Finding Love - 2. Chapter 2 - The Phoenix Rising From The Ashes

The following morning, we got up and played on my computer for a while first, before we got dressed and went downstairs for some breakfast. Tad was a little surprised by the choices he was given and the fact that he was allowed to select anything he wanted for breakfast and the cook would prepare it for him. Once he’d told her what he wanted, he admitted to me that he thought it was like going out to a restaurant to eat, without having to pay the bill.

Even though Tad was used to having a nice home and a good life, he wasn’t used to having so many people around to take care of his needs. Here, we had a cook to prepare the meals, maids to do the cleaning and look after my mother, a laundry person to wash and iron the clothing, plus a butler to run the household and answer the door. They would also take turns acting as the chauffeur, whenever my mother or I wanted or needed to go somewhere. The only person we didn’t have was someone to love and care for me personally, at least not after my parents opted to discontinue the nanny when I started school. From that point on, my father was always there to fill that role, but after he died, I had no one left to be there for me. I guess I didn’t count for very much after my father was gone.

Once Tad and I finished breakfast, we went outside to play. This time we were Robin Hood and Little John, but we agreed to switch roles halfway through, so we would both have an opportunity to be Robin Hood. Around midday, we quit to have lunch and that’s when Tad asked me a question that really bothered me for a while.

“Win, how come your mother never eats with us?” he wanted to know.

“She is very busy most of the time and either skips the meal or eats at a different time,” I lied.

I hoped that would suffice, because I certainly didn’t want to tell him the truth and admit that all of her meals were taken up to her room, where she ate alone while downing even more booze. Tad merely nodded and looked at me for a moment, before he spoke again.

“It just seemed really strange is all,” he observed, and I could only agree with his sentiment.

Tad had to go home shortly after we finished eating, but we took a moment first and promised we would make this a regular activity. Tad even agreed he would check with his mother to see if we could get together at their house the following weekend, so we could spend some time there too. He explained he didn’t have a play area like mine, but we could find other ways to carry out our fantasies, so I agreed. I didn’t care what we did or where we did it, as long as we did it together.

After Tad left I was depressed, but I was also excited knowing I now had someone in my life that actually cared about me. I could hardly wait to go back to school on Monday now, just so I could see him again and find out if we could spend the following weekend together too. Throughout the rest of the day, I found myself experiencing all kinds of strange feelings and couldn’t get Tad out of my mind. My heart seemed to be beating faster than normal, my skin felt cold and clammy, and I had a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I thought I might be getting sick, but then I realized this was all due to the fact that I missed Tad so badly. I wanted to call him, but I’d forgotten to get his telephone number. Even if I had it, however, I probably wouldn’t have called, because I didn’t want to become a nuisance and cause his mother to change her mind about allowing us to hang out together. Instead, I just had to force myself to wait and see him in class, although I wondered if Tad was missing me as much as I missed him.

Monday morning, Tad was waiting for me in front of the school and immediately told me his mother had agreed to let me come over this coming weekend. In fact, she suggested that if it was ok with my mother, I could come over Friday afternoon, right after school, and then stay until Sunday afternoon. She was very happy that Tad had made a new friend so quickly and was willing to let us spend as much time together as possible. I was ecstatic, because of course it would be ok with my mother if I went there. Heck, she didn’t know I was around even when I was at home, so I’d just inform the butler and let him know where I would be. I would do this in case anyone, possibly even my mother, should wonder what I was up to, even though I didn’t suppose anyone would actually care. It was now set and I would stay with Tad from Friday until Sunday.

‘Yes, Win, there is a God,’ I told myself.

Throughout the week, Tad and I spent each noon hour together, so we could plan out the types of fantasies we would act out on the weekend. The first one we agreed on was to pretend we were living in Camelot. One of us would play King Arthur and the other one would be either Merlin or Sir Lancelot and switch between the characters as the story dictated. We decided after we finished that adventure, we’d be Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer next and pretend we were floating our raft down the mighty Mississippi River and getting into all sorts of mischief along the way.

This was going to be great, because we’d have new adventures to go along with out new location! Tad suggested we could use their deck to serve as both the castle at Camelot and the raft, but they also had a circular patio table we could use as the ‘Round Table.’ We could also pretend the patio umbrella was the sail on the raft when we were Tom and Huck, so we already had most of the essentials worked out. Yes, this was going to be super!

