Alex's Little Book of Poems - 12. A Springing Haiku

The form is correct. The visual is bright and splendid. you have done a great job.

Don't take offended here, because I felt like it, the Haiku, was unfinished. I think you have more to say/add to this beautiful picture.

Overall, Nice effort...

~Emi.

I am struck by the use of 'will,' which appears in every line. That's engaging and unusual, because I suppose most Haiku are about seeing something in real-time. I like the shift to the future, but again it leaves me thinking something may yet be unseen (vis a viz poem No. 11 from this series)

Great job!

On 03/21/2016 04:44 AM, AC Benus said:

I am struck by the use of 'will,' which appears in every line. That's engaging and unusual, because I suppose most Haiku are about seeing something in real-time. I like the shift to the future, but again it leaves me thinking something may yet be unseen (vis a viz poem No. 11 from this series)

 

Great job!

Thanks, I tried to make this one a bit more unique than your usual haiku.

On 03/21/2016 03:14 AM, Emi GS said:

The form is correct. The visual is bright and splendid. you have done a great job.

 

Don't take offended here, because I felt like it, the Haiku, was unfinished. I think you have more to say/add to this beautiful picture.

 

Overall, Nice effort...

 

~Emi.

Didn't it it make you think though? Think about what a spring day would be like? Doesn't it out you there and help you visualize what it would be like, it may seem incomplete yes. Though I tried to sum Spring into a 17 syllable poem, which is a task I might add. So, the thought of completion is up to you, this is only ment to trigger your brain. So you can visualize a spring day from such little detail and information. Thank you.

I see green in all seventeen syllables. Wonderful anticipation of the season!