy!"

"No I didn't," Jacob answered as stubbornly as his aunt was behaving. "But we've covered that base already."

"Listen to Valerie," Josie finally admitted. "You need to talk to him, profess undying love, and confess your sins. Give him my number so I can explain you're just stupid and not out to hurt him."

"I might take you up on that," Jacob offered.

"Go ahead, and give me his email address too, I have a cute picture of you and Mr. James he might be interested in, if you can salvage what you have," Josie joked with Jacob while still being able to sound stern.

"Hey! Leave Mr. James out of this, he didn't do anything wrong," Jacob complained. "What picture are you talking about?" he questioned, worried as there was only one really embarrassing picture of him and the stuffed bear that he knew of.

Josie grinned at Jacob's modesty, "Yes that one."

"You wouldn't!" Jacob's eyes widened, with a mix of shock and horror at his aunt's plan.

"Try me," Josie grinned.

"Goodbye Josie," Jacob said.

"Talk to him kid, if you listen to just one thing, listen to that."

"I will, I'm gonna call him right now," Jacob admitted his plan.

"Good, I don't want to have to meet him as the ex," Josie stated. "I'll see you this summer."

"I'll see you Josie," Jacob finished before hanging up.

As soon as Jacob hung up with his aunt, the phone rang. Jacob looked at the white object in annoyance as he pressed the 'talk' button.

"Hello?" he said, wanting to get to other matters.

"Why haven't you been answering the phone?" Joanne questioned sounding ore annoyed then her son.

"I was on the other line," Jacob answered.

"Oh, too busy to click over and say 'I'm fine Ma' the house hasn't burned down yet'?" she questioned, her voice heated more with aggravation as opposed to aggression.

Jacob let out a huff of air, "I'm fine Ma', and no the house hasn't burned down yet."

"Funny," Joanne retorted, not sounding one bit amused.

"Seriously, the fire department doesn't even know my name... yet," Jacob smirked. "I was on the phone with Josie."

"I worry you know, I know it's not 'cool' but I'm a mother, I can't help it," Joanne explained.

"I know Ma'," Jacob answered. "I should have given you a call first, make sure you weren't stranded on the side of the road somewhere."

"No I'm not stranded on the freeway somewhere," Joanne paused to smirk. "I should be home in about two hours, and I expect a hot meal."

"What?" Jacob asked, hoping he had heard her incorrectly.

Joanne laughed, "I'm just kidding, I was thinking we'd go out and grab something when I got there."

"That sounds better," Jacob said turning around to glance at the kitchen behind him. "I could try though; Homeowner's insurance is paid up right?" he chuckled.

"I'll see you soon sweetheart," Joanne laughed.

"See ya Ma'," Jacob said glancing at the clock before hanging up the phone.

Jacob sat in the kitchen, his eyes switching between the clock on the microwave and the phone in his hand. His fingers ready to punch out the number to Matt's house across the street. Then the thought struck him of how tacky that would be, telling someone that they are the only person for you over the phone when the live just across the street. Definitely lowbrow, some things are best done in person, he concluded, as he stood from his seat and placed the phone on the counter.

Jacob didn't know why he was this nervous as he crossed the street, wiping his palms on the pant legs of his jeans. It's nothing he hadn't told Matt before, this time seemed different to him though. Maybe it was the finality he felt the moment would hold, or perhaps it was because it would seem to Matt that it was spontaneous.

"I wonder if this is what its like to propose to someone," he wondered aloud, his pace slowing as he walked up the driveway to Matt's house.

Jacob couldn't but chuckle at the notion, not out of sarcasm, but for the flip of joy his heart felt like it made as the thought crossed his mind. Forever with Matt would never be the bad end of any stick. With a final deep breath, Jacob's shaky finger reached out and depressed the doorbell. He stood there for a few moments wallowing in nervous silence, fighting not to press the doorbell again, and again.

Rationality was on the loosing end of that struggle as Jacob reached out for the doorbell again, pressing it just as the door opened. A smile spread across Viola's face as saw Jacob standing on the other side of her door. Her smile quickly eroded as she saw the wreck that stood nervously on her porch.

"Jacob, dear?" Viola questioned as her brow knitted in concern.

"Hi Mrs. Porter, is Matt here?" Jacob asked, wondering how the woman saw him. Twice she's found him on her front porch looking for Matt and appearing pale.

"Sorry dear," Viola shook her head. "He works tonight until ten," she answered, noticing how Jacob became more downtrodden with the news.

"Oh," Jacob responded sounding lost.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Viola questioned.

"Tell him," Jacob paused gathering his courage, "tell him I love him," he continued, raising his head to look her in the eye as he said it.

Viola appraised him for a moment, a smile building like a slow fire on her lips. "Jacob Keats," she beamed, folding her arms across her chest, "don't tell me you walked all the way across the street to tell my son that you love him."

Jacob scratched the side of his head as his cheeks flushed, "Yeah, sorta," he stammered.

Viola chuckled, opening her arms, holding one out to welcome Jacob into her home. "Tell him yourself," she smiled.

"H... how?" Jacob stammered thinking for a second that Matt had told his mother he didn't want to see Jacob.

"Leave him a note," she answered, leading Jacob through the house to Matt's bedroom. "It's unexpected and sweet," Viola paused rethinking her words. "Well I always liked it when I got random notes, but it's worth a shot."

Jacob stepped into Matt's room and looked around at the familiar surroundings.

"Check the desk," Viola mentioned before walking away.

Jacob gave a nod that no one but the faces in Matt's pictures saw as he crossed the room and opened Matt's desk drawer. Jacob smiled, seeing his own face smile back up at him from the shadows of the drawer. He lifted the sketchbook from the drawer and took a moment to run his fingers over the contrast of silky graphite and rough cotton paper before flipping the page and tearing a blank piece of paper out of the book. Taking great care to replace the image as he found it Jacob slid the drawer closed and grabbed a pen from a holder which held and assortment of colors all arranged in spectrum.

Deciding against tacking it to the wall where Matt might miss it, Jacob walked over to the Matt's bed and placed the simple note on Matt's pillow. Satisfied he took a moment to read the note again as a small confidant smile pursed the corners of his mouth.

Loving You, - Jacob