By the time Friday rolled around, we had all of our plans in place and could hardly wait to get started. When school ended that day, we more or less ran to Tad’s house, and just as soon as we arrived his mother gave us some milk and cookies. Then, we took my things up to Tad’s bedroom, before we went out on the deck and began our journey down the mighty Mississippi. Oh, what fun! We were chased around by Injun’ Joe and then nearly captured by a bunch of slave traders who wanted to sell us to work on the cotton plantations. We did this until dinnertime and then came inside to eat with Tad’s parents.

This was the first time I had met Tad’s father and he seemed like a very nice man. He talked to us throughout dinner and wanted to know about school, what we had done earlier in the day and what we were planning on doing over the rest of the weekend. He seemed really interested in our games and even gave us some new ideas. In a way, he even reminded me of my own dad, but that also made me think about how much I missed him.

After dinner we went back to finish our adventure and played hard until it started to get dark. Then, we had to go inside, so we played some video games until it was time to get ready for bed. Unfortunately, we had to keep our underwear on while we were in Tad’s bedroom, because his parents would often stop in at night to check on him, which now meant us, but that didn’t stop our hands from slipping under the waistbands and playing with the other’s penis. Within a minute after his mother had said good night to us and turned out the lights, we had our hands in each other’s jockeys and both of our little wieners were rock hard and straining to break through the front of our briefs. We stayed up for quite a long time, as we continued to feel each other up, before we tired of that activity and fell asleep. I must admit we both slept well that evening.

Saturday, we got up and showered before we set out on another round of fantasy games. After that, we spent the morning in Camelot and even continued that adventure after lunch. During the morning session, Tad was King Arthur and I was Merlin, as we fought off an invading evil army and I had a magical duel with Morgana, the evil enchantress. During the afternoon, I was King Arthur and Tad was Sir Lancelot, but this time we were busy battling dragons and engaged in harrowing individual combat, but we also competed in jousts. In the end, we defeated all of our opponents and the dragons were slain. Oh, what valiant warriors we were!

After dinner, we switched over to being space explorers and went to visit several other planets. First, we helped to settle Mars and then set up a science research station on Jupiter’s largest moon. To do this, we went out to the area of their yard where the previous owners had a garden and proceeded to get dirty digging irrigation ditches on Mars and excavating the foundation for the research station on Ganymede.

During another part of that adventure, we made first contact with a bunch of different alien races from distant galaxies, and at one point we even discovered a plot to overthrow the governments of earth. After we saved the world from invasion and kept the human race from either becoming enslaved or possibly eaten, our acts of bravery were rewarded and we were given seats on the international body that now ruled the earth. It was a day of great excitement and many accomplishments, so we were very proud.

That evening, Tad’s mother insisted we take a bath, because she said we needed to soak in the tub, in order to be able to remove the excessive quantities of dirt from our bodies. She claimed we looked as though we had painted our skin with dirt while playing outside, so we didn’t argue with her. In fact, we decided to take our bath together, so we could help each other get clean. She was kind enough not to come in to help us, since we were both old enough to have been embarrassed if she had seen us naked. After washing ourselves and getting most of the dirt off first, we drained the tub and then refilled it with clean water, so we could remove the rest of the grunge. We also washed each other, just to make sure we were really clean.

We remained pretty much in control of ourselves until Tad started to break wind under water. All of the sudden I heard a strange noise, noticed a bunch of bubbles coming to the surface and Tad was in hysterics. It took a while for me to figure out what had happened, but when I did, I immediately jumped out of the tub. I certainly didn’t want to stay in the water, or even in the bathroom, after Tad had farted like that. Once I was out of the water, I grabbed a towel and ran to Tad’s room. I think his mother got a good look at my bare butt as I raced down the hallway, because I heard her ask Tad through the door what had happened. I could also hear Tad laugh as he told his mother how he had broken wind in the tub and how I bolted from the bathroom.

She wasn’t quite as amused as he was and told Tad that his actions had been very rude. She even suggested he should go apologize to me immediately and he agreed, although hesitantly, but when he joined me in his bedroom, he told me he was sorry. We both started laughing as we discussed what he’d done and I told him he was a pig, before I changed my mind and told him he was worse than a pig. Tad couldn’t understand what I was so upset about, since he claimed it was a very natural thing to do, but that’s when I informed him that even though it might be natural, it wasn’t something one did in a social gathering. Tad then responded that he didn’t realize a bath was considered a social gathering or he’d have invited guests, which got us both laughing again, when we thought about having others in the tub with us.

