“True love’s kiss? What is this? A fairytale?” Shep placed his hands on Garrus’ broad shoulders, lifted himself on his tiptoes, and brushed his lips over the Turian’s mandible. Then he ran his hands over his cranial crest. “You know, this would work so much better if you weren’t this freaking tall, Garr. Almost seven feet.” Shep sighed dramatically.
“And if he weren’t a life-sized cardboard replica, then you two could have a nice Valentine’s dinner in your quarters… er...apartment, where you would peel him out of his C-Sec uniform—” Amy winked suggestively.
Shep flipped his best friend off. “Yeah, yeah, killjoy. Are you done?”
“Yep.” Amy swiped the screen of her phone several times. “I’d say these came out perfectly. He almost looks real.”
Shep made a gimme gesture with his hand. “Show me.” After looking through the photos, he grinned. ”Nice.” Then he waved her in the direction of the other cardboard persona in the room. “Now you and Vincent.”
At a little over six feet, Amy was a tall woman, especially when she was wearing four-inch heels as she was at the moment.
First, she circled the figure with crimson eyes and long black hair two times, running a finger over his red, fringed bandana. Next, she pretended to flick open some of the buckles holdingVincent's red cloak in place over his shoulders and lower face. Underneath his cape, he wore his mandatory black leather with several straps and buckles. Then she threw her long, white-blond mane over her left shoulder, stepped behind the demon, and placed her right hand over the gun holster strapped to his right thigh. Putting her other hand partially over the golden gauntlet on his left arm, she stretched out and whispered in his left ear.
"I thought of a wonderful present for you. Shall I give you despair?"*)
Shep quickly lifted the phone and took some close-ups. “Aaand done!” He immediately began browsing through the photos. “Dope!” He ran over to Amy. “Look! Just wow, Amy! You’re so Sephiroth to your Vincent, it’s almost creepy.”
Amy grinned proudly. She screened the pics and nodded enthusiastically. “Let’s load the pics on your laptop, then we’ll choose the ones we’re going to print.”
Later, they opened their company’s team-building site.
“This has nothing to do with team-building if you ask me.”Amy clicked on the first menu item, ‘Show us your Valentine's Dream Date’. They groaned in unison when a page with pink, blinking hearts opened.
“Nope, this will backfire on Mister Preppy-always-happy-face. Everyone will compare the exclusivity of the restaurants, the gifts, and the hotness of the dates.”
“It’s team-deconstruction, if you ask me.”
“Whatever, let’s upload our dream dates and be done with it.”
A few clicks later, Amy and Shep stared horrified at their heart-shaped photos.
“What the fuck! Did you do that?” Shep asked incredulously.
“Of course not!” Amy punched his arm. “It’s the mandatory setting.”
“Fuck me sideways.”
When more and more appropriate Valentine-ish pictures of their colleagues appeared, Amy snickered.
“So, are we super cool, or are we dumb losers without real dates?”
*) Sephiroth in Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children