After that, we hopped into his bed and I rolled over to go to sleep. I was just too tired from today’s activities to even think about doing anything else and began doze off almost as soon as my head hit the pillow. I was nearly asleep when I felt Tad’s breath on my cheek, so I struggled to open my eyes to see what he was up to and discovered Tad was leaning over me. When he saw my eyes open, he very slowly lowered his head and put his lips against mine, and we started to kiss each other, although neither of us really knew how to properly kiss. For that reason, we ended up giving each other the type of kiss you might give your mother, but it had been enough to wake me up completely.

Our lips puckered and we made little smooching noises with our mouths, as we merely let each other know how much we cared for him. Before I realized what was happening, Tad had crawled on top of me, with his body gently sliding against mine, while our little wieners rubbed against each other through our briefs. Shortly after that, we began to instinctively thrust our hips into one another, so it didn’t take very long before we were feeling those wonderful tingling sensations that we enjoyed each time we rubbed each other’s penis. We did that for a few minutes more and then Tad rolled back into his own spot again.

“What was that all about?” I asked, but more out of curiosity than anger.

“I don’t know. I was just lying here watching you and thought I should kiss you good night,” he explained. “I was just going to give you a quick kiss on the cheek, but when I saw your eyes open, I decided to kiss you on the lips instead. I didn’t mean for it to go on for so long, but I really started to like it and knew I had to give you more. I don’t know why I got on top of you, but it just felt right at the time. You aren’t mad at me, are you?”

“Heck, no!” I exclaimed. “ It felt great and I wouldn’t mind doing it again.”

“Really? You’re not mad at me?” he asked once more, since he seemed uncertain as to whether he’d heard me correctly.

“Aren’t you listening? I said I’m not mad,” I reiterated. “I liked it and what we did felt really nice. We’ll try it again the next time you stay over at my house too. Ok?”

“Sure, I’d like that,” he agreed. “It felt really nice to me too.”

“Great!” I confirmed. “Tomorrow you can ask your parents if you can come over to my house next weekend, from Friday until Sunday, because we’ll have more privacy there. We can even do it without anything on and won’t have to worry about getting caught. Is that all right with you?”

“Of course it is,” he concurred.

Sunday led to a new round of adventures, but this time we were Robinson Caruso and his servant, Friday. We were living on a small island, which of course was their deck, as we attempted to survive on our own. We spent our time avoiding the cannibals who lived on nearby islands and came to our island searching for food. We also had to lookout for the headhunters that lived on the other side of the island we were on, because they would shrink the heads of anyone not from their group, as part of their religious ceremonies. It was a wild day and we had a great time, so when his mother called us in for lunch, Tad asked her about the following weekend. She readily agreed to let him come over to my house again, after seeing how much fun we’d been having together with our youthful imaginations, and she even said she thought the friendship was good for both of us. In that case, who were we to disagree?

After lunch, Tad’s mom drove me home, even though I told her I could either walk or call for someone to get me, but she wouldn’t hear of it. She told me she was happy to be my chauffeur for the day and would drive me there. Tad and I sat in the backseat and he gave me a hug before I got out of the car. I don’t know if his mother saw this or not, but if she did, she didn’t say anything about it. I got out and stood next to the car, so I could wave at them as they drove down the driveway, but before they turned onto the road, Tad’s mother yelled out her window to me.

“Goodbye, Win. I’ll see you next weekend when I drop Tad off, she announced. “Be good, honey.”

That was nice. I don’t remember my own mother talking to me that sweetly since I was very little. I certainly wished my mom were more like Tad’s mother, because I really enjoyed being around Mrs. Driscoll. Even though I missed my dad, I missed having my mother show me affection too. My dad was dead and there was nothing I could do to change that fact, but my mom was here and just didn’t seem to care. Sometimes that hurt even more than the fact that my dad was no longer around, so I thought maybe I should try to do something to change it.

Once I was in the house, I went upstairs to the master bedroom suite and knocked lightly on the door. There was no response, so I opened it a little and peeked my head inside. I could see my mother lying on her bed and quietly walked over there, as I stood beside her prone form. She was lying there with her eyes closed and I assumed she was asleep or passed out in another drunken stupor, but as I turned to slink back out of the room, I heard her speak.

“What are you doing in here?” she demanded.

“Hi, mom,” I said, trying to sound happy. “I just wanted to come in, see how you were and say hello.”

“Hello,” she said brusquely, while rolling her eyes. “You know you’re not supposed to be in here.”

“I knock first, but I guess you didn’t hear me,” I replied. “I haven’t seen you in a while, so I wanted to come in and tell you that I missed you and love you.”

“Very well, you’ve said it, so now you can leave,” she countered.

After saying this, she sat up on the bed, picked up a glass from her nightstand and took a swig of its contents. The fact that she had just so casually brushed me aside in this manner hurt very deeply and caused me to wonder if she ever loved me at all, so I just had to find out.

“Mom, may I have a kiss?” I asked, as I watched her sit with her feet dangling over the side of the bed, while at the same time trying to flash her my most pathetic expression.

“Oh, all right. Come here,” she agreed.

Yes, I did it. Thrilled, I walked over to where she was sitting, but as I moved my head forward for the kiss, she turned her cheek and leaned toward me, so I could kiss it. What was this? Wasn’t she even going to kiss her own son? As I started to lean in and kiss her on the cheek, I decided to just let my lips brush against her skin, because I no longer wanted to kiss her. Then, I turned away quickly and raced out of the room, shutting the door behind me. I don’t think my mother even noticed that I hadn’t really kissed her or understood why I left in such a hurry. Once I was out of her bedroom, I raced down the hallway to my room and went inside, slamming the door behind me.

Does she think she’s the queen and was merely allowing one her lowly subjects to kiss her noble cheek? Or does she think she’s the massa’s wife and was obligated to let one of her poor slaves take a peck at her aristocratic face? Maybe she thought she was a saint ministering to the wretched poor and allowing one of the unfortunates to make his prayer of supplication by kissing her radiant countenance.

Damn it! Who does she think she is? She’s none of those things. She’s my mother and she’s supposed to kiss her son, not merely allow him to kiss her cheek. She’s supposed to have feelings for me and I for her, but this was beginning to look as if it was a one-way street. Even when I tried to show her my love, she was merely going to go through the motions of returning it. It’s obvious she doesn’t have the same feelings for me, if she had any feeling at all.

Suddenly my thoughts shifted and I began to wonder why my father had to die? Why wasn’t it my mother instead? If I had to lose a parent, why couldn’t I lose the one that didn’t love me, rather than the one that did? As all of these thoughts continued to race through my mind, I buried my face into my pillow and began to cry. No, that’s not quite right. I didn’t merely cry, I sobbed… no I bawled. My chest was heaving, the tears were flowing and the sounds of anguish escaped from my lips, but crying wasn’t all that I did. I also swore into that pillow as I beat on it, in the same fashion that I wished I could have beaten on my mother for hurting me. I needed to let my anger and hurt out, so that poor pillow wound up taking the brunt of my frustration and anger. How could anyone be so cruel and so thoughtless as my mother had just been? How could I be so unworthy of my mother’s love?

After a time, I cried myself to sleep and remained that way for over an hour. When I awoke later, it was late afternoon and suddenly everything I had been feeling earlier came flooding back into my mind. At that moment, I resolved I would never let her hurt me like this again. From this day forward, I would have nothing more to do with that woman, because I no longer considered her to be my mother. Whether Mrs. Driscoll knew it or not, she now has another son. She’s much nicer to me, so I’ll just think of her as my mother instead, and my own mother can go to hell, as far as I’m concerned.

The following Friday, I went with Tad over to his house to get his things. When we entered the house, his mother was in the kitchen and said ‘hello.’ When she did, I ran over and gave her a hug.

“How sweet, but what brought that on, Winthrop?” she wondered, while looking at me strangely.

“I just missed you since last weekend,” I confessed. “I like you a lot, because you’re really nice to me.”

“Well, thank you, dear. I like you a lot, too,” she agreed. “You’re a really sweet young man and I’m glad you and Thaddeus have become friends.”

“It’s TAD, Mom, and he’s WIN,” Tad corrected her, while also showing his irritation. “We don’t like it when you use our other names.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, dear. I shall try to remember that,” she apologized. “Will you forgive me Winthrop… I mean Win?”

I just grinned and nodded my head up and down.

“You can call me whatever you want, Mrs. Driscoll, because I like it no matter which name you use,” I replied. “Tad’s just an old grump sometimes and acts like a cranky old man who’s trapped in a young body.”

Tad shot me a dirty look after I said this, but his mother began to laugh.

“You’re right, Win, dear. Sometimes Tad is an old grump in a little boy’s body,” she confirmed. “I hope you will be a positive influence on him then and get him to change his ways.”

“Mom!” Tad screeched.

“I shall try, Mrs. Driscoll, but it’s not going to be easy,” I joked. “You’ll have to give me some time to work on him first, before you can expect any miracles.”

“Certainly, dear. Take as much time as you need,” she agreed. “I know it takes time to perform miracles, especially one of this magnitude.”

Tad was totally exasperated listening to our conversation by this point.

“Mom, I’ll go up and get my things and you can start the car,” he suggested. “I’ll be right out, but Win, you come with me.”

That last statement sounded more like a command than a suggestion, and I hadn’t heard Tad speak so forcefully before.

“What the hell were you trying to do to me down there?” Tad nearly screamed, as we walked up the stairs.

“I was just having some fun with your mother,” I offered. “If she likes me, then she won’t try to keep us from seeing each other. I just want her to think I’m a nice guy, so we can spend all of our weekends together.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have to make me look like a dork while you’re doing it. Do you?” he wanted to know. “If you keep that up, then she’s going to like you better than she likes me.”

“No, she won’t,” I countered, forcefully, since I knew blood was still thicker than water, just not at my house. “She’s your mom and she loves you, but I just want to make sure she likes me too.”

“Ok, but don’t overdo it,” Tad warned.

We then returned downstairs and went outside to get into the car. After Tad’s mom drove us over to my house, the two of us got out and thanked her for the ride. Tad also kissed his mother goodbye, before we started for the front door.

“Winthrop, haven’t you forgotten something?” she asked.

Puzzled, I spun around and looked at her.

“Ummm… I don’t think so,” I responded. “What do you think I forgot?”

“My kiss,” she replied, with a smile. “You forgot to give me a kiss, young man.”

Excited, I ran over to the driver’s side window and gave her a kiss. Then, I waved to her as she drove down the driveway. That confirmed it. She loves me more than my mother… I mean Mrs. Randall, the woman who lives upstairs. I hurriedly walked back and joined up with Tad again and we continued our journey to the front door.

“See! She’s beginning to like you more than me,” Tad stated, in a strange sounding voice.

“No, Tad. Maybe as much as you, but never more,” I countered, which caused him to glance over at me. “Besides, you’d already kissed her goodbye, so she didn’t need to tell you that.”

“Ok, maybe your right then,” he relented.

After we went inside, we rushed upstairs to put Tad’s things in my room. After that, we headed down the back stairway to the kitchen for a snack. Since the staff was aware that Tad was coming over for the weekend, the cook prepared something special for when we arrived. She had a slice of cake and glass of milk ready for each of us when we came into the kitchen. We devoured it almost immediately and then thanked her for the excellent treat, before asking her to bend down. I think she was expecting us to whisper something into her ear, but when she bent down we both gave her a kiss on the cheek, one on each side. She blushed and smiled at us, as we ran outside to play.

Believe it or not, that had been one of the nicest days I’ve had since I lost my father. It was also the most affection I’ve felt or been shown since that dreadful day as well.

Tad and I shared many weekends together over the months that followed and we even continued to alternate staying at each other’s house, but staying at the Randall mansion went from happening every other weekend, to every third weekend and then to every fourth weekend, so we were only there once a month. One thing that didn’t change, however, was the various adventures we played, even though the themes differed from week to week.

We each portrayed so many different people that we eventually lost count. We had been kings, explorers, castaways, warriors and pirates, while sometimes portraying adults and other times mere boys. On some occasions, the action would take place long ago, but there were other times when our adventures happened in the present or even in the future. Sometimes, we were real people, but mostly we were fictional characters that never really existed, except in the books we so desperately loved. No matter who we were, we were brave and daring, but we were also honest and truthful, both loved and respected. Why can’t life be more like this?

We were looking for another new adventure when Mr. Driscoll suggested a set of books that he had liked as a boy. He even went out and bought us each a copy of the book, ‘The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe’ by C. S. Lewis. It was part of the ‘Chronicles of Narnia’ series, which was full of strange and exotic creatures, as well as wondrous adventures. This led us to a whole new set of adventures that would eventually consume us for the next few months. When he saw how much we liked that story, Mr. Driscoll bought us the other books in the series as well and Tad and I read them all.

We had full-fledged adventures in Narnia from that time on and would be either Peter or Edmund, as we traveled around Narnia with Aslan, the lion, or Mr. Tumnus the Faun, which is a creature that was half-goat and half-man. We would battle against the White Witch and her allies, while other times we’d make up new enemies to fight, but sometimes we’d even be with Prince Caspian and fight the wicked King Mirax or the evil Telemarines. Later, we would travel with King Caspian and take voyages on a ship called the Dawn Treader and sail the sea, while battling enchanted foes and sea serpents. We spent so much time in Narnia that I had to watch myself when we weren’t on one of our adventures, in order to make sure I kept myself grounded in the real world.